


A New Life

by AOBZ



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-13 08:06:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 127,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5701144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AOBZ/pseuds/AOBZ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"No. I need to know you're safe. I need to wake up in the morning and know that you're okay. I need to be there when you're sad, when you're angry, when you need someone to talk to. I know you need me, Alex, and I need you too. I can't watch you leave again." </p><p>Alex is going back into the WPP and Olivia can't bear to leave her again, so she joins her in the WPP. Originally posted on FF.net</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be rated M for future chapters. PS- This is going to be a very slow build up to an eventual A/O relationship. If you don't like slow build ups or femslash, you should turn away now. Also, I do my own editing so all mistakes are mine. I apologise in advance!
> 
> The start of this story is based on the episode "Ghost". However, I've alternated it to fit the rest of this story.

Olivia was on a high, celebrating with everyone the fact that they had gotten a guilty verdict for Alex, for Antonio, and for every person Connors had killed. He would rot in prison, and it was another small step towards stopping Velez and bringing Alex home.

Alex. God, she had missed her. Olivia looked around the room, smiling at her co-workers. They probably assumed that she was smiling because of the verdict, and she was, kind of, but the real reason was that she knew that Alex was coming tonight to celebrate. She wanted to talk to her, to be near her, to touch her before the woman had to leave again.

That was a thought that made Olivia's smile falter. She was going to have to leave again…Last night, in the hotel room, they hadn't talked about it. At least not really. They hadn't talked about the fact that they hadn't seen each other in over a year. They hadn't talked about the fact that Olivia had been busting her ass for a year looking for Velez so that Alex could come home. They hadn't really discussed her sudden return either. They hadn't talked about the fact that they both stayed up at night, tossing and turning in bed and thinking about the other woman. They hadn't talked about the fact that Alex had been ripped away from her, just as they had started a relationship. They hadn't talked about the fact that Olivia would always wait for her, no matter how long it took…

Instead, they had lain in bed after Alex had looked at the file, the blonde wrapped in Olivia's arms. The detective had held her close, and when Alex started to sob against her, Olivia held her tighter and comforted her. They said nothing though. The mood in the room said enough. And when they woke up the next morning, still wrapped in each other's arms, Olivia's heart broke at the thought of having to say goodbye to her yet again. But she knew they'd at least have tonight, after the celebration.

And so here she was, waiting for Alex with everyone else. She grinned widely when they heard someone approach the door. She held her glass tight, the fingers of her other hand tapping excitedly against her leg. When D.E.A. Agent Jack Hammond walked in, Olivia looked behind him.

"Where's Alex?"

"Marshals are moving her and Antonio to new identities," he explained, looking away. When he looked back, he looked directly at Olivia. "She asked me to say goodbye."

Hammond prepared for Olivia's questions, something Alex had warned him would happen. The blonde had told him that Olivia wouldn't take the news well, and that she would become upset. However, the brunette did not react as Alex had predicted. For a moment, she looked hurt, saddened, until something flashed across her eyes. She raised her eyebrows, turned and placed her glass on the table a little too forcefully, and marched over to him.

"Take me to her."

"Olivia-" Elliot called from behind her.

"Take me to her, now," she said forcefully.

Hammond shook his head.

"That's not possible. They're getting ready to be moved."

"Which means they haven't moved her yet. Get on the phone, call whoever needs to be called up, and get me to her. If you don't, I swear to God, I will make you regret it."

"Olivia, you cannot threaten-" Captain Cragen started, but stopped when Hammond held his hand up.

"It's fine. Can I speak with you outside, detective?" he said curtly.

Everyone watched in silence as the detective led the way out of the room, followed by Hammond. When the door closed behind them, Olivia turned around and faced him.

"I want to see her."

"I know. She warned me that-"

"Take me to her," she said. "I need to speak with her."

Olivia could feel her anger boiling. God damn it, Alex. Fuck. Why would she leave like this, without even saying goodbye? Without anything? She was directing her anger at Hammond instead of Alex right now, but she didn't care. She needed to see the blonde and would do anything to do so.

Hammond sighed. Alex had warned him that Olivia might also become aggressive and angry. It seemed she was choosing that approach. There was no time to argue with her, and in the event that she insisted forcefully, Alex had agreed to have her come before she left.

"You won't have much time."

"I don't need much."

He looked at her carefully for a moment before turning and leading the way to his car. They drove in silence to a safe house forty five minutes away. When they arrived, Olivia was still battling her anger. She thought she had gotten it under control, until she saw Alex sitting calmly at the kitchen table.

"I figured you wouldn't just let me go."

Truth be told, Alex was glad that Olivia had fought, that she had insisted on seeing her. She knew she needed to see the other woman, but at the same time, she couldn't face her. She couldn't say goodbye again; it would hurt too much. She was relieved to see her now though, even if she could feel the lump of sadness in her throat starting already.

"You were just going to leave? Don't I at least warrant a goodbye? Some kind of acknowledgement?"

"Liv…"

"No. You can't just walk out of my life like this, Alex. Not again. I can't do this again. And to think you were just going to leave without even talking to me-" Olivia stopped when her voice broke.

Alex motioned to the door behind them.

"Can we talk in there?"

"You need to make it quick, Alex. It won't be much longer before we have to leave."

Alex glanced at Hammond.

"You can wait until we've finished," she snapped, turning and leading the way to the bedroom.

Olivia followed her in, her anger dissipating slightly. It always did when she saw Alex. The truth was that she was hurt and she was scared, but the anger was what surfaced first. Now that she had let some of it out, it was crumbling and she was left with what she really felt: fear and hurt. She couldn't lose Alex again. Seeing her these past couple of days had reminded her of just how much she had missed her, needed her, and the thought of having to relive life without her… she couldn't do it. She needed Alex. She couldn't go through the torment of wondering if the blonde was alive, if she was safe, if she was scared, if she was lonely. She couldn't bear the thought of knowing that Alex was crying alone in an unfamiliar bed, in an unfamiliar house, in a town she knew nothing about, with no friends to speak of. She saw how sad Alex's eyes were when they were first reunited two days ago. The spark Alex once had, it was gone. She looked… empty.

Alex closed the door behind them, turning to Olivia and looking her in the eye.

"I'm sorry, Liv. I was a coward. I just…I can't say goodbye to you again. I have so much to say to you and I can't-" her voice broke.

Alex tried to fight the tears, but she couldn't. She could never hide from Olivia. When the brunette walked over to her and pulled her in her arms, Alex lost control and sobbed into her embrace.

"I've missed you so much, Liv," she starting, speaking through sobs. "I couldn't…I couldn't say goodbye to you again. I barely survived the first time. I know what it's like now," she paused, another wave of sobs coming over her, "I know what it's like without you. I didn't want to put you through this. I wanted to save you from the truth…that I can't do this without you. That I need you. And I couldn't face you again. I'm sorry." Her words were confused, her thoughts jumping from one thing to the other, but she had so much to say and so little time to say it. "I have thought of you every single day. I missed you every single day. There was never anyone else. I didn't want you to know that. I lied about the guy. I just wanted you to think I was okay. And I thought I could help you move on by saying that. But I don't want you to move on. I'm selfish and I want you," she clung to her as she said these last few words. "And I fucking hate Velez. I hate all of this. I hate what he's done to me, what he's done to my life."

Olivia wrapped her arms tight around Alex when she felt the woman start getting angry.

"Alex," she said softly, soothingly.

The blonde's tense body relaxed when Olivia whispered her name.

"I've missed you saying my name…" she whispered. "I missed my name."

Olivia said nothing. She simply held Alex as a million thoughts went through her mind. She went over everything Alex had said, went over everything she was feeling and thinking herself, and came to one conclusion: she needed to be with Alex.

She titled her head and whispered in Alex's ear, "I'm going with you."

The woman froze in her arms. Alex blinked once, twice, before drawing away enough to look in Olivia's eyes.

"What?"

"I'm going with you."

"Where?"

"I'm going with you this time, into the Program."

"W-What?" she stuttered, shocked. She backed away and shook her head. "No, Liv. You can't- I didn't say those things because I wanted you to-"

"I'm coming," Olivia said decisively.

"Liv-"

"I can't do it again, Alex. I can't. I lived through hell this last year, wondering where you were, how you were doing, if you were alive, if they knew where you were… If you'd be able to defend yourself if they found you. If you'd get shot again. I wondered if they'd figure out where you were. I wondered if they'd catch you, if they'd torture you. It was torture knowing that you were alone, scared. You needed me and I wasn't there. What's more, I needed you. I needed to be with you. I regretted every fucking day not coming with you. Seeing you these last couple of days…I've made up my mind, Alex. I'm going with you."

"You don't know what it's like, Olivia. It's hell. You're all alone, you have no friends, you have no memories, you have nothing. You are given a name, a new identity, a new job, a new life… You are living a lie and you have to pretend to be something you're not. You'd have to leave your job, Elliot, the guys. You'd have to leave your apartment, your belongings. Your job is your life; you can't leave it. You don't know what you're getting into, Olivia, and you're going to regret it. I won't let you do this. I know you're upset right now, but-"

"No. You don't get it, do you? I have been sitting around since the night you left, waiting for you. I miss you more now than I did when you were first taken away and when I saw you in Casey's office, it took every single ounce of my being not to throw myself against you and hold you until my arms ached as much as my heart has this past year. You are what I need, Alex. I have thought about nothing but you for the last year and I know I can't do this again. I need to know you're safe-"

"I am safe in the program."

"No. I need to know you're safe. I need to come home every day and see that you are. I need to wake up in the morning and know that you're okay. I need to be there when you're sad, when you're angry, when you need someone to talk to. I know you need me, Alex, and I need you too. I can't watch you leave again. Please don't make me."

"Olivia, how can I let you make this kind of decision? Jesus, how do you know that you want this? Do you even know what you're getting yourself into? And for me? Why? We aren't married. We aren't engaged. We were barely seeing each other…"

"What I had with you was more intense, more real than anything I've ever had before, Alex. If you hadn't gotten shot, hadn't been taken away, we'd still be together. Hell, maybe we'd have gotten engaged and married by now. You were the only thing that mattered to me and the day you were ripped away…my life ended, Alex. I should have insisted on going with you then, but I didn't. I was in shock and I couldn't comprehend what was happening. I'll be damned if I'll make that mistake again."

"What if it doesn't work out between us, Liv? You'll have sacrificed everything…"

"At least I will know you're safe. The guys are going to get him, Alex. They are going to get Velez. You won't be gone forever and if things don't work out, I won't regret the choice I made. You are too important to me to ever regret doing everything in my power to keep you safe."

"Alex," Hammond said loudly, knocking on the door. "We have to go."

Alex looked at Olivia. The brunette was unmoving.

"You haven't had enough time to think about this," she answered, her pulse racing.

"I have had a year to think about it, Alex."

"You don't know what you're getting into," she protested weakly.

"Alex," Olivia said, gently.

The knocking became more insistent. "Alex, we need to leave now."

The blonde looked back at Olivia.

"Don't let this become a regret. Don't let me become a regret."

"Never."

The conviction in her voice was palpable. The blonde looked at her hard, trying to see any doubt. There was none.

"Okay," she nodded. Hammond was going to throw a fit, but that didn't matter now. She led the way to the door, Olivia following closely behind.


	2. Chapter 2

"We're ready," Alex said.

Hammond frowned.

"We?" He looked momentarily confused, until it dawned on him "Alex-"

"Stop. There's no point in arguing because it's already been decided. I'm not doing this alone again, Agent Hammond. The threat against my life has now greatly intensified. Velez knows I'm alive and he will stop at nothing to find me. He will now undoubtedly become extremely angry that I have been alive all of this time and that he had no idea. He will not let me make a fool out of him a second time, and he will be searching every inch of the United States to find me. He is well connected and when they finally do find me, I will be defenseless. I am a prosecutor, not an officer of the law. I have no training in such matters. Detective Benson and I have discussed this at length and we have both agreed that I would be much safer and better protected if I had someone there with me, undercover."

"Alex, the Witness Protection Program will keep you safe. You have nothing to worry about while you are in it. However, if you felt the need to have a bodyguard, there are agents specially trained for-"

"I have chosen someone that I trust. If I'm going to have a bodyguard, I'll be forced to spend an inordinate amount of time with this person, and I will not have some stranger living in my house. I have no control over anything else you throw at me, Agent Hammond. I will at least control this. I'll comply with everything else you do, as long as you give me this."

Hammond stared at her, a million thoughts running through his mind.

"You have dealt with me before. I promise to behave if you make this happen."

Alex was a royal pain in the ass, and a demanding one at that. His life would be so much easier if she went along with what he said. He turned to detective Benson.

"Are you sure you want to do this, detective? Have you really thought about everything you're about to give up? You can't leave once you've decided you don't want to do this anymore."

Olivia nodded.

"I know what I'm doing, sir. I won't change my mind."

Hammond shook his head, defeated.

"Get in the car. This is going to be a nightmare. My superiors are not going to be happy, but I'll make it happen. I'm holding you to what you said, Alex. Not one argument."

The blonde nodded and followed him to the vehicle. They made their way inside, Hammond thrusting a pen and a pad of paper in Olivia's hand.

"Write out detailed instructions to whoever you trust about your belongings. Whatever doesn't matter to you should be given away or thrown out. The things of particular importance, well, that person can hang onto them for you. Your bank account will be frozen. Your credit cards will be cancelled. Make a list of any gym memberships, magazine subscriptions, volunteer work, anything that you participate in so that they can be looked after as well. When you're finished, give the pad to Agent Simmons, the driver, and he will give it to me. I'll make sure everything is taken care of."

Olivia nodded.

"Thank you."

"I hope you know what you're doing," he said to her. He then turned to Alex. "Good luck."

He closed the door and watched as the car took off.

Olivia looked over at Alex, trying hard not to feel overwhelmed. She knew that she was making the right decision, the only decision there was to be made, but she couldn't help feeling a little bit worried. She was leaving everything behind… But then again, when she thought about it, what was she really leaving behind? She had no family, no real friends other than the guys, no animals, no kids, no real life outside of work… She would miss the hell out of Elliot and the guys, she would even miss the crazy work hours, but she knew it wouldn't compare to how much she had missed Alex.

"Hey," the blonde said softly. "It's not too late to change your mind."

Olivia shook her head.

"I'm not considering that."

"What were you thinking about?"

"About the fact that, honestly, I'm really not leaving anything behind. Everything that mattered to me was ripped away the night you left."

Alex had been Olivia's friend and her closest confidant even before they had started dating. They spent most of their free time together going for walks, going to the beach, hanging out at home or taking short trips to nearby cities. They were together nearly every day, but for a long time, they were nothing more than friends. That is, until one afternoon, everything changed.

Suddenly, Olivia had found herself in love. The realisation had hit her like a ton of bricks while they were at the park, sitting on a blanket and having a small picnic. It was a wonderfully sunny day, and Alex had been sitting next to her in a yellow sundress. She looked so beautiful, Olivia had once again found herself thinking it, and when the detective cracked a joke about she-didn't-remember-what-now, it was the way that Alex had leaned back and laughed with her entire body that made Olivia realise that she was completely in love with her. It hadn't been a happy moment though. Frankly, it had shaken her to the core. It scared her because she wasn't sure what that would mean. She wasn't sure if she could just be friends with someone she loved so entirely. And with someone as perceptive as Alex, how long could she keep her feelings a secret?

She had spent that entire day in her own head, thinking about everything that could and would go wrong if she confessed her feelings to the blonde. Things would change between them and that was something Olivia wouldn't be able to handle. The woman had become her best friend, and Olivia couldn't lose her.

Alex, of course, had noticed her change in mood when they left the park. She had asked her later on that night why she was so quiet, but Olivia couldn't explain it. She couldn't tell her. The brunette hid her feelings and refused to open up, so Alex had been forced to drop it.

They had continued on as friends for nearly half a year, until Alex approached her one day, upset, and told her that she needed to talk to her. Olivia had spent the entire day in a blind panic, thinking that Alex had finally figured out her secret. She couldn't stop going over in her mind exactly what she would say to the woman to explain herself. She knew it would happen one day. She couldn't hide forever, but she hadn't expected it to come out so quickly. So Olivia spent the day beside herself with worry, and when she arrived at the blonde's apartment that night, her stomach was in knots. When she walked in, she was confused but relieved at Alex's obvious nervousness. At least she wasn't the only one who was feeling uneasy.

Alex sat down next to her and immediately started talking. She spoke a mile a minute, apologising and saying that she hadn't realised what was going on until it was too late, and that she hadn't meant for it to happen. She confessed that she was afraid, that she didn't want to ruin their friendship, and that she had tried to stop it. She explained that she had tried to distance herself, tried to stop the attraction, but that in the end, it had been in vain. Alex stated that was sorry that it happened because she didn't want to make her uncomfortable. She was finally confessing her secret to Olivia because she didn't know what to do anymore. She stated that she couldn't take it, and that she needed to admit everything.

Olivia sat there, confused as ever, clueless as to how it was Alex's fault that Olivia was attracted to her.

"Alex, how is this your fault? You couldn't have stopped any of it. I didn't want you to figure it out, so I did my best to hide it. I'm sorry I lied. I didn't want to ruin things between us. But how did you even realise…?"

Alex had been so upset and confused by her own emotions that she hadn't understood that Olivia had been talking about her own feelings. She thought Olivia was talking about her confession, so she answered the question as such.

"I don't know. It started out small I guess. Little butterflies when you'd text, getting excited when I knew I would see you. But I just figured it was because I was happy to finally have a friend, you know? I didn't think much of it. Maybe I was in denial. Who knows? But it's hard to deny this attraction to you. The way I feel when you're around, the things you do to me… it's overwhelming at times. I've never felt this way before, but I don't expect anything from you. I don't want to make things awkward between us, Liv. I just couldn't keep it to myself anymore. I had to tell you-"

Olivia had sat in stunned silence for several minutes before she finally interrupted.

"Wait, wait. Stop."

The blonde couldn't mean what Olivia thought she meant. Alex was attracted to her? She had to be mistaken.

"Repeat what you just said."

The brunette's heart was racing, her heartbeat was pounding in her ears, and her palms were incredibly sweaty. This couldn't be happening.

"I like you, and-"

Before she knew what was happening, she felt strong hands wrap around her upper arm and yank her forward. She looked up and was immediately pulled into a demanding kiss. Completely taken aback, it had taken her a second to recover from shock before she could respond. She quickly pulled away, shaking her head.

"No, Liv. Stop. I can't do this."

"Why not?"

"Because you don't feel the same way I do. I can't-"

"Alex, are you kidding? Do you have any idea how I feel? How attracted I am to you? How much I love you? How beautiful I think you are? I've been in love with you for so long that I can't remember a time when I wasn't. I thought I was coming here because you figured out I was head over heels for you and you no longer wanted to see me."

Alex had shaken her head, her feelings overwhelming her. This was all too much. She was so confused. Her emotions were battling deep inside of her. Olivia could see her inner struggle and gripped her shoulders tight, turning her so that she was forced to look into her eyes.

"Listen to me, honey. I am so, so attracted to you. I want you so much that it hurts. I've been aching to tell you how I feel for so long. But I couldn't do it. I was afraid to lose you. But believe me, I want you more than I've wanted anything in my life."

That was when Alex had broken down and cried. The brunette gathered her in her arms, holding her close.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm crying. I'm just overwhelmed. I never dreamed this would happen. I imagined every way this could play out, but I never thought you'd return my feelings."

"You didn't imagine this version? Me confessing my undying love for you?" Olivia asked.

"No. I couldn't. I couldn't let myself hope that it could be true. It would have hurt too much if it had gone another way."

"Well, you never had to hope because I always wanted you, Alex."

"I can't believe it. I feel like I'm dreaming."

"Believe it, love. Because it's true."

And that was when Olivia had inched away enough to pull the blonde into another kiss. This time, Alex returned the kiss with everything she had, everything she felt. She pressed her body close, wrapping her arms around Olivia's neck.

It was like nothing the blonde had ever experienced before. She could feel all the love, affection, and tenderness Olivia felt for her pouring into her from that one kiss. It had moved her to tears. It was the single best kiss she had ever experienced, and it had solidified all of her feelings for the charming detective.

And that's how it began. They started seeing each other. Nothing changed other than the fact that Olivia was now allowed to take Alex's hand, kiss her when she wanted to and cuddle her on the couch. Alex had stopped holding back the comments she had been thinking for months: how sexy the detective looked in her tight black pants, how much she liked when the woman smiled at her, how much she loved her… But everything else was the same: they still saw each other every change they got, they still got lunch together, they still went to the beach and to the movies. Things didn't get "weird" as they both had worried would happen.

They took it very slowly though, thinking they had all the time in the world. Olivia was determined to be a gentleman, to take her time with the blonde, and she had. But then Alex got shot and she was ripped away just two months later. Suddenly, Olivia's life was turned upside down. She could no longer talk to Alex, text her before bed, wish her goodnight, take her out to baseball games or have her over for a movie night. She could no longer hear the blonde's infectious laugh or see her beautiful smile. She could no longer hold the woman's hand or confide in her when she needed to talk. She had no one with whom to share her thoughts. She was alone.

Soon, grief and regret began to overwhelm her every sense. She regretted not telling the blonde more often about how much Alex meant to her. She regretted not kissing her more often, not holding her hand more. She had done these things each and every single time they were together, but it still didn't feel like enough. Looking back, she should have done it more. She should have seen Alex more. Part of her regretted taking things so slowly. She had never even gotten to make love to her…

"Liv?"

Olivia snapped out of her thoughts.

"Are you okay? Are you sure you want to do this?"

Olivia reached over and pulled her into a hug. She could still feel the regret that once consumed her, but she reminded herself that things were different now. She could do everything she felt she hadn't done before.

"I regret every moment I wasted not being with you, Alex. I lost over a year of time with you. I lost a year of dates, of affection, of love, of cuddling, of kissing, of telling you how much I love you. I won't let that happen again. I need to be with you. Without you, I'm not living. I'm just existing, going through the motions. I need to be with you. I'm making the right decision being with you now."

Alex's heart stopped. God, this woman. She could move her to tears with just her words.

"I just…" her voice caught in her throat. She cleared it and started again. "I don't want you to feel like you are rushing into this."

"I'm not. I know we're not going to pick up where we left off. I know that over a year has gone by and that you've changed. I know I have changed. But everything I felt for you is still there, Alex, and I want to see if what existed between us can develop further than it did. I want to try again with you. And most of all, I want to know that you're safe and that you're okay so that I can finally have a good night's sleep."

Alex nodded at her, ignoring the fluttering in her stomach. She tried to remain calm, neutral, and despite her worry that Olivia would regret this decision, she couldn't help the growing excitement and happiness in the pit of her stomach at the thought that Olivia would be with her this time. She had had nothing familiar, nothing from her old life… not a piece of furniture, not an article of clothing, not even a photograph the last time she had been placed in the WPP. Now, she would have the best thing of all: Olivia- the one thing she had missed and wished for the most the last time she had been in hiding.

Olivia smiled at her before she finally turned to the note pad in her hand and began writing a letter to Elliot, telling him what to do with her things. She trusted him more than anyone in this world (besides Alex), and she couldn't help tearing up at the thought of not seeing him for … well, God knew how long. She told him to get rid of her clothes, save for a couple of articles she particularly liked (like her leather jacket) and to give away her furniture. She didn't care about any of those things. She asked him to keep her watch, to save her photo albums, and the box of keepsakes she had in her closet. She listed a few more items, like her diploma from the academy and her favourite sunglasses, but most of the items in her apartment she told him to get rid of. There was no sense in keeping the CDs or the knick knacks. Those things could be replaced. Alex helped her write out a letter giving Elliot power of attorney in order to make decisions during Olivia's absence. The brunette knew that she could trust him to make important decisions for her. She also felt that she needed to talk to him, to tell him why she was doing this.

So, she began writing an apology, attempting to explain herself. She didn't know that when Elliot finally received the note, he had already understood. He read the letter, and although it killed him to know that he wouldn't see her again for what could be years, he knew that she would be better off with Alex. He had seen what it had done to her when the blonde left, and he didn't want to have to see her go through that again.

When Olivia finally finished writing, they had been travelling for nearly three hours. Alex was staring out the window, a blank expression on her face. Olivia handed the notepad to the Agent sitting in the front seat before turning to the blonde.

"Hey," she said softly.

She quickly looked over, smiling gently when she met Olivia's eyes.

"Hey. You finished writing?"

Olivia nodded.

"I hope he can forgive me."

"There is nothing to forgive, Alex. None of this is your doing."

"I just don't want him to hate me for taking away his partner and his best friend."

"He isn't going to hate you, Alex. He knows this is my choice. Besides, he's going to work harder now because he's got two people to bring home."

Alex smiled weakly, but the emotion wasn't there. She was feeling very, very guilty. Olivia sensed it, so she unbuckled her seatbelt and slid over. She pulled Alex into a comforting hug.

"I'm so happy to be coming with you."

Alex snuggled into her, resting her head on her shoulder.

"I feel overwhelmed," she whispered. "I'm so happy you're with me, but I feel really guilty. And I'm worried you're going to regret it."

"You're thinking too much, Alex. I know you can't help it, but I'm an adult, and it is my decision. This is what I want. I want to be here. I know it's not going to be easy and I know it's going to be a huge adjustment. I know we won't always get along and that it's going to be a very trying time, but we are in this together and that's all that matters. This is where I want to be."

Alex squeezed her hard in response.

"I'm so happy you're with me, Liv."

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be."

Alex fought the tears of relief that threatened to fall. She was so relieved to know that she wasn't going to be alone and that she would be with Olivia. She felt so safe with her. She knew that there was nothing to worry about as long as the woman was with her.

They drove non-stop for an additional three hours, until they ended up at a gas station. They were forced to change vehicles, where they were assigned new drivers, and continued on for another 8 hours before repeating the process. Their first driver assured Olivia that he would give Hammond the notes and letter. Then, he told the women that they would change vehicles several times before arriving at their destination. He didn't know where they were going and none of the drivers knew who they were bringing. They had simply been told to bring the women to a certain point, where they changed vehicles and took off with their new drivers.

In total, the women travelled for nearly thirty hours before being brought to a small cottage in a remote town in Wyoming. It was nearly 3 am New York time (1 am in Wyoming) and, despite having hardly slept for the past day and a half, Olivia found herself wide awake. She gently shook Alex, who was resting against her, and told her they had arrived at their destination.

The blonde immediately sat up and looked around, momentarily confused at what was going on. Then it all came flooding back and she sighed.

"Okay."

Olivia unbuckled her seatbelt and slid out, helping Alex out and then closing the door. She followed Alex, who was walking behind the Marshals, as they made their way to the front door. As Olivia approached the house, she noticed that directly behind it was what looked like a sizable lake. If she hadn't been so overwhelmed, she probably would have noticed how beautiful it looked. They entered the house, but before she could look around, one of the men began talking.

"You're on a pretty remote stretch of land in a city with a population of about 230 residents, mostly retired seniors. The keys to your house are on the kitchen table, as are the portfolios to your new identities. I'm not going to go into details now because it's late, but tomorrow when you wake up, we will be here to inform you of what you need to know."

When he stopped talking, Olivia looked around, suddenly feeling like she had no idea what to do. Alex thanked the man and asked where the bedrooms were.

"They're upstairs. There are three to choose from. I'm going to stay here with Agent Thomas to keep watch until you wake up tomorrow. I suggest you ladies get some sleep. There are a few pieces of clothing upstairs that you can use for now until you get the chance to buy new ones."

Olivia nodded, not sure what else to do.

"Come on, Liv."

Alex led the way upstairs, looking into the first bedroom. She decided that lime green wasn't her colour and chose the next room, which had soft yellow walls. It seemed inviting enough, so she opened the door wide and walked inside.

Olivia followed her and stood by the window. It was starting to really hit her now that she was here. Her life was going to completely change tomorrow. She would no longer be Olivia Benson. Alex would no longer be Alexandra Cabot. Would she still be allowed to call her Alex when they were at home, alone? What would she do now for work? It didn't seem like there was a whole lot in this town…

"Stop thinking, Liv. We will sort it out in the morning."

Olivia scratched the back of her head.

"I know. I don't know that I'll be able to sleep though."

"I know it's overwhelming…"

Olivia nodded, a faint smile forming on her face.

"A little bit. But it'll be something new. I've always wanted a dog. Maybe we can get one here."

Alex smiled at her. Of all the things Olivia could have thought of about their new place, she mentioned a dog.

"We can get a dog if that's what you really want."

Olivia grinned.

"Okay," she said happily. After a pause, she asked Alex if she'd be able to sleep tonight.

"I think so. It'll be strange to wake up here, but I think I'll be okay."

"Okay. I'm gonna take the bedroom across the hall and I'll leave the door open, so if you need anything, just come and find me, okay?"

Alex was a little disappointed that the woman wasn't planning on sharing a bed with her, but she didn't say anything. After all, Olivia was here with her and really that was all that mattered.

"Thanks, Liv. For everything. I can't even…I can't begin to tell you what this means to me."

"There is no thanking me, Alex. This is where I should be. Sleep tight tonight."

"Thanks. You too."

With that, Olivia turned and headed for her bedroom.


	3. Chapter 3

Olivia had only managed to get five hours of sleep before she woke up for the day. She opened her eyes and had to blink a few times, looking around the room, before she remembered what had happened. Her momentary confusion over, she rolled out of bed and padded out to the hallway. She glanced into the room across the hall, where she saw Alex sleeping soundly in her bed. She gently closed her door and headed downstairs, where she saw the same two Agents from last night sitting on the couch.

"Hey."

"Detective. You're up early."

"Yeah. There's no way that I'm gonna be able to fall back asleep now that I'm up. There's too many questions that need to be answered."

Agent Thomas nodded at her.

"I understand. You would like to see your file," he stated.

"Yes."

Thomas led the way to the kitchen table and picked up a file, handing it to Olivia.

"Here. Your cards will take longer to arrive due to the circumstances. There wasn't enough time to produce them. Your story is there, along with all of your history and background, but the cards and I.D. will take a few days."

"Thanks."

Olivia took the file and sat at the opposite end of the table, taking a deep breath before opening it. She saw the name CAMERON COOPER written in bold letters across the top of the page.

"My name is Cameron Cooper?"

Thomas nodded, handing her a cup of coffee and the box of muffins he had picked up earlier. Olivia thanked him and reflected for a moment. Well, it's not a horrible name. She continued reading on, trying to focus on the fact that she was reading about her new life and not someone else's.

CAMERON COOPER

BORN: July 22nd, 1968. That made her two years younger than her actual age. That was good news, at least she wasn't older. And, she had always wanted a birthday in the summer…She scanned the document. It was broken up into different sections: family, background, education. She decided to just read the most important parts. There was no way she'd retain everything right now anyways.

Born and raised in Kentucky, one younger sister named Clara. Parents are both deceased. Father was Caucasian American, mother was Mexican. No children. No nieces or nephews. Studied IT and justice in college. Moved to Maine after college to work as a correctional officer at a women's prison, then moved on to become an IT agent in a newspaper facility. Newspaper facility closed. Now a staff member of the youth facility in the neighbouring county, working in the horticultural therapy program.

Wait a minute. Olivia looked up.

"I don't know anything about gardening or being a therapist for troubled youth."

"Don't worry about that. You'll be given training over the next few weeks, and you won't be running the program alone. Mr. Jones, the man who is running it now, will finish off the year with you and then next year you will run it alone."

Olivia paused. Next year. She hadn't really thought about it. Was she really going to still be here next year?

She put the file down and glanced around the kitchen. So this was her new life. She could really still be here next year. Or the year after. Or maybe even for the next ten years. She could feel herself starting to panic. She pushed the chair back with the intention of getting up and going…she didn't know where. But she had to get out.

"Hi."

Olivia looked over at the source of the familiar voice, her body instantly relaxing when she saw her.

"Alex," she whispered.

She immediately made her way over, engulfing the woman in a tight embrace. As soon as their bodies connected, Olivia felt a wave of relief and calm wash over her. This is why she was here. This is why she was starting over. Suddenly, it didn't seem so scary.

Alex hugged her back hard, only letting go when the other woman started pulling away. She pulled back enough to get a good look at Olivia. The brunette tucked a stray strand of blonde hair behind her ear and smiled at her. God, Alex could definitely get used to seeing this face every morning.

"Hey," Olivia finally responded. "How did you sleep?"

"I slept well, but I was pretty confused when I woke up."

"Me too."

"Have you been up a while?"

Olivia looked at the clock.

"About half an hour or so," she said, finally letting go of the other woman.

She watched as Alex sat down at the table near the files. Olivia made her way to the cupboard and grabbed a mug, then poured Alex a cup of coffee.

"Valerie Porter," Alex announced, holding up a file. "My name is Valerie. What's yours?"

"Cameron Cooper," she responded, placing Alex's coffee next to her on the table. She grabbed the nearest chair and pulled it over to where Alex was sitting so that she could look over her file as well.

"Cam," Alex repeated. "It's not as nice as your name, but I like it."

"Do I look like a Cam?"

Alex looked her over.

"Maybe after a haircut. You need one."

Olivia laughed.

"Do I now?"

"Yes. It's too long."

Alex really missed Olivia's old haircut. She liked the way the woman's bangs would fall across her forehead when Olivia ran her fingers through her hair. She also liked the way the brunette spiked it into a messy 'do. Now, it was long enough to be tucked behind her ears and a shade or two lighter than normal.

"Alright. I'll get it cut."

"And don't dye it. I like it dark."

"Any other requests?" Olivia asked, a hint of humour in her voice.

Alex grinned mischievously but kept her thoughts to herself. Instead, she glanced back down at her file and began reading.

"Valerie Porter, born on December 13th, 1971," Alex looked up at Olivia. "Hey I'm a year younger."

"Me too. Two years younger actually."

"You're still two years older than I am," Alex teased, nudging her with her shoulder.

Olivia chuckled.

"Yeah, yeah."

"Only child of Meredith and Ryan Porter. Meredith died three years ago and I'm estranged from my father. No family to speak of. I have a background in literature and I'm a librarian assistant at the Little Current library," Alex stopped reading and looked over and Olivia. "I guess that's not so bad. Better than working at the insurance agency. That was mind numbingly boring. Where are you working?"

"At the youth centre," Olivia looked over at the file in Alex's hands. "We'll be working in the same county actually."

Alex smiled at her, staring for a second longer than normal.

"I've missed you."

Olivia felt the blush creeping up her cheeks again.

"I've missed you too, Alex. A lot."

The blonde reached out and cupped her cheek, smoothing her thumb over Olivia's skin.

"I've missed seeing you every day. I can't believe you're here with me. I was thinking I'd have to restart all of this over by myself. I never thought…" she trailed off.

Olivia reached up and grabbed her hand, giving it an affectionate squeeze.

"I'm not going anywhere," she said softly.

They looked at each other, not daring to say anything lest it break the moment. Olivia looked into Alex eyes, searching them. She saw that same sadness she had seen in the hotel room, but with it, she saw something else. Something she hadn't seen in a very long time. Something that made her heart beat just a little bit faster. Something that made her hope that maybe things hadn't at all changed in the year they spent apart.

Alex knew that Olivia was reading her, so she gently slipped her hand away and turned. She wasn't ready to confess everything that she was feeling because it was just too soon. She was still riding an inner roller coaster. She was incredibly happy that Olivia was with her, but she couldn't help thinking of the heavy conversations ahead of them regarding their relationship, their time apart, their fears... She wasn't ready to deal with all of that, so she turned back to her file and continued reading.

"I was born and raised in Maine and my parents are both Caucasian American. They met while working at the same newspaper factory. I moved to Wyoming because the newspaper I worked for went out of business. I live with my friend Cameron Cooper who worked at the same newspaper as I did until it went out of business. Then I went back to school to study to be a librarian in the hopes of finding work."

Alex looked over her various pieces of I.D. before looking back at Olivia.

"Seems a bit suspicious that we would both move here together, doesn't it?"

"No. It seems pretty gay actually."

Olivia said the comment with such a straight face that Alex could not hold in her laugh.

"No, seriously. I think Val and Cam might be into each other. Big ole lesbians if you ask me."

When Alex laughed louder, Olivia could not fight it anymore and joined her. The women sat at the table, laughing, when Agent Thomas entered the room.

"I'm glad to see the mood has lightened at least a little bit."

Olivia chuckled, smiling at Alex.

"Yeah."

"Did you want some more time to yourselves or are you ready to go over some of the details?"

Alex shrugged at Olivia.

"Might as well get it over with."

Olivia nodded in agreement.

"Okay," Thomas started. "You're in a town called Burgus, Wyoming. There are just over 500 people living in this town and like I said yesterday, they're all mostly retired senior citizens. It is highly unlikely you will be recognised here, but even still, you should at least try to alter your appearance a little: haircut, change of colour, glasses…

The town you're working in is called Little Current and has a population of about 10 000 people. Valerie, you will work right in the centre of downtown at The Little Current Public Library; you'll be starting Friday. You'll do a day of training on the computer before you start training within the library. A man named Reg will be there to guide you.

Cameron, you'll work just on the outskirts of town, at the Youth Centre, and will be starting Thursday. You will be starting one-on-one sessions with the old Horticultural Therapist at the end of this week," he paused when he saw Olivia raise her eyebrows. "I know that seems a bit fast, but trust me, you will be needing a distraction after a few days of getting adjusted. Miss Porter is already familiar with the process, but it's important that you start getting used to your new life as soon as possible. It will make the transition easier. You should start referring to one another as Valerie and Cameron immediately so that you become more comfortable with the names. If you do happen to make a mistake and refer to each other by your old names, just correct yourself and move on. Don't draw attention to it.

So, Cameron. You will be starting with the current therapist, Mr. Jones, who thinks that you are transferring from the newspaper facility in Maine. He is aware of your background at the women's correctional facility and believes that this will help you in your new role as a fulltime staff member at the Youth Centre. You will be working with troubled youth, but it is a low security facility so most of the students there are in need of some discipline, guidance, and someone who cares. You'll be using gardening as a tool to help build confidence, as an alternative way to express themselves, and to give them something to care for. Mr. Jones will inform you further about the subject. We were really lucky to find this job for you, considering how last minute everything was. They have been looking for someone for a while and are looking forward to meeting you.

If these jobs don't suit you or you find that you are unhappy, you're more than welcome to seek out other work. Are you following me okay so far?"

Alex nodded, but Olivia took a deep breath.

"It's just a lot of information at once. I feel like I'm getting a headache."

"It's overwhelming, I know, but it's because you're getting this all at once. Once you've had some time to digest, it won't seem so overwhelming. Do you want to take a break and continue later?"

Olivia shook her head.

"No. Let's continue now."

"Okay. This house is yours; you are free to redecorate, renovate, or change it as you see fit. The bills will be coming in under Valerie's name as we had this all set up before we knew you were coming, Cameron. There will be a heat, electric, and water bill coming in as one bill. There is also a television and internet bill that will come in in three weeks' time. You can choose whether or not to keep that service, but as of right now, you have both. The code and password are written on the router. You two can decide how to split the bills and whether or not to add your name to the mortgage, Cameron. Between the two of you, you'll have no problem paying the mortgage at the end of the month. We had originally picked this one out with the impression that Valerie would be paying it alone with only her wages, so it be will easy to pay it between the two of you.

There's only one vehicle, but we can arrange to have a second one if you decide you need it. I'll be checking in this week and then again next week to see how things are going. You'll be able to tell me what your needs are during these visits. After that, I'll be checking in in two weeks time, and then every month or two for the first six months. After the first six months have passed, I won't check in again for six months. After that, it'll be once a year, just to make sure everything is alright.

These are your new lives. It's up to you to fill in the gaps and create new memories. We strongly suggest you develop new hobbies, separate from the ones you had in New York. It's important that you separate yourself from that life. You are not permitted to contact anyone, at all, from your old life. Do not make any online profiles, such as a Facebook account, even with your new identities. Do not go on online dating sites. Don't post your picture online, anywhere, because you could be seen. Do not let yourself be interviewed on television. Keep yourself out of the media at all times. You can go out to the mall, to sporting events, just as long as you are keeping a low profile.

I left my number on the fridge, but I want you to memorise it and then get rid of the paper. Don't write anything down or buy anything that could link you to your old life. You are now Cameron and you are now Valerie. You are no longer Olivia or Alex. It is extremely important that you follow these rules.

You may take vacations, but you will have to inform me of when you are leaving, where you are going, and when you will be back. It's not advised that you travel anywhere outside this town or the neighbouring county for at least another few months, until the heat dies down at least a little bit. Even then, we will advise you not to go to any popular tourist destinations. You won't be allowed to leave the country for at least a year, if not longer. Our goal is to keep you safe, and you will be safe if you lay low in this town."

Thomas continued talking for another little while, but Olivia had stopped listening. Her brain was on overload. She wasn't concerned about missing anything because Alex was here, so she tuned him out when she started getting overwhelmed. She watched the man patiently, and when he finished, she felt relieved. She definitely had a pounding headache and she needed some fresh air.

"I need a walk."

She pushed away from the table and made her way out the back door onto the porch. She paused on the edge of the steps, looking out at the water. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, the wind blowing against her face. It was calming, peaceful, and it was exactly what she needed after being faced with that onslaught of information.

She opened her eyes when she heard the door creak open, not bothering to look. She already knew who it was.

"Hey," the blonde whispered.

"Hi," Olivia responded.

"I, um, I told the Agents that they could leave. There's no sense in staying anymore. They'll be back to check up on us, but until then, it's just us."

Olivia said nothing, listening to Alex's voice and to the sound of the Agents' car pulling out of the driveway. When both quieted, there was nothing else to listen to but the sounds of the birds on the water.

Alex stood next to Olivia, nervous. She didn't like how quiet the other woman was being. It was unnerving. Olivia noticed Alex playing with her necklace and reached out, pulling her close. She knew Alex did that when she was worried.

"It's okay, honey. I'm okay. I'm just…it's a lot to take in. It's kind of scary to be honest."

Alex nodded against her chest.

"I know."

Of course you would know. "Shit, Alex. I'm sorry. You went through this and you were all alone." Olivia felt like an ass. Here she was focusing on herself and how difficult this was going to be, but she had someone familiar with her, someone safe. She wasn't having to do this after experiencing a terrifying trauma, alone. She was suddenly ridden with guilt.

"Don't apologise. I get it. I was terrified the first time I did this. I understand you're overwhelmed. I am too. I'm just…less scared because I know what's coming, but also because you're here. It's not as bad when you have someone here with you to act as an anchor. I know it's scary and overwhelming right now, but I promise you that it does get easier. And if it becomes too much for you at times, I'll always be here to come to."

Olivia kissed her temple and held her close. Alex sighed contently, wrapping her arms around Olivia's waist. When she felt the woman's lips press against her head, she felt her body fill with warmth. It had been so long since they had been like this, since she had gotten to experience Olivia's affection. She had missed it, craved it, and she was incredibly happy to finally have it back.

"Thanks," Olivia whispered against her hair. She rubbed her back gently, looking out at the view. "It is beautiful here."

Alex turned in her arms and looked out onto the water. It really was beautiful, but it was nothing compared to the way Olivia's arms felt wrapped around her. She had missed this woman so much and now she was here. Finally.

Olivia slid her hands away from Alex's stomach and up to her arms, rubbing them gently.

"Do you want to take a walk?" she asked.

"I'd love to."

Since there was a stone path leading down the backyard, they didn't bother with grabbing any shoes. They walked down to their dock and then hopped down onto the sandy part of the beach.

"There are seashells," Alex said, a smile in her voice. "I love seashells."

Olivia looked down. An abundance of seashells were scattered in the sand and water.

"You'll be able to start quite a collection."

"Would you let me decorate the living room with these?" Alex asked, holding up various different shells.

Olivia raised her eyebrows, clearly not very enthusiastic at the idea. "Depends how tacky you went. You don't exactly have the best taste in decorating…" she teased.

Alex laughed and threw one at her. They both knew that wasn't true. Olivia was the one who had a terrible time decorating.

"Rude…" she muttered, smiling. She walked alongside Olivia, looking down at the sand to spot any nice shells.

"This is such a change from New York," Olivia observed. "Was Wisconsin anything like this?"

"No, at least not where I was at. It was really cold and it was nothing but trees or flatland. I hated every minute of Wisconsin, but probably because of the circumstances. This is much better."

"I'll say. We have a lake in our backyard. Maybe I can get a boating license and we can go fishing. Do you like to fish?"

"I don't know. I've never been."

"Never?"

Alex shook her head.

"Then I'll definitely get a boat so that we can go fishing."

"Okay."

They walked next to one another in silence. Olivia looked around, noting that their nearest neighbour was at least another half a mile away. At least they had plenty of privacy. She glanced over at Alex.

"I don't think I'll ever get used to calling you Valerie."

The blonde smiled.

"I know. It's going to take me a long time to switch to Cam as well. I like the name though. I think it could suit you, once you get your hair cut."

Olivia chuckled.

"Maybe we can do that tomorrow. I get the feeling you're itching to have it done."

Alex grinned at her.

"I am. The last time I saw you…it's just that when I picture you in my mind, you have short hair. It's dark, not light, and there were no blond highlights."

"Yeah? What else do you picture?"

Alex paused, smiling.

"Big muscles, especially in your arms. You used to work out. I remember."

Olivia grinned.

"You noticed that, did you?"

"Yes. Of course I did. I noticed the way you flexed your arms when we were sitting on your couch talking. You'd lean your arm against the back of the couch, rest your head on your hand, and you'd flex your muscles while we were chatting. Don't tell me you didn't do that on purpose."

Olivia's face turned beet red. She bit her lower lip and looked out at the water, a smile on her lips. Alex laughed in response.

"Busted," she said.

Olivia chuckled.

"Yeah, okay. Maybe I did that a little."

Alex laughed. "A little?"

Olivia smiled, embarrassed. She might have done it, but Alex looked each and every time…

"Do you want to head back?" the blonde asked.

"Might as well. We should get familiarised with the house. I don't even know how many bathrooms there are."

"There are two," Alex stated. "One upstairs and one on the main floor."

"How do you know?"

"I noticed yesterday."

Olivia raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"Wow."

"I think I'm a little less overwhelmed than you are so I've been able to pay a bit more attention."

"What else have you noticed?"

"The house is pretty outdated and in need of some remodeling. The kitchen countertop has got to go. Who the hell chooses pink tiles?"

Olivia laughed. Now that she had noticed.

"Describe the house to me," Olivia requested. She could see it herself, but it was nice to hear Alex's voice. She had gone too long without hearing it.

"There are three bedrooms upstairs and one bathroom. There's a closet at the end of the hall with a bunch of shelves, so I'm thinking that will probably hold our linen and bath towels. The bathroom itself it pretty small, but it has a stackable washer and dryer which will be great. I won't have to lug our laundry up and down the stairs. There's a bathroom downstairs off the hallway between the kitchen and the sitting room. And there's a pantry just off of the kitchen which I think will be useful since there isn't that much cupboard space. I'm not sure how big it is though since I haven't opened it. Then there's the living room which is a bit small, but it's pretty nice."

"You really did pay attention to the layout."

Alex nodded.

"What were you thinking you wanted redone in the house?"

Alex shrugged.

"I don't know."

Olivia led the way up the footpath to the house. She opened the back door for the woman and followed her inside.

"You do know. Look around. What have you been thinking needs changing?"

Alex bit her lip, smiling. She had been thinking… from the minute she walked into this place.

"Alright. Well, the countertop has to go. And I'd like to refinish the cupboards because they are a terrible colour. And those handles have got to go. I'd like to repaint the living room and that green bedroom upstairs needs to be repainted. I'd like to rip out the carpet on the staircase too. I hate it. And I'd love to repaint the deck at some point too."

Olivia raised her eyebrows.

"That is a ton of work. That deck wraps around most of the house."

Alex flashed her a big smile.

"Good thing we need projects to keep us busy."

"You're not fooling anyone, Cabot. I know those little projects you have lined up are for me."

"I can't help it if you're the handy one. You're so good at it."

Olivia chuckled and shook her head, smiling.

"Stop trying to flatter me into getting your way. You know you're gonna get it regardless."

Alex grinned at her.

"That's why I like this arrangement," she said, leading the way to the staircase. "Now come on. Let's see what we've got for clothing and towels. We're going to have to start a list of things we need when we go shopping tomorrow."

Olivia let her head fall back and groaned.

"I can't wait," she said flatly, dragging her feet behind Alex.


	4. Chapter 4

It hadn't taken long for the women to go through the closets and realise that there really wasn't much of anything. They had a few tops between them and only two pairs of pants, besides the ones they were currently wearing.

The hallway closet had a few towels, face cloths, shampoo, conditioner, and a couple other items they would need, but for the most part, the women had to start from scratch.

"Is this how it was for you the first time?" Olivia asked as they returned downstairs, joining Alex on the couch. "Needing to buy everything?"

Alex shook her head.

"No. They had bought everything for me, right down to my underwear. I hated it. I was already away from everyone I loved, from everything I knew, and then I didn't even get to choose my own clothing, my own shampoo. This time, I told them to get the basic necessities and that I would get the rest. At least they chose decent furniture this time," she said, running her fingers over the soft material of the couch. "Last time I had this God awful burnt orange couch. I have no idea who the hell chose it, but they should be fired."

Olivia laughed.

"How are you doing with all of this?" Alex asked, looking at her.

"It's…kind of surreal? I don't really believe this is happening. I…I can't believe I'm sitting next to you."

"I know what you mean," she said, looking over at her. She hesitated before reaching out. Olivia smiled widely and took her hand, fiddling with it in her lap. The brunette had dreamed of having Alex with her again for so long, and now that she was here, she was at a loss as to how to proceed. They needed to talk, she knew that, but she didn't feel ready for that just yet. She was still too busy simply enjoying being with Alex, in her presence. Even if she wasn't holding her as she so deeply wanted, she was happy to just be with the other woman.

She intertwined their fingers, giving Alex's hand an affectionate squeeze. It felt so good to be holding the woman's hand again.

"How do you feel about what lies ahead? With work, living here…"

"It feels like a dream still. It hasn't sunk in."

"I understand that. That's how it felt the first time around. It took me months to finally realise that this new place, new job, was my life."

"What about this time around?"

Alex reflected.

"It feels kind of like before and yet vastly different. I can't really explain it. It feels awful that I have to restart all over again in a new house, new job, trying to fit into a life that I don't really want, but at the same time, it's completely different because I had some choice this time. I had some control and I know what to expect. I'm not as blind as I was last time."

She hesitated momentarily.

"…And this time, I have something I longed for so bad the first time around," she added, looking directly at Olivia.

The brunette smiled and gave her hand another affectionate squeeze.

"It feels like a dream, your being here. I fully expected to be by myself when I returned to the WPP. I never would have dreamed you'd come with me. I feel guilty and I'm scared that you're going to resent me, that you're going to see that this was a terrible idea and that you never should have come."

Alex looked away after finally voicing the worries that had been eating away at her. She was afraid to look into Olivia's eyes for fear of seeing something she so desperately feared: Olivia's regret. Alex was so scared to hope, scared to let herself be happy that the brunette had come with her, because she had had stupid hopes before and they had done nothing but blow up in her face. She never let herself get her hopes up about anything anymore. She had complete control over her emotions and that's how she liked it. That is, until it came to Olivia. She struggled fiercely to hide her emotions regarding the brunette, but it was useless. Olivia could almost always see through her. She was therefore not surprised when she felt Olivia tug on her hand and pull her closer.

"I'm really worried about it," Alex confessed in a whisper. "I missed you so much. I can't believe you're here. I want you here so bad…but I feel so selfish, knowing what you're going to go through. Knowing how you'll struggle and miss life back home. I'm so afraid you'll regret this," she finished, her voice cracking.

Olivia wrapped her arm around her shoulder and kissed the side of her head. She remained silent for a minute, collecting her thoughts before responding.

"I have missed you every single day since the moment you left, Alex. Every single day, I regretted not coming with you, not insisting that I join you. It will be the single biggest regret of my life, but I was in shock that night. I was overwhelmed by my emotions when I finally saw you. I had been given the single most devastating news of my life: my best friend, my girlfriend, my life had been taken away from me," Olivia fought the tears that threatened to fall when she remembered that moment.

"I had barely processed the news, barely really understood what had happened, when there you were: alive. I couldn't believe it. Then I find out you're being placed in the WPP and before I could even register what was happening, you were gone. I just let you leave," she said, her voice full of disgust for her inaction, "and that's something I will never forgive myself for.

Every day after that I thought, is she okay? What is she doing? Is she scared? I wish I could call her. I want to hold her. I need to be with her. I was drowning in regret and hurt, and it was hell just trying to get up in the morning. The more that time passed, the more I began to think that maybe you were settling into your new life and that you were happy, that you wouldn't need me. I hoped that you were doing better, that you were happy, because I couldn't bear the thought that you were alone and unhappy like I was. It got to the point where I couldn't do it anymore, so I pushed back everything I thought, everything I felt. I went through the motions every day, just trying to…survive until the day I could see you again.

Then this case started, and it just brought back all the old memories. I was reminded of how much I missed you, how much I needed you. I never really forgot, but I hadn't allowed myself to think about it in so long that it was almost like forgetting, if that makes sense. And then one day, you were suddenly before me, in Casey's office, and I was so shocked I could barely breathe. When it finally hit me that you were standing next to me, once I smelled you… God, had I ever missed that smell… it took every single ounce of restraint I had not to throw myself at you and never let go. But I didn't know how you felt…you seemed distant."

Olivia paused as she reflected. Alex had been very distant with her. She could read the blonde like a book and she had been able to tell immediately that the blonde had all her guards up. It had hurt, and she had kept her distance.

"I was confused too," Alex said, interrupting her thoughts. "I didn't know where I stood with you anymore. I had prepared myself to see you, you know. Well, or so I thought. I thought I had fooled myself into believing I could see you and not react. I was so wrong. Everything came flooding back…You made my heart stop," she paused, smiling sadly, "but I couldn't show how I felt because we weren't alone and because I didn't know how you felt.

In the hotel room, with Elliot, I kept thinking, I love you, El, but you're not the one I want to see right now. I was so scared and nervous that you were coming, but I wanted to see you. While he and I were playing backgammon, honestly, I was hardly present and I wasn't very enthusiastic. I was so distracted that I couldn't concentrate. I kept thinking of you and how I was going to tell you how much I missed, how much I needed you. I thought about all the things I wanted to say to you. And then you showed up and…I lost my nerve. I didn't want you to know how much I missed you. I didn't let myself give into the hope that you wanted me just as much as I wanted you. I needed you, and that left me so vulnerable. I was scared. I was afraid you'd reject me. So I made it seem like I was moving on with my life. I lied to you. It killed me to lie to you, to make you believe such an ugly lie, but I was scared. I was a coward."

Alex shifted so that she was looking at Olivia.

"I'm sorry I did that, Olivia, I should have known better. I shouldn't have let my fear get to me, but I did. And I know we can't just pick up where we left off, but I want you to know that there was no one else. Not even a hint of anything else. I honestly didn't even really have any friends."

Olivia gave her a small smile.

"I understand why you did it, Alex. I know it's hard for you to be vulnerable like that. I'm not going to lie and say that it didn't really hurt, but I'm really glad it was a lie and that you missed me too. I'm not glad to hear you weren't able to make friends though," she said softly, stroking the blonde's cheek.

"I missed you every day," Alex answered, resting her head on Olivia's shoulder.

The brunette shifted and took Alex's hand, intertwining their fingers once again.

"What I felt about not coming with you, Alex, it went beyond regret. It overwhelmed my life; it consumed me. I wouldn't have been able to overcome it this time if I hadn't joined you. When they told me you were leaving, I panicked. I knew I had to see you. And when you confirmed that it was true, that you were going back into the WPP, there was no decision to be made. I was coming with you come hell or high water.

I can't live another day with the "what ifs" or wondering if you're okay. I needed to be here with you. I'll never have to wonder now. I'll know. I know I can keep you safe and if I want to see you, I can. You're right here. And that… I have no words to describe how incredibly elated and relieved that makes me feel."

Alex paused as she absorbed Olivia's words.

"It's just so hard for me to accept that you would give up your entire life…How could you not regret this?"

"You were my entire life, Alex. You had been my entire life for over a year before you got taken away. I saw you every day either at work or at night when we hung out, and then we were together every single weekend. You were the first person I called when something happened at work, the first person I texted in the morning, and the last person I spoke to before I went to sleep. When we weren't together, I was thinking about what we could do together. And then when we started seeing each other, my life was complete. It could not have gotten any better. The feelings I'd been hiding for so long, I could now be honest about them. I could show you affection like I wanted to. And the best part was that you felt the same way. I was on Cloud 9 with you in my life."

Alex was still smiling after Olivia finished talking.

"I was so happy. You made me feel so giddy. It was the first time in a long time that I felt comfortable enough with someone to let them get that close," the blonde confessed. "You were so patient with me and that's exactly what I needed."

"I know it's not easy for you to open up, Alex. I treasure every time that you do."

Alex didn't say anything else. She simply rested against Olivia's shoulder and closed her eyes, enjoying the contact with the other woman. She had missed this… They sat in silence for a long while, simply enjoying their closeness. It had been far too long since they had done this.

"Did you want to do anything else today?"

Alex shook her head.

"I honestly just want to sit with you."

Olivia felt her insides warm.

"Okay," she said softly.

Olivia held Alex close, only pulling away to grab the remote and turn on a tv show. It didn't take long for Alex to fall asleep, her head resting against Olivia's chest. She had been listening to the sound of the woman's heart beating, and the gentle, soothing sound had lulled her into a peaceful sleep.

Olivia looked down and watched Alex sleeping peacefully against her, a wave of affection washing over her. She had missed her so much. She had ached for her so badly and now she was here, in her arms, where she belonged. She had missed saying her name, touching her skin, seeing her face. She had missed the way she would walk in a room and instantly know that Alex had just been there because she could still faintly smell her perfume. She missed the way the blonde fussed over her, cleaning Olivia's apartment and insisting that she get some sleep after a long shift. Alex took care of her, in a way that Olivia had never allowed anyone else to.

She kissed Alex's temple and stroked her hair out of her face, loving the way her stomach tightened with affection every time she saw the blonde. This woman brought out every gentle, loving, nurturing bone in her body. She wanted nothing more than to hold her in her arms and love her, protect her. She could never regret coming here. Not when here meant being with Alex.

Olivia snuggled down into the couch, deciding to give into her body's desire for sleep. She shifted and wrapped her arm more snugly around Alex's waist before leaning her cheek against the top of the blonde's head and drifting off.


	5. Chapter 5

When she woke up, Olivia found herself still snuggled against Alex. She smiled to herself and pulled away a little to get a look at the blonde. The woman was passed out, sleeping just as soundly as earlier. She kissed her temple and began running her fingers through her hair, reaching for the remote and turning on The Simpsons. She watched contently in silence, until the show caused her to laugh.

Alex gave a slight gasp and pulled away slightly, looking around in confusion until she saw Olivia. When she saw the brunette, she calmed significantly, suddenly remembering where she was. Olivia, for her part, smiled through the butterflies flapping wildly in her stomach at the loving look Alex gave her when their eyes locked. God, she's beautiful.

Olivia resisted the urge to reach out and cup Alex's cheek, instead choosing to clear her throat and apologise for scaring the blonde. She did feel bad about that.

"Sorry," Olivia said softly, a small twinge of guilt eating away at her. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay," Alex responded, resettling back against her. "I just forgot where I was for a minute."

Olivia nodded in understanding.

"I can't believe we fell asleep," the blonde said, glancing at the time. It was nearly five. "We slept a while."

"Yeah. Did you sleep well?" Olivia asked.

"I did. That's the first time in a long time that I've slept that hard. It feels good."

Olivia down smiled at her, stroking her fingers through her hair. She didn't want to move from this position. She had missed this, simply sitting with Alex.

"You must be hungry."

Olivia chuckled.

"A little. I haven't lost my appetite in the year you've been gone."

"Good. I would like some things to remain the same."

"I haven't changed much."

"Yes, you have. You're thinner. You look older. Your hair, your clothing…it's different too."

"Bad different?"

"No," she said carefully. "Just different."

"Do you miss my old style?" Olivia asked.

"Maybe."

"Did you like it better?"

"I did. You looked good in your old stuff."

"You're just saying that because you picked it all out," Olivia teased, eliciting a smile from the blonde.

Her style had changed slightly since Alex left. She had stopped caring what she was wearing because there was no one to look nice for. She had taken to just slapping on whatever was comfortable. Alex had picked out a good portion of her new wardrobe and it hurt to look at those things, let alone wear them, because they reminded her so much of the blonde, so she had started wearing her old clothing, things that had remained buried in her closet for a reason.

"Okay well, when we go shopping, I'll make sure to pick up a few things that resemble the stuff you picked. Do you have any requests?"

Alex nodded eagerly.

"Muscle shirts. And a leather jacket. Sunglasses. Open collared shirts that button down so you can see your muscle shirt underneath. Open blouses with a shirt underneath. Black slacks. You need a belt too."

Olivia was grinning by the time Alex finished talking.

"Sounds like you've got it all figured out."

"I've had a long time to think about the things I missed you wearing. I'm glad you're still wearing your earrings and that necklace though. I liked those."

Olivia touched the golden necklace around her throat.

"I never take it off."

It had been a present from Alex when they had first started seeing each other. When they met again in Casey's office, Alex had noticed immediately that Olivia was still wearing it. It was nice to see something familiar on the detective, given that she looked so vastly different from when Alex had last seen her. Someone else might not have thought Olivia looked so different, but to Alex, who knew her so intimately, she looked remarkably different.

"Good. Do you have any special requests?"

Olivia smiled at her.

"Lots of blouses. Skirts. I really liked your red dress. Your summer dresses too. Those tight jeans, remember those? And those black boots," Olivia said, wiggling her eyebrows. "I miss your leggings, paired with those baggy dress sweater things that you used to wear when we were off duty. They were really nice on you." She refrained from telling her she looked "fucking hot" in them.

"My sweater dresses. I'll try to remember all of that."

"Good," Olivia said, suddenly growing quiet. Alex looked up at her when she stopped speaking, a questioning look on her face.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing. I'm just… It's nice to be talking like this again with you, teasing and just… having a nice conversation. I've missed this."

Alex nodded against her.

"I've missed it too. I never realised how lonely my life was until you weren't in it."

Olivia squeezed her around the waist, holding her tight. She kissed her temple and took a deep breath, inhaling the scent that was uniquely Alex. She felt her body warm when Alex buried her cheek deeper against her chest, stroking her fingertips against Olivia's lower back. Alex never felt safer than when she was being held by the detective. It was a welcome feeling, one she hadn't felt in so long that she had nearly forgotten what it was like.

Olivia held her close, unmoving, for a long time. She held her because she wanted the blonde to know, to remember that she was no longer alone. She held her until she was sure that Alex could feel that her protective instincts were once again around to keep Alex safe. She knew the blonde had been alone and scared for the past year, but that was over now. Olivia would kill any son of a bitch who got close enough to threaten her. It wouldn't be like last time. This time, she would protect her.

"Are you getting hungry?" Alex whispered.

Olivia glanced at the clock. It was approaching six, and she had to admit, she was starting to get hungry. However, she really didn't want to let go of Alex.

"Hmm?" Alex prodded.

Olivia sighed and nodded reluctantly. "I am, but I don't want to move from here. I like holding you."

Alex gave a soft smile.

"I like being held, but we should go eat. We can come back and do this some more after."

"Or we can just order pizza."

"We could, but…"

"But you feel like going out?" Olivia guessed. She was okay with that. If Alex wanted to get out of the house, she would go out.

"Would you mind?"

"Of course not. Let's go out to eat."

"Okay," Alex agreed.

The women got up and stretched, Olivia making her way to the kitchen to grab the keys from the kitchen table. She locked the back door and made her way to the entrance, where Alex was waiting for her.

"We probably don't even need to lock our doors but…"

Alex chuckled.

"Probably not."

Olivia walked over to the front door, but paused before opening it. Alex stopped behind her, a questioning look on her face. She watched as Olivia turned, and gave her this look…it took her breath away.

Olivia reached out and pulled Alex into her arms, wrapping her tight in her embrace. She buried her nose in her hair, bringing her face down into the crook of the woman's neck. Alex returned the hug, wrapping her arms tight around her back and holding her equally close.

"I missed you so much, Alex," Olivia whispered, her voice thick with emotion. "I love you, you know that? Fuck, I love you so much."

Tears sprang to Alex's eyes, a lump forming in her throat at Olivia's confession. It had been so long since she had heard those words. Too long.

"I love you too," she answered, her voice cracking under the strain of keeping the tears at bay.

She could hear the emotion in Olivia's voice, the sincerity, and it consumed her. She could feel the love in her voice, and it was such a welcoming feeling.

"I just look at you and I want to crush you to me. I never want to let you go," Olivia confessed. "I need to feel you here to know you're real, that you're safe," she whispered, her voice raw with emotion.

"I'm okay, baby. I'm safe."

Alex couldn't imagine what Olivia had lived through. Alex had gone a year with no news from the other woman, but she had at least known Olivia was safe in New York, with her friends. She knew she was okay, she was safe, and that there were people there to take care of her if something happened. But for Olivia, she had known nothing about Alex. The blonde couldn't imagine the emotional turmoil the woman had gone through because of that.

A wave of heat washed over when she felt Olivia's lips against her throat. She laid several gentle kisses against her skin, causing Alex's stomach to tighten. Olivia was always so gentle with her. She had missed this, missed the caring, affectionate person who offered her the kind of love she had only read about in fairy tales.

Olivia laid one final kiss at her throat before Alex gently pulled away enough to look into the woman's eyes. She saw tears pooled there, and it made Alex's heart break.

"Don't cry, baby," she whispered, resting her hand against her cheek.

Olivia closed her eyes and leaned against her hand, a tear slipping down her face. Alex wiped it away with her thumb, then gently guided the woman's head down until their lips met. Olivia let out a whimper at the contact, her whole body melting against Alex as she pressed their lips together. It had been sixteen unimaginably long months since she had felt Alex's velvety soft lips against her own, and they felt even better than she remembered.

The kiss was gentle, caressing, each woman pouring out all the emotions they had been unable to express for so long. Alex held Olivia's cheek with her hand, gently brushing her lips against Olivia's before pressing them forward. She reached her free hand out and placed it on Olivia's hip, drawing the woman closer. She moved her right hand up from Olivia's cheek into her hair, tangling her fingers in the woman's dark brown locks.

The brunette moaned when Alex pressed their hips together and began kissing her more insistently, pressing harder against her mouth and running her fingers along the blonde's lower back. Alex's stomach dropped when Olivia shifted their positions, turning her around so that she was pinned against the door. She moaned when Olivia's tongue swiped at her lips and the brunette took advantage of her open mouth, sliding her tongue inside.

She explored every inch of Alex's mouth, taking care to avoid Alex's tongue while she took her time remapping the familiar territory. Alex grunted and tugged on her hair in protest, wanting to feel Olivia's soft tongue against her own. It had been way too long, and she was tired of waiting. Olivia gave in and tilted her head, slowly stroking her tongue against the blonde's, loving the way Alex's knees buckled as she did. She moved her hips forward, pinning her to the door as she continued her slow torture.

Alex's head was spinning. Her mind was blank, void of anything but the woman against her and the arousal now overtaking her body. Olivia always kissed her this way, kissed her with such intensity that it left her unable to see, unable to think. The brunette consumed her, filled her every sense, until all she knew was this primal feeling.

Alex groaned loudly against her lips when she felt Olivia's hands make their way down to her hips, gripping them and pulling them against her own. She moaned her approval into the kiss, causing Olivia to respond eagerly, kissing her more deeply, hungrily. Alex buried her fingers deeper in her hair, scratching her scalp and gently tugging at Olivia's hair. She knew that got the brunette going, and when the woman gyrated her hips into her, Alex thought she would come on the spot.

Olivia continued to press her lips against the blonde's, her tongue stroking Alex's in a frenzy. She had missed the blonde so much, but she had needed her for longer. When the woman started tugging at her hair, she lost all control. Alex turned her on like no one else and she was determined to remind her of that fact. She yanked her impossibly closer, massaging her hips, her thighs, her ass. Her hands were roaming everywhere and from the sounds Alex was making, the blonde was just as turned on as she was.

Olivia brought her hands back to Alex's ass, gripping it firmly and yanking her up. The blonde immediately wrapped her legs around her waist, and when she looked down at Olivia, the brunette felt her stomach drop. Alex's hair fell down into her face, but it seemed to only intensify the arousal in her half-lidded eyes. God, she wanted her so bad.

Olivia pressed her against the door, the blonde leaning back down to crush their lips together. She gasped and moaned against Olivia's mouth when she felt the woman press her hip between her thighs. She rocked herself against the woman's body, groaning when Olivia used her hands to aid the motion. She had waited so long, fantasized for so many nights. She wanted this so bad, needed it even worse, but there was still a small part of her brain cautioning her. If they didn't stop soon though, the voice would disappear entirely. So, reluctantly, Alex slowly pulled away.

The brunette let out a small moan of disapproval when she felt Alex break the kiss and drop her head onto her shoulder. The brunette buried her head in her neck, breathing heavily against her skin. Alex was panting just as loudly, her eyes shut tight.

After a few seconds, the blonde groaned out: "Fuck."

Olivia let out a deep chuckled, sending a shiver down Alex's back. She could hear the arousal in the other woman's voice. Olivia slowly let Alex drop, purposefully moving her thigh so that as she let Alex down, she slid down against her thigh. The blonde closed her eyes and groaned, panting as she felt herself rub against Olivia's muscle. The brunette held her in place, making her feel every inch until she was in a standing position. Olivia kept her thigh in place, grinning to herself as she felt Alex pant against her. When the blonde was finally able to stand on her own, she opened her eyes and glared at the woman before her.

"That was a cruel trick."

Olivia grinned wickedly at her.

"Stop smiling like that, detective," she said.

The brunette wiggled her eyebrows.

Alex chuckled and looked away, now standing confidently. No one had ever made her lose feeling in her legs like that before.

"You look so damn proud of yourself."

Olivia gave her a soft kiss in response.

"I'm very proud," she whispered huskily in her ear.

The brunette took a step back, smiling. Alex refused to admit exactly what the sound of Olivia's voice did to her, but she didn't need to. The brunette saw it cleared when she looked down at her nipples straining against her shirt. Alex was beyond turned on and when the blonde shifted and took a step forward, she was acutely aware of how soaked her underwear was. At least the firestorm in her belly was starting to calm down now that the brunette wasn't pressing her body between her legs.

Olivia reached for Alex's hand and intertwined their fingers.

"Still hungry?" the brunette asked happily, opening the door. She held out her hand, indicating that the blonde should pass first. Alex mumbled, doing her best to glare at her as she walked out the door.


	6. Chapter 6

Olivia chuckled as she followed her outside. They walked to the SUV, Olivia opening Alex's door and helping her in before making her way to the driver's side. She turned on the GPS, finding the part of the menu that would give her a list of nearby restaurants. She found something that was 15 miles away, chose the fastest route, and then drove off.

"We should ask about a phone store while we're there. I don't like not having a cellphone on me."

Alex nodded.

"Okay."

Olivia reached over and grabbed the woman's hand, holding it as they drove to the restaurant. When they arrived, she parked the car and followed Alex into a quaint (clearly family run) diner. She looked around and noticed there were only a few other patrons.

At least it's not completely empty…

A plump woman came out from behind the counter and greeted them warmly. Olivia nodded when the woman asked if it was only for two, and they followed her to a booth near the back of the diner.

Their waitress, Jean, was pleasant. Olivia warmed up to her right away, but Alex was more reserved. It was the brunette who did most of the talking, telling her their "names" (and nearly slipping up by calling herself O-Cameron), that they had recently moved here ("Oh I thought you girls were just passing through. Hopefully we'll see more of you then."), and asking Jean about what their new city was like.

"I don't know what it was like back in Maine, but here, it's fairly quiet. But you can find things to do if you know where to look. There's a country music festival here every year, there's tons of places to go mudding and four wheeling, but if you prefer the city life, Cheyenne is about three hours away. There's shopping and tourist-y things there, seeing as it's the capital and all."

Alex seemed to perk up slightly at the mention of the city.

"Do you have any shopping nearby?" Olivia asked. "We were hoping to stay close to home for now."

Jean nodded.

"There are a few places out in Little Current. You could start there."

"Is there a phone store in that area?"

"Sure is."

"Thanks, Jean. You've been a great help."

"Any time," she said, smiling.

They had a great meal and Olivia tipped her generously for all of her help. They promised they'd be back, and Olivia meant it. The food was great and Jean had been very kind.

"I think we've made our first friend," Olivia commented.

"It's going to be a lot easier with you around. Making friends with people comes easily to you."

Olivia smiled at her and got in the vehicle.

"You just have to talk to them. You're very easy to get along with, you know. People will love you if you open up.."

"The only reason anyone liked me at work was because you liked me. You were nice to me."

"They liked you because you're a good person, Alex," Olivia paused. She wondered momentarily if she should start calling her Valerie. She quickly decided that she didn't. They weren't around other people and besides, she had missed saying the woman's name out loud. It had been over a year since she had been able to say it.

"You tend to be quiet around new people and that can come off like you're unfriendly," she said gently. "But you're not. You just have to open up a little. You're easy to get along with, Alex."

The woman didn't respond. Instead, she looked out the window. She never tried to be unfriendly, it just didn't come as naturally as her to "just be open" as Olivia told her to be. The only reason she and Olivia had become friends at all was because, at first, the brunette had carried their conversations and wouldn't leave her alone until Alex responded. It was that darn smile and that laugh that finally broke through Alex's resolve.

"Why you smiling over there?"

Alex smiled wider.

"Because I was thinking about how you snuck your way into my life. You weaseled your way into my bubble with your charm."

Olivia smiled. Alex had not been easy to befriend, but it had been worth all the effort.

"There was just something about you. I was drawn to it."

"You didn't leave me alone, as I recall."

"Nope. I was gonna make you like me even if it took me the rest of my life. And look at that, my perseverance paid off. Now you're stuck with me."

"How do I get rid of you?"

"You can't," Olivia answered, giving an evil laugh.

Alex chuckled, shaking her head.

"I've really missed you. Have I told you that yet? I miss how you used to make me laugh."

"I missed you too. And I like making you laugh. I've missed the sound of it."

"Don't worry, you didn't really miss much of it. I haven't laughed in a long time."

Olivia quieted. It made her sad knowing that Alex had been so unhappy. She couldn't believe the blonde hadn't managed to make even one friend. Well, she could, since she knew Alex had a hard time opening up, but it hurt to know she had been truly alone.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to bring the mood down."

"You didn't. I'm just thinking. I can't imagine how lonely it was for you, Alex. How hard it must have been."

"Don't think about it. I'm used to being on my own and, honestly, the loneliness wasn't the worst part. I don't mind being alone, but I couldn't stand the fear of not knowing when they were going to find me. That was the worst: the fear, the unknown. And I couldn't protect myself either. I didn't even know who to look for. It was a constant guessing game of, is that him? What about him? I never knew."

"Do you still worry about that?"

"Yes and no. I know the program has never failed anyone before and it's a huge relief knowing that you're here. I always feel safer around you. But then I think of Velez and how powerful he is, of how many people he knows and of how many resources he has, and I can't help but worry a little."

Olivia nodded.

"Are you worried?" Alex asked.

"Not really. When Thomas calls tomorrow, I'm going to ask about getting a weapon and once I have that, I'll feel much better. I trust that the program will keep you safe. And if something happens, I'll be here."

Alex smiled at her.

"I'm very relieved you're here."

Olivia pulled into the parking lot of what she assumed was Little Current's mall.

"Good. You don't have to worry anymore, Alex. I'll take care of you."

Alex squeezed her hand affectionately.

"I know."

"Good. I think we're here."

Alex looked out at the building in front of her. There was a small strip mall with about six small stores before them.

"Wow," Alex said, unimpressed.

"I know. I wonder if we'll get to see every store tonight…"

Alex chuckled as she got out of the SUV.

"Ready to go, Cam?"

Olivia fought the frown that tugged at her lips. She wanted Alex to call her "Liv", not "Cam". She had missed the sound of her name on the woman's lips. She quickly forced a smile and placed her hand at the small of Alex's back. What mattered was that Alex was here with her, and that caused a genuine grin.

"Yes. I'm always ready."

"Good. Why don't we check out the phone store first?"

"Okay."

Olivia led the way in and, once again, did most of the talking. She got herself a new smartphone and helped Alex pick out a similar one. The blonde had decided that she didn't need all the gadgets Olivia "had to have" and went for a simpler phone. She wasn't that tech savvy anyway. As they left the store, Alex turned to the other woman.

"Seriously. Why did you have to have the waterproof phone? You have never gone swimming with your phone in your pocket."

"Yes, but now I have the option of doing so."

Alex rolled her eyes. They put their bags in the trunk, Olivia keeping her cellphone in her pocket, before turning to look at the other shops.

"Grocery store, clothes store, kids store. I think that's a shoe store," Alex stated, pausing on the last shop. "Kelly's unisex hair salon. Want to get your hair cut?"

"I don't know if I trust this place with my hair."

Alex laughed.

"Come on. You need a cut anyway."

"Are you going to get one?"

"I guess I could. Emily never got her hair cut. I think it's time to change that."

"I agree. Things are going to be different for you now, so it's time for a new look."

"How short should I go?"

"Not very. I like your hair long. You could get a trim? Enough that you feel separate from Emily, but not so much that you lose all that beautiful hair," she said, running her fingers through it.

"Okay," Alex agreed.

They opened the door to the hair salon and were immediately greeted by the woman behind the counter. The first thing the brunette noticed was the size of the woman's hair. Olivia wasn't sure how many cans of hairspray the woman would have needed to keep her hair that big, but it was probably more than the brunette would use in a lifetime.

"Never mind. No," she said, moving to back out of the building.

Alex grabbed Olivia by the forearm and dragged her inside.

"Hello, ladies. What can I do ya for?"

"My friend, Cam, here is in need of a cut. And I'm looking for a trim."

This time, it was Olivia who stayed silent. She did not trust this woman to cut her hair, not in the least. She did not want to end up with hair as big as hers. Olivia was fussy about very few things, but her hair was definitely one of them. She didn't let just anyone touch it.

"Sure, no problem. Why don't we start with you, Cam, since that won't take me long."

Olivia hesitated, so Alex pushed her towards the seat.

"She's a bit nervous. She hates haircuts."

"Oh, no need to be nervous, darlin'. Nobody ever leaves here unhappy."

Olivia remained quiet. She wasn't buying it.

"Now, what are we doing?"

Alex waited to see if Olivia would finally speak, but when she didn't, Alex forced herself to speak for her.

"It's too long. She has let it grow out and it doesn't suit her like her other cut."

"What did the other cut look like?"

"Short all over. She had a bit of a bang here like this," Alex explained, running her fingers through Olivia's hair and placing it the way it used to be. "And it was only about this long. Her hair fell around her ears like this and at the back, it stopped around here."

"You sure know your friend's hairstyle. Makes my job a heck of a lot easier when I know what you want."

"I do. I liked it that way, that's why. I never forgot it," she said, meeting Olivia's gaze through the mirror.

The woman nodded and grabbed her scissors.

"Then I'll be sure to get your opinion as I cut. So did y'all just move here or you just passin' through? I've never seen you before and I know everyone 'round here."

Alex looked down at Olivia, biting her lip to stifle her laugh. The woman was staring, petrified, as the scissors approached her hair. She forced herself to look back at the hair dresser.

"We just moved here."

"Where y'all from?"

"Maine. We moved here for work."

The woman nodded.

"Not too many people willing to move here so there's a few jobs around. My name's Kelly, by the way. Kelly-Ann. But everyone calls me Kelly."

Alex nodded.

"I'm Val and this is my friend Cam."

Kelly nodded, snipping at Liv's hair.

"Y'all are friends or friends?" she said, raising her eyebrow at Alex.

"Um," Alex faltered.

"Okay," Kelly nodded. "Just wondering. Then you'll know best of anyone if I'm getting it right." She said, indicating Olivia's hair.

Alex smiled, a small blush rising in her cheeks.

"I was married once, to a man named Brock. He was nice, till he run off with the neighbour girl. Cliché, ain't it? Then I moved here and haven't looked back since. It's nice here. People don't judge you. They're real friendly if you're nice to 'em and that's all that matters to 'em. Might be small here, but people are accepting."

Kelly gave Alex a smile, a warm one, and Alex smiled back. The blonde was starting to like this woman. She seemed genuine.

"So what do y'all do?" Kelly asked, turning a bit to cut at a different angle.

"I'll be working as a librarian for the Little Current library and Li- uh, Cam will be working for the Youth Centre."

"Oh, Reg'll be so happy. He's been looking for a good librarian for a long time. He's been havin' one of the high school girls work for him for a few months but she ain't good. Too young."

Olivia, who finally seemed to find her voice, joined the conversation.

"Well, Val here is getting up in age so she's got a lot of experience. He'll be happy with her."

Alex smacked Olivia's side.

"You best be nice to your woman or she might nudge my arm mid-snip," Kelly teased. "And I won't stop her," she added.

Olivia stayed quiet.

"That's what I thought," Kelly said with a laugh. She gave one final look over before taking a step back. "What do you think?" she asked Alex.

Alex turned Olivia's chair and smiled wide. It was perfect. She fixed the woman's bangs and continued smiling.

"I love it."

"And what do you think, Cam?"

"If she's happy, I'm happy."

"Now you're learning!" Kelly said.

She removed the black barber cape and shook it slightly.

"You're all done. Now it's your turn, honey."

Alex smiled at her and sat, looking into the mirror as Kelly stepped behind her.

"So, what are we doing?"

"I think I'll just get a trim. I like my long hair so I'm not sure that I want to go much shorter."

"You don't want to go shorter," Liv said decisively.

Kelly chuckled.

"She's a woman of few words but she lets her opinion be known. Alright, darlin', we won't go any shorter."

Kelly began cutting Alex's hair, and the two women chatting away easily. Olivia wondered what sparked Alex's sudden ease at speaking, and asked her, gently, when they were alone in the SUV.

"I really don't know. She was just easy to talk to. Maybe it's because I knew I had to since you were obviously not going to, chicken." She added, earning a tickle to the side from Olivia. "Okay! Okay!" she squealed, pressing against the door. The brunette grinned at her, laughing.

Alex shook her head at her and continued. "It's easier with you around. I'm less tense when you're near me; I'm just more relaxed. And she did a lot of the talking, so I didn't feel so much pressure to speak."

Olivia nodded.

"I'm proud of you. You'll be the most popular girl in Little Current in no time."

Alex chuckled.

"Yeah, right."

It was ironic that a woman whose entire career had been based on her ability to speak, to dialogue, to argue, could have so much trouble communicating with people when it was about personal matters. But, it was easy for Alex to argue a case, to fight in a courtroom. She detached completely from those situations, focusing on her one goal: put the offender behind bars. Those situations had nothing to do with her. It was safe. There was no chance she could be hurt. But when she had to talk to people outside of work, she suddenly felt exposed, vulnerable. So, she did everything in her power to remain safe, and that meant keeping people at a very far distance. And she had been successful. People were unwilling to try, to persist. Eventually, they gave up.

But not Olivia. The woman had slowly chipped away at her and in doing so, had won her trust. Once she had it, she encouraged the blonde to open up to others, to let herself become vulnerable to them so that she could stop hiding in fear from the rest of the world.

"Hey, you okay over there?"

"Hmm? Yes, sorry," Alex responded, pulling herself from her thoughts. "I'm used to spending my time in my head, not talking to someone else, sorry."

Olivia reached over and squeezed her hand.

"It's okay. I just don't want you to spend too much time in there."

"I won't. Are we nearly home?"

Olivia nodded.

"Are you tired?"

"A little but probably not enough to sleep."

"Me either."

When they finally pulled into the driveway, it was nearly ten o'clock.

"Do you want to go lay down or stay up for a little?" Olivia asked.

"I'd like to stay up if you're up to it."

"I'm definitely up for it. I have a new phone to check out," she said excitedly. "I wonder what new apps are available on this thing."

Alex rolled her eyes as Olivia plopped down on the couch, phone in hand. The brunette glanced up when she saw the woman shaking her head.

"Don't tell me you weren't just as excited when you were checking out your phone in the store. 'Oh, hey, look! They have that four pictures one word! Oh, cool, bowling! Hey, they have hangman!' Sound familiar?"

Alex chuckled and sat down.

"Yeah, yeah."

She sat against the arm of the couch, curling up in the fetal position against it. She loved curling up like this on the couch; she found it very comfortable. She grabbed the remote and turned on the tv, flipping through the channels until she found something she liked.

"You've turned into a bit of a tv junkie."

Alex smiled, embarrassed.

"Yeah. I didn't really do anything else in Wisconsin. I learnt to crochet though. I like that a lot."

"You can crochet?"

"Yes. I made myself a hat. A beanie."

"Really? That's fantastic. What colour was it?"

"Navy blue. I was working on a scarf to match but…" she trailed off. She had had to stop when she came back to New York, and then everything in Wisconsin had been thrown out.

Olivia understood without her needing to explain.

"I'm sorry, Alex. Maybe we can get some needles and wool tomorrow."

Alex smiled.

"I need a crochet hook actually, but yes, that would be nice."

"You can make me a phone carrier case for my cool new phone."

Alex laughed.

"If I do, you have to use it."

"Oh I will. Don't you worry. Are you going to make a Velcro attachment so I can attach it to my jeans? I'll be the coolest lesbian around."

"I will not be an accessory to that fashion faux pas."

"I'll look so tough though!"

"No. It will be embarrassing for the both of us," she said with a grin.

Olivia caught her eye and smiled back. She held her gaze for a minute before putting her phone down on the coffee table and reaching out to Alex.

"Come here."

The blonde pushed herself up without hesitating and went into the brunette's arms. Olivia hugged her tight.

"I'm so glad to be here," the brunette whispered against her ear.

"I'm happy you're here too."

Olivia kissed her forehead and patted her lap.

"Put your head here."

Alex smiled. She wiggled down and rested her head on Olivia's thigh, just as she used to when they were dating. The brunette ran her fingers through her hair, smiling to herself. She loved Alex's hair. It was so soft. And she loved the way Alex closed her eyes and started purring against her whenever her hair was played with.

This was the first step in Olivia's routine to putting Alex to sleep. She would run her fingers through Alex's hair, massaging her scalp as she went. She'd watch as the blonde's breathing slowed down, her eyes slowly drooping, until they closed. Then, Olivia would turn the volume of the tv down until you could barely hear it. Finally, she would wait until Alex's breathing evened out completely before throwing a blanket over her sleeping body. When Alex had a rough night, Olivia would turn on her side in bed and pull the blonde into her arms and do the same thing, until the woman was passed out in her arms.

"You're gonna put me to sleep," Alex murmured.

Olivia smiled down when Alex glanced up at her. The blonde gave a soft chuckle when she saw the look on Olivia's face.

"You already know that, of course."

She turned and snuggled into Olivia's leg again, yawning softly.

"I missed your fingers in my hair. I used to think about it when I was in bed. Especially when I couldn't sleep."

"You don't have to pretend anymore. I'll be here whenever you want me to."

Alex smiled against her jeans.

"You don't know how happy that makes me."

"Yes, I do. Because the feeling is mutual."

Alex smiled wider and turned back to the television. It felt so good to have her detective back.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, Olivia woke up at her usual 6 am. She lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling, reflecting on just how much her life had changed in such a short time. It had only been a couple of days, but in reality, it felt like it had been weeks since she was in New York. Even though they were in a strange town and living in a new house, it kind of felt like she had found an old part of herself now that she was around Alex again. It felt surreal to have the woman in her life again. It didn't matter where they were, where they worked, or how far away from New York they were located. As long as she was with Alex, she would be home.

Olivia shifted and linked her hands behind her head as she turned onto her back. She bit her lip, smiling to herself. Despite Alex being across the hall, she could still hear the woman shifting in her bed. It was nice to know some things hadn't changed. Where Olivia could fall asleep and wake up in the exact same position, Alex was the complete opposite. Sometimes the woman even woke up on the opposite end of the bed. The brunette chuckled to herself, remembering the fact that that had happened on a couple of occasions. Alex was an extremely restless sleeper, but that never bothered Olivia.

The brunette sat up and then rolled out of bed, making her way to the window. She could see the lake for what felt like miles, stretching out until it disappeared on the horizon. This was a small town, there wasn't much to see, but it was beautiful. She wondered if this was so bad after all. Sure she would miss the busy streets of New York City, but she couldn't deny that the country was a bit more ideal if she wanted to raise a family with Alex. Maybe this was meant to be? They had spoken about the fact that, despite both being city women, they had always envisioned a large yard and a quiet neighbourhood in which to raise their children. It was just one more thing they had agreed upon in their relationship. Eventually, they had planned on buying a house and moving out of the city. It would be worth having to commute so that their children could grow up away from the hustle and bustle of New York City.

She turned away from the window and made her way to Alex's room, looking in on the woman. She was still sleeping peacefully, so the brunette quietly made her way downstairs and started the coffee machine. When it was ready, she poured herself a cup and made her way onto the back porch, sitting down on the step and looking out onto the water. She could get used to this; it was so calming.

She sat there for a long time, watching the stillness before her, enjoying the way her mind emptied itself of all thought. Watching the way the water moved had such a calming effect on her. She had never before had the opportunity to just sit like this because her life had always been about work. This would be a nice change of pace, living a quiet life. But she couldn't help but wonder if eventually she would get bored of living in such a quiet town. She was used to the hectic streets of New York. Could she ever get used to just…this?

She remained on the steps until she heard noise in the kitchen. She turned and saw Alex pouring herself a cup of coffee, smiling when she noticed the blonde was still in her pyjamas. The woman came and joined her on the step, sitting close enough that their hips touched.

"Hi," she smiled, leaning against Olivia.

"Hey. How did you sleep?"

Alex took a sip of her coffee before answering.

"I slept alright. I dreamt you shaved my head and when it grew back, it was wild and curly. And red."

Olivia chuckled softly and kissed the top of her head.

"I wonder what you did to annoy me to the point that I shaved your hair off."

Alex scoffed, but didn't respond. She was too busy enjoying the way Olivia's lips felt against her hair. The brunette wrapped an arm around her waist, and Alex willingly leaned into the embrace.

"How long have you been out here?"

"A while. It's nice, just sitting and watching the lake. This is so different from…"

"Yes. It's kind of nice though," the blonde whispered.

Olivia hummed in agreement.

"I was thinking of going into town today to get a shed. I figured it would be something we could do together today. And besides, if you want me doing all those renovations, I'm going to need a place to keep my tools first."

Alex took another sip of her coffee before nodding.

"That sounds like a good idea."

Olivia agreed, and the two women sat there in silence until Alex spoke up again.

"Remember that time on your couch when we described our ideal home?"

Olivia chuckled. She did.

"Yes. You described how you wanted a big Victorian home with three to four bedrooms with a nice yard for the kids to play in. You wanted earthy tones for the living room and a nice, bright kitchen. You had all these details figured out and I told you the only thing I wanted a big garage. I didn't care about the rest as long as I didn't have to fix anything."

Alex laughed against her chest.

"You got screwed big time with this place. You have no garage and you have an arm's length list of renovations to do."

Olivia smiled and gave a small shrug.

"I'd have built the house myself from the ground up if it meant having you here with me."

Alex felt a warmth flood her when Olivia spoke those words. She looked up at the woman and smiled, burying her face in her neck. She inhaled deeply. God, this woman. She was so romantic, so loving. She could say things so casually but with such honesty and emotion that it brought Alex to tears.

Olivia tightened her grip on her waist, pulling her closer. This might not have been the home that she and Alex had once envisioned living in, but it seemed absurd now to have even cared what their future house would look like. What mattered now was that she was with Alex, that she was safe, and that they were together. They would make this house their home. She would make this house their home. She would spend day and night rebuilding this house until Alex was satisfied. Nothing mattered but this woman, right here, cuddled in her embrace.

"Have you thought about what kind of shed you want?" Alex asked, bringing Olivia back to the present.

"Not really. What do you want?"

"It doesn't matter to me. I'm not the one who will be using it. As long as it doesn't clash with the house, I don't care."

"Do you want to come with me to pick it out?"

"Not particularly. I know how picky you are when it comes to that sort of thing. I don't really feel like sitting there for half an hour pouring over the details of each individual shed and weighing the pros and cons of each one."

Olivia grinned.

"Now you know how I feel when you drag me clothes shopping."

Alex smiled and pulled away, finishing her coffee with a final gulp.

"I guess I do. The only difference is, I make you come anyway," she said with a wink. "Why don't you drop me off at the grocery store while you go looking for your perfect shed? We need to stock our cupboards and since it will take you three years to pick one out, I'll have plenty of time to shop."

"It will not take me three years," Olivia said with mock indignance. Alex simply raised her eyebrow in response.

"Okay, fine. It will take me a while." Olivia stood and held her hand out. "Come on, pain. Let's get ready. That will take you three years."

Alex grinned happily and took Olivia's hand. As she walked past the brunette, she placed her hand on her hip and leaned in to mumble low in her ear, "I only try to look good for you, detective."

Olivia swallowed hard.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick reminder... in this story, to everyone else, Alex is "Val", while Olivia is "Cam". I do my very best to avoid needing to use those names because honestly, they will always be Alex and Olivia.

It was several hours before the women finally returned home. Despite having spent nearly two hours in the grocery store getting all of the food needed to stock their cupboards, Alex had still had to wait on Olivia to finally pick a damn shed. She hadn't even seen it yet because the minute Olivia had pulled up to the grocery store, Alex had immediately started piling in their endless bags of groceries over the boxes in the back in an effort to get home as soon as possible. She was tired of being at the grocery store and, secretly, she had missed being around Olivia, even if it had only been for a couple of hours.

Once they arrived home, Olivia parked right at the front door, backing in so that they wouldn't have as far to walk. They spent the next several minutes hauling groceries into the house, Olivia making a show of just how much she could carry in at once. Alex smirked, knowing that the brunette was showing off, but she didn't comment on it. They both knew Alex enjoyed seeing the woman show off her strength. Alex simply watched and grinned, taking pleasure in watching the way the brunette's biceps rippled as she hauled a case of water bottles into the house. She used to follow Olivia to the gym for the simple reason that she wanted to watch the brunette as she worked out with a punching bag. She never admitted how wet it used to make her though…

When they had brought in the last of the groceries, Alex stopped Olivia before she could start removing things from the bags.

"Why don't you start with the shed and I'll put the groceries away?"

"This is an awful lot for you to put away by yourself. I don't mind helping you."

"I do."

Olivia pretended to not know why Alex didn't want her to help.

"Don't give me that look. You know how I hate when you "help" me put the groceries away."

Olivia grinned.

"Oh? What's wrong with how I help you?"

Alex bit her lip, shaking her head.

"The spaghetti in the plates cupboard, Olivia? Really? Putting spices in with the glasses? Hiding cans of soup behind big boxes of cereal? We both know you hate putting away groceries so rather than making a mess of it, just go play with your shed and I'll do this."

Olivia chuckled and reached out to pull Alex in a hug. She really did despise putting the groceries away, so she had amused herself by hiding food in random places. Not only did it entertain her to hear Alex get exasperated with her, but it also ensured that the blonde never asked for her help ever again. She always carried in the groceries, but it was Alex's job to put them away.

The blonde hugged her back and mumbled "yeah, yeah" when the brunette gave her a tight squeeze.

"It's a good thing you're cute," she said against the woman's throat.

"It gets me out of a lot."

"I know," the blonde responded gravely, pulling another ripple of laughter from Olivia's throat.

"Okay," she responded, pulling away. "I'll get started on the shed. Call me if you need anything."

"Have fun."

Alex put the rest of the groceries away relatively quickly, eager to stock their new kitchen. When she finished, she made her way outside and over to where Olivia had parked.

"I'm thinking of putting the shed on this side of the driveway. What do you think?"

Alex glanced over. It was at the end of the driveway, opposite the house. She shrugged.

"It really doesn't matter to me."

"I think this is the best place for it. It's close enough to the house that I won't have far to walk to get my tools, but not so close that it's in the way."

"Sounds like a good place for it then," she commented, making her way over to where Olivia was standing. She peered down at the boxes, pointing to the image on the first box.

"So it'll look like this when it's done?"

Olivia nodded.

"I thought it matched the house nicely."

It did. The shed itself was white, like the house, with dark grey doors like the shutters against the windows of the house.

"You chose well."

"Thanks. I tried to pick something you'd like with the specifications I'd want."

"And you like this one?"

"Very much. It's big, sturdy, and it'll house all the tools I want to get. It took me a long time to choose, but I'm satisfied with this one."

"Good. What tools do you want to get anyway?"

"I would tell you, but you'll have no idea what I'm saying anyway."

"Touché. Did you need any help setting it up?"

"No, I'll be fine. This is kind of like your groceries thing. I'd rather do it myself, but I'll call you if I need you."

"Alright, well, I'll be inside if you need anything."

"Thanks."

Alex turned towards the house and made her way back to the kitchen. She decided to go to the pantry and pull out what she'd need to make chocolate chip cookies, a favourite of Olivia's.

She started measuring and mixing, all the while glancing out at the brunette as she started to open up the boxes and examine the pieces inside. Olivia was slow to get started, but by the time Alex had put in the first batch of cookies, the woman had finally started to assemble the floor of the shed.

Alex watched, with a smile on her lips, as the brunette struggled with the instructions. Olivia sucked at reading instructions; they both knew it. Usually, when they had to assemble something, Alex was the one to read over the instructions while Olivia dove right into the project. It inevitably led to Olivia getting so frustrated that Alex had to intervene and correct whatever the problem was, before the brunette could successfully complete the task. She knew the same would happen with the shed, but she decided to wait until Olivia was frustrated enough to let her help. If she intervened too soon, the brunette would refuse her assistance.

Alex listened to the sounds of Olivia hauling the pieces of the shed, giggling as the woman started cursing and flipping through the instructions. She probably shouldn't find it so funny, but she couldn't help it. It was just so typical of Olivia and she loved her for it. Finally, after the third batch of cookies, she decided to take a break. She knew she had now waited long enough that the brunette would let her help, especially if she brought her some cookies to sweeten the deal.

Alex grabbed a handful of warm cookies and a can of iced tea, the woman's favourite drink, and headed outside. She saw Olivia standing next to the now-built floor of the shed, hands on her hips, scowling.

"Hey," she said softly, handing her the cookies.

Olivia's arms dropped and she instantly relaxed, gratefully taking the cookies.

"Oh my God, you're the best. I need a break. This damn shed isn't cooperating."

She accepted the can of iced tea and sat down on the floor of the shed, patting the spot next to her. Alex smiled at her and sat down.

"Here," Olivia said, offering a cookie. "Have one with me."

"Thanks," she said, taking a bite. "So, what's the problem?"

Olivia chewed for a few seconds, scowling again at the instructions on the ground.

"Damn instructions are confusing as hell."

Alex chuckled. She reached for the instructions and read through them, nodding when Olivia pointed where she was at in the list. They went over what Olivia had done so far, and Alex examined the paper closely.

She stood and compared the drawings to what Olivia had already built. She looked back down again, then glanced up, only to see Olivia looking over at the road and waving. The blonde looked over and saw a young woman, no- a teenager, waving at them as she rode by.

"Who is that?"

"No idea. I've seen her bike by before though. This is the first time she says hi."

Alex shrugged and turned back to the paper, taking a closer look at the drawing on step 12.

"I've found your problem."

"What?"

"You're supposed to have six floor joists. You've only got five here," she said, pointing to the floor of the shed.

"I know, but I only found five in the box, so I just skipped the sixth."

Alex sighed.

"And how many times have I told you that you can't just skip something when it's clearly written in the instructions?"

Olivia pretended not to hear her.

"Well, your main problem here is that you've got everything just piled wherever. You can't even tell where your pieces are."

Alex looked at the disorganised mess on the law.

"You need to organise this."

"It's fine the way it is."

"Go get some more cookies and leave me alone for a minute," Alex said.

"Alex-"

"Go!"

"Alright, alright."

Olivia turned and went into the house, knowing that it was useless to argue with the woman when she had made a decision. She grabbed several more cookies before heading back outside. She munched away as Alex organised her pile of pieces until they were perfectly separated and in order.

The blonde stood and wiped her hands, satisfied.

"There. Now this will be much easier."

Alex walked over to where she had discarded the instructions in the grass, sat down, and waited for the other woman to resume working. Olivia finished off the cookies in her hand and actually managed to get the rest of the shed up with very minimal swearing, and with only a few minor interventions by the blonde. It probably helped that Alex walked her though the instructions, but she wasn't going to admit that. When she finally finished, she stepped back and admired her work.

"Looks good, doesn't it?"

"It looks great. You did a great job."

Olivia grinned proudly and sat down next to her on the grass.

"Thanks for all your help," she said sincerely.

"You're welcome. I won't tell anyone I helped. We'll pretend you're that good."

Olivia chuckled.

"Who would we tell anyway?"

"Well, your new friend for one thing," Alex said nodding in the direction of the road. The same teenage girl who had waved earlier was now stopped on her bike, smiling over at them.

Olivia waved her over, smiling back.

"I'll go get more snacks and something to drink. Who knows how long she's been biking."

"Okay."

Alex got up and left for the house, while Olivia watched the young girl approach. When she was within proximity, Olivia called out a hello.

"Hi," the girl said, suddenly feeling a bit shy. "I saw you were building a shed. Looks nice," she offered.

"Thanks. We needed it. Seems every other house here except ours had a shed or a garage."

The young girl nodded.

"The old woman who lived here before never needed one I guess."

"It was an older woman who lived here? Well, that explains some of the interior decorating choices that were made…"

The girl laughed.

"Yeah, old Mrs. Flannigan. She lived here forever." The girl looked around. "Where did your friend go?"

"She went to grab some snacks. She'll be right- oh, there she is."

"Hi," Alex said as she approached.

"Hey," the girl responded.

"I'm Valerie," she said before placing the plate of snacks on Olivia's lap and holding out her hand to the girl. She was pleased that she had managed to say her "name" without a problem. Not that she had been rehearsing it since she had left the kitchen…

"Hannah."

"Did you introduce yourself?" Alex asked, turning to Olivia.

"Actually, we didn't get that far yet. I'm Cam," she said to the girl.

The teenager nodded.

"So you're from around here?" the brunette asked.

"Yeah. I live about ten minutes from here."

"Did you want to stay and have a snack?" Alex asked.

"Sure," she readily accepted, putting her bike down and joining the two women on the grass. "So you guys just moved here?"

"Yes," Cam answered, reaching into the plate and grabbing some cheese and crackers. She pushed the plate towards Hannah, who happily grabbed the same.

"Why here? There's nothing in this town."

Olivia chuckled.

"I'm sure it's not that bad."

The girl raised her eyebrows, giving her a look.

"You've only been here, what? Two days? Three days? And you're already building a shed to keep yourself from dying of boredom. Trust me. You're going to need a lot of little projects to keep yourself from going stir crazy in this town."

"What does a teenager do in a place like this then?"

The girl shrugged, munching on a piece of cheese.

"Not much. Some of the kids get stoned or whatever down by the creek, if that's your thing. I'd rather just ride my bike or read a book or something."

"That's a bit of a better choice."

Hannah shrugged again.

"They don't bother me. They just get stoned and watch the water go by. So what brought you to the great old town of Burgus?"

Since Olivia now had her mouth full with salami and crackers, Alex took over the conversation.

"We moved here for work."

"Oh really? Are you a teacher?"

"No, do I look like one?"

The girl nodded.

"You look like the type."

Alex chuckled.

"Thanks? No. I'll be working for the library over in Little Current. Cam will be working for the youth centre."

"Well, you'll find more to do in Little Current. They have restaurants and a small shopping mall, a bookstore, and I think there's a bowling alley too. Here, there's nothing but a family run corner store at the corner of Cedar and Second."

Olivia jumped in the conversation when she heard the girl mention the corner store.

"Yeah, uh, Mike's Mart or something, no?"

"Marty's Mart. The owner's name is Marty. Very clever…" Hannah said, rolling her eyes.

Olivia chuckled.

"Yeah, I saw it earlier."

"It's alright. I mean, if you need something quickly, it's convenient."

Olivia nodded.

"So what grade are you in, Hannah?"

"11th. One more to go and then I can go to college. I can't wait."

"What do you want to study?"

"Law enforcement. Ever since I was a kid, I've wanted to be a cop."

Alex immediately looked over at Olivia, who shot a glance her way. She then quickly turned to Hannah, before the girl could notice the exchange.

"That's a good profession. You get to help a lot of people."

Hannah nodded.

"That's why I want to get into it. My mom isn't too keen on it but," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "It's what I want."

"She's still got another year to get used to it. It's a great field."

The young girl nodded, tapping her hands against her thighs.

"Well, I should probably get going. I don't want to keep you."

"You're not keeping us from anything, but there's no problem if you have to get going," Olivia said, standing with the girl.

"I should probably go."

"Alright," the brunette responded. "Stop by anytime."

"Thanks. Nice meeting you. See you later, Valerie."

The women waved her off until she was no longer in sight.

"She seems like a good kid," Olivia observed.

Alex nodded.

"She's one of ours."

Olivia turned to her.

"What do you mean?"

"She's gay."

"What? No she's not."

Alex leaned over and grabbed the plate from the ground.

"Yes, she is. She's gay."

"How do you even know?" Olivia asked, following her into the house.

"Because all the signs are there. Some of us actually use our gaydar, detective. It was kind of obvious."

"What was so obvious about her?"

Alex placed the plate in the sink and turned to her.

"First of all, the outfit screams lesbian. The graphic T, the baggy jeans, the beanie, the lip ring…just looking at her, I had a suspicion. Then when she started talking, the way she was holding herself… Then when she walked away, I could see it in her walk. She has the lesbian walk. There is so much evidence in this case, I'm sure I could try it and win without even presenting all of my evidence. I'm guessing she's been observing us. She probably sought us out because we're the only lesbians within the next fifty miles. She wanted to meet someone like her."

"How does she even know we're gay? She can't possibly know that. She probably just came by because this town is so boring. We're something new."

Alex stared at her.

"No. It's because we're gay and she knows it."

"How does she know? You can't just know."

"Please. Yes you can."

"You can't just know something like that!"

Alex chuckled at her exasperated tone.

"Yes, you can. I'm always right about these things. I don't know why you're arguing with me now. You know I'll be right again."

"No," she said, like a petulant child.

Alex shot her a look, rolling her eyes. Olivia didn't respond, instead choosing to think about it. It was true. Alex always knew and it was something Olivia hated her. Her own gaydar was nonexistent. Or broken. It didn't matter. She always seemed to lose these arguments.

"I didn't see it."

Alex chuckled. It always amused her how oblivious Olivia could be. She was usually so observant, she was an excellent detective when it came to solving crimes, but about things like this…she was clueless.

"I know you didn't. You never do, even when it's staring you in the face. I'm telling you though, she's a lesbian."

Olivia shook her head, refusing to continue a conversation proving just how blind she was.

"Anyway. Do you want to watch a movie or something?"

"Sure," Alex responded, ignoring the fact that she had completely changed the subject. The idea of cuddling on the couch with Olivia was much more appealing.

"Why don't we get into our pjs first?"

"It's only five thirty."

"So? We can get into our pjs, order a pizza, and watch a movie. It'll be a nice, relaxing night after working outside all afternoon."

"Okay," Alex agreed. "I'll call the pizza place then. Has your order changed or is it still the same as before?"

Olivia, who had been reaching for Alex's phone, paused in her tracks. She looked over at the blonde and couldn't help the smile on her face.

"You remember my order?"

"Of course. Deluxe with extra cheese and sausage," Alex responded.

Olivia couldn't help the rush of happiness that that information caused. She would have completely understood if the woman had forgotten something as silly as her preference for pizza toppings, but it made her smile that she hadn't. Alex had remembered.

"I haven't forgotten what you order. I haven't forgotten anything. Every time I went out for supper, which wasn't often, or ordered a coffee, bought something…I always thought about what you would be getting if you had been there with me."

Olivia played with Alex's phone, turning it around in her hand. She nodded at what the woman said. There was a silence between them before Olivia finally handed over Alex's phone, glancing up at her as she did so.

"It's a nice feeling knowing you haven't forgotten," she admitted softly.

Alex reached out, holding Olivia's hand for a second before slipping it away with her phone.

"I haven't forgotten anything about you, Liv. I haven't stopped thinking about you since we were forced apart."

The brunette nodded in response, unsure of what else to say.

"Well, I'll call the pizza place then," Alex finally stated, cutting the silence.

"Okay," Olivia said, smiling. "I'll go get changed."


	9. Chapter 9

The woman returned a few minutes later, dressed in navy blue pyjamas.

"I miss your NYPD pjs," Alex stated, looking up from her seat on the couch. "They looked nice on you."

Olivia plopped down on the couch next to her, nodding in agreement.

"Thanks. I miss them too. They were comfortable. Too bad I can't get myself another pair."

"The Marshals might have a thing or two to say if they found out you had bought yourself another pair."

Olivia chuckled.

"Probably. Are you going to get changed too?"

"Yeah, I suppose I should," she said with a sigh. She felt lazy all of a sudden. "I miss my apartment," she said, forcing herself up and over to the staircase. "I didn't have to climb any stairs."

Olivia chuckled again, shaking her head. Alex smiled at her before disappearing up the staircase, reminding the brunette of just how much she had missed that grin. Alex always looked beautiful, but she was stunning when she smiled. That look…it made Olivia's heart melt. When the blonde asked her a favour and flashed that smile, there was no way that she could resist. Alex knew that of course, and she used it to her full advantage. Olivia had been suckered into moving furniture, fixing squeaky doors, or even just fetching a glass of water. She always gave the blonde a hard time, stating that after a favour, Alex "owed her", but the truth was, she loved it. She loved that the woman wanted her help, asked her to do things. And when she smiled like that at her, when she was so happy after Olivia did something, the brunette knew she'd do whatever Alex wanted all over again, happily.

"So, what are we watching?"

Olivia pulled away from her thoughts and looked over at Alex, smiling at her.

"Hmm?" The blonde asked again, making her way over to the couch. She sat down and pulled her knees up, leaning against the back of the couch.

"I'm not sure what's on," Olivia finally answered. She reached for the remote and turned on the tv, flipping through the channels. Not finding anything, she pressed the menu button and scrolled through the pages, looking at the various titles until she finally paused on one. "Oh, this is a good one. We should watch this."

"The Wedding Singer," Alex read. "I love this movie."

"Me too," she answered, pressing "ok" to start the movie. She glanced over at Alex. "So are you going to sit there all night?"

Alex smiled at her before crawling over and curling against Olivia.

"Much better," the brunette murmured against her temple. She laid a gentle kiss there before she wrapped her arm around Alex's side, resting her hand against the woman's hip. They stayed there cuddling, watching the movie, until the doorbell rang. Olivia quickly got up and paid for the pizza, making her way back and plopping back down next to Alex. When she opened the box of pizza, she grinned.

"It smells amazing."

She picked out the piece with the most cheese on it and handed it to Alex before digging in and grabbing her own. The women ate in silence, giving the occasional moan of satisfaction.

"It's still not as good as what you can get in New York though," Alex commented.

Olivia shrugged.

"To me, pizza is pizza," the brunette responded, reaching for another piece. She really wasn't fussy and this pizza was pretty good.

They only managed to eat half of it before they both gave up, too full to have any more. Olivia put the rest of the pizza in the fridge and returned to the couch, pulling Alex back into her embrace. She held the woman close, content to hold her quietly. She had waited for so long to get her back in her arms and now that she was here, it was like she had never left. She still fit perfectly in her arms, she felt just as good as she always had, and she smelled even better than Olivia remembered.

When the scene with Drew Barrymore trying on her wedding dress came on, Alex stroked her fingers against Olivia's knee. The brunette smiled, knowing how much Alex secretly enjoyed fantasizing about her wedding. She often flipped through wedding catalogues, imagining what dress she would wear. Olivia used to tease her about it because the blonde would get this smile on her face, and Olivia knew that she was lost in her little fantasy world. Back then, she thought it was such a "woman" thing to do but now, Olivia had to admit that the idea was appealing. She wanted that with Alex. She wanted to see her walk down the aisle. She had never given it much thought before, but being without Alex for so long had provoked a lot of changes in her, getting married being at the top of that list.

"What kind of dress do you want?"

Alex raised her eyebrows, surprised. Olivia had never asked her anything like that before. She teased her about her love of wedding dress browsing, but she had never before asked about it. Alex responded happily.

"Probably an A-line dress, very simple. Maybe a small broach or something at the hip or bust just to add a little décor to the dress."

"What the hell is an A-line dress?"

Alex smiled.

"It's a dress that's tight at the bust, but then flares out at the hips or the waist. I've seen some nice ones that flare out just under the chest too."

Olivia still wasn't sure she understood, but she nodded anyway.

"You'll look beautiful no matter what you wear."

Alex smiled against her.

"Thanks. Are you going to let me choose what you wear or have you already decided?"

"Oh, I'm not getting married," Olivia teased. "I'm just going to stay shacked up with you for the rest of my life."

"You think so, do you?"

Olivia grinned and leaned down to kiss her cheek.

"Get up," she whispered.

Alex did as she requested, smiling widely when she saw what Olivia had planned. The woman shifted so that she was lying on her back, and when she patted her chest, Alex eagerly obliged. They used to lay this way when Alex was in New York: the detective on her back and Alex sprawled out on top of her. She absolutely loved this position, not only because she got to feel the brunette's chest so deliciously pressed against her own, but also because every inch of their bodies were connected. It was such an intimate cuddling position and Alex loved it.

She quickly settled, laying her head just above Olivia's breasts and turning towards the television. However, instead watching the movie, she closed her eyes and focused on the way Olivia's body felt pressed against her own. It had been over a year since she had been able to enjoy this and she was going to savour every second of it.

Olivia felt Alex lips shift to a smile when she rested her left arm around her lower back. She moved her right elbow to rest against the back of the couch before burying her hand in the blonde's hair and gently scratching at her scalp. The blonde moaned her appreciation before sighing contently, just as Olivia had anticipated. She kissed the top of her head and closed her eyes, loving the feel of Alex's soft weight pressed against her.

Before she knew it, Alex had fallen asleep. Olivia chuckled when she realised that the blonde was sleeping, but made no move to wake her. She wanted to enjoy this. She turned her head back to the television, hoping that the next movie to play would at least be a good one. She was pleased to see that the next movie would be Independence Day, a film she had thoroughly enjoyed in her younger years. It had been ages since she had seen it last, so she was content to lay there and watch Will Smith kick some alien ass.

Olivia continued to stroke Alex's head until her arm got sore, then moving it to the woman's upper back and continuing her gentle touches there. Despite the fact that Alex was notorious for moving around in her sleep, she never moved a muscle when they cuddled this way. In fact, the blonde hardly moved at all when they cuddled, even in bed. If Olivia spooned her at night, sometimes they woke up in the same position the next morning. It made the brunette smile to know that when she held her, Alex never left.

The First Lady's identity had just been discovered when Alex finally began stirring in her arms. Olivia turned from the television and looked down at the blonde, who shifted groggily until she met her gaze.

"How long have I been asleep?"

"A while."

Alex yawned and rested her head back down, too tired to hold it up anymore.

"You should have woken me. I can get off-" when Alex made a move to get up, Olivia immediately tensed up and refused to let her move.

"No," she said softly. "Stay."

"Okay," Alex agreed. Secretly, she did not want to go either. "What are we watching?"

"Independence Day."

"Really?" she asked, clearly unimpressed.

"Well, I couldn't change the channel because someone passed out on me. Besides, I like this movie. It's good."

"Mhmm," Alex said, stifling another yawn. "Maybe I'll just go back to sleep. You're nice and warm," the blonde murmured, burying her face in Olivia neck.

The brunette smiled wider, wrapping her arms tight around Alex's body. The blonde slipped her hands under Olivia's back, scratching affectionately when they were successfully hidden underneath.

"I don't mind if you sleep some more."

"Good," she whispered softly, before falling back asleep.

Olivia hated to admit it, but by the time the second film had finished, her back was beginning to hurt. Reluctantly, she began rubbing wide circles on Alex's back, knowing that the motion would eventually pull the woman from her sleep. It took a few minutes, but then Alex began to stir. She once again looked up, searching for Olivia's gaze. When their eyes met, the blonde smiled sleepily.

"Are you ready for bed now?" the blonde asked, yawning.

Olivia nodded, unable to stifle her own yawn.

"Yes."

"Okay," she murmured, turning her head back and sighing softly before slowly getting up.

Olivia rolled over and got up as well, turning off the tv.

"I liked cuddling like that. I've missed sleeping against you."

Olivia turned to her and cupped her cheek, laying a soft kiss on her forehead.

"I've missed holding you like that too. It was almost like old times there for a minute."

The blonde nodded, turned against Olivia's hand, and kissed her palm. When Alex yawned again, the brunette reached out for her hand.

"Come on," she said, leading the way upstairs. She brought Alex to her room and wrapped her in a hug, giving one final squeeze before pulling away. "Goodnight, Alex."

She turned to go but the blonde reached out, gripping her wrist.

"Stay," she blurted out before she could stop herself. Her voice sounded unsure, shaky, but she meant what she had said. She didn't want to sleep apart from Olivia. She missed her.

"Alex," Olivia started, uncertainly filling her voice.

"Please don't make me sleep apart from you again. It's been torture having you just up the hall, out of reach. I want you to hold me, like you used to. I'm not asking for anything more. Just cuddling."

Olivia's resolve broke at Alex's pleading tone. She had hoped that eventually they would fall back into their old habit of sharing a bed, but she hadn't expected it to happen so soon. She didn't want to push Alex or scare her off, so she hadn't asked.

"Are you sure?"

Alex took a step forward, nodding.

"Okay," she agreed, taking Alex's hand and following her into the bedroom.

Alex felt a rush of happiness flow through her body. It felt so good, so safe and reassuring to sense the woman's presence behind her as they entered the room. She grinned widely to herself when she felt the brunette's strong body press up against her back. Olivia slid her arms around Alex's waist, placing a gentle kiss against the woman's neck.

"I've really missed cuddling you at night."

Alex relaxed into her embrace, threading their fingers together against her stomach.

"I think that's when I missed you the most."

Olivia placed another soft kiss against her skin before gently nudging her towards the bed.

"Okay, get in. I don't want to wait another second."

Alex eagerly crawled in, lifting the blanket and letting it fall when Olivia slipped in behind her. She smiled widely when she felt Olivia's hands pull her close, loving the possessive grip she had on her body.

Alex had never considered herself to "belong" to anyone. In none of her prior relationships had she ever allowed the person to state that she was "theirs". She was no one's. She was not property. She belonged to no one except herself.

Until Olivia.

It had all changed when she had started dating Olivia. She had found herself thinking, and even enjoying the thought, that she was Olivia's, and that the woman belonged to her just as she belonged to Olivia. It was the first time that it had felt…romantic. Olivia very rarely became possessive of her, but every once in a while, especially at night, the brunette would climb into bed and yank Alex close, growling "mine" as she dragged her near. It was a playful game, one that at first had Alex slightly annoyed and rolling her eyes, but eventually had her giggling and then thoroughly enjoying.

She felt Olivia shift closer to her, wrapping her arms tight around her body. She tucked her hand under Alex's side, intertwining their legs and settling her head right behind Alex's. The last thing Alex heard before falling asleep, was the soft sound of Olivia's voice whispering, "mine."


	10. Chapter 10

Olivia woke up the next morning to the sound of someone pulling into the driveway. She quickly slipped out of bed, ensuring not to wake Alex, and raced to the lime green bedroom where she could look out onto the driveway. Her heart rate slowed considerably when she saw Agents Thomas and Wilson exit their vehicle.

She bolted to her room and yanked on her bra, pulling down her shirt as she raced down the steps. She didn't want them waking Alex. She pulled open the door just as Agent Thomas had his hand up, ready to knock.

"Hey."

"Cameron," he nodded, making his way inside. "How have you been? Nice haircut."

"Thanks," she answered, trying to hide the fact that she was out of breath. "We've been fine."

"Good," he said, walking to the kitchen.

Olivia closed the door and followed him and Agent Wilson to the kitchen.

"I have something for you." He reached into his jacket and pulled out a handgun in a holster, as well as the I.D. cards he hadn't been able to provide her with before. "These are your cards," he said, handing them to her. Then, grabbing the gun, he continued. "I figured you'd want one for the house," he explained, setting it on the table.

Olivia nodded.

"I do. I was actually going to ask you about it today."

"It's not a problem if you want a different one. I just figured I'd bring this to you for now."

"Thanks."

"So I take it you've taken a ride into town."

Olivia nodded.

"We went to a diner and then took a short trip to Little Current. Seems like a decent place. Friendly."

"Yeah. I got that impression too."

"Are you two settling in okay?"

"Yes. Not really anything to report."

"Okay. And you've been calling each other by your new names, not discussing your prior place of residence or work?"

Olivia hesitated.

"You need to start doing so, Miss Cooper. Otherwise, it will become harder and harder to adapt to your new life. You need to be discussing your new life together, going over the details, so that you can start creating a past that even you believe. It is important that you do everything you can to become Cameron Cooper."

Olivia looked up at the ceiling when she heard footsteps above her head.

"That'll be Al-" she stopped when she met the Agent's eye. "Val. That'll be Val."

Alex came down the steps and paused when she saw everyone in the kitchen.

"Hi," she said, approaching them.

"Good morning, Valerie. Did you sleep well?"

Alex nodded.

"Good. I've just been explaining to Cameron that you need to start calling each other by your new names. You need to start adopting your new identities immediately. You should have begun doing so already. You more than anyone else should know how important it is."

"Yes, Agent. I know." She said curtly, immediately on the defensive.

"Good. Next time I see you, I expect things to be different."

Alex heard him, but she didn't answer. Instead, her eyes fell to the gun on the table. She took a step back, not even realising that she had done so. Olivia, noticing Alex's reaction, stepped forward and broke the woman's stare, placing herself between the table and Alex. The blonde glanced up and into Olivia's eyes.

"It'll stay in my room. It won't be anywhere near you."

Alex nodded, hating that she reacted this way to the gun, but being unable to do anything about it. She had never liked guns to begin with, but now, as much as she hated to admit it, they really scared her. She could still hear the sound of the gunshot from that night…

"Do you have any other concerns?"

Alex looked over at Agent Wilson as she wrapped her arms around herself. She shook her head. He looked over at Olivia, who said she had none.

"Have you memorised the number on the fridge?"

Silence.

"Ladies. I left you with specific instructions. This isn't a game."

"I know," Olivia answered sharply.

"Then show me that you do," Thomas responded. "You may be far away from what's going on in New York, but rest assured, things are still very much in chaos over there. There are people actively searching for you and you need to take this seriously. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't happening. This isn't a vacation. It isn't time to play. You," he said pointing to Alex, "are still a target. There are people who would do anything, pay anything to get rid of you. You need to start thinking about that. You have done this once before. You know the rules. And you," he said, turning to Olivia, "you came here for a purpose, or have you forgotten? You're supposed to be here protecting her. You aren't here to play house."

"I know," she said, gritting her teeth. She was angry with him for assuming he knew anything about what they were going through, but she was also angry with herself for losing sight of her goal. He was right. She had lost track of why she was here. She had gotten swept up in her old emotions. Seeing Alex, being with Alex, it had brought her right back. It really had felt like they were back together, just in a new place. She had finally gotten the woman back, finally gotten to hold her in her arms again. She had lost sight of what was really going on because she had gotten so distracted by her own feelings. How could she be so stupid? Someone could be watching them and she wouldn't even know it. They could have been followed…

No, she would know, wouldn't she? She would have noticed if anyone had been observing them. But then again, she had been so distracted by Alex. Maybe she wouldn't have noticed. Her negligence could have gotten Alex killed.

Olivia's stomach dropped. She felt like she was going to be sick. Her lack of vigilance had nearly cost Alex her life once before. If she had observed their surroundings more carefully back in New York, Alex never would have gotten shot. Olivia had never forgiven herself for that. She had nearly repeated that same mistake.

Oh God-

"Then start acting like you know," the Agent continued, yanking Olivia from her thoughts. "You came here for a reason. Start acting like you remember what it is. Did you manage to get yourselves a cellphone?"

"Yes. We each got one," Alex responded, jumping in when she saw how white Olivia had suddenly become. She noticed the way the brunette leaned against the counter, her shaky fingers gripping the edge.

"Good." He pulled out his phone and put each of their numbers into his contacts, creating another false name for each of them. "I will be by after your workday, Valerie, on Monday. I'll see you both then."

Alex saw them out as Olivia quickly made her way upstairs and hid the gun in her nightstand. She came back downstairs and found Alex standing quietly by the door.

"You okay?" The brunette asked softly.

"I'm angry. How dare they imply that we aren't being careful, that we aren't paying attention? How dare they pretend like they know what it's like? They have no idea. So what if I want to pretend in the privacy of our home? So what if I call you Olivia? I missed you. I still miss you, and you're right here with me. I missed saying your name and I'll be damned if I'm going to let them take that away from me. He has no right."

Olivia stood by the staircase, listening. When she didn't say anything, Alex stopped and looked over at her.

"Well?" she asked, softening her voice a little. "Don't you agree?"

Olivia hesitated, unsure of how to proceed. The truth was, she didn't. Agent Thomas was right.

"Don't tell me you agree with him."

"I missed you too, Alex. A lot. More than I could ever explain. But I the truth is… I think he's right, at least in part. I lost sight of why I came here with you. Honestly, I haven't really thought much about what is going on in New York because I've been on a high since we arrived. I missed you so much it hurt, and when I finally got you back, I lost sight of everything else because all I could see was you.

Agent Thomas just gave us a huge reality check. We've been completely reckless, irresponsible. We can't…" Olivia started pacing as the overwhelming realisation of what they'd been doing, what could have happened, hit her once again. "This has to change. We didn't just up and move here because we felt like it, because we wanted 'a change of scenery'. We're here because there are people trying to…" she trailed off, unable to say the words. "I can't," she paused, fighting back the tears. "I can't lose you again. I can't become distracted. You could have been killed! It's too important- you're too important- for me to give into my desire to be with you and just forget the rest. I can't believe I did that. I can't believe I allowed myself to."

Olivia was pacing around, her energy levels rising the more she spoke. You're a fucking cop. Your job is to protect people. You already failed her once. You could have failed her again. How could you? How could you be so stupid?

Alex watched as the woman before her slowly worked herself into a frenzy. She could feel her pulse rising as her body filled with fear. The way Olivia was speaking…she wanted to end this between them? It had only just started!

"No one will know what we say in the privacy of our own home, Liv. Out there, fine. I'll call you Cam. I'll be a librarian. I'll be from Maine and have a dead mom and a deadbeat dad. I'll do whatever the hell I need to do. But here, I want to be us. I want to be me. I don't want to go back to faking it, being someone I'm not. I want to be with you. We can't just stop. I love you. I want to be with you."

Alex took a step forward, her eyes swimming with tears. She couldn't do this. She didn't want to lose her again. Olivia couldn't be serious. How could she want to stop this when it had barely even started? When they had gone so long without one another? It would be even more difficult now, having her right here but having to pretend like she didn't love her. Oh God, did she ever love her. Her heart hurt with how much she did, with how much she needed her. And now Olivia was pushing her away. She couldn't. Alex felt like she was suffocating.

"We can't, Lex," Olivia said, her voice breaking. "It'd be too hard. You know that and I know that. We can't be one thing out there and be another in here. At least, I can't. If people are going to buy our story, we have to believe it ourselves. I won't jeopardise this. I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you, but he's right. We aren't Olivia and Alex anymore. Velez is still alive and he wants you dead. I will not let that happen to you. I can't-"

"What? So I don't get a say? What I want doesn't matter?"

"Of course it matters."

"Then why aren't you listening to me? I don't want to stop what we have. I refuse to agree to what you're saying. I want to be with you, at the very least when we're alone. Out there, fine. I'll be Valerie Whatever and I'll be a god damn librarian and I'll do it with a smile on my face. But here, in the privacy of our home, I want to be Alex , and I want to love you."

"We can't-" Olivia said, her voice breaking.

Alex, unable to hear anymore, left the hallway. She made her way into the kitchen, looking around desperately. She didn't know what she was searching for, but she searched anyway. Her emotions threatened to overwhelm her and she had to get out. She was suffocating. She was drowning. She needed to get out. Olivia couldn't be serious. This couldn't be happening.

She let out a desperate sob of frustration before she found what she needed:

Car keys.

She yanked them from the counter and gripped them tight, finding relief in the way they dug painfully into her palm. She could deal with pain. What she couldn't deal with was this horrible, overwhelming hurt that threatened to bring her to her knees. She dug deep into herself, finding the anger that always saved her, that helped her survive, that helped her win so many cases back in New York. She found that anger and she latched onto it, because if she didn't, she would break down and lose herself completely.

She stormed down the hallway, ignoring Olivia until the woman said her name, her real name, followed by "honey". She whipped around, her anger quickly replacing the hurt she felt.

"No! You don't get to call me that anymore. If this is how you want it, Olivia Benson," she shook her head, "Cameron Whatever-the-fuck-your-name-is, then so be it. That's it. We'll become roommates or colleagues or whatever the hell you want to call us because apparently I don't get a choice anymore. What I want matters? Bullshit. It's what Olivia Benson and what Agent Thomas and what some fat jerk sitting behind a desk in the WPP want. But Alex?" she said, her voice turning venomous. "No. Alex doesn't get to choose her name, her house, her job, her anything. Everyone else is making decisions for her, telling her what's best for her. Well, guess what? If I can't control anything else in my life, I'll at least fucking control what you call me. And if I'm nothing more than Valerie, than some librarian you're living with, then you don't get to call me anything even close to a pet name. You get no say in my life. And while you're making all the decisions around here, why don't you decide what the fuck Valerie and Cameron are to each other because they sure as hell aren't lovers."

Alex slammed the door on her way out, taking pleasure in the way that Olivia was stunned into silence.

She turned and stormed off down the driveway to their vehicle. She whipped open the door and got in, driving off as soon as the ignition started. She knew she was being cruel; she knew she wasn't being fair, but she didn't care. She hated Olivia in that moment. She had to, because she couldn't acknowledge that Olivia's rejection had hurt her more than anything else in her life up to that point.

Alex wiped angrily at her eyes, hating that her heart was in so much pain when all she wanted to do was feel anger. She hated that Olivia affected her in this way. She felt betrayed. Didn't Olivia love her? Didn't she want to be with her? Why was she pushing her away like this?

It didn't matter, Alex decided. She pushed down all of the hurt she felt, bottling it deep down like she always did. She latched back onto the anger she felt and let it take over, filling her. Anger was safer; she could do anger. She did it very well. It was her go-to emotion when things got too difficult, and it had always served her well.

"Fine," she said aloud. If this is how Olivia wanted it, then this is how it would be. Damn her. Alex didn't need her. She had survived for over a year on her own and she had survived a hell of a lot longer than that in New York City. She could do this. She was a fool for thinking Olivia loved her that much. If she did, she wouldn't do this to her. She wouldn't break her heart into a million pieces. She wouldn't have lied and said she wanted to be with her. She wouldn't reject her the way she did. She would just love her.

"I hate you," she whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks. But the words sounded hollow and empty even to her own ears.


	11. Chapter 11

Olivia watched as Alex sped out of the driveway, pain radiating through her body. The hurt she felt cut like a knife, and she wanted nothing more than to chase after the blonde and apologise. But, she knew she couldn't, and that's what hurt the most. It was impossible not to hurt Alex with this decision, even though she knew it was the right one. It had to be like this. The Agent was right, and Olivia had no choice but to change the way things were going, because she couldn't allow herself to become distracted.

She had been selfish. She wanted to have Alex to herself again. She wanted to act like a couple, let herself be lost in love once again. It had been so long since she had been able to be with the woman that she gave into her desires. She had been ignoring her thoughts, the ones that told her that maybe it was a bad idea, maybe she should take a step back in order to be objective. She had pushed those thoughts away because damn it, she wanted Alex and Alex wanted her. They had waited sixteen months to be together. They had a right to be together.

But right or no right, Alex was in danger. Alex needed protecting. How could she protect her if she was so blinded by her feelings for the other woman that she couldn't remain focused, remain alert? She felt that she had to cut things off between them before they got too serious again, she felt she had done the right thing for the two of them, but then why did it hurt so fucking much?

Olivia sighed and made her way to the fridge, grabbing the small piece of paper with the telephone number Agent Thomas had left her. She then made her way outside, walking to the dock and sitting on the edge of it. She lifted her pant legs and let her feet dip into the water, swirling her toes in the cool liquid. She made small patterns with her feet, watching them disappear as she tried to calm the thoughts in her head. She couldn't stop replaying the words Alex had spat at her before she left. They had hurt, as Alex had intended them to, even though she knew the blonde had said them in anger. It still hurt.

But then, Alex hurt too. She had rejected her. She really hadn't given Alex a choice in the matter; she had decided for the two of them. But she had no other option. She did what needed to be done and one day Alex would understand. Wouldn't she?

Olivia unfolded the crumpled piece of paper in her hand and began memorising the numbers, repeating them over and over again, ingraining them into her mind. She repeated the number backwards and forward, writing it out with her finger against the dock. She was so focused on her task that she didn't hear the teenager slowly approaching on her bike.

"Hey, Russell Crowe, you about done mumbling numbers over there?"

Olivia whipped her head up as Hannah dropped her bike on the grass at the edge of the dock. The girl slowly made her way over, a small smile on her lips. Olivia smiled back, genuinely grateful for the distraction.

Hannah shoved her hands in her pockets before dropping down next to her.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, everything's fine. Just trying to memorise my new number."

Hannah nodded.

"I saw Val drive by when I was on my bike. She looked kind of upset."

Olivia paused, carefully weighing her words. She decided to be honest but brief.

"We had a disagreement, that's all."

"Ah," Hannah nodded in understanding. "You wanna talk about it?"

Olivia smiled at her.

"Nah, we'll figure it out. Thanks though."

A small silence fell between them until Hannah finally broke it.

"My mom and her husband argue a lot."

"That doesn't sound very pleasant," Olivia responded.

"Not my problem."

"No, I guess it isn't. Do they know you're here?"

"No, but they know I'm around. I don't go far."

"Do you want to call them so they know where you are?"

"No. It wouldn't matter anyway. I'm never home."

"Why not?"

"I would just rather be out, that's all. They have their own life, and I just try to keep out of it."

The detective in Olivia surfaced, her earlier argument with Alex pushed from her mind. Hannah's comment, while said nonchalantly, was concerning.

"Do you like her husband?"

"He's okay. He mostly ignores me, but that's fine. Better than him being a jerk to me like my own dad."

"Do you see him much?" Olivia asked gently.

"Who?" Hannah asked, looking at her. "My dad?"

"Yes."

"Not really. I mean, he sends me money at Christmas and calls when he feels like it, but mostly I avoid him. He's nice for like a day and then he starts being an asshole, so I just avoid him. It's better that way."

"He doesn't sound like a very nice man," Olivia responded, keeping all judgement from her voice. She knew from experience that if she said too much, it would make the girl clam up.

"He's not," she said quietly. "Anyway, how did we get onto this subject? I came here to see if things were okay between you guys, not for you to go all therapist on me."

Olivia smiled.

"It can be nice to talk to someone once in a while."

"Yeah, but you're not here to listen to some whiny teenager's home problems."

"You're not a whiny teenager," she responded. "And for the record, I like listening. You're interesting."

"You don't even know me," she said, not unkindly. "Maybe I'm the most boring person ever."

Olivia chuckled.

"I doubt that. Tell me about yourself then, Hannah. So that I do know you."

"Well…" the girl trailed off, thinking. "I was born and raised here most of my life, but I moved around a lot for a while. I eventually ended up back in my home town though. I'm decent in school I guess, but my best subject is Math. I hate English. I don't see the point in analysing poems or finding out "the author's meaning" in whatever story we happen to be studying. It's boring as all hell. I swear a lot, but I'm trying to stop 'cause I have two younger siblings at home. They annoy the shit out of me, but I'm nice to them anyway. It's not their fault they're annoying."

"What are their names?"

"Hailey and Hunter. My mom named them with H's because she thought it'd be cute. I begged her not to be one of those moms, but she didn't listen," she said, rolling her eyes.

Olivia laughed.

"I think it's cute."

"It's not. It's lame," she answered. "Trust me."

"Alright. How old are they?"

"Hailey is five and Hunter just turned two. I have a picture of them on my phone if you want to see."

"Sure."

Hannah dug her phone out of her pocket and swiped her finger across the screen. She then handed it to Olivia.

"They're adorable," Olivia said, glancing down at the picture. Two blonde-haired, green eyed children were grinning wildly at the camera. "It's sweet that you have them as your home screen," she added, handing her the phone back.

"Yeah, well, I do love them even though they bug the shit out of me. They don't leave me alone when I'm home. Another reason I try to stay away. Sometimes I just want some "me" time."

Olivia nodded in understanding.

"It's important at your age to get that. I imagine it's not that easy with two little kids at home."

"It's not," she said.

"So where do you go when you need to get away?"

"Wherever. I go to the library or I stay at the school. I ride my bike a lot and just find a place to hang out. Sometimes I go to a friend's."

Olivia couldn't help but feel some concern at the girl's mention of just "hanging out" at a random place. It wasn't safe to do that, no matter how small a city they were in.

"You know, you can always come here if you need a place to get away. You can come and sit on the dock if you want to be alone, or you can come inside with Al-" Olivia's voice caught in her throat so quickly that she began coughing. Damn it. She was going to have to work on that.

Hannah chuckled, oblivious to the woman's misspoken word.

"Valerie? Can't even say her name without having a coughing fit? Man. That must have been some fight."

"It wasn't a fight," Olivia responded, grateful that she hadn't noticed her slip. "We just had a disagreement."

"Yeah, well, whatever the disagreement was, it must have been a pretty good one."

Olivia nodded.

"It was."

"Are you okay?" Hannah asked, noticing the woman's mood falter.

"I'm fine," she said with a sigh. "I just hate when things aren't good, you know?"

"Yeah," she said, pausing. "Did you fuck up?" she asked, a hint of humour in her voice.

Olivia felt her lips break into a smile at the teasing tone.

"No, I did not fuck up," she said, gently nudging the girl with her shoulder. "Maybe I did," she sighed. "I don't know. I hope I didn't," she added, a little more seriously. She wondered briefly if Alex was right, if Hannah knew that they were more than just housemates.

"Will she forgive you?"

"She usually does, but this one was a pretty good argument. I'm not so sure this time."

"You didn't cheat on her, did you? Because I'm gonna have to side with her on that one."

"No! No. Nothing like that. I'd never do that."

"Good."

They fell silent again, Olivia fighting the smile playing on her lips. She bit her bottom lip in an effort to stop it, but she was fighting a losing battle.

"Why are you smiling? We're discussing the fight you just had with your girlfriend. How is that funny?"

As great as it felt to hear someone announce the type of relationship she so desperately wanted with Alex, she also couldn't allow the girl to believe something that wasn't true.

"We're not… she's not my girlfriend. And I wasn't smiling because we fought. I was smiling because," she paused, smiling again. "I was smiling because she was right."

"About your argument?"

"No, not this one. We were having a debate the other day and she was right. I'm never gonna hear the end of it."

"A debate about what?"

"You actually."

"Me?" she asked, surprised.

"Yes."

"What was the debate?" she asked, a little uneasy. She wasn't sure if it was because they had argued about her presence. Maybe she shouldn't be coming by here anymore.

Olivia noticed the girl's expression and smiled gently at her.

"It was nothing bad. We were just debating over whether or not you knew we were…" she trailed off.

"Gay?"

"Yeah. And Val was frustratingly sure of herself when she declared that you did know. I said that there was no way you could just tell. Now she's gonna be smug about it when she finds out she was right."

Hannah grinned at her.

"She was right. I did know."

"I don't see how you can just know."

"Don't you have a gaydar? You just pick it up on some people."

Olivia let out a frustrated sigh.

"That's what she tells me. I guess mine is just broken. It's very inconvenient."

Hannah chuckled.

"Anyway, kiddo. You hungry? I have some pizza pockets in the freezer waiting for us."

"Oh, sweet. I love those," she responded, quickly getting up.

"Me too. Do you have any allergies?"

"No. Thank God. It seems everyone is allergic to something nowadays."

"I know," the brunette agreed, leading the way to the kitchen. When they arrived, Olivia immediately went to the freezer and pulled out their frozen snacks, placing two on a plate and throwing it in the microwave. They chatted about Hannah's school as Olivia set the table, listening as the girl described her favourite and least favourite teachers. The brunette enjoyed the girl's chatter. She had always enjoyed talking to teenagers; she found them very interesting. It was nice to have Hannah open up to her, especially since it seemed the girl didn't really have anyone to talk to in the first place. She again reiterated that she was more than welcome to stop by any time, wanting the girl to feel she had a safe place to go to in case she needed it. Hannah simply thanked her.

"I mean it," she said, handing the girl the first two pizza pockets before placing the next two in the microwave for herself. "Here. You can have the first one."

She sat at the table across from Hannah, smiling when the girl quickly dug into her meal.

"Thanks. My mom never buys this stuff. She says it's nothing but junk."

"She's right. Val doesn't let me eat them often either. But, I snuck by the grocery store earlier and stocked up."

Hannah raised her eyebrows.

"Well thanks for sharing your stash."

Olivia laughed.

"You're welcome. I can always buy more."

"That's the great thing about being an adult. You can just buy whatever you want and eat as much of it as you want."

"Yeah, but at the same time, there's that voice in your head that was never there before telling you that you shouldn't."

"Ignore it."

"Sometimes I do," Olivia said with a wink.

She got up and grabbed her plate when she heard the microwave, taking a bite of the nearest pizza pocket before she even sat down.

"Oh! Hot, hot," she said, gulping in breaths of air in an attempt to cool down the food in her mouth.

Hannah laughed loudly, greatly enjoying Olivia's display.

"Forty years old and still doesn't know how to eat a pizza pocket."

Olivia's eyebrows shot up as she plopped down in her chair.

"Forty?! I am not forty! I should beat you for that one."

The girl giggled.

"Okay, like, thirty nine."

"You're lucky you're not my kid. I'd beat you," she said teasingly.

"It'd be worth it as long as you did it after I finished my pizza pockets," she replied, grinning.

Before Olivia could respond, she heard the front door open. She quickly turned in her seat, calling out to "Valerie".

"It's me," came a curt voice.

"We have a guest," Olivia called back. She knew Alex wouldn't appreciate not being warned of the fact that someone was present if she started going off on Olivia about earlier.

Alex, confused, made her way to the kitchen.

"Who-"

She stopped her question when she saw the familiar face sitting at the kitchen table, half a pizza pocket in her hand.

"Oh. Hi, Hannah. It's nice to see you again."

"Hey. Nice haircut."

Olivia, who had turned away after calling to Alex, quickly turned back around. Her eyebrows rose slightly in surprise. Alex had indeed gotten a haircut. A much shorter haircut. Her hair now fell at her shoulders, in layers, curling out slightly at the bottom. She looked great, as always, but Olivia couldn't help but feel slightly hurt that the blonde had chopped of the hair she loved so much. She supposed that's why she did it though.

"Thanks. I needed a change."

The room fell silent, and Hannah could feel the tension in the air. She decided to leave since it was obvious the two women needed to talk. Besides, if she wanted to stay in a tension-filled environment, she could just go home.

"Well, I'll go now," Hannah said, getting up. She finished the last of her pizza pocket and brought her plate to the sink.

"No, Hannah. You don't have to go. I'm going to go upstairs anyways. You guys can enjoy your visit."

"Nah, it's good. I know you guys need to talk and besides, I've been bugging Cam long enough." She turned to Olivia. "Thanks for sharing your stash. I won't tell the wife," she joked, jerking her thumb in Alex's direction.

Olivia forced a smile, but didn't look over at Alex. She didn't want to see her expression after Hannah made the comment. Instead, she followed the girl outside, bidding her goodnight after she left on her bike.

Olivia took a deep breath of fresh air before returning back inside. She didn't know how the evening would progress, considering there were still quite a few hours before bedtime. She stepped into the kitchen, stopping when she noticed it was empty. She made her way to the living room, but Alex wasn't there either. She heard rummaging upstairs, so she cautiously made her way up, walking to the woman's bedroom. The door was still open, so Olivia knocked against the doorframe before leaning up against it.

Alex glanced in her direction before turning back to the bags on her bed.

"You went shopping."

"Good observation, D.A." she said coldly. "I needed clothing."

"Listen…I wanted to talk-"

"No. There is nothing to talk about," she said, cutting her off. "We've discussed enough already. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to try these things on."

Alex all but slammed the door in Olivia's face, clearly indicating that her anger had not dissipated in the hours since she'd left. Olivia sighed, making her way downstairs. It had only been a few hours since their argument, but to the brunette, it felt like years. She hated when they fought, and she knew things would be strained between them for a while. Alex was hurt, understandably, and it would take her a long time to finally talk.

Olivia sighed and sat on the couch, turning on the television but not really watching it. She was alone with her thoughts now that Hannah had gone, and the argument from earlier was playing over in her mind. She couldn't rid herself of the image of Alex's hurt expression from her mind. It killed her to upset her like that, but she didn't do it on purpose. She wasn't actively trying to, but she knew it was an inevitable consequence of the choice she had made. Not that she really felt she had one to begin with.

She ran her fingers roughly through her hair, flicking through the channels with the other hand. She settled on The Simpsons, hoping that the cartoon would at least distract her enough to keep her mind from taking over. She kept glancing at the staircase, hoping the blonde would come down, but she didn't. Olivia heard the washing machine start up at some point that evening, but other than that, there was only silence from upstairs.

The brunette finally turned off the television at nine that evening, turning in early. She couldn't stand anymore mindless television. She would have to go shopping tomorrow, if Alex didn't take the SUV, because she currently didn't have any work clothes. What she had in her closet would definitely not cut it. And she needed to get a laptop and more ammunition for the gun she had stored in her drawer. She would also need to buy deadbolts for their doors and some tools to install them. She definitely wanted to get an alarm system for the house too. It would be a busy day tomorrow, but Olivia was grateful for it. She would need the distraction.

She made her way up the stairs, making a mental note of anything else she might need tomorrow. When she reached the top step, she was unable to stop herself from glancing over at Alex's door. It was shut and the light was off.

Olivia sighed and made her way to the bathroom, getting ready for bed. She stared in the mirror as she brushed her teeth, seeing the worry lines formed around her eyes. She rubbed at them, hoping they would disappear. She was disappointed to see that her attempts did nothing.

She brought her hand down and held the side of the sink as she spat into the drain, swishing some water around her mouth before spitting that out too. She put her toothbrush away and turned off the light before making her way to her bedroom. She stopped short as she crossed the threshold into her room, noticing for the first time the piles of folded clothing on her bed.

She slowly made her way over, reaching down and lifting the first piece of clothing. It was a navy blue blouse, in her size, and it was exactly her style. She gently put it down on the bed, staring in disbelief. She slowly sat, flipping through the stack of shirts, blouses, tank tops, black pants, and jeans. At the very bottom, Alex had neatly folded underwear and socks, as well as a new bra.

Olivia was at a loss for words. The thoughts in her mind were starting to overwhelm her. Alex, despite her hurt and anger, had bought her clothes. She had even washed them. The brunette reached out and pulled a tank top to her nose, taking a deep breath. She had even bought the laundry detergent that Alex used to use in New York, the one Olivia loved. The brunette looked away, trying to work through her emotions. Tears were brimming in her eyes, and she wanted nothing more than to stride over to Alex's room and engulf the woman in a hug, apologise for her hurting her and ask for her forgiveness. It would be pointless though, because she still felt like she was doing what she needed to do. They couldn't be together while she was trying to protect her. That knowledge did nothing to quell the overwhelming sadness that engulfed her though.

Olivia brought the tank top to her mouth to muffle the sob that escaped her lips, and when she took a deep breath to calm herself, the familiar scent of Alex's detergent caused her to cough out another sob. The smell instantly brought her back to cuddling on the couch with Alex under a freshly laundered blanket, to the time she had playfully scooped the woman in her arms after Alex had declared that she wasn't strong enough to lift her, and then to the times she had pulled the blonde into her arms when she broke down after losing a case. Alex had smelled the same in every one of those situations; she had smelled just like the tank top.

Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why did things have to turn out this way? Couldn't Alex see that Olivia missed them too, that she missed them being together? She missed New York back when Alex was there, she missed fighting with her in her office, she missed the way Alex came to her when she was excited, she missed their late night talks. She missed everything about the time when Alex was there with her. She missed it all, but if she wanted that back, she had to keep Alex safe. And keeping her safe meant making sacrifices so that they could have that again.

She looked over at Alex's door, tears streaming down her face. Can't you see that, Alex? I'm doing this for us.

She missed Elliot. She needed him. She needed to talk to him. He could tell her what to do. Olivia curled up in a ball on her bed, sobbing into her pillow. She felt so lost. She missed her old life with Alex, the one where things weren't so scary and confusing. She cried for the loss of that life. She cried for the loss of everything she had had with Alex. She cried for all the hurt and pain they had both experienced since Alex was ripped away from New York, and she cried for all the hurt they both felt now, in their new life. She cried until she could cry no more, until she was left with burning eyes staring out onto the lake, wondering how in the world she would overcome this overwhelming sadness.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is written from Alex's POV

While Olivia was in the bathroom, Alex lay in her bed, curled up under the blanket. She listened to the sounds of the woman getting ready for bed, her heart heavy in her chest. She had spent the entire day out of the house, hoping against hope that her feelings of hurt and betrayal would disappear, but they didn't. In fact, the hurt only doubled when she returned home to find Olivia laughing at the kitchen table with Hannah. It was like she didn't even care, like she wasn't crumbling inside the way Alex was. The blonde had spent most of the day doing anything she could to remain distracted. She had even gotten her hair cut, hoping it would help her feel different. And it did, in a way. She decided that this was how Valerie would wear her hair, and she was pleased about that, but Alex still felt incredibly sad.

Still though, she put on a brave face and she chatted with Kelly, the woman who had cut their hair just a few days ago. The hairdresser had been surprised to see her again so soon, but she was happy to cut her hair when Alex announced she had had a change of heart and wanted something different. The hairdresser had asked how they were settling in, how they liked their new home, and Alex told her they were settling in well and everyone was very nice. The former councillor was good at acting; she knew how to pretend, and she didn't know if she felt happy or sad that Kelly had bought her entire charade.

She had left the salon feeling at least a little better. Kelly had managed to pull a couple of genuine smiles from her with some of her stories. By the time Alex had arrived at the clothing store, she felt well enough to do some shopping. It was still too early to return home, and she did need clothing. So, she spent the next several hours poring through racks of clothing, eventually deciding that Valerie would be a black-bottoms-and-blouses type of girl. She bought four black skirts of various styles, along with several pairs of black pants. She decided to buy at least a couple of lighter coloured trousers just in case, as well as some jeans and yoga pants for home. She then went through the blouses, sticking mostly to ¾ length ones. The ones that buttoned at the wrist irritated her, but she was often cold with the short sleeved ones. She bought some of the latter anyway, along with a nice suit jacket that would match her skirts. The dresses she chose were practical, but nice, and she knew she'd be wearing those both at home and at work. She also bought a couple of purses, make-up, some underwear, a few bras, and some socks, knowing she'd need those too.

She had debated after loading up the SUV whether or not to buy some things for Olivia. She hadn't wanted to. She was still hurt and angry, but she knew she should. She still loved her, and she knew how much the woman hated clothes shopping. And Olivia did need them if she was starting work in a couple of days. Alex had sighed, debating internally. Her heart told her she should, while her head and her emotions told her to leave the woman to her own devices. Eventually, her heart won out and she drove to a nearby mall, one where she had seen some shops that looked promising. The boutique in which she had just shopped would have nothing for Olivia.

She ended up buying the woman just a few things, enough to tie her over for the next couple of weeks. She had bought things that seemed practical, refusing to imagine Olivia wearing them. It hurt too much. She did, however, allow herself to buy a single muscle shirt for the other woman. It was her favourite thing to see Olivia wearing, and she did indulge herself that one item.

Alex was brought back to the present by the sound of the brunette walking back to her room. There was a pause before she heard the bed dip under Olivia's weight… and then nothing.

Silence.

Alex could feel the tears stinging behind her eyes, the ones she had been fighting all day. She tried desperately to fight them off, but with Olivia so close, it was difficult. She tried not to think about the way the brunette had rejected her, the way she had pushed her away. She tried not to think about the fact that tomorrow she would have to put on her icy demeanour and pretend like Olivia hadn't crushed her heart into a million tiny pieces. She'd have to pretend like she didn't care, because she couldn't show just how badly Olivia had shattered her.

The part she hated most, the part that she wished she could just forget about, was the part of her that still ached for Olivia's comfort, for her love. That part of her would give anything to get up and go to her, slip into her bed and wrap Olivia's arms around her waist the way she used to when they were in New York. She wanted her comfort so much; she craved it because only Olivia could soothe this kind of hurt.

She turned her head into the pillow as her chest spasmed, finally let out the sob that she had been holding at bay. She couldn't fight it anymore. It hurt, so much. She hurt so much. She felt the pain flow through her entire body, and it burned. It overwhelmed her soul. She had been wanting, needing Olivia for over a year, and now she was here, so close, and she couldn't even have her. Olivia didn't want her.

Her body heaved as sobs ripped it apart. She cried even harder at the thought that the woman she wanted, needed, loved, craved, didn't want her. She was just in the other room, and Alex couldn't do anything about it. She couldn't curl into her side anymore, she couldn't stroke her cheek, she couldn't love her…She couldn't even say her name.

The anguish washed over her body. It hurt her so deeply that when she opened her mouth to cry harder, not a sound came out. It was a silent, soul crushing scream that radiated from within, tears pouring down her face. The pain hit her deep in her gut, causing her body to vibrate with the force of it. It hurt so bad, she couldn't even utter a sound. Her body shook, her stomach muscles tightened, and she buried her face into the pillow. She clutched her stomach with her left arm, the right one hanging on for dear life to the pillow. She let out everything she had suppressed, everything she was feeling, everything she had been holding onto for the past day, the past year. It came crashing out of her in waves, pouring from her burning eyes onto the dampened material of her pillowcase. It was cold and uncomfortable, but she didn't care. She didn't care about anything except for the pain that she felt.

She cried until she was spent of all of her energy. She lay there, empty and alone, until she passed out. She dreamt of nothing, waking up several hours later still clutching her stomach. She cried again, but they were soft, silent tears. She fell asleep shortly thereafter, not waking again until her room was bathed in sunlight.


	13. Chapter 13

Alex lay in her bed for a long time, staring at the wall. Her mind was mercifully empty. She had a pounding headache, but she would take that over the endless thoughts that usually occupied her brain. She could hear Olivia getting ready in the bathroom, and she listened as the woman went about her routine. Olivia followed her morning routine with almost military precision: first she woke up, had a coffee, showered, put on her bra and panties, brushed her teeth, combed her hair, applied light make up, and then she would finish getting dressed. Dressing was always the last thing that she did. Alex used to tease her about it, telling her that she would probably work in her underwear if she had been allowed to. Olivia would joke back and say that she would never, because then Alex would become too distracted.

If Alex had been capable of smiling that morning, she would have when she thought of that memory. It always brought a smile to her lips, thinking of the banter they shared. Now, she just felt empty. She didn't even feel sad anymore. She had cried herself raw last night, and she could still feel the ache in her throat and in her chest. She didn't have the energy to face the woman right now, so she waited until she heard the front door close before she got up. As she made her way down the hall, she thought she heard the car start, so she turned and headed to the spare room. She looked out the window and saw Olivia leave with the vehicle. Alex felt relieved. She hoped the brunette would be gone for at least a couple of hours. It would give her some much needed space.

She turned and headed back to the bathroom, where she spent the next twenty minutes simply standing under the spray of the hot shower. She let the water run over her body, trying to cleanse herself of everything that had transpired over the last twenty four hours. She stared at the bottom of the tub, watching the flow of water disappear down the drain, relieved that her brain was blissfully empty. She finally turned off the shower when the water started to cool down, standing there naked for a minute before finally reaching for her towel. She dried herself off and made her way to the bedroom, where she chose the simple, white boho dress she bought yesterday. She then slid on her underwear and grabbed the first book she saw on her bookshelf: Jane Eyre. She made her way downstairs to the kitchen, where she briefly considered making herself something to eat. She hadn't eaten since lunchtime yesterday, but she didn't feel hungry. In fact, she didn't really feel anything. Instead, she went out the backdoor and walked down to the beach, looking for a place to sit. She walked until she found a rock peeking out of the water, its surface large enough that she would be able to sit on it. It was only a few feet in, so she hiked up her dress and waded over until she had reached her destination.

She climbed up, sitting down on the flattest part, and dropped her feet and calves into the water. It was beautiful out, and although the sun was beating down on her, the water was cool enough to keep her from getting overheated. She glanced back at the house, but the driveway was still empty. She sighed and turned around, not sure why she cared if Olivia was home or not. It wasn't like she was going to speak to her. She wasn't sure if she would ever want to speak to her again. Not while she felt like this anyway. The emptiness she felt was still laced with strings of hurt, a feeling she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to shake off. She had tried to be angry, and it had worked for a while yesterday, but the hurt she had suppressed quickly resurfaced. It was easy for her to get angry when the hurt she felt wasn't that great. Now though, it was all-consuming.

She sighed and turned to the book, opening it up on the first page. She started reading, forcing herself to pay attention to the story. It was an older version of the book, and there were no footnotes to explain some of the more antiquated terms. Regardless, she had always enjoyed this book, maybe because she identified with Jane and her mistreatment at the boarding school. Alex's own schooling at been similar: she had been sent to a live-in private school when she was eight and had been forced to stay there until she was sixteen. She finally left in grade 11, when she could no longer stand the stifling environment. Her last two years of high school were spent in public school and they had been the most freeing years of her life. She did miss some things about private school, such as the hot lunches and her incredible law classes, but the benefits of public school far outweighed the few of private school.

Alex read until her back ached from being hunched over. She closed the book, noting that she was on chapter XV, the part where Jane saves Mr. Rochester from the fire in his bed. She would get back to that later. She hadn't read this book since college, and she had forgotten how much she liked it. She sighed and stretched her back, glancing once again at the house. This time, she spotted their familiar black vehicle in the driveway. She wondered briefly where Olivia had gone, but quickly decided she didn't care. It didn't matter anyway.

Alex hiked up her dress once again and waded back to shore. She slowly made her way back to the house, wiping her feet on the grass before walking up the steps to the kitchen door. She could hear the sound of a saw somewhere from the front of the house, so she followed it until she saw Olivia hunched over, drilling into the front door. She frowned, wondering what the woman was doing. When the brunette finally stopped drilling, she looked up and smiled at Alex.

"Hi," Olivia said gently. "You look really nice." And she meant it. The dress looked great on Alex. But then again, she looked good in pretty much anything.

"What are you doing?" Alex had planned on keeping to herself and staying in her room, but given that Olivia was sawing through their front door, she wanted to know why.

"I'm installing deadbolts on the front and back doors. These will prevent anyone from kicking in the doors and getting into the house. I already added extra window locks on all the windows on the main floor and this," she said, getting up and walking to the new keypad on the wall, "is our new security system. Come here, I'll show you how to set it up."

Alex took a few steps forward, getting close enough to see what Olivia would do, but not near close enough to touch her.

"You just hit this button here when you leave in the morning. You have ten seconds to get out of the house before the alarm goes off. When you get home, it's the same thing: you have ten seconds to shut off the alarm. To turn it off, you press this button, put in the code, and then press this "home" button again. At night, we'll hit this button here before we go to sleep. It's easy to use, that's why I got it."

"And what's the code?"

"It's 0921."

Alex paused, trying to find something to associate those numbers to. She remembered numbers better if she had something to remember them by. 09-21… No one's phone number ended with those digits and they weren't anyone's address. What was that on the calendar? September 21st?

Her breath caught in her throat. September 21st : their anniversary. The day Alex had broken down and finally confessed her feelings for Olivia; the day that Olivia told her she returned those feelings wholeheartedly and then kissed her for the first time. It was no coincidence. Olivia chose those numbers for a reason.

Damn you for reminding me of what I can't have.

Alex refused to let the sadness she felt in her heart show on her face. She let out a curt "okay" and then made her way upstairs, where she closed her door and flung herself down on her bed. She pulled her pillow close, holding it tight, fighting with every ounce of her being the desire to break down and cry. She wouldn't let Olivia make her cry again. She bit her lip and stared at the wall, listening to the faint sounds of Olivia's tools against the door. They served as a good distraction from the pain in her chest. She desperately wanted to reach out the brunette, to let Olivia comfort her, but her pride wouldn't let her. Olivia had pushed her away yesterday. She couldn't let her do that again.

When the noise stopped, she listened as Olivia dragged her things to the back of the house, presumably to the kitchen. Alex could no longer hear her working, so she turned, and that's when she noticed the giant television hanging from her wall.

"What the-"

Alex immediately bolted up in bed, staring at the screen. That had not been there last night.

"You were busy today, Olivia," she mumbled to herself. She got up off the bed and walked over, noticing the DVD player on the dresser right under the tv. There was also the first two seasons of Sex in the City sitting on top of the DVD player. The show had been her guilty pleasure in New York. She reached for the folded piece of paper sitting on the side of the dresser and flipped it open.

A thank you for all the clothes. Now you can stay in and watch Sex in the City all day.

She had mentioned once to Olivia that she would like to get a tv in her room so that she could sit in bed all day and watch nothing but Sex in the City. She couldn't believe the woman remembered. She had said it once. Alex herself had forgotten about it until this very moment.

Olivia was a romantic at heart, while Alex was not. It was part of the reason the blonde loved her so much. Olivia did things that were incredibly sweet without even trying. Those gestures came naturally to her, and she reminded Alex all the time how much she loved her. Alex did nice things for Olivia as well, but she was not the crazy romantic that the brunette was. It took effort to try and do something special, but Olivia did it naturally. And she did it often. She was always bringing her flowers or writing her little notes. She had quickly wedged her way into Alex's heart, a feat not many had ever succeeded in doing.

Alex sighed, turning to sit on the edge of the bed. She was torn between her feelings. She hated Olivia for pushing her away and she wanted nothing more than to punish her for hurting her. But, Olivia was obviously trying; she was reaching out. Her heart told her to be patient. Olivia was confused, and she wasn't doing this to hurt her. She was doing this because she truly believed this was best. But Alex was angry and hurt that she'd just decide how things would go without even discussing it with her. She had wanted to punish Olivia, push her away until the brunette was hurting too. She knew it was childish, but she didn't care. It wasn't fair. She knew she should probably talk to Olivia, she couldn't very well ignore her forever, but she didn't feel ready yet. She was still hurting too much.

The sound of her stomach grumbling was enough to break her thoughts. She was quickly reminded that she hadn't eaten anything in nearly 24 hours, but Olivia was currently working in the kitchen. She still didn't really feel like facing her, but she had to eat. So, Alex got up and made her way downstairs, deciding that she would at least be civil.

She found Olivia in the middle of attaching the deadbolt, having already drilled the hole in the door.

"Hey," the brunette said, once again smiling at her.

"Hi," Alex responded, but she kept the coolness from her voice this time. She offered a small smile back before turning to the fridge. She had decided on the way down to make herself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, her favourite comfort food. It had been her favourite ever since she was a kid.

Olivia continued working in silence, not wanting to push the blonde. She knew that Alex was hurting, that she was upset, and that she needed space. She wanted to comfort her, but she had made a choice, and she had to live with the consequences. She figured Alex would ignore her, or at least keep her distance, for the next few days at least, if not longer. The blonde didn't do well with hurt, and she knew that the woman was hurting deeply. It would take her a while to deal with her emotions. Olivia was fine with giving her space, she knew that Alex needed it, but she would make sure to let the woman know that she was still here, that she still cared. That was why she chose the gift that she chose; she knew the thoughtful gift she had left up in Alex's room would remind the blonde that even though they couldn't be together, she still cared about her. Hell, she still loved her deeply, and that was why she was distancing herself. She had to.

"Thanks, by the way," Alex said softly. "For upstairs."

Olivia hid her surprise at hearing Alex speak to her. She hadn't expected that, but she nodded in acknowledgement.

"If you have any issues with it…"

"Thanks," she said sincerely.

With that, Alex turned and headed back to her room.


	14. Chapter 14

The next morning, Friday, Alex got up early and got ready for work. She was nervous, if she was honest with herself, about starting this new job. She liked doing things she was good at, which was part of the reason she hated change. She didn't mind trying new things if she was alone because if she failed, no one would know. However, if she failed at this, many people would know, including the Agents. She tried to calm herself down, but she was worried. What if she was terrible? What if she hated it? What if they hated her?

She sighed and shook her head. She was intelligent, a quick learner, and she could do this. Facing Olivia and spending thirty minutes alone in the SUV with her, however…well, that was another story. Other than a brief couple of words, she still hadn't spoken to her since their argument two days ago, and she wasn't planning on starting to this morning. She needed to get her own vehicle. She quickly decided to call Agent Thomas this evening and tell him she needed her own car.

She showered, applied a careful layer of make-up, and got dressed. She then jogged downstairs, pausing before the last step when she smelled the familiar scent of fresh coffee. Was Olivia already awake? She carefully stepped down and peeked around the corner, but there was no one there. She approached the kitchen and saw the timer flashing on the coffee machine. Olivia had programmed it to go off at 6:30. She breathed a sigh of relief, but also felt oddly disappointed that the brunette wasn't down here too.

She shook her head. You don't want to talk to her, she reminded herself. But I miss her. Alex grabbed a mug and poured herself a cup, shaking away her thoughts. She distracted herself with a sip of the coffee, sighing contently after swallowing the hot liquid. She grabbed a banana from the counter and pushed the back door open, pausing when she heard the alarm beep in warning.

"Fuck!"

She dropped the banana and mug on the counter, racing back to the alarm system. She keyed in the code and a wave of relief wash over her when it beeped, shutting off. The last thing she wanted was to set that damn thing off and then have to have an awkward early morning conversation before her cup of coffee. She would need at least one before being able to face the other woman.

She turned around and made her way back to the kitchen, grabbing the discarded banana and mug before heading out the back door. She sat on the top step, enjoying the cool, early morning breeze. It smelled nice…fresh, like water (for obvious reasons). This place was definitely better than where Emily had lived.

Alex watched the water until Olivia opened the back door, hesitantly stating that they needed to get going. Alex nodded, not bothering to look at her. She gulped down the last of her coffee before getting up and going back inside. She put her mug in the dishwasher, grabbed her purse and keys, and followed Olivia out to their vehicle.

They drove in silence, Alex watching the scenery and Olivia concentrating on the road. When they arrived at the library, Olivia told her she'd be back at four to pick her up. Alex nodded in thanks, and then left Olivia without saying another word.

The blonde turned toward the small building. It looked nice, in all honesty. It was a big, red brick building with huge silver lettering welcoming you to the Little Current Public Library, and big bay windows that let in a lot of light. Alex liked the place already.

She entered the building, making her way to the counter where she saw a woman about her age typing on a computer. She noticed the woman's pass: her picture was clearly displayed on the front, as well as a series of numbers and the name Jodie printed in the bottom right corner.

"Hi, there."

Alex looked up and quickly returned the woman's smile.

"Hi. I'm Valerie. I'm supposed to be meeting Reg here today."

"Ah, yes. He's expecting you. I'm Jodie, by the way," she said, extending her hand when she came around the counter.

"Valerie," she said, shaking the woman's hand. "Nice to meet you."

"And you. Come on. I'll bring you to his office. You're going to be spending the day there learning about our computer system, the databases we have here, the things we do every day to run the library properly. I hope you got a good night's sleep because you're in for a lot of information," she said, smiling brightly.

Alex smiled back, but she felt her stomach tighten nervously. She followed the dark haired woman to the back room, where she found an older man sitting behind a desk.

"Reg? Valerie is here."

The man looked up and smiled warmly at her. He got up and made his way over, shaking his hand as he introduced himself.

"I'm Reg, the manager. It's great to have you here."

"I'm happy to be here."

Jodie smiled at them before turning and closing the door to Reg's office on her way out.

"Please, take a seat. How are you this morning?"

"I'm great. Jodie told me there's quite a bit of information to absorb this morning."

Reg laughed.

"I hope she didn't scare you!"

"No," she assured the older man, smiling. "I'm a pretty quick learner."

"That's good to hear. So, what's say we go over what I'm planning on doing today and then we get started?"

"Sounds good."

Reg pulled out a few pages and handed the first to Alex.

"Here is the schedule I put together for today. We'll start with going through what we do in a typical day, then we'll get into the different services we offer here at the library, and finish off with the library's computer program. It might seem a bit backwards to leave the program for last, especially since it's what we use the most, but I thought it might be better to save that until the end since it's the most complicated. We'll hide back here for most of the day and start things off light. I know what it's like when you're new somewhere. It's nice to get some time to acclimate before you're thrust into the swing of things."

Alex smiled gratefully.

"So, the first thing we do when we walk in in the morning is disable the alarm system. Honestly, sometimes we forget to turn it on but it doesn't really matter. This town is not a dangerous place," he said, smiling. "After that, I turn on the lights, the computers, the printer, and while those things are warming up, I put down my things and come to the back. Then I turn on my computer and head back to the front, where we print off the paging list.

Since we are such a small library, we have an agreement with four of the surrounding county libraries to loan each other materials. So, if someone from Little Current wants a book that we don't have, but they have it in Richfield, we request that book for them and have it sent here and vice versa. The paging list is the list of all our materials requested by other libraries. So, we print the paging list and then set that aside. We will usually go get those materials once we're done with the other things we need to do.

Next, we go to the drop box. The drop box is the place where patrons return their library materials during the hours we're closed. So, we take everything from there, check it in, and then place it on a trolley to be placed back on the floor. Or, we put it in the appropriate cubby if it belongs to another library. If Anne borrows a book that belongs to the Richfield library, she can return it here and we will send it back to Richfield for her."

"That's really convenient."

"Yes, definitely. Before we had this agreement with the other libraries, our selection was pretty pitiful, as was theirs. This arrangement has helped our collection grow, as well as given our patrons access to material they normally wouldn't have.

So, the drop box is now empty and usually by this point is when we open the doors. We start work at 8 am, but the library itself doesn't open until 8:30. We get two copies of the Little Current Newspaper delivered to us every morning, so when we open the doors, we make sure to grab those before heading back inside. They usually leave them right by the front door for us. When we bring the papers in, we put a sticker on each one and then keep them up by the desk. Patrons can come in and read the paper for free, and we definitely have our regulars who come every morning.

Once that's done, we will greet the people coming in and then start the paging list. Everything is divided into sections: CDs, DVDs, audiobooks, books, magazines, and then newspapers. We only keep newspapers for a week before we recycle them, so if someone is looking for a paper from a week and a half ago, they're pretty much out of luck.

The only section that is divided up further is the book collection. We separate our books into fiction and non-fiction. The fiction section is then further divided up into romance, mystery, western, drama, and the books that don't fit into those categories are just classified under general fiction.

Fiction books have the tag FIC followed by the first three letters of the author's name. Non-fiction books are grouped by theme or subject and will have the same first three numbers, followed by a comma. After the comma, there will be either one or several digits afterwards, depending on how many books are in that collection, and then again, the last three digits of the author's name.

For example, all cooking books are filed under the digits 978, and we have about 80 books, so you'll find books in that section are labelled 978.1, 978.2, etc. up to 978.80. Are you following this so far?"

Alex nodded.

"I think so. It sounds very organised."

"It is," he affirmed. "I am very organised. Every few months, we go through the collection and look at each individual book to make sure it is filed correctly and that all books are in order. Now that chore takes weeks to complete, but then we know everything is in order again. The worst section is always the children's corner, but that's to be expected," he said lightly. "You'll get much more familiar with our material once we sort again. For now though, we won't worry about that. I don't expect you to know the sections off by heart. It has taken me most of my career for that. All you need to know now is how to find each one, and that's easy enough. Everything is labelled."

"Good."

He chuckled.

"Indeed. So, that was the paging list and our filing system. Usually it's around 10 or so by the time we are finished the paging list. We then go to the computer and scan every item we took from the floor, a small paper is printed indicating which library it's going to, as well as which patron requested the material. The paper is then slipped into the book or DVD, and we place the item in the right cubby. At the end of the day, we put all the items in plastic labelled containers which are then driven to the appropriate location by our driver, Rob.

Once we finish with that, we clear out our "holds" cupboard. Our holds cupboard houses all the materials our patrons requested from other libraries. Patrons receive a phone call when the materials they requested arrive, and they have five days to pick them up. If they don't pick it up within five days, we ship it back to the appropriate library."

"This is a lot to remember."

"It really is, but you know what, it becomes automatic. You'll see. We are very routine here at this location. I thrive on routine and in my old age, I need it so that I don't forget anything," he said, chuckling. "You'll get the hang of it in no time."

Alex smiled at his reassurance.

"Now, by the time we are finished emptying the holds cupboard, we usually start doing lunches. You get an hour for lunch, unpaid, and you can do what you like for that hour. There is a break room just across from my office. It has a microwave, a fridge, a couch and a table, as well as cupboards, a coat closet, table and chairs… oh and a bathroom."

"Sounds nice."

"It is," he said, smiling. "I'll show it to you later. After lunch, there's usually something going on, whether it's a school class here to pick up books, a reading group, or a viewing of a movie in the movie room, so we do whatever needs to be done for that activity. Jodie does story time every Monday afternoon at 3 for preschoolers, Wednesday at 2 o'clock for toddlers, and then hosts a yoga class on Thursday nights at 6 for adults. You won't be expected to do any classes, don't worry. Jodie is a machine and has too much energy to spare. She insisted on doing those things, but it has brought in a lot of patrons, so I'm grateful for it."

"I can imagine."

"Yep. She's a great librarian. Anyway, the afternoons here are fairly quiet as far as our work goes. The morning tasks are usually over by then, so we either make new book displays, clean, or really just read a book. I usually book appointments for the afternoon. We book appointments for people who need help using their laptops or iPads and give them basic training on those devices. You can't get advanced tutoring sessions on Excel from me," he said with a chuckle, "but we provide basic information about how to turn on computers, how to access the internet, things like that. You'd be surprised how many people come in for those sessions."

Alex smiled politely. She was getting a headache from all of this information, but she had to admit, Reg seemed very nice. And so far, the job didn't sound that bad either. She had always loved books.

"We usually get busy around 3:30 when the schools start letting out. Kids come to study or do their homework at the tables we have set up in the back, and we help them as best we can. They'll usually come find us, but we sometimes head back there to check up on them too.

Alex nodded.

"What are the library's hours of operation?"

"We stay open until 5 every day except Thursdays. Thursdays we are open 10:30 am to 7 pm. So, are you ready for a break now?"

"I think so," she said smiling. Her head was really starting to hurt.

"Alright. Why don't I bring you to the lunchroom and you can sit on the couch for a bit? If you're hungry, there's a corner store to the right and a sub shop on the left a few doors up. They make great sandwiches."

Alex smiled.

"Maybe I'll go there for lunch, since I forgot to bring myself something."

"It's a good choice."

The man got up and led the way to a cozy break room, where, upon his leaving, Alex promptly dropped on the nearest couch and groaned. She had a major headache and it was only- she glanced at the clock- 10:07 a.m.

Thankfully, the rest of the day passed by just as quickly as the morning had. Reg gave her some print outs for her to look at once she got home, a brief overview of a typical day, as well as the different databases they had at the library and a quick guide to their computer system, Sierra. She had gotten to chat more with Jodie, who seemed incredibly nice. She also met Lori, a volunteer who dropped by a couple of times a week to bring books to local shut-ins. She chatted with her as well, and she seemed very kind. As far as first days go, Alex had had an excellent one.

Olivia picked her up at 5 pm as promised, and while the blonde was in a great mood, she still wasn't really ready to talk. She wasn't angry, but she still needed more time, so to avoid any conversation with her, Alex immediately began reading through the papers she was given when she entered the vehicle.

She had to admit, the databases they had at the library were pretty impressive. They had an entire e-book collection, as well as access to magazines online, all for free. They had research databases, car manuals, homework helpers, career searchers, online learning programs for children, as well as random online game programs for teenagers. There were a slew of other things that Alex had yet to discover, but she was thoroughly impressed already. Despite her pounding headache, she felt excited about this new job. She had felt confident as Reg and Jodie showed her around the library, pointing out the different sections of books, magazines, newspapers, CDs, and DVDs. Everything was neatly organised, and seemed easy enough to locate. It also helped that the library wasn't that big. Thank God for small favours, Alex thought to herself.

When they pulled into the driveway, Alex got out of the vehicle and headed to her room, where she lay down on her bed and flipped through her pages again. She only managed to get through two more, however, before she promptly fell asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

Three days later, Alex still had not said anything substantial to her. Olivia wondered how much longer the woman would continue to ignore her. When Olivia had returned from her first day of work Monday evening, she was excited, energetic. She was looking forward to discussing her day with Alex, nearly forgetting that the woman was not talking to her. When she walked in the door, she had greeted the blonde with a giant smile, but before she could open her mouth and begin talking about her day, Alex had gotten up from the couch, politely said that she hoped she had had a good first day at work, and then went up to her room. Olivia's good mood instantly deflated to disappointment. She had hoped she could at least talk about how it went, but she supposed that was wishful thinking.

By Friday, Olivia did not even try to tell Alex about her day. She picked up the blonde at their usual time, but said nothing. Alex had not initiated conversation either. It had now been over 24 hours since they had said anything to each other, and Olivia found herself once again on the dock, wondering if she was doing the right thing. She didn't know if she should confront Alex or if she should continue to give the woman her space. She didn't know what was right anymore. Alex didn't seem any better now than she did when she first stormed off. She wished she could just talk to her. Today, Saturday, marked their two week anniversary of officially moving into this house, and so far, it was going horrendously. This was not at all how Olivia had envisioned their life together.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Olivia's head whipped away from where she was staring over to where Hannah was now standing. The girl was smiling down at her, her dirty blond hair pulled back in a messy ponytail.

"Hi, Hannah."

"Hi, Cam," she responded, sitting down next to her on the dock. She pulled off her converse shoes and socks, dipping her feet in the water.

"How are you?" Olivia asked.

"Great, now that it's the weekend."

"How was school this week?"

"Two tests, a science project, and an oral presentation. I think that about sums it up."

Olivia chuckled.

"Sounds like a harsh week. How did everything go?"

The girl shrugged.

"The math test I aced, guaranteed. The history test…I guess we'll see. I'm not very good with dates. The science project went well because I got paired up with the smart girl and the oral presentation, well, let's just say I'm not the best public speaker."

"That comes with practice. The more you do it, the better at it you get."

"Yeah, well, I don't plan on becoming a politician so I don't think I really need to develop that particular skill."

Olivia chuckled at the girl's sullen tone. Hannah smiled at her, kicking the water to create a ripple.

"So how are you and the missus?"

Olivia didn't say anything, but Hannah could tell by the look on her face.

"That good, huh? She still not talking to you?"

"Not really, no."

"Damn. I'm sorry."

Olivia offered her a smile.

"It's okay. We'll work it out. She just needs some space right now."

"I hope you do work it out. You two are good together. You make a cute couple."

"Thanks. We're not together though."

"Yeah, you said that last time too. I don't buy it, though."

"Oh, yeah? And why is that?"

She shrugged.

"I just don't. You're attracted to each other. Why deny it?"

Olivia fell silent, looking out onto the water.

"It's complicated."

"Life is always complicated, that's the beauty of it. Or so I'm told. If you like her and she likes you, and you make each other happy, then there's no reason you shouldn't be together. Life's too short to deny yourself happiness."

"And when did you become so wise, miss…?"

"Carter."

"Miss Carter."

"I'm not. It's just simple. You adults make stuff complicated when it doesn't need to be."

"I can't argue that. What about you? Is there a special someone in your life?"

Hannah stayed quiet, looking down at the circles she was making in the water. When she didn't respond, Olivia looked over at her. She could tell the girl was struggling, so she reached out and touched her shoulder.

"I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry if it's a hard subject."

"No, it's just… I don't think I'm ready to talk about it, that's all."

"That's perfectly okay. We don't ever have to talk about anything that you don't want to. I'm glad you told me though, because I don't know what subjects I should avoid with you yet."

"There really aren't that many," she said honestly. "I'm usually pretty open."

"That's good. I'm always happy to listen."

"I figured. You seem like a pretty good listener. You'll do well at the correctional facility then. Have you started yet?"

Olivia nodded.

"I started on Monday."

"How did it go?"

"It went alright. Pretty overwhelming though. There's a lot to remember."

"I can imagine. Do you think you'll like it?"

"Yeah, actually. I think I will. The kids aren't what I expected, but I mean that in a good way. I thought they'd be obnoxious and rude, but they're not. I mean, a few of them are pretty wild, but for the most part, they seem to be pretty normal kids. Just troubled. They need someone to talk to, and I love to listen, so I think it'll be a good fit. The hard part is knowing what I should be saying to them."

Hannah nodded.

"They need to know that you care and that you aren't just there earning a paycheck. Some adults think we're stupid. They think we don't notice things, but we do. I can always tell which teachers actually care about their jobs and which ones are just doing it for the money. I don't know why they chose the career though if they're in it for the money. Teachers get paid shit wages. But we can tell if you're genuinely interested or if you're just faking it."

"I believe you can too. Hopefully I'll be able to earn their trust."

"You will. You just have to be real with them and not do that thing where adults just pretend to listen and don't take us seriously."

"Has that ever happened to you?" she asked gently.

"Yeah, a lot actually. You learn who to talk to and who to keep your mouth shut with. I don't even bother talking to my mom anymore because she doesn't listen anyway."

"Why doesn't she listen?"

"She's busy. She's got two kids now, a new husband, a new house." The girl shrugged and pulled her feet up and out of the water, adopting a more defensive pose. "Whatever."

Olivia could tell that the girl didn't just feel "whatever" about the situation, but she wasn't going to pry, not yet. She decided to store that piece of information for later.

"Anyway," Hannah said, making a move to get up.

"You're going already?"

"I don't want to overstay my welcome."

"There's never a time limit on your welcome, Hannah. You can stay as long as you like."

"I don't know. I just…"

"I mean it. You're an interesting kid. Stick around. We don't have any friends here yet. You're our first one."

Hannah smiled.

"I haven't really gotten much of a chance to talk to Valerie, though. Maybe she won't agree and will send me off with the other hoodlums."

Olivia chuckled.

"Val doesn't find it so easy to make friends. She's kind of…an introvert. But she's very friendly once you get her to warm up to you."

"How did you get her to warm up to you?"

"I pestered her until she finally started acknowledging me."

Hannah laughed, pausing before sitting back down.

"How?"

"She'd just come in and be all serious, talking about work and nothing but. She was pretty intense and she intimidated most of our coworkers, but that didn't faze me. I was curious; she intrigued me right from the beginning. So, I started asking her about her weekend or I'd compliment her on her outfit. When she'd buy something new, I'd make sure to tell her that I noticed. She was short with her answers at first, you know, just being polite, but eventually I grew on her. She says now that she was unable to resist my charm, despite her best efforts. I don't see why she even tried in the first place. I'm pretty great," Olivia said, teasing.

"Oh, I'm sure you are," she responded. "Did you know she was gay?"

"God, no. Remember me and my broken gaydar?"

"Right. So, when did you figure it out and finally tell her you were into her?"

Olivia smiled, shaking her head.

"You're not going to let that go, are you?"

"No. I know you guys were together at least at some point. There's too much chemistry between the two of you for you not to have been."

"You're too smart for your own good."

"I know. Now answer the question."

Olivia chuckled.

"Fine. She's the one who confessed it first. I was too chicken. But to be fair, she knew I was gay while I had no idea she was. It would be worse to confess to a straight girl that you're in love with her versus telling a woman who is already gay that you like her. At least if she's gay, she won't freak out that a woman is attracted to her."

"That's true. How did she tell you?"

"She told me in a rush one day at her apartment. She said she couldn't keep it in anymore and just confessed everything. She told me that she was attracted to me and that she was sorry. She thought I didn't like her like that. She figured I thought of her just as a friend."

"But you obviously didn't."

"Hell no. Have you seen her? Of course I liked her."

Hannah laughed.

"So what did you do after her confession?"

"I did what anyone would do in that situation: I kissed her," she said, grinning. "How could I not? She was beautiful, and even though I guess it's kind of mean, I thought it was cute that she was so flustered. I couldn't help kissing her. Plus I'd been wanting to forever and I finally had the chance to."

"Did she kiss you back?"

"Of course she did," she said proudly. "Until she thought I was just doing it to pity her. So then I told her that I felt the same way and that her feelings weren't one-sided. How could you not fall in love with her? She's wonderful."

"It shows that you love her. A lot."

Olivia smiled, even though she felt a twinge of sadness.

"Yeah," she said quietly. "I do."

"So what's the problem? What is keeping you two apart when you so obviously want to be with her?"

"It's complicated. I can't really explain. It's just… it's complicated."

Hannah shook her head.

"I bet it's really not and you're just overthinking it."

"Maybe I am, but… it has to be this way."

Hannah sighed.

"One day I'm going to get the whole story and then I'm going to uncomplicate it for you."

Olivia smiled at her.

"You're a sweet kid, Hannah."

"You're not so bad yourself. Except for this. I still think you should be with her. You're both miserable right now."

"It'll get better."

"I hope so."

"Me too."

A comfortable silence fell between them. They both looked out on the water, enjoying the quiet. They sat there for several minutes until Olivia finally spoke.

"So did you want to join us for supper? I'm not sure what I'm making yet, but I'm sure we can think of something."

"Do you think Val would mind?"

"Not at all. I don't think she'll join us anyway. She's been pretty distant."

"I don't want to create problems."

"You won't. If you don't feel comfortable, you don't have to stay. But we'd both be happy to have you."

"Okay."

The girl got up and followed her inside, where they began rummaging through the cupboards trying to find something to make.

"Do you like chicken Caesar wraps?"

"Definitely."

"Good. They're Val's favourite. I'll send you up with some if you want and you can say hi to her. If you don't want to though, I'll bring them to her. I really don't mind."

"No, I'd like to. I haven't really gotten to talk to her much."

"Okay, perfect. I'm sure she'd like your company."

"Do you guys know anyone here?"

Olivia shook her head as she pulled out the ingredients for their wraps.

"Just you and the few people we've met when we were out. I'm hoping she'll meet people at work."

"Have you made friends yet at work?"

"I wouldn't call them friends, but I have some acquaintances now. The people I work with are pretty nice."

Olivia got the chicken ready while she handed Hannah the cheese and cheese grater.

"Who are your friends at school?"

"Katie and Leah are my best friends. I've known them since kindergarten. I spend the most time with them. And I have a few other friends that I talk to as well, like Brandon. And then there's Lisa. I spend a lot of time with her in class or like, on the phone. She's easy to talk to."

"Is she your favourite?" Olivia asked, teasing a little.

"No," Hannah said, blushing.

Interesting, Olivia thought, but she decided to save that information for later.

"What about Katie or Leah?"

"Well, Katie went through this phase when we were 12 and so for that time, Leah was definitely my favourite. But she outgrew it by high school."

"What phase did she go through?"

"Um, I like to call it her "bitch phase". She really was just a bitch," Hannah said, laughing. "But she was having a rough time at home with her mom and dad going through a divorce, so I think that's why."

"Divorces are rough."

"Tell me about it. Did your parents get divorced or are they still married?"

Olivia stopped, grateful that she wasn't facing the girl. She wished she could be honest with her, tell her about her real mother, but she couldn't. So, she dug back, thinking about her file. Did it say whether her parents were divorced? She knew they were "dead", but she couldn't remember anything about a divorce.

She finally realised how long she'd been quiet, so she turned to face the girl.

"My parents have both passed away, actually."

"Oh," Hannah said, misreading her silence for sorrow. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. It was a long time ago now," she said, grabbing the lettuce and starting to chop it up. "How about we talk about more pleasant things?"

"Like what?"

"I'm not sure. Like, what's your favourite show?"

The girl shrugged.

"I honestly don't watch much tv, but when I do, it's always The Simpsons or Family Guy. They're my guilty pleasure."

Olivia stopped chopping and turned to her, pointing with her finger.

"Okay, this could make or break our friendship. Simpsons or Family Guy? Which one is better?"

"Uh oh. Now I'm afraid to answer."

"Nope. You have to. Which one?"

"The pressure!" she said, laughing. "Okay, um, I guess I'll have to go…The Simpsons. Their new stuff isn't that great, but the old stuff…classic. Beats Family Guy any day of the week."

Olivia stared at her, expression blank.

"Well? What's the verdict? Are you gonna chase me out of here with your kitchen knife or can I stay?"

Olivia chuckled.

"You made the right choice, and I actually agree with you about the old school Simpsons. Their new stuff isn't great, but the old stuff, I love it. I find with The Simpsons though, I can watch old episodes over and over again but Family Guy? I can't. Once I've seen the episode, that's it for me."

"I know what you mean. It stops being funny."

"Exactly. Alright, kid. You've proven yourself. You may stay."

Hannah laughed, nodding.

"Good."

Olivia finished cooking the chicken while Hannah laid out the wraps, adding lettuce and cheese to them. She then added the Caesar dressing and moaned in pleasure when Olivia added the chicken.

"It looks sooo good."

"It will be amazing, trust me."

The brunette folded up the wraps, placing a toothpick in each to keep the wraps folded, and then handed two plates to Hannah.

"Here. You can eat upstairs with Val, unless she decides she'd rather eat downstairs."

"What about you? I don't want you to eat alone. Come upstairs."

"No, I'll give her some space. Besides, I bought myself a laptop and I need to set it up."

"You bought yourself a laptop and you didn't immediately set it up? I'd have been all over it."

"Trust me, I wanted to. But, I had a bunch of stuff I had to do around the house first. Now that it's mostly done, I'll reward myself with something fun."

"Your new laptop?"

"Precisely," Olivia said, winking. "If she doesn't seem chatty, feel free to come back downstairs."

"I'll get her talking, don't worry."

Olivia smiled at her and waved her off.


	16. Chapter 16

Hannah slowly climbed the stairs, peeking around the top to see if she could see Valerie. The first door on the left was wide open, so she looked inside. The room was empty. Whoever slept in the bright green room was definitely tidy because there was not one thing out of place. The next door on the left was closed, and the one directly across was wide open. She looked in the room on the right, seeing no one. Judging by the contents of the room, this was Cam's bedroom. Straight ahead was obviously a bathroom, which meant that Val was in the room with the closed door.

Hannah slowly approached, pausing at the door. She wasn't sure how to knock since both of her hands were full. She cautiously placed the plate in her right hand on the forearm of her left, knocked quickly, then grabbed the plate again before she dropped it. She waited a few seconds before hearing Valerie call out to her.

"I don't feel like talking, _Cameron._ "

Hearing the way Val said Cameron's name made Hannah think of the way her mom said her name when she was in trouble. _You must have fucked up pretty good, Cam_. Hannah cleared her throat before speaking.

"Okay, but it's Hannah. I just brought you-" she paused when the door swung open. "We made dinner," she finished. "Cam thought you might be hungry."

Hannah watched to see if Val might smile at the thoughtful gesture, but she didn't. No matter. She knew that the woman had at least heard her. Maybe it would help Cam score some brownie points.

"Thank you," she said sincerely.

"She also said you might not want to talk to her, so she asked me to come instead. You do need to eat and judging by the way you're looking at your plate, I'd say she was right about you being hungry. So," Hannah said, handing her the plate. "Want to have dinner with me?"

The blonde couldn't help smiling back at the girl before her. She was definitely a charmer. She happily accepted the plate and led the way into her room, closing the door behind them.

"Where should I sit?"

"Anywhere. I don't have much furniture in here yet, so the bed is probably your best bet."

"You don't mind if I eat on your bed?"

"No. I do it," she said, pointing to the plate on her night stand. "So don't be shy."

"Ah, my kind of friend. I love lazing in bed and watching tv while I gorge on chips and candy."

"Then you and I will get along great," Alex responded, joining Hannah on the bed.

"Is this what you've been doing all day?"

"Maybe," she said, smiling. "I decided to have a lazy day. Tomorrow I'm thinking of going into town. I really do want to buy some seats for this room and maybe a bookshelf. I was also thinking of getting a mirror." She stopped talking when she noticed the look Hannah was giving her. "What?"

"Nothing. I'm just listening," she said innocently, swallowing the bite she had taken.

"No you're not. What are you thinking?"

Hannah grinned, taking another bite before answering.

"Well… I'm thinking… You've obviously been spending a lot of time alone in your bedroom."

"What?"

"Instead of solving whatever it is that's going on between you and Cameron, you're in here picturing what kind of _mirror_ you should buy," she said, her tone indicating exactly what she thought about that fact. "No offense, but I feel like you should be past the point in your life where you're avoiding your problems." She said this last part gently, not wanting to offend the woman she was with. After all, she barely knew her.

"Well, you're nothing if not blunt."

Hannah chuckled.

"Yeah, I get that a lot. I just don't see the point of pussyfooting around the issue. I'd rather just tell it like it is. Unfortunately, that does get me in a lot of trouble. You know, foot in mouth disease."

Alex paused, chewing on her food as she thought about what the girl said. Had Hannah said this to her a couple of days ago, she'd have taken offense and gotten defensive. However, she had been thinking about talking to Olivia since Wednesday. She just didn't know how to go about it.

"Don't tell me I've offended you too. Sometimes I'm too honest," she said shyly.

"No, it's not that. I respect people who are honest and blunt. I'm just thinking."

"Wanna share with the class?"

Alex put down the wrap she was holding and sighed.

"You're right. I have been avoiding her."

"Why?"

Alex bit her lip. Under normal circumstances, she never would have spoken about something like this to anyone else, especially not someone so young. And certainly not to someone she barely knew. However, she had been alone with her thoughts for days now and she needed someone to talk to.

She pulled herself from her thoughts, realising she had zoned out.

"I've been avoiding her because I don't know what to say to her. We have a difficult talk ahead of us, and I don't really know how to have it."

"As in, you don't know what to say to her?"

"Yes."

"I don't know what happened, but I will go ahead and guess that she doesn't know what to say to you either. I know she wants to talk to you though. She just hasn't because she's trying to respect your space. You need to make the first move."

Hannah smiled to herself, despite the serious conversation.

"What?"

"What?" Hannah asked.

"Why are you smiling?"

Hannah smiled wider, causing Alex to smile as well.

"I just… if Cam were here, I'd crack a joke about you always have to start things because she's too chicken to. She's the butch but you're the one with the balls."

Alex chuckled, but was still very confused. "What do you mean I need to start things?"

"Well, she told me that she was in love with you forever but was too much of a chicken shit to say anything. You had to be the one to step up and confront her. Now, you'll have to be the one to take the first step again because she won't."

"Ah," Alex said, unsure of how to feel about Olivia revealing such a personal story.

"You look unsure."

"No, it's not that. I mean, it is. I'm not looking forward to doing that either, you know, taking the first step."

"I wouldn't be either."

Alex nodded.

"What is it, then?"

"What?"

"I said you looked unsure and you said it wasn't that. Then, what is it?"

Alex paused, unsure if she should admit what she was thinking. Hannah, seeing the woman's indecision, spoke up.

"Stop debating. Just say it."

"You're a nice girl, Hannah. I just don't know how I feel about having my personal life told to someone we hardly know."

"I can understand that."

"How much did she tell you?"

Hannah hesitated, torn between protecting Cam and being honest. She didn't want to get the woman in further trouble.

"Be honest," Alex pushed.

"I don't want her to get into any more trouble with you."

"She told you a lot, I take it?"

"Kind of, but it was my fault. I kept asking her questions. I won't tell anyone, if you're worried about that. It was just really sweet and I liked the story."

"I'm not angry. I might feel a bit exposed… but I'm not angry."

"She didn't tell me anything too intimate. Just a few things that were really innocent, like how she grew to love you and how you guys confessed your feelings to each other."

Alex nodded, but didn't say anything. She really wasn't angry, but she didn't like that she wasn't there listening to what Olivia said. She didn't like not knowing.

"We're just usually pretty quiet about our relationship. You must have had quite an effect on her for her to open up that way to you. Cam is an open person, but she's pretty protective of me and of my privacy."

"I feel bad now. For prying." And she did. She felt guilty.

"Oh, sweetie. I'm sorry."

Alex put her plate on the nightstand and reached over, pulling Hannah into a hug.

"I didn't mean to make you feel guilty. I actually meant that as a compliment, believe it or not," she said, laughing. "I'm not the best at this type of thing, if Cam hasn't already mentioned that. I come off not so friendly sometimes. But I really didn't mean to."

Hannah smiled, feeling relieved at the woman's light tone.

"She did," she said shyly, pulling away. "But she also said you're a really nice person once you warm up to people."

"I try to be. And I don't warm up to too many people to be honest."

"Have you warmed up to me yet?" she asked, grinning.

"Yeah, you're growing on me. Just like she did," Alex responded, pointing downstairs. "Funguses, the both of you."

Hannah laughed. Alex smiled at her. She was a sweet kid, and apparently very easy to talk to. She had quickly wormed her way into both her and Olivia's new life.

"So, now that you know all about my love life, tell me something about yours."

"I don't have a love life. It's pretty non-existent."

"Come on," Alex pried gently. "There must be something. It won't leave this room, I promise."

Hannah bit her lip, toying with the seam on the blonde's bedcover. The woman had opened up to her, had been kind, and seemed genuinely interested in listening. Maybe she could open up too. Just a little.

Alex waited patiently as the girl seemed to consider it, and she held her breath when she finally started speaking, afraid to scare her into silence.

"I've never told anyone this, and… and I'm not sure myself," she glanced up, meeting the blonde's eyes for a second before glancing back down. She could feel her heart racing in her chest. She didn't know if she could say the words out loud. The thought still scared her, and she wasn't sure if she could admit it yet.

"Hey," Alex said softly. "It's okay."

"I just don't know-" Hannah stopped herself, pulling her legs up and wrapping her arms around her bent knees. She sighed heavily. "It won't leave this room?"

"It will never leave this room. But Hannah, you don't have to say anything. I don't want you to tell me something because you feel obligated to." She reached out and touched the girl's knee. "I want you to open up because you want to, not because you feel you have to."

"I don't," she said shakily. "It's just scary," she whispered. Normally, she didn't ever let herself get this vulnerable. She was an open book, but not about things like this, things that affected her this way. But Val, she was gay. She wouldn't judge her or tell her she was sick for having these thoughts. _She's not mom,_ she reminded herself.

"You're safe here," Alex encouraged, reaching out and pulling her close.

Hannah leaned into her, grateful for the comforting hug. The woman held her tight until Hannah felt comfortable enough to let go. When she pulled away, she felt a lot less vulnerable. She did want to talk about it, to get it out. She had been harbouring this secret for so long. It was getting harder and harder to keep it in. She wanted to get it out, even though she was petrified.

"Okay, well, I-" her voice caught in her throat, causing her to swallow hard to find it again. "I've never told anyone this. Because I've been too scared and partly because I've had no one to tell. No one who would…get it. And here, everybody knows everybody, so if it got out, it would be bad. Everyone would know. And…I'm still not sure, but…I'm pretty sure. But I'm scared to be sure. To admit it to myself."

Alex was pretty sure she already knew what the girl was going to say, and she recognised what a monumental step it was for her to take. It was terrifying, and she could definitely relate to the fear the girl felt. She reached out and rubbed the girl's back for a second, smiling when Hannah met her eyes. The girl gave a shaky smile back before taking a deep breath.

"I…" she faltered. Her heart was pounding so hard in her chest she was certain that Val could hear it. She swallowed the lump in her throat and tried again. "I think I'm gay," she said softly. "And I think…I think I'm in love with my friend Lisa."

That was it. Her secret was out. Instead of feeling better, she felt scared. Hearing the words out loud for the first time terrified her, and as hard as she tried, she couldn't help the tears that sprang to her eyes. She bit her trembling lip in an attempt to stave off the tears, but it was no use. When felt herself being pulled into a warm, safe embrace, she broke down. She reached her arms around the blonde and sobbed hard into her shoulder.

Alex felt her heart break when the girl broke down. She knew what a huge step this was for her, and while she was proud of her for finding the courage to say it out loud, she also felt terrible for what she was going through. She knew how hard it was to face this though, and she knew she could help her get through it. Both she and Olivia could, since they had both had struggled with coming to terms with their own sexuality, just as Hannah was now.

Alex rocked the girl in her arms, whispering soothing words as she rubbed her back. The girl clung to her, letting out all the fear, worry, and loneliness she had been feeling since this had all begun. She had been struggling with these feelings for years now, and she had had no one to talk to. Getting it out was a relief, a giant weight off her shoulders, but it had been terrifying to finally say the words out loud.

When Hannah finally pulled back, Alex smiled encouragingly. She moved the girl's errant hairs from her face, tucking them behind her ears. She then reached over to grab the box of Kleenex in her bedside drawer, offering them to the teenager. Hannah smiled gratefully, wiping her eyes and blowing her nose. She then tossed the used tissues into the bin, running her hands over her thighs nervously. Her eyes were puffy and sore, and she was afraid to look at the woman before her. She was nervous to face the woman who now knew her deepest, darkest secret.

Alex watched her for a few minutes, waiting to see if she would say anything. She didn't want to stop her from opening up some more. However, when several minutes passed and the girl said nothing, and wouldn't even look at her, Alex reached out. She cupped her cheek and forced her to look up.

"Hey. You were just so incredibly brave. I'm really proud of you for saying it out loud. I know how scary it is to do that for the first time."

Hannah nodded when the blonde took her hand away. She wiped at the tears that pooled in the corner of her eyes.

"It is scary," she sniffed. "You're not going to tell anyone?"

"No, sweetie. I'm not. I would never tell anyone anything you told me in confidence like this. Besides, I don't have anyone to tell. You're my only friend here," she said smiling. "So you know your secret is extra safe with me."

Hannah returned her smile.

"Okay. Thank you," she said softly.

"How are you feeling?"

"Scared. Worried. Terrified. But I feel better, like a weight has been lifted, which I know sounds weird considering I just said I feel scared and worried."

"It doesn't sound weird. I get it. How long have you been struggling with this?"

"A long time. Since I was fourteen or fifteen I guess. I've known forever that I didn't like boys, but that wasn't an issue. I didn't even think about it. But then, when these feelings started…for other girls…it was hard. And confusing. I didn't get it."

Alex nodded in understanding.

"You were feeling things for girls that you were told you should be feeling for boys."

"Yeah, exactly. My friends all had crushes on the guys in our classes. I thought they were repulsive and completely immature. I mean, some of them are my friends, but I never ever saw them as anything more. The guys, they would talk about the girls in our classes when I was around sometimes, and I felt like it just… it fit. That was much more interesting. I could relate to that. I couldn't relate to the girls talking about the guys in our year. It's just been really hard, really confusing."

"I can't even imagine how difficult it's been for you. It is very hard to go through this, especially alone."

Hannah nodded.

"Does your mom-"

"No!" she said quickly, cutting her off. "No. Never. Don't ever tell my mom."

"I won't. I would never," she said, soothing Hannah. The girl had immediately begun to panic at the mention of her mother. "I don't even know her or where she lives. Even if I did, I would never tell her."

"Okay," she said, calming down. "Sorry. I just know that it would be bad and I don't want to talk about it with her."

"Okay, sweetie. That's okay. You don't have to talk to anyone you don't want to." Alex didn't want to mention telling anyone else for fear of scaring the girl again, but she needed to know if Olivia knew. "I'm only asking because I need to know, not because I will say something to her, but…have you told Cam?"

Hannah shook her head.

"I almost did. I wanted to, but… I couldn't. I don't know…"

"That's okay, sweetie. There's no pressure and no rush."

"You can tell her if you want. As long as she doesn't say anything."

"Thank you, but I think it would be better for you to tell her. That's your news to tell when you're ready. Cam is a really good listener, and she's very understanding. When you're ready to talk to her, she'll be eager to listen."

Hannah nodded, then smiled as she looked up at her.

"So, since she's such a good listener and so understanding, does that mean you're going to talk to her finally?"

Alex smirked, nudging her shoulder.

"Nice deflecting."

Hannah grinned. Alex smiled back and sighed, shaking her head.

"You're pushy. Did she put you up to this?"

"No. I just remember what you guys were like the first day I met you. Now, you're both sad and not talking. I want you to be happy again."

Alex smiled at the sincerity in her voice, but didn't say anything.

"Well?"

Alex rolled her eyes and nodded.

"Yes, you nag," she teased good-naturedly. "I'm going to talk to her. I just don't know when yet. I have to decide what I'm going to say first, but I promise, I will talk to her."

"Good."

"Are you sure you want to be a cop? You could be a professional nagger. Or maybe even a match-maker."

Hannah laughed. The sound made Alex smile. It was good to hear her laugh again.

"No. I'm pretty set on that."

Alex smiled at her. There was a pause of silence between them before Alex spoke up again.

"Alright. How are you feeling now? Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to talk about the second part of your confession? About Lisa?"

Hannah sighed, stroking the bedcover.

"I don't know what to say."

"Why don't you start by telling me about her? How did you meet?"

Hannah smiled despite herself.

"We met in English class last year. She was the reason I looked forward to going," she said, blushing.

"What is she like?"

"She's… wonderful. She's funny and kind, and she's really easy to talk to. She's so smart. I mean, I'm pretty smart, but she makes me look like an idiot. And she's beautiful. I just…I love being around her. She's my favourite person."

Alex could say nothing for the smile on her face. She tried to respond, but the girl was so damn cute that nothing came out. It turned out that it was all for the better, because the teenager continued.

"She listens to me, you know? And she knows when something's wrong. I do my best to hide when I have a bad day or when something's on my mind. I like to just play it off, but she can tell. She just knows. And even though it's a pain in the ass because I like to hide that part of myself, when I'm not okay, it's also kind of nice knowing that I'm not invisible. And she doesn't let me get away with anything. I like that too. She always calls my bullshit. And you wouldn't think just by looking at her, but she's got a wicked sense of humour. Very dark. I love it. She's always making me laugh."

When the girl stopped talking, Alex finally responded.

"She sounds like a wonderful person. It's no wonder you like her."

"I don't just like her, Val. I think…I think I love her. I think I have for a long time but I don't know what to do about it." She sighed. "There really isn't anything you can do when you're in love with a straight girl."

"And you're sure she's straight?" she asked gently.

"Yeah, pretty sure. I mean, she doesn't seem gay."

"Does she know how you feel about her?" Alex was pretty sure she knew the answer, but she didn't want to just assume anything either.

"No. God, no. I'd never tell her. It'd ruin our friendship. I don't want to freak her out."

"Do you know how she feels about gay people?"

"She's fine with them. Trevor in our year is gay and she loves him."

"That's good. What if you came out to her, to see what she says?"

"Why?"

"Well, I know I don't know her, but…sexuality is fluid. Many people aren't categorically gay or straight. Some people, and I believe most people, fall between the spectrum of gay and straight. Imagine you had a line and at one end you have the word gay and at the other you have the word straight. Right in the middle is the word bisexual. Now, some people will fall exactly on those words. However, most people will fall near one of the words, yes, but they won't be completely gay or straight because most people's sexuality is fluid to some degree, at least a little. Some people think they are on the complete extreme of either gay or straight, but if you were to really discuss it, you'd probably find they aren't completely one or the other. She might think she's straight, or you might think she is, but maybe she isn't completely. She might be more open to it than you think. Does any of that make sense?"

Hannah nodded.

"Yeah, but not everyone is as open-minded as you are."

"No, but it's different with your generation I think. You guys are much more open and accepting as a whole. Or at least, that's my impression. I don't share my business because I'm a private person, but if I had to bring it up, I know most people your age wouldn't even be fazed by the fact that I like women. However, someone from my generation or my parents', well, I would definitely hesitate saying something. I know it's not really fair to generalise that way but I feel that way for a reason."

"Because you've had negative reactions from people from older generations?"

"Yes. Some very unkind comments to say the least."

"I'm sorry, Val. I'm not looking forward to getting those comments either."

"You might not. Like I said, your generation is very different. Your friends, when you decide to tell them, will probably be very understanding. And you know what, if you get people who aren't so nice about it, sometimes it's best not to have those people in your life. You're a great kid. You don't need anyone telling you otherwise."

"Thanks, Val," she answered. The girl paused for a second, then looked up at Alex. "Thanks for listening to me. It's nice to have someone to talk to."

"You can always come to me or to Cam. We're both good listeners. She's better than me to be honest. She's usually better at this than I am."

"I don't think so. It was really easy to talk to you today."

"Well, thank you. I hope you'll do it again soon."

The teenager gave a genuine smile.

"I will."

"Good. Alright, miss. It's getting kinda late. You should probably start heading home soon before your mom starts wondering where you are."

The girl got up and nodded.

"Yeah, I suppose so. Are you going to come downstairs or should I say goodbye to you here?"

"No, I'll come downstairs. It's been pointed out to me that I may have been running from my problems," Alex said, a friendly smile on her face.

"I'm glad you're going to face them."

"Well, you were so brave tonight you've inspired me," she answered, grabbing their dirty dishes and following the girl down the stairs.

Hannah beamed at the compliment. It felt great to know that she had moved the woman. Although she did know her that well yet, she was quickly forming a bond with the blonde. Val was very easy to talk to, and Cam wasn't so difficult to talk to either. She was glad to finally find a place where she was comfortable just being herself. She always felt like she needed to hide this part of herself, and while she prided herself on being an open book about certain parts of her life, she also felt like a liar at times because of what she was hiding. She felt she could never truly be honest with anyone. But with Cam and Val, it was different. They were gay, just like she suspected she was. She didn't have to hide what was fast becoming a huge part of her identity.

It seemed to be all she could think about lately, about whether or not she was gay. Well, that and Lisa. It had been nice to talk to someone about it. Especially since she knew Val wouldn't (and couldn't) tell anyone. It made her feel better because no one was safe in her town. They all knew each other and they were terrible gossips. And even if they weren't, how could they relate and understand what she was going through? They couldn't. Everyone she knew was straight. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but… they just didn't understand.

Alex opened the door and followed the girl outside, stopping at the top of the steps.

"Thank you for visiting, Hannah. I'm glad you came over. Come back again soon, okay? Feel free to drop in any time."

Hannah smiled at her.

"Thanks for having me. Good luck with your conversation."

"Thanks. Be safe now. No drag racing."

The girl chuckled as she hopped on her bike.

"Bye, Val."

"Bye, sweetie."

Alex watched the girl go until she could no longer see her. She sighed heavily as she turned toward the house. A heavy conversation was about to be had.


	17. Chapter 17

Alex brought her dishes to the dishwasher, purposefully taking her time loading it up. She had no idea what to say to the other woman or how to go about this conversation. She felt nervous and part of her wished she hadn't waited so long to confront her. Now, the time that had gone by just made this talk more difficult. She took a deep breath and, after placing the last plate on the bottom rack, she made her way to the living room.

Olivia looked up, surprised to see Alex in the same room as her. She hadn't seen much of the woman for the better part of four days now, due to the fact that the blonde had been actively avoiding her. She hid her surprise, however, and smiled when Alex approached. The woman gave a small smile back. Olivia turned off the television when Alex sat down at the other end of the couch, shifting so that she was facing her.

"Hi," Alex said, feeling stupid already. God, she hated when things were awkward.

"Hey. It's nice to see you."

Silence fell between them as neither knew what to say.

"I know we need to have a talk," Alex finally started, "but I don't know where to start or what to say really. I'm sorry I didn't come to you sooner to talk about it. I just… needed time to myself. And then it just turned into me avoiding you because I didn't want to have this talk."

"I understand. I'm glad you decided to finally come to me," she said softly. "I've been thinking about you."

Alex nodded, looking away from her. God, could she even do this? She was still so hurt and angry, and truthfully, she wasn't sure she could face this yet. But, she couldn't avoid Olivia forever. They had to talk. She took a deep breath and forced herself to open up.

"I'm upset with you. I know you know that already. I was really hurt. I still am. And angry. Because you just chose this for us. You made this decision that affects my life and you didn't even consult me," Alex kept her voice steady, but she could feel her anger stirring a little. She took another deep breath to calm herself before continuing. "And I don't think that was right. I should have had a say. You should have discussed it with me. This just came out of left field when I thought we were on the same page. I'm confused and I'm angry and I just… I don't get it."

Olivia was quiet a moment, letting the blonde's words wash over her.

"You're right," she conceded. "I should have spoken to you, but I didn't. I reacted in the heat of the moment. I let my emotions take over me, which is ironically how we got into this situation in the first place."

When Alex looked confused, Olivia explained.

"I lost sight of why I came here because I got so swept up in my feelings for you. I kind of "forgot" the reason behind my coming here with you. It felt so good to just…to be with you again that I didn't even think about what forced us together again, what was happening back home. Then, when Agent Thomas came in and called us on it, it all just came flooding back. It hit me like a ton of bricks and it scared me. It scared me that it was so easy for me to lose my focus. But that's what always happens when it comes to you. I get so focused on you that I forget my surroundings; I forget what's going on. I'm just… I get entranced by you. It's both a blessing and, in this case, a curse. I was able to forget about everything because of you, but that's the problem.I was able to forget about the danger you're in.

It was like that when we were together too. Before. Nobody else mattered when you were around, and for a second, that's how it was again. And then when I was torn back to reality, I scared myself with how negligent and distracted I had become. So I reacted. I reacted quickly and I didn't discuss it with you. I'm sorry. I know I hurt you. I didn't mean it as a rejection. I wasn't trying to make it seem like I didn't or don't want you. I do. So fucking badly. But it's because of the fact that I can't separate myself from you that I have to do it this way. I can't focus on keeping you safe when I'm distracted by how good you look, how nice you smell, how badly I want to touch you. If I distance myself from those emotions, at least for now, then I can keep you safe. I need to keep you safe, and I can't do that unless I take a step back."

Alex looked away, wrapping her arms around herself.

"You didn't even try. How do you know you can't if you don't even try?"

"Because I know myself," Olivia's jaw froze, having caught herself just as she was about to say "Alex". She swallowed and try again. "I know myself, Val."

The name was like a punch to Alex's gut.

"I know that I can't do what I need to do if I'm distracted. And the way that I feel about you, it consumes me. I don't mean it to sound as bad as it does, but it's the truth. You command all of my attention, even if you aren't trying to. I need to do everything in my power to keep vigilant, and that means that I need to take a step back from you, from us, because I can't divide my attention between loving you and what protecting you. It's one or the other. And your safety, your life, it's worth more than…" she sighed, stopping herself from completing the sentence. "It has to be this way. I need to take a step back, distance myself. I can't let something happen to you because of my negligence."

Alex, her eyes swimming with tears, finally looked back at Olivia.

"What happened to all the promises you made to me last week? Was that all bullshit? Telling me that you missed me, that you wanted to wake up and know where I am, that you hated the not knowing so that's why you were coming, telling me you wanted to see me every day, love me. You made me believe one thing, and now you're here, telling me another. Why would you lie to me like that?"

"It wasn't a lie. It wasn't," she repeated firmly when Alex scoffed. "I did miss you. I did hate not knowing where the fuck you were, how you were doing. I hated not knowing if you were safe. I hated the unknown; it was awful. I hate that we haven't been talking now. I hate that there is this distance between us. I hate that I've hurt you. I hate that this is happening. But you know what? As bad as it's been, as hard as it is, it's better than not knowing."

Alex bit her bottom lip, refusing to meet her gaze.

"So that's it then?" she said, just above a whisper.

"It has to be… I can't."

"I wish I had known this before you came," Alex said sadly, getting up from the couch.

"Would it have changed your opinion about my coming?"

Alex paused at the staircase. She looked over at the brunette and sighed.

"I don't know," she said softly before making her way upstairs.

And the truth was, she didn't.


	18. Chapter 18

It took her a few days after their final talk for things to start to settle between the two women, but it came as a relief to Olivia that things were starting to calm down between the two. (It was also a huge relief for Hannah, who had been witnessing the tension between them). Alex hadn't quite forgiven Olivia, and she was definitely still being a little distant, but at least they were back on speaking terms. Alex had realised that she had a choice, she could either hate Olivia for the rest of their time in the WPP, or she could work through her pain and attempt a platonic relationship with Olivia.

She had wanted to hate her. Good God had she wanted to hate her. And she had, at least for a little while. She lashed out and slammed doors; she glared at the brunette and she ignored her. But deep down, she knew she didn't feel better. She realised that her anger and attitude were only making her unhappier. There was nothing she could do to change Olivia's mind. She couldn't _force_ her to resume their relationship. She had finally accepted that in order to be happy, she needed to let go of her anger. She didn't agree with the brunette's decision by any means, but she would respect it at least. She needed to, because Alex knew she couldn't continue this way. She didn't want to live life like Emily had. Emily had been depressed, alone, and incredibly sad. She had hated life. Alex would not live like that again. She couldn't. So she had taken the first step towards amending things between them.

It had been hard the first couple of weeks, but eventually things started turning around, and the two women were able to settle into a safe and comfortable routine. Things were getting better at home, and work was going great for both women; they were both starting to feel like they were fitting in well.

Olivia easily fell into a routine with Mr. Jones (Randy) at the Youth Centre. She enjoyed working with and learning from him. He was laid back and easy-going, listening to the teens when they were having a hard time, but he was tough with them when the occasion called for it. Olivia quickly grew to respect; it was obvious he knew what he was doing and that he cared a great deal.

The students gave her a hard time at first, as she had expected, but they seemed to slowly be coming around, especially the ones who had been so reserved around Randy. He had explained that some students opened up more easily to a certain gender, and he had had trouble connecting with the two that Olivia was bonding with rather quickly. They were clearly more comfortable with Olivia because of the fact that she was a woman, and Randy backed off immediately so that the brunette could bond with the two girls. Olivia was incredibly happy that she was starting to make a connection, even if it was with only with two of the students. She knew that with time, she would start to connect with the others. The job was difficult, draining, and demanded a lot of her emotionally, but not unlike her previous job with the SVU, it was proving to be immensely rewarding.

Alex, for her part, was happier at work than she had been in a long time. She loved the library, and she found that when things were getting too difficult at home, she was easily able to lose herself at work. She loved that they followed a strict routine in the morning, while the afternoon was left for more creative endeavours. She was quickly adapting to life at the library, spending most of her days browsing the various titles that came through (it was incredible the vast array of books that existed) and chatting with Jodie, someone she warmed to almost immediately. The woman was hilarious and had effortlessly roped the blonde into friendship. Alex spent most of her day laughing at something Jodie did or said, loving the woman's quick wit and sarcastic responses. She was silly and fun, her playful side coming out at every turn. The blonde had never felt so relaxed at work, and Reg proved to be a wonderful boss. He was kind and caring, soft spoken and gave direction in a way that made you _want_ to do what he asked.

Everyone who came into the library was so friendly, greeting the "new face" and asking her how she was liking the job, the new city. They asked her her name and where she was living, and most left her with a "welcome to Little Current" as they headed out the door. The blonde felt incredibly welcome, spending most of her day smiling, something she had so very rarely done while living as Emily. So far, Valerie was meeting a ton of new people, who were nothing but kind, friendly, and helpful. Alex had been grateful for this, especially when, on a Thursday afternoon, just over three weeks after starting her new job, the blonde found herself alone at the front and the computer at the self-check-out counter began acting up.

Alex quickly apologised to the patron who was trying to use it, checked out the person on the computer at the front desk, and then made her way to the self-check-out counter. She wished she could go ask Jodie for help, but the woman was currently in the middle of story time. The library got busy when story time ended, with patrons coming to check out books for their children. She needed to get the computer working again before that happened, so she leaned forward and squinted, trying to see behind the tower of the computer. Was a wire loose? She didn't even know what to look for. Maybe if she tried just tried touching…

"Something I can help you with?"

Alex swallowed her gasp of surprise at the voice behind her. She pulled away from the computer and turned, looking at the smiling woman next to her. It was Lori, the volunteer who picked up books from the library to bring to the elderly. She was incredibly kind, and Alex always enjoyed her visits.

"Hi, Lori. You scared me."

"I figured," she said, rubbing her arm. "I didn't mean to. You just looked a little lost."

"I am. The screen shut off and I have no idea what to do," Alex confessed. "I don't know why it's not working."

Lori nodded.

"It does this a lot. You just have to wiggle the back wire," she explained, guiding Alex to the computer. She bent forward and pointed to a wire at the back. "See this one? It comes loose. You just have to wiggle it back into place," she explained, reaching forward and pushing it into the back of the monitor. The screen flickered for a second before coming back on. "Tada! The wires get loose when you move the screen. We try to remind people not to touch it," she leaned in as if to tell a secret, "but they don't listen very well," she whispered.

Alex smiled, grateful for her help.

"Thank you. I wasn't looking forward to having it down with the rush after story time."

Lori nodded as she touched her arm affectionately.

"Well, now you know. There's so many things to learn, but you'll get to know all the little tricks in time. Like the back door for example. It sticks when you try to use your key," she explained as she hoisted the boxes of books from the back counter, "but if you push forward and jiggle the lock while you turn, it'll open without a problem."

Alex stood there, staring.

"Seriously? I've been arguing with that door since I started."

"Seriously. Try it tomorrow, you'll see."

"I will. Any other tricks I should know about?"

Lori grinned at her, amused. She moved to cradle the box under her arm as she replied.

"There are tons to learn about the library, but there's also a lot of neat things to learn about this city. Have you gone exploring yet?"

"Not much to be honest."

"Well, do you have plans tomorrow night? I'll bring you around to the most famous places and I'll let you in on more of my library secrets," she said with a wink, carrying the boxes of books to the door.

"Okay," Alex smiled, excited at how easily she was making new friends. "It's a date!"

"Is it now?" Lori teased, as she pushed her way out the door.

Alex completely missed the smile on the other woman's lips.


	19. Chapter 19

 

When Olivia picked Alex up on Friday evening, Alex was grinning from ear to ear.

"TGIF," she said happily as she dropped into the vehicle.

"Well, you're awfully perky today."

"I am," she affirmed, putting on her seatbelt as Olivia drove out of the parking lot. "I'm going to be going out tonight. With a friend."

Olivia's eyebrows rose as she looked over.

"You made a friend?" she asked happily.

"I did," Alex said, smiling. "A volunteer at the library. She comes in to bring books to elderly shut-ins. We've been friendly since I started and yesterday she invited me out to show me around the city."

"That's great!" she said sincerely. She knew how hard it was for the woman to make friends. She had been doing really well since they arrived though. Olivia was proud of her. "Where are you going?"

"I don't know to be honest. She said she was going to show me around though, so that will be nice."

"I guess she'd know the town pretty well if she drives around bringing books to people."

Alex nodded.

"That's what I figured too."

"So since what time have you been planning your outfit?"

Alex laughed.

"Shut up," she muttered. She was notorious for spending hours agonizing over what to wear, even for something as simple as a BBQ at Elliot's house. Olivia used to groan and whine every time they got invited somewhere because she knew the blonde would spend hours deciding on an outfit.

"Answer the question."

"Only since two."

"Yesterday at two."

"Maybe."

"Is that when she brought up bringing you out?"

"Maybe," Alex repeated.

Olivia chuckled, shaking her head.

"I thought so. Have you at least figured out what you want to wear?"

"I think so. I'm thinking of wearing those new jeans I just got with the burgundy sweater. It gets chilly at night, so I figure I'm safe with that. And then the boots I bought on Wednesday."

Alex had done a second round of shopping for the both of them this week, given that they were quickly running out of things to wear. She had bought them shoes and a few other things as well, like a belt for Olivia and a plastic cup dispenser for the bathroom.

Olivia nodded, not voicing her thoughts about how good she looked in that sweater and those jeans.

"That's a good outfit."

"Thanks."

"What time is she picking you up?"

"Around six fifteen."

Olivia glanced at the clock. It was 5:28 now and they were just pulling into the driveway.

"Will you have enough time to get ready?"

"I think so. I mean, I have the outfit already planned and that's usually the most time consuming thing."

"Will you have time to eat?"

"I think we're going to go to a sandwich shop. She told me she was going to show me the famous local places. I think that includes diners or restaurants. If they're good, I'll bring you next time we go out."

"Sounds like a plan," Olivia said, smiling.

She followed the blonde into the house, disabling the alarm while the woman jogged upstairs to change. She wandered around the main floor, wondering what she would do for the evening. Maybe she would clean as a surprise to Alex. Normally, she loathed doing any housework and consequently, it fell to the other woman to do it. However, she made up for it by fixing broken door handles and killing unwanted insects. Alex had agreed to do the housework as long as Olivia killed every single spider, bug, creepy crawly, or whathaveyous that made their way in the house. The brunette happily agreed to that arrangement.

Olivia walked over to the main floor bathroom, pulling out the disinfectant wipes and wiping down the sink. She then grabbed a fresh wipe and wiped down the toilet. The bowl looked clean, but she had seen Alex scrub it with the white scrubby thing by the toilet so she grabbed that and did the same. There was probably supposed to be some kind of cleaner added to this, but given that she had no idea what to use, she just shrugged and used none. One week without soaping down the toilet bowl would be fine. She put the scrubby thing back and then washed her hands, ridding herself of the smell of the disinfectant wipes.

She then went to the kitchen and emptied the dishwasher, filling it back up with the dirty dishes from the sink. She washed the frying pan from the omelette she had made them this morning and decided to wash the coffee pot as well. She was just in the middle of wiping down the counter when she heard the clicking of Alex's boots on the hardwood floor. She tossed the dishcloth in the sink and felt the air leave her lungs when she saw the blonde.

She looked _hot_.

Her hair was brushed, but it looked as though she had just run her fingers through the top, leaving it fall messily around her jaw. She was wearing a subtle amount of make-up, except for her lips, which were a gorgeous ruby colour. Her burgundy sweater hugged tightly against her torso, and her jeans, which were tucked into her high-heel boots, were just as snug. She was currently in the process of putting on her hoop earrings, watching herself in the hallway mirror, oblivious to Olivia's blatant staring.

When she successfully put them in and turned towards the kitchen, Olivia blinked and smiled at her.

"You look really nice," she said after clearing her throat.

"Thanks. If I'm going to meet the people in this city, I want to at least look presentable."

"You always look presentable."

The blonde smiled warmly at her.

"Yeah, yeah," she said affectionately.

There was a knock at the door, and Alex felt her nerves tighten. She was always nervous upon making new friends. What if things got awkward or she didn't know what to say?

"Do you want me to get it?" Olivia asked.

"No, I will. But you can come and I'll introduce you if you want. As long as you promise not to do the cop thing."

Olivia had a bad habit of interrogating new people, even if she was friendly about it.

"Hey. I can't help it if I'm curious."

Alex laughed and shook her head, heading towards the door. The woman did it because she was suspicious of everyone.

"I know what you do, and it's not from curiosity."

"Hey, you can never be too careful."

Instead of responding to the comment, Alex grabbed the door handle and turned to the brunette. She pointed a finger in warning.

"Be nice."

She opened the door and smiled at the woman standing before her.

"Hi, Lori." She took a step back, allowing the woman to come in. Olivia stayed a few feet away in the hallway.

"Hey," she said as she entered. "You look great."

Olivia's enthusiasm suddenly waned. Wait. Was this a date? Was Lori gay? _Fuck_. She looked gay. What were the signs Alex had taught her?

Hair! "Short hair, sometimes asymmetrical." Yes, this Lori woman had short hair. It was definitely asymmetrical, with the left side cut significantly shorter and the hair on the top of her head spiking out towards the right. No make-up. Olivia glanced at her face. Definitely no make-up on this woman.

She rushed through the rest of her thoughts, racking her brain on the spot.

Nails! Nails. She looked at the woman's hands. They looked a bit rough, and Lori's nails were cut short, as were her own. And the woman's outfit spoke volumes: baggy, loose fitting jeans, big belt, black shirt with a plaid, long-sleeved top, and a bulky watch. Olivia felt her inside turn. She had to be gay. And she stood just like Elliot did.

"Thanks. By the way, this is Cam, my roommate. Cam, this is Lori."

Olivia nodded politely and said hello.

"Hi," the woman responded. She was friendly. Olivia didn't like her.

"Well, we're going to go now. See you tonight, Cam."

"See you later," she said, forcing a smile. After the door closed, she bolted upstairs to the lime green room to discreetly look outside. _Lori_ , the woman's name pronounced with disgust in her head, was at least maintaining her distance. However, Olivia watched as the woman casually opened Alex's door before making her way to the driver's side of the vehicle. The brunette's heart sunk a little. Was this really a date? It definitely looked like one. But, Alex had said she was just a friend. Would she have told her if it was a date? She couldn't possibly be moving on already. But what if she was? Olivia had told Alex that they were no longer a possibility, so she was technically free to see whoever she wanted now.

Olivia watched the car pull out of the driveway, sitting dejectedly on the windowsill, lost in her thoughts.


	20. Chapter 20

"Oh. My. God. This is _amazing_ ," Alex moaned, taking another bite of the chicken salad sandwich in her hand.

Lori beamed.

"I knew you'd like it. Gus' has the best damn sandwiches in all of Wyoming, I swear. It doesn't matter what you get. It's going to be delicious," she said, biting into her meatball sub.

They were currently walking along the boardwalk. Lori had brought her downtown and shown her the local bakery, newspaper factory, the history museum, and now the sandwich shop. It had been the only place they actually went into, as Alex had stated she was starving, so Lori promised to give her a tour of those places another time.

"There's a popular antiques shop around the corner from my place as well."

"I love antiques!"

"I thought so. It closes at 7 during the week, and it's open on Saturdays. I'll take you one day."

"I'd like that."

"Good," she said, smiling. "There's a really famous motorcycle museum in Little Current too actually. It's such a random thing to have but hey," she shrugged before adding, "It's pretty cool."

"Cam would love that. She's really into that kind of thing."

Lori nodded, quietly wondering if she should ask the question that had been on her mind all night. She'd been having a great time so far, and it seemed as though Val was as well, but she couldn't stop thinking about the woman's "roommate". When they had struck an almost immediate conversation at the library, Lori knew instantly that she was attracted to the pretty blonde. It didn't take long for Lori to _casually_ out herself, unable to believe her incredible luck when the blonde admitted that she too was gay.

She had spent every visit talking to her, learning her likes and dislikes, listening to her stories of what had gone on that day at the library, and laughing with her at the silly mistakes she had made while learning to do her job. Lori was smitten. The blonde was kind, funny, intelligent and so genuinely sweet. When Val had eventually let it slip that she was single, Lori was beyond excited. She was very, very interested.

She finally worked up the courage to ask her out, and she had been ecstatic when Val accepted.

"So, Cam…is she your roommate or your "roommate"," she asked teasingly, making quotation marks with her fingers. She really did want to know though.

Alex smiled, although she felt a little sad.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "She's just my roommate. We had something once, but that's long over now."

The blonde forced a smile. She was not going to acknowledge her real feelings, especially when no good would come of it. Lori was turning into a friend, someone she genuinely enjoyed being around. She wasn't about to ruin the atmosphere with what was going on with Olivia.

"Okay," Lori answered, a friendly smile on her face. "Come on. There's a world famous ice cream place coming up, just past the Indian food stand. You have to get some."

"World famous, huh?" Alex teased, happy that the subject had been steered to a safer topic.

"Oh yes. Definitely."

"I'm going to get fat if we keep eating this way."

"That's okay. You're too skinny anyway," she said with a wink.

Alex chuckled and shook her head. Lori reached out and grabbed her wrist, eagerly bringing her to the ice cream stand. She was excited. Rudy's ice cream was to die for.

"You look like a little kid."

"I can't help it. I love this place. I think because it reminds me of when I was a child. It was my favourite ice cream place growing up and I used to get so excited when my mom would take me. They give huge balls of ice cream on the most delicious waffle cones. So. So. Good."

Lori paused, feigning suspicion as she looked the blonde over.

"You do like ice cream, right? I have to warn you, our friendship is resting on the answer to that question."

Alex laughed.

"I love ice cream," she said, smiling. She was getting full, but she was eager to try this "world famous" ice cream. Especially since Lori was so excited to get some.

"Oh good. That's a relief. I was afraid I was going to have to end things prematurely. I can't be seen with someone who hates happiness in a cone."

Alex laughed, bumping her shoulder as the woman teased her.

"What's your favourite kind?" Lori asked, pleased she was able to make the woman laugh so easily.

"Rocky road."

"Good choice. Mine's moose tracks."

"That's my go-to when there's no rocky road," the blonde said.

"Well, that seals it. I will go and get the BFF bracelets tomorrow."

Alex laughed. They approached the counter, and the elderly man behind it smiled widely at them.

"Hi, Lori. Who's your new friend?"

"Hey, Rudy. This is Val. She's new in town, so I brought her to the best ice cream place in Wyoming."

The older man winked at her.

"Damn right. Moose tracks again?"

The woman nodded eagerly.

"And what would you like, dear?"

"Rocky road, please."

"Good choice."

As the man went about getting their ice cream, Lori leaned against the counter.

"I thought you had retired, Rudy. Where's your grandson? I can't believe Fern is letting you work."

He grinned at her as he handed over the rocky road ice cream to Alex.

"She's visiting her sister this weekend, so I gave him the weekend off. We won't tell her I'm working tonight."

His mischievous grin made Alex smile.

"I like getting out and seeing the kids get ice cream. Reminds me of the good old days."

Lori smiled at him.

"Well, we miss seeing you around here that's for sure," she thanked him when he handed her her ice cream. "Good to see you again, Rudy."

She paid him and waved, Alex saying her goodbyes as well.

"He seems like a nice man."

"He is. He's a sweetheart," the woman answered. "Come on. There's a bench just over here."

The women sat and ate their ice creams, watching the people go by.

"I can't believe how beautiful it is tonight," Alex observed. "I thought it'd be chilly out."

"No. I mean, if it's windy then it gets cool because of the water, but for the most part, the evenings are warm here."

Alex nodded, eagerly taking another bite of her ice cream.

"God, is everything in this town delicious?"

Lori chuckled.

"We have a lot of privately owned businesses, you know, family run places. These people care about the quality of their products, about the food they're serving, which means they put a lot of effort into what they're serving. It's all really good."

"I'll say," Alex said, taking another big bite of her ice cream. She instantly regretted it when she felt the familiar pain of a brain freeze. "Oh, ow! Ow!"

Lori laughed, but reached out to cup the side of Alex's head. She hoped the warmth of her hand would help soothe the cold.

"Put your tongue to the roof of your mouth. It'll lessen your brain freeze."

Alex did as she was told and felt the cold begin to dissipate. She squeezed her eyes until the pain went away completely. She then opened her eyes and raised her eyebrows, impressed.

"Wow. Where did you learn that?"

"Years of wolfing down ice cream as a teenager. You have to learn tricks to deal with the pain."

"Well, your pain is my gain. Thanks for the tip. Speaking of which, didn't you promise to fill me in on your years of experience at the library? Maybe you can explain to me why the code for the study room only works when you punch it in angrily."

Lori laughed.

"Noticed that too, did you? The "two" sticks, so you have to jam it in order for the code to work. The other numbers you can push normally, but the "2" you have to really press on."

"What about the squeaky shelf in the children's DVDs section?"

"The shelf gets a bit loose sometimes when Jodie rearranges things. Just push on the upper hand corner and it'll settle back into place. It's not going to fall or anything, it just rubs and makes that squeaky noise. You just have to set it back into place."

"What about the cupboard for the items on hold?"

"Close the left side first, then the right. You'll see if you do it that way, it'll close properly."

"Huh."

"Impressed?"

"I am," Alex laughed. "How do you know all this?"

"I've been volunteering there forever. You just learn these things."

"Well thank you for sharing. I'll make sure to ask you when I think of more problem areas."

"You're lucky. I don't share my secrets with just anyone," she said, winking. "So are you up for more walking or are you getting tired?"

Alex was getting tired, but she wasn't ready to end their evening yet. She was enjoying herself.

"I'm not tired," she responded. "I could walk some more."

"Great," Lori said, beaming. She was hoping that the blonde would say that. She took their napkins, now that they had both finished their cones, and threw them into the garbage next to her. She then got up and Alex followed suit. However, the blonde winced, frowning when she felt pain near her toes. She took another step and stopped. _Oh, no._

"What?" Lori said, noticing the woman's look.

"I'm an idiot."

"You're not an idiot," she said smiling, walking back over to the blonde.

"Yes, I am. These are brand new boots, and I thought I'd be okay to walk in them for a while. They seemed comfortable, but now that we've stopped…"

"Now your feet are killing you?"

Alex nodded, offering her a pitiful look. Lori couldn't help chuckling at her.

"I will never understand why women do that to themselves. My sister does that all the time," she said, shaking her head. "Take them off."

"I can't just take them off. We're outside."

"Take them off," she repeated, reaching down and taking off her running shoes. "We're going to trade shoes."

"We are not."

"Yes. What size are you?"

"9.5."

"Here," she said, putting her shoes in the woman's hands. Lori was eternally grateful at this moment that she was not someone who had smelly feet. "Wear these. They're 10s. They'll probably fit perfectly now that your feet are swollen."

Alex opened her mouth to argue again.

"Listen. I was raised with two sisters and a mother. I know how to win an argument against a woman. Just put them on and help me feel like a gentleman, alright?"

Alex sighed in defeat. It wasn't like she could turn around and say that she was a lawyer and could win any argument anyway. She leaned over, using Lori's arm for leverage, and yanked at her boot. It took several pulls before it finally came off.

"Oh, God that feels good."

Lori shook her head again.

"Women and their fashion choices," she said, feigning exasperation.

"They're cute," Alex said defensively, slipping on the woman's shoe. "Ugh, but these are so much more comfortable."

Alex groaned in satisfaction as switched sides and removed the other boot, groaning once again when she put on the woman's running shoes. She shyly handed over her boots.

"Thanks," she said sincerely. "I don't want your feet to be sore, though."

"They won't be," Lori responded, tucking the boots under her left arm. She began leading the way back up the boardwalk as she struck up a new conversation. "So, I wanted to show you this garden we have not far from where we parked, but we'll have to walk the boardwalk again and then keep going for another ten or so minutes. Are you up for that?"

Lori stopped when she realised she wasn't being followed.

"Are you coming?"

"You can't walk barefoot outside," Alex stated.

"I'm not barefoot. I'm wearing socks," she said, making her point by holding up her sock covered foot. "But if you're too sore to walk, we can just drive by the garden and I'll show it to you another time. It's really beautiful. Come on, I'll show you."

Alex walked up and held Lori's arm, stopping her from continuing forward.

"Lori, stop. I can't take your shoes if you're going to walk barefoot."

When the blonde reached down to remove a running shoe, Lori grabbed her hand.

"Apparently ignoring you isn't going to work because you're just going to keep protesting," Lori said, her voice light. "Listen. It's not going to kill me to spend a little while walking in my socks. It's a beautiful night, there's no broken glass or rusty nails lying around. I'll be fine. It isn't the first time I've had to swap shoes with a girl who insists on choosing fashion over comfort and I'm sure it won't be the last," she said kindly. "Besides, I hate shoes. I would much rather walk around barefoot, but unfortunately it isn't socially acceptable. Now, I have an excuse to and I even look like a gentleman."

Alex sighed.

"I promise to step over any needles or crack pipes I see laying around, okay?"

Alex tried to fight her smile. Lori was charming if nothing else.

"I feel bad," she admitted.

"Don't. I'm happy to do it. Now are you going to stop complaining and accept my chivalrous move?"

"Yes," she said, finally.

"Good," Lori responded, resuming their walk down the boardwalk. "Women are such a pain in the butt," she muttered jokingly.

Alex gave her a rightly deserved shove, but she smiled when Lori laughed and reached out to gently hold her elbow as they walked.


	21. Chapter 21

By the time they pulled into the driveway, it was well after ten. Alex was definitely feeling the effects of a long day, as well as their late date, yawning widely when the car stopped. Lori chuckled at her.

"Guess it's a good thing we turned in when we did."

Alex nodded.

"I'm about ready to pass out," she confessed, leaning down to pull off Lori's shoes. "Thank you very much for trading shoes with me tonight. You saved my feet."

Lori smiled at her as she watched her put on her boots. The woman winced, her sore feet protesting at being forced back into their torture chamber.

"Are you going to be able to walk tomorrow?"

The blonde smiled.

"I sure hope so. I really need to do groceries."

"Well, on Wednesday, make sure to wear more comfortable shoes."

Alex nodded. They had decided to go to the antique shop after work on Wednesday night. Lori offered to pick her up at home, and Alex had happily accepted.

"I'll be sure to. Thanks for taking me out tonight. I had a great time."

"You're welcome. I'm glad that you did."

When she made a move to exit the vehicle and walk the woman up to her door, Alex protested. She grabbed her arm and held her in place, telling her it wasn't necessary.

"It's rude for me to just leave you here."

"You picked me up, showed me all around town, got me dinner and an ice cream, traded shoes with me, and now you've dropped me off at my door. You've been everything _but_ rude. I can make it to the door myself, but thank you."

"Are you sure?"

"I am. I'll see you Wednesday," she said, getting out of the vehicle. She then turned around and added: "Thanks again, Lori. Have a good night."

"You too, Val."

The blonde closed the door, walking to her door and wincing as her swollen feet rubbed against the inside of her boots. She unlocked the door and looked back to the driveway, seeing that Lori had, of course, waited until she was safely inside to leave.

Alex smiled and waved her off before closing and locking the door behind her. She was surprised to find that the house was dark, so she quietly dropped her things by the door, removed her shoes, and tiptoed upstairs. She found Olivia lying on her bed, reading. When the brunette noticed her, she put the book down on her chest and smiled.

"Hey. Did you have a good night?"

"I really did," Alex said, leaning against the doorframe. "My feet are killing me though. I didn't break in my shoes before going and now they're on fire."

Olivia smiled at her.

"One of your faults. You never break in your shoes before you go out."

"I know," she whined. "At least I only had to wear them for a few hours."

"Definitely."

Alex stood there awkwardly for a second before pushing away from where she was leaning.

"Well, have a good night."

"Goodnight, Val."

Alex felt a small pang of sadness when Olivia said her "name". She swallowed it down, nodding at the woman.

"Goodnight, Cam."

Alex turned and made her way to her room, the smile she wore from that evening now just a little less wide.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

Alex awoke the next morning to the sound of voices floating up from downstairs. She groaned and turned over, trying to make out who it could be. She recognised Olivia's voice immediately, and after straining for a second, recognised the sound of Hannah's as well. She waited a minute to see if there was a third person, but it didn't sound like it. She begrudgingly got out of bed, since it was now nearly 10 am, and searched for her bra. She put it on and made her way to the living room.

"Good morning, sleepyhead."

"Shut up," she mumbled. "Coffeeeee."

Her voice came out whiny, just as she had intended it to. Olivia chuckled and got up, wrapping her in a warm hug. Alex didn't respond, because she knew what was coming. The woman was going to make fun of her.

"Who's my little grumpy bunny in the morning?" Olivia cooed.

"You're such an asshole," she muttered, pushing her away. She couldn't hide the smile on her face though. At least she had been able to suppress her laughter. The brunette would have kept going if she'd have gotten that kind of reaction.

"Go sit down. I'll get you the coffee."

"Good. You woke me with your big mouth."

"Well, it's about time," she called back, walking to the kitchen and getting Alex her coffee. "It's already 10!"

"Hey, don't exaggerate!" the blonde protested. "I still have…four minutes and thirteen seconds before it's actually 10."

The brunette returned, shaking her head. Alex gratefully took the cup that Olivia offered her, groaning when she finally had her first sip. After swallowing a bit more coffee, she sighed and smiled over at Hannah.

"Hi, you," she said, finally acknowledging the teen. "How are you?"

"I'm doing great."

"Good. We've missed you."

The girl smiled shyly.

"I didn't want to interrupt too much when I knew you guys had to talk, so… I thought I'd just give you some space."

"Hey," Alex said softly. "We didn't want that. You never have to give us space."

When the girl didn't respond, Olivia spoke.

"It was awkward with us not talking, wasn't it?"

Olivia knew she had hit the nail on the head when the girl gave another small smile. She then nodded.

"Kind of."

"I'm sorry, sweetie. Didn't mean to make it uncomfortable for you."

"It's okay. I know sometimes you need to work things out."

Olivia nodded.

"How has school been going?" Alex asked.

"Good. Exams are coming up in a few weeks and I'm only freaking out a little."

"Have you started studying yet?"

"No," she admitted. "But to be fair, it's kind of early and way too hard to study with two little kids yelling in the background."

"You could come to the library and study. It's quiet there and I'm around if you need help."

"I could."

"Or you could come here and study," Olivia suggested. "It's always quiet here in the evening and there's a table to study at. Your room upstairs also now has a desk in it. You know you're more than welcome here any time."

The girl smiled. They had decided a couple of weeks ago that since Hannah loved the lime green bedroom so much, she could have it. She hadn't yet spent the night in it, but it was nice to know she was so welcome in their home that she even had her own space.

"Thanks. Maybe I will."

"You should," Alex stated. "We'll paint the room eventually though so you won't have to endure that awful green."

"I love that green! Stop threatening to paint it."

"It's like a puke neon green," Alex teased as she always did when they had this discussion.

The teenager laughed.

"It is not. It's cool."

Alex gave an exaggerated nodded.

"Oh ya, sure, so cool."

"Sorry, Val. I guess you're just too old to understand," she replied.

The blonde's mouth dropped as she laughed.

"Hey, be careful. She'll beat you with her cane," Olivia said. "She's a mean old lady."

Alex got up, shaking her head.

"You guys are a bunch of assholes. I'm going to the kitchen."

"Don't fall. Those bones are brittle."

Alex raised her hand and showed Olivia a choice finger. The other two laughed. Hannah sat back and smiled; she was glad the earlier tension had dissipated.

Once in the kitchen, Alex went about emptying the dishwasher. She made it a point to ignore the brunette when she entered the kitchen, pretending to be angry with her.

"Oh, come on, fussy pants," Olivia stated, noticing Alex's scowl. "Wait a minute. You still remember what we said earlier? Praise Jesus! Your memory is improving!"

The enthusiasm in the woman's voice made Alex laugh.

"Such a jerk," she muttered.

Olivia joined in her laughter, wrapping an arm around her waist and tugging her close. She laid a playful kiss on her cheek, still giggling when she pulled away.

"You're fun to tease."

"Mhmm," Alex replied, unable to say anything. The feel of Olivia's lips so close to her own had sent a wave of warmth through her body, momentarily shutting down her brain. Her arm pressed against the brunette's chest when she pulled her close hadn't helped either.

"Listen. Hannah and I are going to hit up the hardware store in a few minutes. I think we're going to patch up the deck and then we'll paint it next weekend if that sounds good to you?"

Alex nodded eagerly.

"Definitely. I hate looking at the off-white colour they chose. Why would you do that? We're going to stick with white and grey, right?"

Olivia nodded.

"Grey deck, white railing, as per your specifications."

"Good. It'll match the house so much more nicely. I'm excited."

Olivia smiled.

"I'm glad. So, we'll be back in a couple of hours, maybe less."

"Probably not. I know how you feel about walking around that place. Don't bore Hannah."

"No promises," she called back as she headed out the door.

Alex puttered around the house, making a note to thank Olivia for cleaning. The place looked great. She decided to bake them some cinnamon rolls, knowing that they were one of the brunette's favourite desserts. She would probably appreciate it; the woman had a wicked sweet tooth.

Just as Alex put the first tray of rolls in the oven, she heard a knock on the door. She immediately froze. Who was it? They definitely weren't expecting anyone.

The blonde took a deep breath and calmed herself. If someone were here to kill her, they probably wouldn't be knocking at the front door, she thought, chastising herself for getting so paranoid. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Agent Thomas standing on the other side of the door.

"Hello, Val. I know I wasn't supposed to come by until next Monday or Tuesday, but I figured I'd come sooner since I had something for you."

He stepped aside and pointed to the white car currently pulling into the driveway. Another Agent exited the vehicle once it came to a stop. He nodded in her direction before getting into Agent Thomas' black sedan.

"As requested. I'm sorry it took so long."

She grinned widely.

"It's okay. I love it! Thank you so much."

He nodded, following her into the living room.

"You and Cam decided not to carpool anymore?"

"No, it's not that. It's just that it's really inconvenient not having a second vehicle when she's out and I need to go into town. Plus, it's kind of nice to know that there's another vehicle in case one of ours stops working."

She wasn't lying, per se. Those were also reasons why she wanted a second vehicle. She decided not to inform of the reason that had first prompted her to ask for a second car. He didn't need to know that they had been fighting.

"Alright. How are you two getting along?"

"We are getting along well."

"How are you adapting?"

"As well as can be expected."

"You're still using each other's new names?"

"Yes."

"How are your jobs going? Do you feel like you're still fitting in well?"

"I think so. Cam loves her job and is adapting nicely. She's not loving the paperwork though. I'm doing alright. It's easy enough to be honest. There's a lot to remember but I'm used to that."

"Right. And is there anything you two need? Do you have any concerns?"

"I don't think so. We're doing pretty well so far."

"Good. I'm glad to hear things are going better. And you've gotten rid of the initial files and paperwork we gave you, right?"

She nodded.

"Cam burned them the second or third night we were here."

"Perfect. It sounds like you're doing well, then. I'm glad to hear that."

Alex appreciated the sincerity in his voice.

"How are things back in…"

"Not as bad as they could be, but still not good. You do need to lay low, Val. It's incredibly important that you do. If you need anything else, you have my number. Otherwise, I wish you two well. I'll probably check in in a month or so to make sure that everything is still on track."

"Okay. Thanks for coming. And thank you for the car."

"Take care, Val. Tell Cam I'll call her later to make sure everything is going aright for her too."

"I will."

She thanked him and wished him well before turning back to the kitchen. She would check on the car as soon as she finished baking the rest of the cinnamon rolls.

Alex was in the middle of putting in the final batch of cinnamon rolls when she heard the sound of the front door flying open, followed by Olivia's frantic screaming.

"Val! Val?!"

"Cam?" Alex asked, confused. The brunette sounded near hysterics. She emerged from the kitchen, spotting Olivia immediately.

"Oh thank God!" Olivia practically shouted, racing to her and engulfing the blonde in a tight embrace. "Fuck. I was so worried," she whispered in her hair. "Thank God," she repeated, her entire body sagging as she was flooded with relief.

Alex hugged her back, still confused as to what was going on.

"I'm fine. Why are you so worried?"

When the brunette pulled away, her eyes were glossy.

"That damn car. Who's here? I thought it was…"

Realisation suddenly hit Alex.

"Oh, God. I'm sorry. That was for me. I called Agent Thomas when we were fighting and asked him to bring us a second vehicle. He dropped it off while you were out. I didn't even think-"

"It's okay. I'm just so relieved," she replied, a slight chuckle bursting from her chest as her panic calmed. "Fuck. I about had a heart attack."

Alex looked over her shoulder to Hannah, who had just joined them. She was standing awkwardly in the hallway. The teenager was understandably confused and worried.

"Is everything okay?" she asked timidly.

"Oh, Hannah!" Olivia suddenly remembered the girl. "God, I'm sorry. I kind of left you pretty quickly, didn't I?"

The truth was, Olivia had only managed to put the car in park before bolting from the vehicle, yelling for the blonde. She had completely abandoned the confused teenager.

"It's okay. I understand. Here are your keys. I closed the doors and locked them. I also brought the stuff we bought inside. It's in the living room."

Olivia made her way over and squeezed the girl's arm affectionately.

"Thank you, sweetie. I got spooked when I saw that car in the driveway. I didn't recognise it. It just turns out Val here got herself a car without telling anyone. They delivered it while we were gone."

Alex gave a sheepish smile. Olivia, finally free of panic, began sniffing the air.

"What smells so damn good? I feel like I'm in a bakery."

Alex grinned.

"I made cinnamon rolls. I figured if you guys were going to be working outside, I'd make you a treat to say thank you."

"Ohh, you're the best."

Olivia quickly made her way to the kitchen counter, spotting the cinnamon rolls immediately. She grabbed one and bit into it, groaning at how good it tasted. Alex was the best baker she knew. Cooking wasn't the blonde's forte, but baking… God damn.

"These are amazing," she said through the bite of food, earning her a disapproving look from the blonde.

"Didn't your mother ever teach you not to talk when your mouth is full?"

Olivia cocked an eyebrow.

"Pfft. You wouldn't complain if I-" then, spotting the teenager still within earshot, Olivia decided not to finish the sentence. Instead, she cleared her throat and grabbed the plate of cinnamon rolls. She walked over to a laughing Hannah, offering her one. The teenager nodded her thanks and dug in, also making a small noise of approval.

"Thanks," she said through her mouthful.

Alex shook her head.

"You two are impossible. Get out of my kitchen!"

She grabbed the plate from Olivia and shooed the two of them out.

"Go fix my deck."

Alex pushed at the two laughing women. When they were out of the kitchen, she turned around and went to the oven, checking on her rolls. Deciding they were finished, she pulled them out and sighed happily. She had made way too many, but given that Olivia tended to eat two in one sitting (more than once a day), they wouldn't go to waste. Plus, she could always give Hannah a few.

She then went about doing her dishes, staring at nothing while she washed. She refused to think about how good it had felt to have Olivia wrap her in such a warm hug. She also refused to think about the fact that it was kind of nice that the brunette had been so worried about her. It was normal to enjoy feeling cared about, she reasoned.

She was, however, only slightly willing to admit that something inside of her shifted when she saw how concerned Olivia was, thinking that something had happened to her. There was no denying that she had been moved by the woman's sincere worry.

 _Maybe Olivia really is trying to keep you safe_.

She sighed as the thought passed through her mind. Deep down, she knew it was true. She knew Olivia cared about her, it just sucked that the woman was going about it all wrong. However, she was not going to dwell on that. Things were going well between them. They were safe, and they were together. Sort of. They would tackle the rest with time. Besides, she was pretty happy here. She had a great job, a nice house, and she was even making friends. Emily had been unable to make friends, but Valerie… well, Valerie had another evening planned with a new friend, and she sure as hell was looking forward to it.


	22. Chapter 22

The beginning of the week resumed as normal for the women. The weekend had been uneventful: Olivia and Hannah had finished patching up small imperfections in the deck, and Alex had kept them happy by feeding them.

When they returned to work on Monday, Alex had excitedly told Jodie about her evening with Lori. The other woman had teased her about dating someone from work, but Alex had shaken her head and insisted that they were just friends. That's all they were in Alex's mind anyway. When the woman in question showed up later that day to return some books, she and Alex had spent the better part of an hour talking. Jodie watched from a distance, smirking. The blonde might think that they were just friends, but it was very clear that Lori was interested in being much more than that. However, Jodie was just a co-worker, and she wasn't going to push the issue. If Valerie wasn't ready to see what was very clearly right in front of her, Jodie wasn't going to force her to.

Olivia started off the week in a great mood; however, she couldn't help but feel a sense of sadness as Wednesday quickly approached them. She knew that Alex was seeing Lori again, and while the blonde acted as though they were nothing more than friends, Olivia wondered. She knew that the other woman was interested in Alex; it was obvious from the way the woman had acted on Friday. How could she not be though? The blonde was beautiful, funny, intelligent, kind, honest… and then some. But the way that Alex talked about Lori, it made her wonder if maybe Alex was just a little bit interested too, but just hadn't realised it yet.

It saddened her, but maybe it would be a good thing. For Alex. Lori seemed kind and from the way Alex spoke about their outing on Friday, the other woman had been nothing but a gentleman. The blonde deserved that. Olivia had no right to complain anyway. So, when Wednesday evening rolled around, Olivia smiled and listened while the blonde excitedly got ready for her evening out. She complimented her on the dark purple dress she chose, telling her it looked lovely (read: absolutely stunning) on her. It was a simple dress, cut at the knees and meant to be worn casually, but on Alex, it looked like it was straight from the runway in Paris.

The blonde thanked Olivia for her help getting ready, noting no difference in her mood other than the fact that she was a little quiet. However, Alex had attributed her silence to the fact that she probably couldn't get a word in edgewise considering the blonde hadn't stopped talking. The brunette had listened attentively, smiling and encouraging her to have fun. So, Alex did.

Lori met her once again at the door, and Olivia had to admit that the woman was also very well dressed. She didn't dwell on that though. She wished them a happy evening, this time going to the laptop and checking on New York's current events rather than going upstairs to watch them leave.

"Oh! I nearly forgot. Come here. You'll appreciate this," Lori stated, leading Alex over to a corner of the shop. "This is beautiful."

They had been in the antiques store for nearly forty minutes, looking at the various items on display. Lori had proven to be a great source of information, telling Alex where various pieces came from and the story behind them. Lori was fascinated by antiques, and in her many visits had befriended the owner, Rob. Every time she visited (which was often), he would point out his recent acquirements and what he had learned about them. Lori had listened raptly, fascinated by the stories behind the various pieces. Now, she was glad she had. It had been a great way to entertain her blonde companion, as well as get to know more about her.

"Wow," Alex said, staring at the magnificent, Victorian dollhouse. She had no words; it was an extraordinary piece. Lori carefully opened the back, revealing the inside of a two-story home, three rooms on each floor. Each room was decorated with wallpaper, miniature furniture and paintings, light fixtures… There were so many details that Alex couldn't even take them all in. She simply stared.

"Did you have a dollhouse growing up?"

 _Yes, and I was never allowed to play with it,_ she thought sadly _._ Alex had been given a beautiful dollhouse by her grandfather, much like this one, but her mother had forbidden her from using it lest she break it. As a child, she had spent a lot of time simply admiring it, looking up at it on the shelf. She had always wanted to climb up and just hold the pieces, but she was never allowed to. She loved her mother, but the woman had been controlling and, at times, quite cold. However, she was not going to tell that to Lori. Instead, she nodded.

"Yes, it was beautiful. I played with it frequently."

She had decided early on that Val had had a happy childhood, filled only with warm memories. Alex herself had had some moments of happiness as a child, usually involving her loving grandfather, but those memories were few and far between.

"That doesn't surprise me," Lori answered, unaware of the woman's inner trip down memory lane. "You seem like the type of girl who played with dolls, Barbies, thought boys were icky, and ran away from getting dirty."

Alex smiled.

"Well, I stuck to my guns about the boys in any case."

Lori laughed.

"Touché."

Alex turned back to the dollhouse, reaching out and touching the rocking crib in the upper right corner. As a child, if she could have chosen just one piece to play with, it would have been that one. She gingerly lifted it and placed it in her palm, part of her still harbouring the worry that she might break it, just as her mother had told her she would. She nudged it gently with her finger, smiling as it rocked in her hand. When it finished rocking, she placed it back in its spot, a small feeling of satisfaction running through her body. It was not her dollhouse, it was not her beloved rocking crib, but it didn't matter. She hadn't broken it.

She turned to Lori, smiling widely at her.

"So, are you ready to get an ice cream now?"

The woman laughed at the blonde's childish demeanour.

"Feeling like a kid again, are we?"

"Yes. Now that I've played with the crib, I'm ready for an ice cream."

"Alright. Let's go get an ice cream."

Alex insisted on paying this time since Lori had paid last week. They chose Lori's second favourite ice cream place since it was "just around the corner" from the antiques shop. Alex didn't point out that given how small the town was, pretty much everything was just around the corner. Instead, she nodded and followed the woman to a quaint mom and pop shop, ordering her favourite rocky road ice cream and eagerly digging in.

"I don't see why this one is second best. It's just as good as the other."

"Judging by how quickly you're devouring it, I'm surprised you can tell. Are you even tasting any of it?"

Alex laughed and, rather than licking the ice cream, she took a deep bite of it to mock the other woman. Lori gave an exaggerated gasp and feigned horror.

"You monster!"

Alex chuckled and then quickly began moaning in pain. Lori nodded in satisfaction.

"That's what you get for not savouring it. Didn't you learn your lesson last week?"

Alex swallowed her bite and shook her head.

"I regret my decision. Ow."

Lori laughed at her, rubbing her back in sympathy.

"It'll pass. Put your tongue on the roof of your mouth again."

Alex squeezed her eyes shut as the pain slowly passed, outwardly vowing never to eat ice cream again. Lori laughed in response.

"You just have to stop eating it so quickly."

"But it's so good!"

Lori shook her head, but still smiled at her.

"So, what are you doing this weekend?"

"Actually, Cam and I are going to paint the deck. I've been wanting to change the colour of it since we moved in."

"Really? Just the two of you?"

"Well, we have a friend coming, Hannah. She's young but she's a good kid. She's going to help as well."

"But there will only be three of you? That's a huge job for so few people. Do you need extra help?"

"We would love extra help, but don't feel obligated to offer. I don't want you to sacrifice your day off because you feel obligated to help."

"I don't feel obligated. I know it's a bitch to paint and I'm a pretty decent painter, so at least you know I won't butcher it." _Plus, I'm not going to say no to spending more time with you._

Alex laughed.

"Hey, even if you did, it's free help."

Lori smiled.

"What time do you want me to come over?"

"Don't rush. Whenever you get up, come on over. We're going to start pretty early, but there's no reason for you to hurry to join us. Whenever you show up is fine."

"Okay."

They had finished their cones, so Lori asked the blonde if she was up for a walk. She wasn't ready to take her home yet. She wanted to spend a little more time with her at least. Plus, she was still waiting to work up the nerve to hold the other woman's hand. She hoped that maybe if they took a walk, she'd finally work up the nerve to do it.

The blonde accepted, much to Lori's delight, and they began walking around her neighbourhood. She pointed out her old school, her best friend's house growing up, her favourite bakery, the basketball court she used to play at as a teenager, as well as various other landmarks. Alex listened attentively, finding the woman's memories rather interesting. She had always liked listening to people's stories.

Lori had just begun describing her typical summers as a child, playing in the lake just outside of town, when Alex felt the woman's fingertips brush against her hand. Alex didn't pull her hand away, thinking Lori had bumped her by accident. The other woman, noting no protest, tried a second time before confidently reached out and grabbed the blonde's hand.

Alex felt her insides freeze as they rounded a corner, but she didn't pull away. Why was Lori holding her-

Oh, God.

Oh no.

Had the woman not been leading her along the sidewalk, Alex would have frozen there right on the spot. _This was a date_.

Oh, God.

Had it been a date on Friday too? She had just been kidding when she said it was a date! Did Lori think this was a date?

Oh, God. She probably did.

 _Fuck!_ _Now what do I do?_

How could Alex have missed it? She was so excited to have made a friend. She was so excited to go out and hang out with someone new. She thought that's what this was: an outing with a friend. Not a _date_. Lori hadn't actually asked her out that way, had she? Alex racked her brain. Maybe she had. She couldn't remember. But she assumed she'd remember if the woman had actually asked her out on a date. She would have said no because of Olivia. Right? Okay, so they weren't dating, and Olivia had made it clear that they wouldn't be either, but she still couldn't date other people.

Could she?

 _Why not?_ One part of her brain argued.

 _Because you're still in love with Olivia and you want **her**. _ The other part responded.

_But she doesn't want you._

That thought stung, even if it wasn't entirely true. She knew Olivia still loved her, but that she was on some misguided attempt to protect her. So technically, Alex _was_ free to date Lori if she wanted to. But she didn't, did she? She hadn't really paid it any thought because she was still in love with her detective.

She glanced over at Lori, who smiled warmly at her. Alex felt her insides clench with guilt. She thought they were on a date. _Fuck, why do you have to be so nice?_

At another time or another place, she would have eagerly accepted Lori's advances. She was definitely her type after all, and she was so incredibly sweet, intelligent, and funny, but right now, she wasn't sure she was interested. She wasn't ready for this.

Alex gently pulled her hand away, her thoughts racing. Lori then noticed the woman's change in mood and started heading back in the direction of the car. She asked the blonde if she was okay, but when she received a quiet "yeah", she knew something was wrong. She didn't want to push her, especially since things suddenly felt awkward, so she drove her home. When they arrived, the blonde politely thanked her for a lovely evening and then exited the vehicle.

Lori was crushed. What had happened? Had she misread the blonde's signals? Had she moved too quickly? But, simply grabbing someone's hand on the _second_ date didn't count as moving too quickly, did it? It had been a long time since Lori had been on a date, but she was pretty sure that grabbing someone's hand on the second outing was actually moving kind of slowly. Maybe the blonde wasn't interested after all. She had thought she was though.

Lori sighed. She watched the woman enter the house before pulling out of the driveway, confusing thoughts swirling through her mind.

/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/

Alex thanked her lucky stars that Lori did not actually work at the library. She definitely did not feel up to seeing her, especially not since she was still so confused. She spent the next day in her own head, berating herself for not seeing the signs. She teased Olivia all the time because the woman could be so oblivious, and now, _she_ had been the oblivious one. She had unknowingly gone on two dates with Lori. How could she have so blind? It was so obvious now that she looked back on it.

She was horribly embarrassed. She was also overwhelmed with guilt when she realised that Lori was interested in her and had had a completely different experience regarding their dates. For Alex, they had been fun outings with a new friend. For Lori, they had clearly been a way to get to know her better. Alex had (stupidly) thought that the woman's questions about her life were simply general curiosity, as the questions Alex had asked had been, but it was obvious now: Lori had been trying to get to know her. And Alex had made it seem like she was equally interested because she had innocently encouraged her, inquiring about her life, her likes and dislikes, her pass-times…

_Fuck._

How was she going to have this conversation? Because even though Lori _was_ her type, and even though she could be interested one day, she really wasn't right now. She wasn't ready. It was too soon, and she was still too emotionally attached to Olivia. Alex hated hurting people and she knew that this conversation would hurt Lori, even though she would try to be as gentle as possible. She had to break this off now though, before things got serious. Things had already gotten too far already.

She decided to call Lori on Friday morning, asking if she was free that evening. The woman then stated that she was, and she quietly agreed when Alex asked her to meet for coffee. Her excitement at hearing from the blonde quickly waned when she heard her serious tone. This was not going to be good.

When she walked into the coffee shop later on that evening, Alex immediately spotted Lori. The blonde's stomach clenched out of nervousness, but she slowly approached, willing her nerves away. _You can do this._

When Lori heard the clicking of boots, she quickly looked up.

"Hey."

"Hi, Lori," she said softly. Her stomach tensed. _Please don't hate me._

"Um, I got you a caramel cappuccino. They're pretty popular here and since you've obviously never tried it…"

Alex smiled warmly as she sat down.

"Thank you," she said sincerely. God, this woman was incredibly sweet. She felt so guilty for not returning her feelings.

They sat in awkward silence for a minute before the blonde broke it.

"Listen, I'm sorry for shutting you out on Wednesday. I was really confused and I needed time to think. I know this sounds so…I don't know, stupid? But I didn't know. I was an idiot. I didn't realise you were taking me out… like that. I thought you were just being friendly. When I thought about it… fuck," she sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I felt like a complete idiot. It was obvious. I'm sorry, Lori."

The woman nodded. Her heart sunk, but she knew this was coming. She had felt it.

"It's okay. I'm sorry too. I guess I should have been clearer. I didn't realise you weren't interested. And when I really thought about it, I realised that I moved way too quickly, you know, asking you out. You just moved here. You're still settling in, getting used to a new job, a new place. And here this woman waltzes in and tries to start something with you. You just wanted a friend and I-" she faltered.

Alex reached out and grabbed her hand, squeezing it tight. The woman was obviously feeling guilty as well.

"Hey. You didn't do anything wrong, so don't beat yourself up. You backed right off when you realised I wasn't reciprocating how you felt. Part of me was afraid you'd be angry that I led you on or something," she confessed. "But I really didn't know. I really was just looking for a friend."

Lori gave a small smile and slipped her hand away.

"It's okay. I'm sorry for the misunderstanding."

"That's not at all your fault. And I want you to know that when I say it's not you, I mean it. It's really not you. My life right now…" Alex trailed off, rubbing her temple and sighing. "It's really complicated."

"It's okay. I didn't mean to make it even more complicated."

"You didn't. It's not you, it's me. And that's not a line, I swear," she paused. "I am sorry though, Lori."

Lori smiled at her, despite feeling sad.

"Don't be. I just hope you don't hate me now."

"I was hoping the same about you."

"I don't."

"Me either," Alex agreed.

A pause.

"Nothing can ever be simple between lesbians, can it?"

That made Alex genuinely laugh.

"No, it can't. It really can't."

She laughed again, shaking her head.

"Thank you, Lori, for agreeing to see me. And for being so nice."

"Hey, you're not the first girl to turn me down and you won't be the last. I hope we can still be friends though?"

"Definitely. I had hoped this wouldn't cost me your friendship."

"It won't."

Alex let out a breath of air.

"I feel really guilty."

"Don't."

"I can't help it. You're such a wonderful woman. Under any other circumstance, I'd be so incredibly interested. You were so perfect when we went out together. You were such a gentleman, so kind and attentive. I feel guilty that I can't reciprocate your feelings."

Lori reached out and grabbed her hand.

"Hey, it's okay. Seriously. I mean, I'm not going to pretend like it doesn't kind of really suck because you're a great catch. You're smart, you're funny, and you're incredibly beautiful, but I promise it's okay. You can't help that you don't feel that way about me. Maybe in another time..."

Alex nodded.

"I really enjoy your company, Lori. Even though I can't return your feelings, I don't want to lose you as a friend."

"The feeling is mutual. Can we forget that I made a fool out of myself and pretend it never happened?"

Alex smiled warmly at her and reached out to squeeze her hand.

"You didn't make a fool out of yourself, Lori. You were a perfect gentleman at the library and then again when you took me out; you never did anything to embarrass yourself. You were great."

"I'm still embarrassed."

"Don't be. I'm the one who should be embarrassed," Alex said, removing her hand.

Silence hung around them for several moments.

"Do you still want me to come over tomorrow?"

"Definitely. I'd still like to see you. But I don't want you to come if you think you'll feel awkward."

"I don't think I will. Will you?"

"No, I won't," she said. Then she decided to be honest and add: "Now that we've cleared the air, I feel a lot better."

"Me too."

"Good," Alex said, smiling.

They spent the next hour chatting. Alex did feel much better now that they had talked, and although Lori was disappointed, she was glad they had settled things. She knew that the blonde invited her out to end things this evening, so she had had time to process it before it had happened. It still sucked, since she liked the blonde so much, but she was glad she hadn't been led on. That had happened to her in the past, and it was much much worse to find out later. She respected the other woman for at least having the decency to be honest with her.

At the end of the evening, they both said goodbye and got into their separate vehicles. And although it was going to be just as friends, Lori was still glad she was going to be seeing the blonde tomorrow morning.


	23. Chapter 23

Olivia woke up early Saturday morning and prepared what they'd need for their day of painting the deck. She had primed the wood earlier this week, so all that needed to be done this morning before they started to paint was to get out all the supplies.

She set everything up, smiling to herself. It was looking to be a beautiful weekend, and as the brunette laid out the paintbrushes and trays, she couldn't help getting excited. She was looking forward to spending the day with Alex and Hannah. When everything was ready, she entered the house, jogged upstairs and dropped down on Alex's bed, shaking the woman awake.

"Wake up, sleepyhead. It's time to paint!"

The blonde moaned grumpily, turning away from her and burying her head in the pillow. Alex was most decidedly _not_ a morning person.

"Come on. That deck isn't gonna paint itself."

The brunette began poking at her sides through the blanket, laughing at Alex's angry muttering. The blonde was notoriously ticklish on her sides, a fact that Olivia often exploited.

"Stop! Go away, demon woman."

Olivia laughed.

"You wanted to paint this deck. Now, get up and start painting with me."

Alex flipped over and huffed, her hair falling around her face. Olivia smiled widely. Fuck, she was cute.

"It's," Alex glanced over at the clock in annoyance, "6:47 am. Why the hell are we painting so damn early?"

"Because we have a big job ahead of us and only two days to do it. Hop to it, soldier!"

Alex rolled her eyes.

"I'm not a soldier."

"Not with that attitude! Come on, grumpy gills. The sooner we start, the sooner we finish! You know you want to."

"I don't want to, but if I agree to get up, will you get out of my face?"

Olivia chuckled.

"Yes."

"Fine. Get out of here and I'll come down in a minute."

Olivia grinned.

"Glad you decided cooperate. There's a coffee for you on the counter. See you outside!"

The woman sounded so cheerful that Alex wanted to vomit. How could anyone be that disgustingly happy this early in the goddamn morning? She lay there for another minute before grumbling loudly and rolling out of bed.

It took her nearly fifteen minutes, but Alex finally emerged onto the deck. Olivia had already started painting, but paused when the blonde made an appearance.

"Good morning, sunshine."

"Shut up," Alex grumbled, taking a sip of her coffee. She wasn't ready to be civil until she had finished at least half the cup, so she sat on the step and watched Olivia work while she slowly drank. There was something so rewarding about doing nothing while Olivia painted.

She worked patiently, smirking to herself as she waited for Alex to initiate conversation. She had learnt early on in their relationship that she needed to wait for the blonde. If Olivia started talking too soon after she woke up, Alex would do nothing more than grunt or grumble in response. She needed quiet time to become conversational; it took a good ten to fifteen minutes and half a cup of coffee (or a full one on a bad morning) for Alex to get to that point. Eventually Olivia's patience would be rewarded, just as it was this morning, and the woman in question would speak.

"So what do you want me to do, you damn slave driver?"

Olivia chuckled.

"You can start on the floor, and I'll continue the inside of the railing if you want."

Olivia had managed to paint the inside and sides of a few posts already. Since she was kneeling on the deck, she decided to wait to paint the outside of the posts until she was on the lawn. She left Alex the floor, seeing as that was the easiest part.

"Alright."

Alex put down her empty mug and grabbed her paintbrush and tray, which Olivia had already prepared for her. She got on her knees and started where Olivia had painted the first post, making careful strokes as she worked.

"Oh, I got some kneepads from the hardware store if your knees start getting sore. They're in the bag by the door."

Alex glanced back and gave her first genuine smile of the day. Coffee worked wonders on her mood.

"Thanks," she responded before turning back around, painting in silence.

Olivia caught herself staring as Alex worked, so she cleared her throat and looked back at the post she had been painting for the last several minutes. The women worked slowly, quietly, until Alex broke the silence with a question.

"So do you think we'll have this done this weekend?"

Olivia glanced over to see if Alex was looking at her (she wasn't, and her ass still looked fantastic in those shorts, so the brunette decided to play it safe and not look over in that direction).

"I don't see why not. We'll leave the back steps for last so that we have access to the house. Once everything is dry, then I'll do them. It should only take us this weekend to finish everything."

"I can't wait to see the finished product. It's going to be so nice to come home to the deck looking so freshly painted. I can finally stop looking at that god awful off white."

"And I can finally stop hearing about it," Olivia quipped.

Alex looked back and pointed her paintbrush threateningly.

"Listen here. I do not complain that much."

Olivia gave her a look.

"Okay, so I complain, but how else will things get done?"

"Bribery. A whole lot of bribery," Olivia responded. "I'm talking crooked politician trying to cover up an illicit affair and massive amounts of money laundering kind of bribery."

"And what kind of bribery would it take to get you to do everything I want you to do?" Alex asked, looking back at the woman.

_Oh, man. You walking around in a skimpy dress. Or a bikini. Or a towel, fresh from the shower. Or lingerie. Fuck it, just show up naked and I'll do anything you want._

"Hmm?"

"Uh, you know, desserts," she said, looking away to clear her thoughts. She did like desserts. "Cinnamon rolls. Cookies. Pies. You make really good pies. Peanut butter balls. Oh! And those creamy caramel dessert bar things you made that one time. Those were _so_ good."

"I remember," Alex said, chuckling. "You ate the whole batch yourself."

Olivia grinned.

"They were amazing. You're a wonderful baker," she said sincerely.

"Thanks," Alex responded before resuming her painting. "Maybe you'll get a thank you dessert for painting this deck then."

Olivia grinned widely in her direction.

"I'm not going to argue that," she said.

_Okay, she's painting again. Stop staring at her ass._

Olivia bit her bottom lip as she watched Alex shift backward, unable to look away. There was no harm in just looking, right? She had been doing her best to keep things platonic between them, keeping her inappropriate thoughts and comments to herself, but it was difficult. Every once in a while, a comment would slip, and try as she might, she could not help herself staring at the blonde. She tried. Lord help her, she did try. She counted, she pinched her skin, she bit her cheek, all in an attempt to divert her attention. But sometimes, it didn't work. Like now, with Alex moving the way that she was, so close to-

"Hello, Cam."

Olivia only just managed to suppress her gasp. She tore her eyes away from the luscious view before her, clearing her throat as she looked at the teenager.

"Hi, Hannah."

"See something you like?" the teenager whispered, giggling.

Before the brunette could respond, Alex chimed in.

"Hey, you! I didn't expect you so early. Don't most teenagers stay in bed until noon?"

"Most teenagers don't have two screaming children in their homes," she said as she leaned against the house. "They woke me up really fucking early so I figured I might as well get up and join you guys."

"Are you hungry?" Alex asked. "Cam has toaster strudels in the freezer if you want."

"Yes, Val, please feel free to just offer those up to any hoodlum who drops by."

"Sweet! They'll taste even better knowing Cam doesn't want me to have any," the teenager responded.

The brunette playfully shoved the girl, shaking her head.

"Yeah, yeah. Alright, I'll get you my damn toaster strudels, but you owe me."

She made a move to get up, but Hannah stopped her.

"I can get it. I don't want you hiding them on me now."

Hannah went inside, leaving Olivia to chuckle as she returned to her task. She liked the girl's sass. She was fun.

Olivia dipped her paintbrush in the paint, brought it up to the post, but when she saw Alex move out of the corner of her eye, her attention was diverted once again. She stopped mid stroke, watching as the blonde stretched her arms above her head, straightening her back as she moved her neck from side to side. Olivia watched her move. She moved so smoothly, something the brunette had noticed from the very first time they had met. Her elegance, her sophistication, her class… They were all things that had attracted her from the very start. And now, the way she fluidly moved her body, Olivia was reminded of just how very _female_ the blonde was.

When she leaned forward, bending over to grab her paintbrush, her mouth dried significantly.

Alex, having heard no movement behind her for far too long, glanced back.

 _Busted_.

"I uh, was just-"

"I know what you were just. Stop staring at my ass," _detective_. "We have work to do."

Olivia swallowed hard, unable to come up with a response. Thankfully, Alex let it drop there, but the blonde could not wipe the huge grin from her face. She bit her lip in an attempt to fight it, and when Hannah returned, munching on a toaster strudel, the blonde turned to the girl and pointed at Olivia, pretending to be annoyed.

"After you're done eating, you can take over for her."

"Why?" Olivia asked, affronted.

"Because _someone_ keeps getting distracted."

Hannah grinned at Olivia.

"Got caught starin', did ya?"

The brunette grinned, unable to stop herself. She sighed dramatically, placing her paintbrush on the edge of the tray.

"It was too good to last, I guess."

Alex rolled her eyes and turned back around, resuming her work on the floor. Hannah finished off her strudels and took Olivia's place, happy to work with the women who had so quickly become her role models. She admired them, and she loved the time she got to spend with them. She was accepted here, and she didn't need to hide any part of herself. It was a welcome change in her life, and she was eternally grateful that they were so kind to her. She was eager to do something to for them to say thanks, so she had jumped at the opportunity to help them paint their deck. Plus, she really liked painting anyway.

The three chatted easily for the better part of two hours, until they heard a car pull into the driveway. Olivia immediately turned (she was now working on the outside posts around the deck), her heart racing. Her pulse quickly slowed back down when she saw Lori's familiar Mazda approach. The woman got out of the car and held her hands out as if to say "what's this?" She walked over and raised her eyebrows at the progress that had been made.

"You told me not to hurry, Val, but I guess I should have. You guys are nearly done!"

The blonde laughed.

"Hardly. We've only done that one side. We're starting up the front now, but we still have the other side and the back to do, as well as the back steps. I thought it would go more quickly than this to be honest."

"It will now that we have extra help," Hannah said.

Lori smiled and approached, asking what they wanted her to do.

"Well, you can help Cam there paint the outside of the posts. She's been trailing behind like crazy. As you can see, she's still over there on the side while we have long moved onto the front of the deck."

"Hey!" Olivia protested, smiling. "I'm doing a fantastic job here and you know it."

"Yeah, yeah."

Olivia wasn't going to say that she was trailing behind because she was touching up the spots that Hannah was missing. She wasn't upset by any means that the teenager wasn't doing a perfect job; on the contrary, she had expected that she wouldn't. After all, she was still a teenager and had probably had little to no experience painting. However, she didn't want the deck to come out looking patchy, so she had taken her time examining the sides of each post before moving on to the next. She would touch up the inside later.

Lori agreed, and the two quickly caught up to Hannah and Alex. Once they did, Alex suggested Lori come help her with the floor, so that they could catch up to Hannah (who, having gotten into a rhythm, had now made her way nearly to the end of the front deck).

"Sure," she consented, making her way over to the blonde and swapping her paintbrush for a new one.

It didn't take long for Olivia to once again trail behind, but she didn't mind. There was something soothing about working outside, especially if you were able to get lost in your own thoughts. She was happy to let the others talk amongst themselves, while she quietly worked on her own.

They took a lunch break at 12:45 when the pizza arrived, lounging out on the grass and eating heartily. After giving themselves time to digest, they got up and resumed their task, Olivia forever trailing behind, fixing up all the patchy spots she found. They worked well together, the four of them. And the conversation between the three women flowed nicely. Olivia observed them from a distance, secretly happy to note that Lori and Alex exchanged nothing more than friendly comments and stories. They hadn't flirted with each other at all. She wanted Alex to be happy, truly she did, but a part of her couldn't help feeling relieved that the blonde didn't seem to be moving on right away. If she had though, Olivia had to admit that Lori seemed to be an okay person. From what she had observed today, she was kind, funny, and hard-working, not unlike Olivia herself.

The woman in question glanced over at her, not for the first time that day. Lori kept looking over, giving her this strange sort of wondering look. Olivia could tell that she was trying to work something out, but she wasn't sure what it was. Was Lori sizing her up? Had Alex told her what had gone on between the two of them? Could she tell that Olivia was still completely head over heels for the other woman?

When their gazes met, Olivia smiled at her and the woman gave her a small smile back before resuming painting. Neither said anything to the other. Lori resumed her conversation with the other two, and Olivia observed quietly. She didn't mind though. She enjoyed sitting back and listening. It gave her the opportunity to learn, gathering information and storing it for future reference.

By four o'clock, they had finished the two sides of the deck, as well as the front, and started working on the back. Olivia was still finishing up the posts on the side of the deck, but she could hear the women around the corner. She had remained at a distance for a better part of the day, but her attention was suddenly piqued when Hannah began teasing Alex about wearing more paint than the deck.

Olivia, curious, took a few steps to glance over at the blonde. She had a very distinct grey mark across her forehead, where she had inadvertently smeared herself with paint in an attempt to brush away errant strands of hair. She was also sporting a few patches of grey on her arms, but really, Olivia didn't find it _that_ bad. That is, until Hannah smeared her paintbrush against the woman's hand, covering it in white paint. That mark was much less subtle than the others.

"Did you seriously just paint my hand?"

When the teen nodded, a cheeky grin plastered on her face, the blonde retaliated by swiping her fingers across Hannah's hat, leaving large grey fingermarks behind.

"Hey! My hat! I like this hat!"

The teenager dipped her fingertip in paint and brushed Alex's shoulder, starting an all-out paint war. The blonde squealed and pushed her away, laughing as Hannah threatened to paint her cheeks. Olivia decided this was a good time to move away, lest she get sucked into the mess. Normally, she liked fooling around like that, but paint was a bitch to remove. Plus, she really did want to finish this deck.

Olivia went back to the side of the house, chuckling as she heard the two laughing and squealing as they covered each other in paint. It was nice to hear their giggling, and she couldn't help laughing herself when Hannah called Alex a walking paintbrush. She heard the teenager finally call a truce a few minutes later, declaring that she didn't want to end up at school looking like she had rolled in a tub of paint.

 _Probably too late for that, kid_. Olivia thought, walking back to the front steps to inspect them for a second time. She was just about to patch up the corner on the second step when she heard a loud, clear, and very serious "NO!" coming from the back of the house. It was unmistakably Alex's voice and it sounded terrified.

She immediately dropped the paintbrush and tray, not caring that the items spilled onto the grass. She raced to the back of the house, her heart pounding. The sound of the woman's voice made her blood run cold. A tone like that meant something was seriously wrong. She tore around the house and saw Alex standing in front of Hannah, frantically pressing at the phone in her hand.

"Did you send it?! Did you send it!" She was nearly hysterical.

The girl was clearly afraid, having no idea what was going on.

"N-No. I didn't. I swear, Val. It was a joke. I-"

The blonde was visibly shaking, petrified. When Alex finally spotted Olivia, her eyes filled with tears. The brunette had never seen her eyes so wide and terrified. It sent a flood of fear through Olivia's entire body.

"Facebook."

With one word, Olivia's entire world stopped. There was no more noise, there was no more movement. Her blood heart stopped, her breathing ceased. It was as though everything froze before the gravity of the situation crashed over her and a burst of white hot terror shot through her body. She leapt up onto the deck, scaling the steps, before snatching the phone from the blonde.

"I can't. I can't-" Alex's voice broke, and before Olivia could stop her, she bolted into the house.

The brunette looked up at the teenager, who looked so scared that it temporarily broke through Olivia's own panic. She took a deep breath and carefully approached Hannah.

"What happened?" she asked calmly. She fell into her old role from the SVU, calling on her years of experience to keep her focused as she worked to figure out what happened. She needed to know what was posted online.

"I-I .. I don't know. I just took a picture and it was a joke and-"

_A picture? Fuck!_

The brunette forced herself to focus on the young, petrified girl before her.

"Hey," Olivia said. "Take a deep breath. That's it. Okay. Calm yourself. It's going to be okay. Just tell me what happened."

"She looked really funny, you know, her hair and she was all covered in paint. So when she wasn't looking, as a joke, I took a picture. And then I said-" the girl's voice broke, but she tried not to cry. She forced down the knot in her throat before continuing. "I said that I was going to send it to my friend Lisa so that we could laugh at her. At Val. But then she like… she went hysterical and grabbed my phone and started yelling. I didn't… I didn't mean to upset her."

Olivia pulled the girl into her arms, rubbing her back as she tried to soothe her. She suddenly glanced around, a thought coming to her. Where had Lori gone?

Olivia shook her head. It didn't matter at this second. She needed to get to the bottom of whether or not the photo got sent. She gently pulled away from the now sobbing girl and forced her to look into her eyes.

"I know that you're confused and you're scared. I'm sorry, sweetheart. I need to know the truth, but I promise, you won't be in trouble. However, it's extremely important that you're honest with me. Did you send it to Lisa?" she forced her voice to remain calm, even, unthreatening. Her stomach was in knots, she was sweating, and she was scared out of her mind. If this photo went online, even for a second, there was no guarantee that Velez's people wouldn't see it. Their cover would be blown, and they'd have to leave immediately.

The girl vehemently shook her head.

"No! I only managed to take the picture before Val grabbed my phone. I didn't even open the app."

"So nothing was sent? You're sure?"

"Yes!" she said desperately.

"Okay, sweetie. Okay. Can you do me a favour?" she handed the girl her phone. "Can you please delete the picture?"

She watched as the girl shakily took her phone and fumbled with it for a few seconds before she was able to access the photo and delete it.

"Do you have any others of us?"

The girl shook her head.

"Okay. I know you're scared, Hannah. I know you don't know what's going on, but I want you to know that you're not in trouble. Val yelled earlier because she got very scared. To be honest, you scared the shit out of me too. We owe you an explanation, and if you aren't too shaken up, maybe you could stick around and we can talk after?"

Hannah had stopped crying, but she wasn't sure that she wanted to stay either. She had never seen Val react like that. It had shaken her badly.

"You don't have to stay, sweetie. You can go home. But I would really like it if you stayed so that we can talk."

Olivia kept her voice calm, clamping down on the tidal wave of emotions crashing inside of her. She desperately wanted to get to Alex, but she had to settle the teenager first. When the girl tentatively nodded, agreeing to stay, Olivia felt relieved.

"Okay. Come on," she said, wrapping an arm around the girl's shoulders and leading the way into the house. She brought her to the living room, not caring if they got paint on the floors or the furniture. She would deal with that later. "Can you just sit here for a bit? I'm going to go upstairs and talk to Val. I think she started a panic attack and if I don't calm her down soon, she'll lose herself in it."

"Okay," she said quietly, sitting down on the couch. The teenager didn't know how she had done it, but the brunette managed to bring her from 100 back down to 10 (she wasn't quite back to 0 yet). She was still scared, confused, but she felt oddly safe. Her own mother wasn't even able to do that. She decided to trust that things would be explained to her, so she sat back onto the couch, quietly waiting for the women to tell her what was going on.

Satisfied that Hannah was okay, at least for the time being, Olivia turned and sprinted up the stairs. _I'm coming, Alex. I'm coming. It'll be okay._ She rushed right past the woman's room and beelined for the bathroom, yanking Alex's face cloth from the side of the sink and quickly running it under cold water. She would need this.

She then bolted back to the bedroom, where she found a desperate Lori trying in vain to calm Alex. Olivia growled inside. _Get away from her._ The woman was doing nothing but aggravating Alex's situation by telling her to "just calm down". That was _not_ what Alex needed. That would only agitate the blonde more because when she was worked up like this, Alex didn't know _how_ to relax.

Most people didn't know that the blonde suffered from anxiety attacks. It was a secret Alex kept very closely guarded, and one that Olivia had only discovered by accident when she had walked in on Alex having one. Once she had managed to calm down, they had had a lengthy talk about it. They discussed how Olivia could help calm Alex should she ever need to. The brunette had only had to do so a couple of times in the past, since Alex so rarely had these attacks, but she knew she could put a stop to this one. After all, Alex wasn't curled up in the fetal position yet. The blonde had told her that at that point, there was really no reaching her.

So, before she became lost in her own head, Olivia bypassed Lori and made quick strides to the blonde, forcing her to sit on the edge of the bed. She kneeled before her and pulled Alex forward so that she was bent in half. She spoke to her the entire time, telling her that she wasn't alone, that she was okay, that they would get through this. She knew that Alex was scared, petrified, and when these attacks came on, she could work herself into a hysterical fit.

Olivia placed the cool cloth on the back of her neck, both as a distraction and a way to cool down Alex's overheated body.

"Listen to me. Listen to the sound of my voice. You can fight this. Remember to breathe," she grabbed Alex's hand and placed it on her (Olivia's) chest, just above her sternum. She began taking deep breaths. "Take a deep breath. Hey, honey. Hey. Listen. Take a deep breath. That's it. Now, exhale slowly. Good. Now in again. Focus on your breathing and listen to me. You are _okay_. You are _safe_. Are you listening?" she asked gently. "I looked at her phone. I looked at it. It didn't get sent, okay? Nothing was sent. You're safe. You're okay. Breathe out, baby. You're okay. Take another breath. There is nothing to worry about, okay? Nothing. I swear to you, you are safe. Absolutely nothing was sent."

Lori watched as Cam talked to Val. She was stunned. The blonde had not responded to her in the least. In fact, she seemed to be oblivious to her presence at all, pacing back and forth, wavering between hyperventilation and short uneven breaths. Nothing she was saying seemed to help, seemed to reach her, and Val was slowly spiralling out of control. Lori had been at a loss of what to do. She had no idea what was going on, and she had no idea how to calm the other woman. Then out of nowhere Cam walked in, looking like she knew exactly what to do, and… she did. She had obviously done this before. Val was responding to her. She had started to breathe almost normally. She was shaking less, her eyes fought to focus. It was like watching someone struggling to see through a storm.

"Baby, you're okay. Focus on me, on my breathing. You're safe."

_Wait._

Did Cam just call her "baby"?

The scene before her became uncomfortably intimate as she sensed a shift in the room's atmosphere. As Val calmed down, she reached out to the other woman, falling into her lap and clinging to her. Lori now understood why the blonde had rejected her the other day. Val had insisted that the brunette was just her roommate, but as she watched Cam gather the woman in her arms, rocking her and stroking her back, it was painfully clear that there was more to this than just a living arrangement.

Suddenly feeling like she was infringing on an immensely private moment, Lori excused herself and quietly closed the door behind her. The women didn't budge, hardly noticing her swift exit.

When they were alone, Olivia held Alex tighter.

"You're safe, Al," she whispered in her ear. "You're okay. I promise."

Alex, upon hearing her real name, dissolved into tears. The brunette had succeeded in pulling her from a full-blown anxiety attack, but the emotions overwhelming her finally exploded, and she shook from the strength of her sobs. She had been petrified. They could have found her. They could have shot her. They could have killed her. Or worse, they could have found Olivia. They could have _killed_ Olivia. Or Hannah. _Oh God._

Alex clutched her tighter, letting out another loud sob as a fresh wave of anguish washed over her.

"It's okay, baby. I know."

Olivia held her close, rocking her gently. She whispered soothingly in her ear, kissing her temple, rubbing her back as she worked to calm the petrified woman in her arms.

"It could have been really bad, sweetheart. It could have, but it's not. I know you were scared. I know," she repeated, as Alex nodded and cried harder against her. "I know, baby. I was really scared too. Hell, I haven't felt that kind of fear in a long, long time. But it's okay now. You have nothing to fear. I spoke to her, and she promises the picture never left her phone, okay? It never left her phone. And it has been deleted. I made sure of it. I watched her remove it, so it's gone for good. You're safe now, Al. I swear to God you're safe."

Alex continued clutching her, holding on for dear life as Olivia rocked her. She didn't stop rocking her, rubbing her back, or murmuring soothing things in her ear until Alex finally, _finally_ started to calm down.

"You're okay, sweetheart. Everything is alright," she said softly, as she noticed the blonde started to come around. "You're safe now, okay? I promise. Everything is okay."

Alex took a shaky breath and slowly nodded. When she went completely limp against her, Olivia stopped rocking, but continued rubbing her back. Alex sniffed and weakly wiped at her eyes, but made no move to leave her embrace.

The brunette continued to hold her quietly until Alex gave a shaky sigh.

"I was so- I was so scared," she hiccoughed.

"I know, baby. I was really scared too."

Alex remained quiet, a final few tears running down her cheeks.

"It could have been so bad," she said softly. "We could have been found out."

"I know, sweetheart, but we weren't," Olivia reassured her. "We won't be found. It's okay."

As the words finally started to sink in, Alex closed her eyes, willing herself to stop shaking. They sat in silence for several minutes before the blonde blinked her eyes open, her head remaining against Olivia's shoulder.

"I'm so embarrassed," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I know, sweetie. But you shouldn't be. I completely understand. We'll fix this and then you'll have nothing to be embarrassed about. We'll explain to Hannah-"

"Oh God, Hannah! Is she okay?" Alex asked, jerking up. "Hannah-"

"Is fine," Olivia said calmly, noting the woman's voice one again becoming laced with panic. She tightened her hold on Alex's back, keeping her firmly on her lap. "I spoke to her downstairs before coming to see you. She's okay. A little confused, but okay."

"What are we going to tell her?" she asked, burying her face once again in Olivia's neck. She felt safe here, protected. She knew that the brunette would take care of her, take care of everything. She was safe to hide in her arms while Olivia took care of the things that, right now, scared Alex too much to face.

"I think… I think we have to tell her part of the truth," she said, rubbing the blonde's back when she felt her tense up. "Or at least a really twisted version of the truth. She needs to know that she can't be taking pictures of us. _Ever."_

"How can we tell her anything?" she asked, tilting her head to speak. "She can't know."

"We can tell her a lie that's kind of the truth," Olivia explained. She paused before continuing. "I had thought of this before… that we might need to tell her something one day. You know, in case something like this happened. I came up with a plan."

"You did?"

Olivia nodded.

"I wanted to be prepared."

"What did you think of?"

"I came up with a story- with the idea to explain that you had a stalker back in Maine. I thought that might be a plausible lie that would help us explain something if ever we ever needed to. Like this, for example. We can explain to her that we are hiding because of him. We'll stress how dangerous the situation could become if your picture were posted on the internet and how important it is that you stay safely hidden. We could tell her you panicked because you thought he might find you if your picture had gone online, and that's why you reacted the way that you did."

Alex paused to reflect on it.

"That could work," she admitted. "It would answer enough of the questions without creating too many others."

"Yeah. And we will keep it simple."

"Okay," she said. She took a deep breath, held it for a second, and then let it out. She felt much better. "Thank you. So much." She pulled away and looked into Olivia's eyes. She found the loving, caring woman she had fallen in love with staring right back at her. "You've saved me in more ways than you know, Olivia. You're my anchor. You keep me sane. You make me feel safe. You're the one person I know I can always go to when I'm scared, when I have a problem. I know you will always protect me.

I am so thankful that you came with me. I know it has been very trying, and I know it hasn't been so… that is hasn't been easy to deal with, but I couldn't have done this without you. I need you. I've always needed you. Thank you for saving me again, today, from myself. I'm so grateful you're here with me."

Olivia swallowed the ball of emotions in her throat. Alex's blue eyes never lied, and right now, they were so full of emotion, of truth, that Olivia felt it radiate right into her. She reached up and cupped Alex's cheek, stroking the smooth skin there. The blonde closed her eyes and leaned into the comforting touch. It had been so long, too long, since Olivia had allowed them to share such an intimate moment.

They sat there, in silence, before Alex finally broke it.

"We need to get to Hannah," Alex said, regretfully pulling away from the woman's soothing touch. If she hadn't pulled away then, she wasn't sure she ever would.

Olivia nodded, swallowing her disappointment. They had plenty of time to talk later. She got up and reached out her hand, pulling the blonde onto shaky feet. After gaining her balance, Alex followed her downstairs and into the living room. She met Hannah's gaze, giving the girl a shy smile. The girl gave a very small smile back. She was obviously still distressed.

"Hey," Olivia said calmly, sitting next to her. "I'm sorry it took so long."

"Don't be," she said softly. She glanced over at the blonde. "Are you okay?"

Alex nodded and walked towards her. She scooted Olivia over, sitting down and pulling Hannah into an embrace.

"I'm sorry, Hannah. I didn't mean to yell at you. I just got really, really scared. So I reacted. I wasn't angry with you. I'm still not. I just… I reacted out of fear and I'm sorry that I scared you."

Alex squeezed her close before pulling away slightly and looking into the girl's eyes.

"Are you okay?"

She received a nod in response.

"I'm sorry, Val. I really am. I didn't mean to upset you."

The blonde shook her head, moving back a little more to see her better. She stopped when she felt Olivia's reassuring presence behind her. She settled her back against Olivia's front, taking comfort in the woman's warm strength.

"You didn't. The situation did. It wasn't your fault because you didn't know," Alex hesitated. She looked back at Olivia, who nodded encouragingly as she placed a hand at her waist.

"You should tell her," she encouraged.

Alex turned back towards Hannah and gave a shaky sigh.

"I got scared because if you had posted that online, someone could have seen it. Someone… dangerous. I had a stalker," she started, pausing over the word. She hated lying to Hannah, but she had no choice. "I had a stalker and he was very, very dangerous. He came close to killing me before I finally got away. We've had to move because of him and now I have to be careful. I have to maintain a low profile, which means I can't be seen online, in the papers, on tv. If he ever found out where we were…" Alex trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.

Hannah stared at her, horrified.

"He was that bad?"

"Yes," Olivia said gravely. "We can't have our pictures taken because we need to make sure that we aren't ever seen by him or by his people. We have to be very careful. That's why Val reacted the way that she did. She thought about what would happen if he found her."

"Oh, God. I'm sorry," the teenager stated, guilt overwhelming her. "I didn't know. I didn't-"

"I know, sweetheart," Alex interjected. "You didn't know. No one is upset with you and you did nothing wrong. I shouldn't have lashed out at you the way that I did though and I'm sorry. I was scared. That's the only reason I yelled at you like that. I did it because I was scared. I'm sorry that you now have that memory of me."

Hannah shook her head.

"Don't be sorry about that. I completely understand now. It makes sense. I won't take any more pictures of you and I definitely won't mention you online or anything."

"I appreciate that."

"Is there anything else I should do? You know, to make sure you stay safe."

"No. This isn't your problem and besides, Cam is here to make sure nothing happens. She's scarier than anything else."

Olivia gave a stern nod.

"Damn right," she answered, her grip on Alex's waist tightening protectively.

Her response made Hannah smile. The women sat there in silence, the heaviness of what had transpired weighing down on their shoulders.

"What happened to Lori?" Alex asked, suddenly realising that the woman was no longer present.

"She left while you guys were upstairs. She said that you could text her later if you wanted to, when you were feeling better."

Alex shifted to look at Olivia.

"Do you think…?"

"Yeah. I think you need to."

Hannah frowned.

"What?"

Olivia looked over at the teenager.

"Talk to Lori. She needs to give her an explanation too."

"Ah, right."

"I guess I'll text her and see if she's available tomorrow. We should probably talk soon."

"Probably," the brunette agreed. "Why don't the kid and I go and clean up outside while you do that, then we can heat up some pizza and watch movies until it's way too late?"

"I have a name you know."

"Yeah, yeah, kid. You'll do as you're told," Olivia responded, her voice teasing.

The teenager smiled and rolled her eyes. She was glad that things were starting to lighten up, at least a little.

"Okay. I'll get the food ready too," Alex responded.

"Thanks," Olivia said, leaning over and kissing her temple. "You're sure you're okay?" she asked gently, grabbing her hand.

"Yeah, I'm okay."

Olivia searched her eyes, and when she was satisfied at what she saw, she gave Alex's hand a loving squeeze before getting up to make her way outside.


	24. Chapter 24

 

The next day, Alex left just after lunch to meet with Lori. Hannah had decided to stay the night to help Olivia finish the deck the next morning. So, while Alex left to talk with Lori, Hannah and Olivia continued on the deck.

They worked quietly at first, until Olivia initiated a conversation. She wasn't satisfied with how they left things yesterday, and she'd been wanting to talk to Hannah about it. The girl seemed okay, she no longer seemed upset, but the brunette wanted to be sure.

"So, yesterday. Pretty heavy stuff."

Hannah nodded, unsure of what to say.

"How are you doing about it?"

"I'm okay, really. I was worried yesterday, but I'm okay today."

"Anything you need to talk about?"

"No, honestly. But thank you."

"Okay. I just don't want you to get scared off because of what happened," she said, only half joking.

The teenager smiled at her.

"It'd take a hell of a lot more than that to scare me off. Don't worry."

"Good. I'm starting to like having you around. You know, in the same way one enjoys the company of a fly or a small rodent."

Hannah laughed and pushed the woman, causing her to fall on her ass.

"You deserved that one."

Olivia laughed and got back up, smiling at the girl. She was happy to note that the teenager really did seem okay.

Hannah wondered if she should bring up the kiss that the woman had planted on Val's head yesterday. She'd been itching to bring it up. She debated for a minute before finally deciding to just ask. She wasn't one for filtering her thoughts much anyway.

"So… about that kiss."

"What kiss?"

Hannah gave her a look. Olivia relented.

"It was nothing. Just a friendly kiss."

"Mhmm. And just out of curiosity, which other friends have you kissed like that? Is that a Maine thing or…? Cause we certainly don't kiss our _friends_ like that around here."

Hannah knew her tone was dripping with sarcasm.

"Shut up," Olivia muttered.

"Yeah, see? Don't bullshit. You like her."

"You know I like her."

"Yes. What I don't know is why the hell you're fighting it so much."

Olivia sighed.

"It's complicated."

"So uncomplicated it and tell me."

Olivia looked at her. Hannah could almost see the gears turning in her head, as her brain fought the desire to open up.

"Listen, I might be young but I'm not an idiot. I can at least listen."

"I know you're not an idiot, it's just…"

"I'm not going to judge you, but considering how blatantly obvious it is that you guys are into each other, I just can't see there being a good enough reason not to act on it, so please explain to me what the problem is."

Olivia sighed internally. Could she really understand? Probably not, but maybe it would do her some good to get it out. It wasn't like she had anyone else to talk to anyway, and Hannah had proven herself to be a good listener. And she called things like she saw them, something Olivia appreciated. She liked that the teenager spoke her mind.

"Why is it complicated?" Hannah prodded again.

"It's complicated because… because I need to remain focused, clear-headed. I can't have my feelings clouding my judgement if something were to happen here."

"What do you mean?" Hannah was confused. That hadn't made any sense.

Olivia sighed.

"Well, you know about the man who is after her. He's very dangerous. I need to stay alert, stay focused. I can't be distracted if I'm going to protect her. I can't…give into my feelings if I'm going to keep her safe. The way I feel about her, it's all consuming. I can't concentrate. I can't focus when we're together because all I can think about is her. So I have to take a step back, I have to… I can't be with her. I want to but, I can't. I need to keep her safe, and I can't do that if I'm distracted by a relationship."

Hannah stared at her before going off.

"What the hell kind of backwards logic is that? First of all, you feel how you feel already. I know like her, I'm sure you love her, and your feelings haven't clouded your judgement so far, have they? You've kept her safe. Look at you yesterday. You have feeling for her, but you still reacted really well and were able to calm her down yesterday despite the fact that you're into her. Plus, what are the odds this guy is actually going to find you with all the precautions you've taken? You hardly go online, you have obviously not let yourself be photographed, you live in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere so there's no one who will spot you here, so you've got that covered. So you could spend your whole life denying her and yourself the opportunity to be together for nothing.

And so what if you like her and date her? How is that gonna change your reaction IF and I do say IF he were to come for her? Would you really act any differently because you kissed her that morning? You'd still do your damndest to protect her and put yourself in between him and her. If anything, you'd be even more motivated to protect her _because_ you love her.

You don't have to let your feelings become a distraction. You can get lost in how you feel about her, okay fine, but if you're aware of the fact that you tend to lose focus then you can better stop yourself from doing it. If you're aware of the problem, then you can take steps to solve it. Like, remind yourself of to focus when you feel yourself getting too distracted. I think you're just doing the adult thing where you complicate the hell out of something simple. You like her, and she likes you. So stop punishing her because you think you can't keep her safe. You can. And while you're doing it, you can make her happy too. Isn't that better than just protecting her?"

Olivia stayed silent, speechless.

"Well? Aren't you going to respond with something else so that I can prove you wrong about that too? I'm not trying to say how you feel is wrong. You feel how you feel and that's that, but your actions are wrong. You're punishing yourself and you're punishing her for no reason. Life isn't worth living, Cam, if you can't even be with the woman you love. What if something happened to her? Then what? You're seriously telling me that you wouldn't regret it? That you would be happy with the way you've been acting?"

"Hannah-"

"No. Listen to what I'm saying. You _love_ her, don't you? I'm sure of it. And I'm sure she loves you too. If it weren't for how you're acting, you'd both be together right now. Stop letting your fear dictate your life.

And okay, it's scary. I get it. I get the fear. But what I don't get is why you're letting it control your life. You're letting it decide how you act. It's okay to be scared, but it's not okay to let it dictate your life. You have a beautiful woman who wants you and you're denying her, as well as yourself, the chance to be happy and feel whole and be together just because you're scared? I can't believe that, Cam. I admire you, but this… this isn't you."

Olivia blinked.

"You shouldn't be a cop," she said slowly. "You should definitely be a lawyer."

Hannah smiled, nodding.

"I guess I made my point then?"

"I don't know," Olivia sighed. "But you got me thinking."

"About what?"

"Everything. It's just a big decision, you know? It's… it's hard."

Hannah looked at her, frowning, as if working something out. She waited a minute, two, and suddenly, clarity.

"You really are scared, aren't you?"

"What?"

"You're afraid," she said. It was so obvious. Why hadn't she seen it before? "That's what this is all about. It's fear. You're afraid."

"I am not."

"Yes, you are. That's what's keeping you from being with her. You're scared." She wasn't saying it as an accusation, but as a truth. "What has you so scared that you're willing to sacrifice your happiness?"

The brunette looked away. She couldn't talk about this with Hannah. She couldn't talk about this with anyone. She barely acknowledged it herself, so how could she talk about this with the girl? How could she explain to her the magnitude of her fears? The overwhelming, soul crushing terror that ate away at her inside? She wasn't scared of many things. In fact, she prided herself on the fact that most things did not frighten her. But this… this thing between she and Alex. It had her petrified because of what would happen if it ended, if something drove them apart after allowing herself to love Alex the way she wanted to. If she got that close to Alex again and had it ripped away for a second time-

 _No._ She couldn't let it happen. She could not live through that soul crushing, heart shredding devastation again. It would bring her back to that place. She could not go back to that place, never again. When she found herself in that place, things were… it was black. It was nothing. It wasn't living, it wasn't dying. It wasn't even existing. It was… a void. A place filled with nothing. Emptiness. It was a place she found herself in when her heart and soul, her very reason for living, was so violently ripped away from her. She couldn't do it again. She _couldn't_. Her life wasn't worth living if Alex wasn't in it. The fear of getting close to her again, only to have her ripped away… She couldn't do it again. She couldn't go back to living life the way she had been for the year after Alex had been taken away. She wasn't living. She wasn't even existing. She just _was_. This fear of losing Alex, of loving her so completely only to lose her again, to being alone again. She couldn't do it.

"I think this is a conversation you need to have with Val," Hannah said cautiously, pulling Olivia from her thoughts. "Not me. But I think I've given you enough to think about."

Olivia looked back at Hannah, contemplating her.

"How are you this smart at such a young age?"

The girl shrugged.

"It's not so much smarts as it is just being observant, reading people."

"You're too good at it."

Hannah smiled.

"I know. Are you at least going to talk to her? I know you're keeping stuff to yourself, but I can tell there's a lot there that needs to be said. You should tell her. Open up to her."

Could she talk to Alex? Should she? She was scared, worried. Olivia hated being scared. She needed to be brave. She needed to be strong. Why did this have to be so scary?

"Hmm?" Hannah prodded.

"I don't know," Olivia admitted.

"Will you at least consider talking to her? Think about it."

"Alright," she conceded. "I'll at least think about it."

Hannah nodded contently.

"Good. Then my work here is done."

"No it's not. We still have a ton of painting to do."

"Oh, it's not a ton. There's only a bit left. Stop your whining."

This time, it was Olivia who shoved the teen onto her ass.

"I ought to beat you."

Hannah laughed.

"Come on, grandma," she said, getting back onto her knees and resuming painting. "Hop to it."

Olivia grumbled, pretending to be angry. Truthfully, she was a bit… well, she wasn't sure what she was. She had intended to spend this time talking with Hannah about how the teen felt. This was supposed to be about her, and yet Hannah had turned things around and made it about Olivia. She couldn't believe that the girl had managed to turn the tables so easily. And yet, she was grateful for it.

By the time Alex returned later that afternoon, they had already finished and were lounging around the living room. The blonde poked her head in, smiling at them.

"Hey, you," Olivia greeted. "How did the talk go?"

"It went well. She was concerned about him coming here," she explained, referring to Lori's fear regarding Velez, "and asked if there was anything she could do."

"What did you tell her?"

"I told her to just keep the information to herself because I didn't want it to get around. She promised she would. She also said to call her if we needed anything."

Alex didn't mention the fact that they had also talked about the two "dates" they had gone on and Alex's feelings for Olivia. They had agreed a second time that they wanted to stay friends, and Lori had gently prodded the blonde about her attraction to the brunette. Lori now understood why the blonde hadn't been open to a relationship with her. You couldn't be interested in something like that when you were in love with someone else.

Lori had gotten her to open up, and when the blonde stated that Cam was reluctant to have a relationship with her, Lori had had to swallow the desire to tell her that Cam was an idiot. Instead, the woman listened attentively to the blonde. They had discussed Alex's feelings, her worries, her hurt. It had been a conversation Alex hadn't even known she needed to have, and when it was over, she felt like a weight had been lifted. She had thanked Lori several times, the other woman telling her that she was happy to listen.

"Earth to Val?"

"Sorry," Alex said, embarrassed to have zoned out. "Yes?"

"We're just starting a Simpsons marathon. Wanna join?"

Alex groaned.

"Don't tell me she's convinced you to watch that crap?" she asked the teenager.

"Hey! She is just as into this show as I am because it's an awesome show. Don't even try to deny it. You laugh right along with me."

"That's because I hear you laughing and it makes me laugh."

"Excuses, blondie. Come join us."

Alex rolled her eyes, but she still plopped down next to the brunette. She propped her feet up on the coffee table and snuggled into the couch. She glanced over at Olivia and Hannah, a smile forming on her face when the two began humming the theme song.

It was good to be home with them.


	25. Chapter 25

 

"Hey, Earth to Cam."

Olivia snapped out of her reverie.

"Yes?"

Alex looked at her with concern.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, sorry. Just thinking."

"You've been doing that a lot today. Anything you wanna talk about?"

Olivia sighed. She couldn't stop thinking about what Hannah had said to her. For someone so young, she was incredibly perceptive. Too perceptive. It had been three days since their conversation, and yet it was all she could think about. She had been going over and over what Hannah had said to her. It was eating away at her. She had been thinking about talking to Alex, but the thought of opening up to her like that… she didn't know if she could. She was worried, and she hated being worried.

"Hello?"

She pulled herself from her thoughts.

"Sorry. I just," she paused, running her hand through her short locks, "I don't know. I don't know if I can talk to you about it."

"Why not?"

"Because it's about you."

"Oh," Alex said, pausing. "Well, I'm a good listener. I can listen and keep my opinion to myself if you want."

Olivia gave her a look.

"Okay," Alex grinned. "I can listen and _try_ not to give my opinion."

Olivia smiled in response, but didn't say anything else.

"Come on. You've been in your own head for days now. Talk to me."

Olivia sighed, rubbing her palm on her thigh.

"It's just… Hannah and I had a conversation the other day, and I can't stop thinking about it. I was so sure about what I was doing before we talked. I was certain that I was doing the right thing, and now, well…now, she's made me second guess myself because she… she forced me to face some things. She kind of… she called me on some shit."

"Sounds like Hannah. She's a smart kid."

"I know. Too smart."

Alex waited a second to see if Olivia would continue. When she didn't, the blonde prodded her with another question.

"How did she make you second guess yourself?"

"By bringing up some really good arguments against what I was saying."

"You're going to have to be a little more specific."

Olivia took a deep breath.

"It's about us, you know, our relationship. She pointed out that maybe what's been stopping me from being with you isn't just some misguided attempt at keeping you safe. That maybe…maybe it's something more too," she said softly.

"Like what?" Alex asked.

Olivia looked away.

"Fear. And the more I think about it, the more I think she's right."

"Fear of what?" she asked gently.

"Everything? Fear of getting hurt, fear of failing you, fear of getting you hurt, fear of loving you again. I really did think the right thing was to distance myself from you. I thought I'd better be able to protect you if I wasn't distracted by you. I'm still not convinced I'm wrong, but at the same time, now I have my doubts about that too. And I'm scared. I'm scared of losing you. I can't-" Olivia cleared her throat when her voice caught. "I can't go back to how it was like without you. If I did something that cost you your life, if I were the reason something happened to you, I could never live with myself. I could never forgive myself. I _need_ you, in a way that I've never needed anything else in my life. I barely survived last time you were taken away. If I lost you again…" Olivia shook her head, unable to continue the sentence.

Alex reached out and took her hand. She intertwined their fingers, giving the brunette the quiet she knew that she needed in order to think.

"But now… now I'm not so sure. She was pretty convincing. I can't stop thinking about what she said."

"What did she say to make you question yourself?"

Olivia took a deep breath. She looked into Alex's eyes, seeing nothing but love, support, and affection. _She loves you. Trust her._

Olivia hesitated a second before taking the plunge.

"She said that I'm already in love with you and yet have still been able to protect you. And that you love me as well and there's no reason that we shouldn't act on it because there's not a real threat of danger out here. You know, since we're in the middle of nowhere and nobody knows where we are. She also pointed out that if we did act on our feelings, it might even motivate me to protect you even further because I'll be driven by my emotions, by my love and instinct to protect you," Olivia paused. "She's right about that one. What I feel for you… it's overwhelming at times. It consumes every part of me and makes this protective instinct that I have just take over. I would do anything to keep you safe, and that included giving up the thing that made me happiest… you.

I scared myself when we first got here because I got lost in us, in you. I actually "forgot" why we were here. I didn't even think about what was going on back home and when it was brought to my attention, it made my heart stop. It scared the shit out of me because I could have cost you your life. I could have gotten you killed with my carelessness. It scared me because I was a cop," she said, lowering her voice, "and I could have gotten you killed. You, the person who means the most to me. I spent my life protecting people and I wasn't doing that for you. I _didn't_ do that for you."

Olivia felt her eyes burning. The emotions from that day so long ago came flooding back. Even after all this time, it still affected her.

"So that's why I just… I reacted and I stopped it all. I couldn't let myself be that negligent again. I thought I was right. I thought it was the right thing, even though I was miserable. I know you were too. I was so sure that there was no other way, but now…"

"Now?" Alex asked, forcing all hope from her voice even though it was flowing like a raging river through her body.

"Now I just don't know. I just don't know if I can take that risk. What if I become distracted again like I did before? I loved you then and I let you get shot. I can't let myself do that. I won't. I can't lose you again. I can't. I need you. I'm so scared of losing you," she confessed. "And now, now when I think about how I've acted these last few weeks… I feel like an asshole. I _was_ an asshole. I was so scared of doing something that would cost you your life. I almost lost you last time because of my negligence. Because I wasn't paying attention. Do you know what I was thinking about when you walked onto that street? I wasn't thinking about the danger. I wasn't thinking about how I needed to protect you. I was thinking about," Olivia shook her head as the self-loathing washed over her. "I was thinking about how good you looked in your skirt, and I only vaguely looked around before I started scrambling to say something after I realised you were talking. I didn't want you to realise I was checking you out. I wasn't even paying attention to our surroundings, and it was my _job_ to pay attention. I let you get shot and I didn't even-"

Alex shook her head, cutting her off.

"Stop. I know I'm biased," she began softly, "but you're the best damn cop I know. I trust you with my life, and that'll never change. You didn't _let_ me get shot. It wasn't because you loved me that I got hit. It wasn't because you weren't paying attention, because you were negligent. I got shot because of _my_ actions. I was so damn stubborn and wouldn't drop the case even though you pleaded with me to. I got myself shot, not you.

You put so much pressure on yourself. You try to do it all on your own, to be the strong one, the brave one. You try to do it all yourself, but you're not alone. I'm here too. I'm also responsible for keeping myself safe. And now that you're here, I'm responsible for you too. We're responsible for each other. We're going to look out for each other and keep each other safe. It's not all on you, okay? It's on me too. I want you to know that you can rely on me to keep myself safe. I did it for a year, didn't I?"

She smiled at Olivia, and the brunette gave a shaky smile back.

"We used to talk to each other, you know. We used to go to each other. I know when we first started dating it was a learning experience for both of us and it took us some time to get it right, but we did it. We were a team. And then I left, and I came back, and we haven't had much time to talk, to reconnect. But we need to. I want to. I miss what we had. I feel like now… I feel like I'm alone again, even though you're here. I feel like I'm alone in this, at least emotionally. You don't come to me anymore. I feel like we don't talk, not like we used to anyway. You made this huge decision without me and you didn't listen to anything I had to say. You shut me out, and it hurt. It still hurts. You would've never done that before, but now… now it's like what I feel and think doesn't matter because you're calling all the shots.

We're better _together_. We always have been. For this to work, we need to start talking again. You need to let me in, to trust me. I know you'll feel better if you start coming to me like you used to. You're a strong person, you _could_ do it alone, but why would you if you don't have to? You know we make a great team, and together, we are stronger than when we're divided. Please, don't pull away from me. I can help you in your noble quest to protect me," she said with smile, "but you have to let me in. You have to trust me and trust that we can do this together."

Olivia stayed quiet, feeling the weight of Alex's words. Her head felt so heavy. She played with the ring on Alex's finger the way she used to when they were in New York, the familiar action helping to soothe her troubled mind.

"I'm sorry I shut you out. You're right. I did. I've been without you for over a year, and I guess I just got used to not going to you anymore, to making decisions on my own. That wasn't right and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I got scared and I just… I reacted. It was cowardly and I'm sorry."

She paused before looking at the blonde.

"Are you angry that I did?"

"No, not anymore. I was at first, but I think it's because I was just so hurt. I spent so long waiting for you and then all of a sudden you didn't want me anymore."

The hurt in Alex's voice was more than Olivia could bear. She pulled the woman into her arms.

"I'm sorry. I did and do want you. God, I want you so badly, but I was so scared of losing you again. I'm still scared of losing you. And it would have been my fault because I was being so careless when we first got here. I couldn't live with myself if it happened again on my watch."

Olivia's eyes clouded over with pain, hurt, regret. The storm brewed in her eyes.

"I'll never forget that night. I'll never forget what I didn't do. I was supposed to _protect_ you and I didn't even do that! If I had just taken a second to look. If I had paid attention, fuck. If I had just looked up that fucking street. I was half a second behind you, but I was too fucking busy looking at you. I should have-"

"It's not your fault," she interrupted firmly. "What happened before, it _wasn't_. _your._ _fault._ Do you hear me?"

They had never gotten to have this conversation, and Alex now knew that they so desperately needed to have it. If they didn't, Olivia would never be able to get to a place where they could finally start heal. This was a conversation they should have had weeks ago, but now was better than never.

"It was-"

"No," Alex stated clearly, firmly. "You listen to me and you listen hard. _None_ of what happened back then was your fault. It was _never_ your fault. There is _nothing_ you could have done, _nothing_ you could have changed, that would have stopped what happened from happening. _I'm_ the one who insisted on pursuing him, _I'm_ the one who wouldn't back off, and nothing you said changed my mind. You tried, we both know that you tried, but I made a choice. Do you remember the arguments? Do you remember the fights? Cause I sure do. I refused to listen to you."

"But that night…" Olivia trailed off softly, her voice thick with emotion. "I didn't even see them because I wasn't watching like I should have been. I didn't even-" her voice cracked, tears spilling down her cheeks as she recalled the sound of the gun and seeing Alex lying on the pavement. "I didn't stop it."

"Listen to me. You _couldn't_ have stopped it. There is nothing you could have done. I was so blinded by my own ambition, by my own determination to get him that what happened that night was inevitable. If it hadn't happened that night, it would have been another time, another evening. I was reckless. None of that is your fault. You can't keep beating yourself up for that, for what happened. Jesus, have you been harbouring this guilt all this time?"

The thought shook her. How had Olivia managed to survive with the weight of this on her shoulders? How could she blame herself for all of this? And yet, Alex wasn't really surprised. Olivia always took on the blame, the guilt. She carried the weight of the world on her shoulders.

Alex's eyes filled with tears as she looked at Olivia.

"Oh, baby," she said, her heart breaking at the sheer anguish in the other woman's eyes. She pulled Olivia into her arms, holding her tight. The brunette buried her face in her neck, and Alex felt the woman's hot tears fall against her skin. "Don't cry, baby. It's okay."

"I don't want you to get hurt because of me," Olivia croaked. "Not again."

"Never, baby. It was never your fault. I won't get hurt again, not if we do this together. I don't want you to get hurt either, and if we work together, nothing will happen to either of us. We make a great team, but we need to work as a unit. We've always been a great together. Okay? No more of this working alone stuff."

Alex pulled back gently and looked into the woman's eyes. Olivia stared at her for several moments, working through the storm of emotions she currently felt.

"Do you really think this can work?" Olivia's voice wavered.

"I think if we work at it, yes. We need to learn to trust each other. I know I shut you out for a while too and I'm sorry. I was really hurt, but I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to shut you out. I need you, and I miss you."

"I miss you too."

Alex cupped her jaw and kissed her cheek.

"I understand why you did it even if I don't agree with it. I just need you to keep me in the loop from now on, okay? Don't shut me out anymore. Please. Trust me."

Olivia nodded.

"I'm sorry."

Alex pulled her into a hug.

"I need to think some more, if that's okay. Some space to just… reflect."

"It's okay, yes," Alex said, pulling away.

Olivia tightened her grip and pulled her back.

"Don't go," she stated. "I just… I need a couple of days. This is kind of… it's overwhelming and heavy. I need time. I'm not going to run, I just… I need some time."

Alex nodded against her shoulder.

"I understand. You're not alone," she said, kissing her hair. "You never have been."

"What did I ever do to deserve you?"

Olivia asked, giving her an affectionate squeeze. Alex said nothing, choosing instead to take comfort in the brunette's warm embrace. They sat on the couch, holding one another, until Olivia sighed, looking at the clock.

"We should get to bed soon. It's nearly ten."

"No," Alex protested. "I like it here," she said, cuddling in closer.

Olivia smiled and rubbed her back.

"Okay," she sighed happily. "Just a few more minutes."

Alex muttered a muffled "good" before smiling against her neck. It had felt good to talk to the brunette. Her hope of resuming their relationship had been renewed. She had missed the woman and now she knew without a doubt that Olivia had missed her too. Maybe things would change after all.

 


	26. Chapter 26

The following Saturday, Hannah, Olivia, and Alex woke up early to apply a second coat of paint to the deck. Things went much faster this time, at least for Alex and Hannah. When they finished the second coat, the two called it a day, while Olivia insisted on touching up the "glaring imperfections" she insisted were completely obvious. The other two rolled their eyes. So, while the brunette continued working, Hannah and Alex moved to the dock, dipped their feet in the water, and laid on their backs to watch the sky.

"So, I see you and Cam talked. Did she finally get her head out of her ass then?"

Alex laughed.

"Yes. We talked, and yes she did."

"Did you guys manage to settle everything?"

"More or less. We talked on Wednesday night and then again yesterday. I think we're okay now."

"Good. I know she was just trying to protect you, but she was being dumb. There's no reason you can't love someone and protect them at the same time. It doesn't make sense. Hell, the reason you protect someone is _because_ you love them!"

Alex smiled. It was a bit more complicated than that, but she appreciated the girl's opinion regardless. After all, it was what had finally given Olivia the kick in the ass she had needed.

"Thank you for talking to her. I think she needed an outside perspective to set her straight."

Hannah laughed.

"No, gay. I'm glad she came around though. You guys were miserable apart. I haven't even known you that long but I could see it from a mile away. You belong together."

Alex smiled.

"How's it been with Lisa?" she asked gently.

Hannah sighed.

"Same old. Haven't said anything to her because I don't know how she feels. She's gotta be straight though. All the girls in this damn town are."

"You aren't," Alex pointed out. "Why don't you invite her here? Maybe being around us will get her to open up. We can at least try to work it into a conversation, casually of course, and see what she says."

Hannah chewed her lip nervously.

"I don't know…"

"Trust me. I'll be very discreet. She won't even know what I'm up to."

"I feel kind of bad doing that though."

"We don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with, but just know, I wouldn't do anything to hurt her or you. And, if she doesn't divulge anything personal, then I won't push. If nothing else, you'll at least have someone else's opinion regarding her sexuality. You have been wondering."

"Yeah," she admitted. "I have."

"Then it's settled. Invite her over and we'll talk."

"When?"

"I don't know. What about tomorrow?"

"Can we make it for this week instead? Last weekend, it took me two days to scrape off all the paint on my body. I'd rather not see her when I'm dirty like this."

Alex smiled. _So cute._

"Sure. We don't really do anything during the week so whatever day is good for you guys, you can come over."

"Thanks."

Hannah pulled herself up, splashing the water with her feet.

"So tell me more about you and Cam. I have to vicariously live a lesbian experience through _someone_."

Alex chuckled, sitting up.

"What would you like to know?"

The teenager paused, thinking.

"Why her? What was different about her that made you want to be with her?"

"She was the first one to make me feel like she actually cared."

"How did she do that?"

"She listened. She stayed."

The girl frowned, confused. Alex sighed, but not unhappily. It wasn't something she talked about, but she knew she should open up to Hannah, so she did.

"It's a long story."

"I don't have anywhere to be," the girl said, looking at Alex. "I want to hear it."

The blonde smiled.

"Okay," she paused, thinking. "I'm not very… open. I'm very guarded and keep people at a distance. It's one of my faults. I use distance as a defense mechanism to avoid getting hurt. It took a lot of reflection and therapy to figure that out about myself," she said, smiling at Hannah. "I'm much better now, but that's because of Cam. Before her, I didn't open up to anyone. Ever. I had been hurt by so many people that I stopped trusting others. And I lived my safe little existence alone."

"Were you lonely?"

"Sometimes. But you get used to it. And I worked so much that I didn't really have time to realise how lonely I was.

But then along came Cam. She changed everything. We met at work, and she was nice to me from the first minute we met. Warm, friendly. I was polite, but not the least bit friendly. I didn't trust her. That didn't faze her; she kept trying. She'd talk to me, smile at me. She always acknowledged me when I was around, and when she smiled, it was a genuine smile, like she was happy to see me. At first I disregarded it, but damn if she doesn't grow on you. Eventually, part of me started looking forward to seeing her, and when she'd give that beautiful smile and I couldn't help thinking, _God, that feels good_ , because she was smiling just for me. But at the same time, the other part of me, the one that was used to getting hurt, wouldn't let me be friendly back, wouldn't let me show how happy I was to see her. I had to protect myself, so I fought her. I was downright mean to her sometimes, and I know it hurt her, but she still tried."

"Why?"

"She told me later it was because she knew I was hurting. She could see it in my eyes. She knew I was lonely. I worked so hard to make myself unreadable and she saw right through me," Alex said, smiling at the memory. "I hated her for it, because it was true. I was lonely and I was hurting, but I worked hard to not let it show. Once you're distant enough with people, they stop trying. They leave."

"But she stayed?"

"Yes. She did. She was the first one. She proved me wrong; some people really do care. I had had other friends who tried, who told me that one day I'd be able to trust them. But in the end, they always left."

"Did you want to trust them?"

"Yes, I did. But I couldn't. I tried to trust them though, and I got close to a couple of people, but I never really let them in. And God, did it ever hurt when they finally did leave. I knew it was inevitable, but it still hurt. After Megan left, that was it. I swore I'd never let anyone else in."

"Why was she the one who finally made you make that decision?"

"Because I had already been hurt a few times before her, and she was just the final straw. But Megan was also different because I actually believed her. I believed she'd get me to open up one day. I wanted to trust her, and I told her that I wanted to, but that I felt that I couldn't. Not yet anyway. She promised she'd wait, that there was no rush, but eventually she tired of me and she left. Just like everyone else. It was my fault though. You can only push people away for so long before they leave."

"Were you dating the people you got close to? Or were they all just friends?"

"Megan and I were seeing each other, but the others were just friends."

Hannah nodded.

"So, Cam."

Alex smiled at the thought of her brunette.

"Yeah. I should have known it would be different with her."

"Why?"

"Because at a time in my life when I was emotionally shut down, she actually made me feel something. I didn't really acknowledge it at the time, but I was very depressed. After years of being alone, it gets to you. You stop feeling happy. But with her, she'd smile at me and I could feel the stirring of emotion. It wasn't happiness, it wasn't affection, but it was _something_. And as much as I tried to push her away, shoot her down, distance myself, it didn't work. She was always there with a smile. And I was tired of being alone. I was tired of having no one. I was used to being alone, but it sucked. And she was always so genuine. So it got to me, eventually.

She slowly forced me to open up because she wouldn't let up until I answered her. Instead of saying "fine" when she asked about my weekend, I would tell her that I had read or that I had worked so that she would stop prodding me for more information. At first she was satisfied with a one-word answer and would then go off on a tangent about what she had done. But she eventually stopped accepting my short responses and wouldn't back off until I said a sentence, and then two, and eventually it progressed to what might actually be considered a brief conversation.

At first, she stuck to safe topics, like what books I was reading, comparing our favourite restaurants, and before I knew it, we were having actual conversations. She listened when I talked, and that made a huge impact on me. Like, when I mentioned the fact that I hardly had time to eat in the morning, she'd conveniently have my favourite muffin on her desk on the days she knew she was going to see me," Alex smiled widely at the memory. "Her thoughtfulness and kindness made a dent in my heart of stone."

Hannah chuckled.

"I highly doubt you had a heart of stone. You're so nice. I can't imagine you being unkind."

"I was in a bad place," Alex admitted. "I was not a very nice person."

"It's understandable when you've been hurt. I'm really open about most things, but there are some that I don't talk about at all."

The girl looked down at her feet, making circles in the water.

"But you had a point. Sometimes it'd be nice to be able to talk about it," she said softly.

Alex felt her stomach sink. The girl sounded so sad. She shifted so that she was sitting closer to Hannah, near enough to rest her hand on the girl's arm.

"I know what it's like to keep things to yourself, to shove some parts of yourself so far down that you almost manage to forget about them. But, there's always something that will remind you of them, and when that happens, it's going to hurt even more because you never acknowledge that pain."

"I know," she whispered. She knew because it happened to her, often, even though she tried not to admit it.

Alex sat, waiting. She hoped that if she were patient enough, the girl would open up. So, she sat quietly and rubbed Hannah's arm, trying to encourage her. When she finally started speaking, Alex rested her hand on the girl's knee and listened intently.

"My parents split when I was young. My dad left when I was like eight. Just up and decided he didn't want to be a dad anymore and took off, but not before telling me he never wanted to be a parent. Said he regretted it and that we'd be better off without each other. I never saw him again. My mom, she remarried a few years later to this guy Tony. I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me. He barely says two words to me and I always feel like I'm in the way when he's around, because he just gets all quiet and waits for me to leave. It's been like that since he first came around. Sometimes he'll say things…when my mom isn't around.

And my mom, well, she's got two new kids to take care of. She asks how school is and stuff, but honestly? She doesn't listen. There's always one of the kids crying or asking for her attention. She's always making a bottle or getting food ready, cleaning up their toys or something. I used to try and talk to her but you just give up eventually."

The young girl sat, gripping the edge of the dock as she stared at the water.

"It's like I don't exist. Sometimes I feel that way. I know they don't miss me when I'm not home because they're all so busy with their own lives." Hannah looked up at Alex. "When I tell you that my mom won't notice I'm not home, I mean it. She doesn't. Since I was like twelve, I've spent more time out of the house than in it. The only part of the house that feels like mine is my bedroom, but even at that, sometimes it doesn't. My mom lets my sister go in there when I'm not home and it pisses me right off. She goes through my stuff and I know she's just a kid, but that's _my_ space. At least, it's supposed to be," she said, kicking the water in anger.

Hannah bit her lip, fighting the emotions rising up inside of her. She wished it didn't hurt. She didn't want it to and she hated that it did. She wished she could just not care, like she pretended not to in front of everyone else. But deep down, she did care. She wanted to be part of the family, but the truth was that she wasn't.

"It's like I don't fit anywhere in that house. She and Tony have made their new family and I'm just… not a part of it."

She bit her lip harder, but she was quickly losing the battle with her tears. When she was pulled into a hug, Hannah immediately wrapped her arms around the blonde and sobbed into her shoulder. It hurt so bad that her mom didn't care, that she was so easily able to just move on without her. She had gotten herself a new husband, a new house, new kids. And Hannah was old news. She had been alone for so long, she had forgotten what it even felt like to really have a mother.

Alex hugged the girl tighter, pulling her closer into her embrace. Her heart broke. Hannah was usually so happy, joking with them, making silly comments. It was devastating to see the girl in so much pain. And Alex had had no idea. She felt incredibly guilty. How could she not have known? Alex held her tight, rocking slowly as she rubbed her back.

"I'm sorry," Hannah whispered, trying to pull away. Alex pulled her tighter in response.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, honey. Don't pull away. I want to hold you."

Hannah felt another wave of sadness wash over her, and she began trembling in the older woman's arms. She cried again, this time because it felt so good to finally be hugged. She usually got hugs from Lisa, but this was different. This felt like… like a mom hug. Or what she imagined one would feel like. The blonde was holding her close, her arms tight around her back, like she was hanging on for dear life. The warmth and affection made Hannah feel even sadder, reminding her of what she craved so desperately.

"Tell me what you're thinking," Alex said softly when the teenager's sobs had finally subsided.

"I'm embarrassed," Hannah confessed.

Alex pulled away enough to look into the girl's eyes.

"You never have to be embarrassed with me. Tell me," she pried gently.

"I'm thinking… I'm thinking it's nice to finally get a hug. A real one. From… from like someone who acts like a mom. I guess I forgot what it was like…"

Alex used every second of her experience as a prosecutor to maintain a neutral expression, because she was pretty sure her heart just exploded in her chest. She didn't want the girl to know how much that statement devastated her. She bit her tongue hard, using every ounce of her self-control to quell the sob at the back of her throat. Hannah had been craving affection, hurting for someone to love her, and she hadn't known. How could she have not known?

Alex gave into her desire to pull the girl close again. She yanked her back into her arms and squeezed her tight. She poured everything she felt into the hug: all the love, affection, and tenderness she had for the girl- and she had a lot- and squeezed her tight. Hannah had become like a younger sister to her, and it killed her to know that she felt so alone. Alex could relate to the feeling; she knew what that kind of loneliness was like. It was all consuming, soul crushing.

"You are the sweetest, smartest, funniest girl I have ever met, Hannah. You are a beautiful person and it hurts my heart to know that you feel so alone," Alex pulled back so that she could look into the girl's eyes, but she kept her grip on her arms. "You are always safe with us, and you are always welcome. I know we've told you that before, but I think you need to hear it again. We _love_ _it_ when you're around. The house is happier with you here. You have this energy about you that is just… it's uplifting. You make us smile just by being here.

I'm not going to tell you to talk to your mom and I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to do. I think what you feel and what you said is important, and although part of me wishes you felt you could talk to your mom about it, I also understand that this isn't easy for you. It sounds like there's a lot of hurt on your end, and that won't disappear overnight. If the time ever comes that you feel like you want to go to her and tell her how you feel, I want you to know that you'll have our support. We want you to be happy, Hannah. But you need to know that you will always, _always,_ have a place here. Okay? We love having you here."

The teenager's eyes watered yet again.

"You're ruining my reputation of being a tough girl," she teased softly. "I never cry like this."

Alex squeezed her arm.

"I think it's important to cry. You've been carrying this for so long. You need to get it out."

"You don't think I'm a whiner?" she joked, but Alex saw the vulnerability in her eyes.

"No, Hannah. It hurts. You hurt. And if I were in your shoes, I'd be hurting so much I'm not sure I could handle it."

The girl nodded.

"Some days I feel like I can't."

Alex grabbed the girl's hand, giving it a squeeze.

"You're not alone, Hannah. There are so many people who love and care about you. We all want what's best for you. When it gets to be too much, share with someone. We're all here to listen to you. I'm so grateful that you opened up to me. I hope you feel a bit better now. I'm always around to listen, and so is Cam. I think it's safe to say that Lisa would also love to listen to you, as would your other friends. "

"I haven't ever told anyone any of this."

"It gets easier the more you talk about it. The hardest part is opening up for the first time, and you just did that. You're very brave, Hannah."

"I don't feel very brave, but thank you. It means a lot that you think so."

"I really do."

The two sat there in comfortable silence, the heaviness of the conversation settling between them. Hannah didn't pull her hand away, and Alex made no move to sever the contact. If the girl needed that connection, she would maintain it as long as needed.

They sat there for several minutes, until Alex noticed Olivia hesitantly approaching.

"Cam wants to come over here. Is that okay?"

Hannah quickly pulled her hand away and wiped at her face.

"Hey. You don't have to hide from her. She's safe too. If you prefer she didn't come though, I'll tell her to go away. I know she won't want to interrupt."

"It's not that, it's just… it's different with her."

"What do you mean?"

"It's harder to open up to her I guess. She's like my friend, my… buddy. You feel more like… I don't know." _A mom_. "You just feel safer."

Alex hid her surprise. She knew that Hannah had already confided her feelings about being more comfortable with her than with Olivia, but it still was strange to hear. Usually, it was the other way around. People opened up more easily to the brunette.

"Would you like me to tell her to give us a few minutes?"

"No, it's okay. I'm sure she knows something's up anyway."

"Are you sure?"

Hannah nodded.

"Okay."

Alex looked up and gave a slight nod to Olivia, who quietly approached. When the brunette saw Hannah's reddened face, she felt her heart sink. She hated to see the girl upset.

Olivia sat close to Hannah, resting a hand on her back.

"Stop being mean to my friend, Val." She turned to Hannah. "You know, you don't have to play with her if she's being an asshole," she joked, her voice soft. "She even makes grown men cry."

Hannah gave a genuine smile.

"I'm not surprised. It seems every time I talk to her, she's got me crying and spilling my secrets."

Olivia looked up and met Alex's gaze.

"Yeah, she's good at that," she said.

Suddenly feeling shy, Alex looked away. When Olivia looked at her like that, she couldn't help but blush.

"Come on," Olivia started, when the conversation between them had quieted. "Why don't we order some Chinese and watch a good thriller."

"Oh no. I am _not_ watching another scary movie with you guys. If you put on a horror film, you're on your own," Alex stated quickly. The last time they had forced her to watch a horror movie, she had had to sleep with her lamp on. She hated scary movies.

Hannah laughed, shaking her head.

"No. We'll watch a boring romance movie so that you're happy," she responded, but she gave the older woman a smile, letting her know that she was teasing.

"Good. Then I'll join you both for dinner. Chinese sounds great."

Olivia grinned and got up, leading the way to the house. Normally, she would have walked with the other two, but she sensed that their conversation wasn't over. She was more than happy to give them some privacy. It was nice that Alex seemed to be getting close to the girl. They could both use a confidant.

When she arrived at the back door, she held it open, waiting on the other two. They had paused partway up the path to the back of the house, briefly continuing their earlier talk. They spoke for a minute before Hannah smiled and nodded. Alex then pulled the younger girl into a hug, whispering something that caused the girl to laugh. Olivia smiled as she watched from afar. Hannah seemed happier, and she was glad for it. She had a huge soft spot for Hannah, and it had upset her to know the girl was hurting.

They pulled apart and walked toward the brunette on the porch. Once Hannah was inside, Olivia reached out and grabbed Alex's forearm, stopping her from going completely inside.

"Is everything okay?" she asked softly.

Alex smiled up at her, her happiness shining right to her eyes.

"Everything is perfect."


	27. Chapter 27

 

"Tell me again how this isn't meddling?"

"It's not meddling. It's just going to be a careful observation."

"Mhmm. And you're not going to be asking any questions? You're not going to trick her into "accidentally" telling you anything? I know you. When you're trying to find something out, you don't stop until you have all the answers. You're going to put this poor girl on the stand and she won't even know it."

Alex said nothing, continuing to stir the cookie dough. She wasn't going to confirm nor was she going to deny the woman's comment.

"Promise me you'll at least be nice to her."

Alex sighed, putting down the bowl and wooden spoon she had been holding. She wiped her hands on the tea towel next to her and turned to the brunette.

"Of course I'm going to be nice. I'm not going to be malicious or do anything to hurt her. I'm just trying to help Hannah out. She's confused and if I can clarify a few things, I will."

Olivia, sensing the blonde's exasperation with her, relented.

"Fine. As long as you're nice to Lisa."

"Of course I will be. I'm a very nice person," she said, grinning as she paid herself a compliment. She turned back to the bowl and resumed stirring.

Olivia chuckled and moved closer to her.

"Yes," she said softly, wrapping her arms around Alex's waist. "You're very nice."

Alex smiled in response, leaning into the embrace. Things had been slowly changing between them, and she couldn't help the flutter of happiness in her stomach. It had been just under a week since Olivia had asked for space and three days since she had come to Alex, apologising for her actions and asking if they could start over. Alex had asked if she was sure, telling her it was okay if she needed more time, but Olivia had shaken her head, telling her that they had wasted enough time already. That _she_ had wasted enough time already. She apologised several times, but Alex told her that it was okay, that she forgave her.

And she did. The truth was that she would always forgive Olivia because Olivia was her life, her raison d'être. Alex had never ever thought she would become _that_ girl, the one who became so attached to someone that she couldn't live without them, but then, she had never known anyone like Olivia. She had never known a love and connection so powerful as she had with Olivia. She had been ruined her for anyone else, and she didn't even mind. So, as misguided as the former detective had gotten, Alex would of course forgive her. How could she not? Olivia made her feel things she hadn't known were possible. When Olivia was around, she felt immeasurably loved and safe, and that was a feeling she wanted, no, needed in her life.

"What's with the smile?" Olivia asked, pulling her from her thoughts.

"Nothing. Just thinking," Alex replied, smiling wider when Olivia kissed her cheek.

"You have a beautiful smile. Keep thinking."

Alex giggled, turning her head and looking at Olivia. They had shared several kisses since their talk, and she hoped for another right now. Olivia took the hint, moving forward and meeting their lips in a gentle kiss. Alex smiled against her lips, unable to contain the joy she felt. Olivia reached up and cupped her cheek, holding her in place as she pressed forward, adding a little more pressure.

"You're so beautiful," she murmured against Alex's lips, before pressing them together against. They kissed slowly, simply enjoying the contact, until Alex finally pulled away.

"Mmm," she hummed, eyes still closed.

Olivia chuckled, giving her one last peck on the lips. She slid her hands up and down Alex's hips, resting her chin on her shoulder as she watched Alex resumed mixing the cookie batter. They stood there, enjoying the feel of their bodies pressed together. They had a lot of time to make up for, and they had been taking every opportunity to do so.

Alex suddenly looked up, glancing out the window when she heard a dog barking outside. It reminded her of something she had wanted to bring up weeks ago.

"So, I have a question."

"Shoot."

"Are you ever going to get that dog you wanted?"

Olivia sighed and pulled away, leaning against the counter to look at Alex. They hadn't discussed the topic for a long time, mostly because Olivia had been too sad to talk about it.

"Honestly? I pretty much decided it's a bad idea."

"Why?"

"Because I would want to get a rescue, which means the dog will have been abandoned by somebody already at some point in its life. If things here don't work out, if we have to leave…we'll have to leave the dog. It will then have been abandoned twice at least twice, through no fault of its own. I can't do that to a dog. They're so loyal, and they get attached to you. It wouldn't be fair to it to do that. I'll just wait until we're at a point where we have a little more stability."

Alex paused, thinking over the woman's words as she carefully spooned blobs of dough onto the cookie sheet. A sad smile played over her lips as she reflected on what she had said.

"What?"

The blonde glanced over.

"You're so sweet, you know that? I know how badly you want one, but you're right, it wouldn't be fair to a dog to bring it in, make it think it has a home, and then have to give it away. It would be cruel."

Olivia nodded.

"It wouldn't be right, so I'll wait. I'll get my dog one day."

"Yes you will. I think that's very thoughtful of you not to do that to a dog. I'm sorry you aren't going to get one though. I know you really wanted one, especially now that we have a yard."

She shrugged.

"I'd rather not get one than do that to an innocent animal. I can wait."

"I understand," she responded before putting the cookies in the oven. She squeezed Olivia's hand, hoping to offer her a little encouragement. "I'm still sorry you're not going to get one."

"It's okay," Olivia responded. "I have you, and that's all I really want anyway."

Alex smiled widely, leaning forward to kiss her.

"Thank you. Would you mind watching the cookies while I go get ready? Can I trust you not to burn them?"

"Might I remind you of our little incident a couple of years ago? Hmm? With the muffins? I don't think it's me we need to worry about messing up the baking."

"That was _not_ my fault! Who the hell uses Celsius instead of Fahrenheit?" she said, still annoyed at the recipe. "You're a jerk for bringing that up, by the way."

Olivia laughed. The events of that day still amused her. She had been invited over to try the cinnamon apple muffins Alex was planning on making. Alex had followed the online recipe to the letter, and when it called her to put them in at 200 degrees, she had. And they had waited, and waited, and waited…but the muffins wouldn't rise. They waited 40 minutes, rather than the recommended 20, and still they weren't done. It was only after rereading the recipe for a third time that Alex had noticed the little "C" next to the 200.

Olivia had never forgotten about that incident. She had laughed so hard that day, especially when Alex had gone off on a rant about the "ridiculousness" of using Celsius for recipes.

"Yeah, but it's still funny. Now go get ready. I'll watch over these."

Alex grumbled but made her way upstairs and got ready. She was in the process of applying the last of her make up when she heard the knock on the door. She swore quietly and quickly applied her mascara. She heard Olivia open the door as she exited her bedroom and made her way downstairs.

She smiled widely when she saw Hannah standing in the entrance with Lisa. She couldn't help the grin because Hannah looked so damn shy. Normally, the teenager would come bouncing in, very clearly at home in their house, but she now quietly entered and softly introduced them to Lisa. Alex decided to take some pity on the poor girl and took control of the conversation.

"Come on in, ladies. Hi, Lisa. It's nice to finally meet one of Hannah's friends."

Olivia led the way into the living room, Lisa following behind her. Alex quickly reached out and squeezed Hannah's hand, smiling encouragingly.

"She's cute," Alex whispered, causing Hannah to blush.

And she was cute. She wore a light summer dress, and her strawberry blond hair was pinned off to one side with a small clip, resting at her neck. She had big green eyes and flawless skin. Alex couldn't help thinking that the girl was incredibly lucky to have such beautiful features.

"You have a really nice home," Lisa said, looking around.

"Thank you. We like it too. Are you ladies hungry? I'm baking cookies now, and I made sandwiches and potato salad earlier just in case."

Lisa glanced at Hannah, who had made her way to her side.

"Are you hungry?" she asked. Hannah shrugged in response. She suddenly felt incredibly awkward.

Alex sensed the girl's uneasiness and grabbed Olivia's elbow.

"We'll just get things ready in the kitchen. We'll be out in a few minutes."

Olivia followed Alex into the kitchen.

"Poor girl obviously has it bad for that one," she commented. "She pretty much forgot how to speak."

"I can see why. She's gorgeous."

"She's got nothing on you though," Olivia replied, squeezing her upper arm.

Alex smiled at the compliment before turning to take out of the cookies from the oven. She put in the final batch with a satisfied nod.

"There! Thanks for switching the other cookies for me by the way."

"And I didn't even burn them." Olivia said proudly.

"Very good," Alex praised.

Hannah then came into the kitchen, biting her lip. She looked so nervous that Alex couldn't help reaching out to her.

"Everything okay?" Alex asked, rubbing the girl's arm. "If it's too weird being here, you don't have to stay."

Hannah smiled gratefully at her.

"No, it's not that. I'm just nervous that's all."

"Are you always so nervous around her?"

"No. Well, sometimes," she admitted softly. "Sometimes she makes me nervous, but I'm usually pretty good at hiding it."

"Anything we can do?" Olivia asked. It was hard enough having a crush on someone as an adult, let alone when you were a teenager.

"Don't let me throw up?" she joked.

Olivia chuckled and nodded.

"Don't worry, kiddo. We won't let that happen. Now come on, we can't leave her by herself all afternoon. Why don't you invite her into the kitchen? We'll set the table to eat and then we can talk a bit before you two start studying."

"Okay," Hannah agreed before going into the living room.

The blonde reached into the cupboard to grab some plates, but Olivia stopped her.

"I'll get them. You worry about your cookies," she said.

At first, Alex thought the brunette was going to tease her some more, but when she saw the sincerity in her expression, the blonde realised she was just being chivalrous. The thought made her smile.

"Thanks," she said in response.

She watched from the counter as Olivia put the plates down, followed by the silverware and glasses. She then seated the two girls and went to the fridge, making light conversation as she put the plates of food before them. This is what Alex had always wanted, this is what she had desperately missed back in Wisconsin: this simple domesticity.

When she was placed into the WPP, Alex had been sure that she'd never be happy, that she'd never feel at home again. And she had been right the first time. She had always known she could never be happy in Wisconsin. Even though she had tried to be, the truth was that she had been miserable. She had hated every minute of her time as Emily.

But she couldn't believe the incredible difference the second time around. Yes, things had been rocky, and for a while she had been unhappy, but it was never like in Wisconsin. And it was in moments such as this, watching Olivia chat away with the two teenagers as they waited for the cookies to be ready, when Alex thought she could truly be happy here in Wyoming. Things had felt different right from the start and scenes like this gave her hope, especially since they had talked and things were moving forward between them again. Maybe she could have a life here; maybe she could eventually feel at home. She would never be as happy as she had been in New York, but this… this could be a close second.

Alex was pulled from her thoughts by the sound of the oven timer going off. She turned from the counter and pulled the cookies out, placing them on top of the stove. She turned the oven off and removed her oven mitts before making her way to the table. She was happy to note that both teenagers seemed to have relaxed considerably. Olivia always had that effect on people. It was one of the things Alex loved most about her.

"So, are we ready to eat now?"

Hannah nodded vigorously.

"Lunch was forever ago. I'm starving."

"You didn't have to wait," Alex said as she sat. "You could have started eating."

Hannah shrugged.

"It's better when everyone is here."

Alex smiled at her and passed her the potato salad. The girl took the hint and quickly dug in. The blonde then turned Lisa, smiling. It was the first time she'd really gotten the chance to talk to her, and she was going to take full advantage.

"So, how are your studies going, Lisa? Hannah tells me you're an excellent student."

"Did she?" Lisa asked, raising an inquisitive eyebrow at Hannah. "What else have you been telling her about me?" The girl chose not to answer. When she received no response, Lisa turned her attention back to the blonde. "They're going well, thank you. I'm getting nervous for our exams though."

"Which ones make you the most nervous?"

"Physics. Definitely physics. It's my worst class. I'd have a 90 point average if it weren't for that class," she said in annoyance. "I hate that class."

"It doesn't help that it's boring as hell," Hannah added.

"It's the worst, especially when we have it first period. I've had to wake her up more than once," she said, pointing at Hannah.

"Listen, it's not my fault is Mr. Peters drones on like anyone cares about the difference between speed and velocity or why the sound field travels blah blah blah."

"Touché," Lisa grinned before turning to her hosts. "This is really good, by the way. Did you two make this all yourself?"

"Thanks," Alex responded "And I did, yes. Would you believe I used to be a horrible cook? I couldn't even make cereal without it bursting into flames."

"Ah! Simpsons reference!" Hannah said excitedly. "I love that episode."

"You two have that crap on so often that even _I'm_ able to quote it now."

"It's a good show," Olivia interjected. "Maybe you just have terrible taste."

Alex raised an eyebrow. "I'm attracted to you. What does _that_ say about my taste?"

"My point exactly!" Olivia teased. "You could do a lot better."

"I suppose I could," she said, pausing. "Hey, Hannah. Is Mr. Peters single?"

"Yeah but he's nowhere near as good looking as Cam is!" Hannah said enthusiastically.

Alex laughed.

"I'm sure he isn't."

Lisa sat quietly, observing her friend and the two older women. She watched them in silence for most of the rest of the meal, enjoying the playful banter between them. Hannah did not act this way with her family, and she knew from the secrets they had shared that Hannah was not close to her family in the least. It was comforting to know that these women so clearly cared about her. She managed to avoid any attention (as she preferred it) until the end of the meal, when Hannah began teasing her about her intense need to study and excel academically. It was true, she studied a lot and worked hard for her grades, but if not for her, Hannah would not have the grades she did either. She did not let the girl forget that fact, reminding her and squeezing her arm affectionately as she did so. Hannah rolled her eyes in response, but she had a genuine smile plastered on her face. She couldn't help smiling when Lisa touched her. It gave her butterflies. And when Lisa started teasing her and tickling her sides, Hannah's stomach clenched, another side effect to having the strawberry blonde's hands anywhere near her body. They were so engrossed in their banter that they didn't notice the women get up and move to the counter, eyeing them.

"We should really give them time to study. That was the reason they were coming over after all," Alex stated.

"Was it now?" Olivia asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Yes," Alex responded, refusing to take the bait. She had spent enough time observing Lisa while they were eating, but she was looking forward to seeing how she acted when she was alone with Hannah. Well, that is until Alex started popping in to "just grab something" from the kitchen.

Looking to move things along, Alex began clearing the table. Olivia didn't press the issue further, not wanting to risk being overheard. She had taken the opportunity to do her own observing as well, and Lisa was either a very affectionate person or there was a reason she was so touchy with Hannah. And Hannah, well, Olivia was sure she had never seen the girl smile quite so enthusiastically.

After the kitchen was cleaned, the two girls got their school bags and settled at the table. Olivia told them to grab what they wanted from the fridge as she placed a plate of cookies before them.

"You're both old enough to know your limits. If you can handle eating twelve cookies, be my guest," she said smiling.

"Thanks," they said in unison.

Olivia nodded at them before joining Alex, who had moved to the living room.

"So?" she asked, plopping herself down on the couch. She then shifted so that she was facing her.

"So what?"

"What's the verdict?"

Alex bit her bottom lip.

"I think she likes Hannah. Actually, I'm sure of it. What do you think?"

"I can't believe you suckered me into this mess, but my instincts agree with you. She's either a very affectionate person or she's attracted to our little friend. My gut says the latter."

Alex nodded in agreement.

"You don't touch someone like that unless you feel something for them," she said, reflecting on the way Lisa poked, playfully shoved, swatted, and stroked Hannah's arms at the end of the meal. She had been reserved at first, shy, but things had quickly turned around when she warmed up.

"It's cute," Olivia said, thinking aloud. "It's nice that the kids from this generation don't have to worry about the repercussions we had to when we were growing up. People are much more accepting nowadays."

"Definitely. I wonder if Lisa has figured it out," Alex mused.

"Figured what out? Her feelings for Hannah?"

"Yes."

"I'm sure she has. She seems like a smart girl."

"She does. However, you're pretty intelligent yourself and you never caught on," Alex said, grinning.

"That's because you need to hit me with a two by four in the face before I see something like that," Olivia looked at Alex. "You're beautiful, smart, and way out of my league. There was no way I would have ever thought you'd return my feelings. Especially, you know, since you were straight."

Alex reached out and squeezed her forearm.

"I was never out of your league," she said sincerely. "And I certainly was never straight. I just wasn't _out_. It's not something you advertise, not in my field anyway. Or, my former field that is."

"No, I guess it isn't. I can't believe you didn't pick up on it though, on how I felt. Even El-uh, even the people around me were bugging me about it," she smiled, but it was a sad smile. She missed Elliot a lot, the memory suddenly serving as a painful reminder of how long it had been since she had seen him.

Alex sensed Olivia's sadness, so she scooted closer and wrapped her arms around her. She pulled her in close, taking a deep breath and inhaling her scent. She would never tire of sharing close contact with her.

"I know you miss him," she whispered in her ear. "I miss him too."

"God, you don't even know. I don't let myself think of him, but sometimes I just…"

Olivia shifted back until she could look Alex in the eye. The blonde reached up and cupped her cheek, stroking away a stray tear.

"I'm sorry," she whispered guiltily. "I know it's because of me. I'm sorry you left everything because of m-"

Olivia leaned forward and caught her lips, silencing her. Alex whimpered at the contact, her hand automatically making its way into the brunette's hair. She buried her fingers deep, clinging to the brown locks as she had done so many times in the past. Her stomach fluttered as she felt gentle fingertips stroking the skin at her hip and soft lips pressing against her own. She moaned and leaned forward, half leaning on Olivia as she pushed for more contact. The fingers against her skin were driving her crazy, and Alex was eager for more. Olivia did not disappoint.

She shifted and pulled Alex fully on her lap, tugging her close. Alex moaned into the kiss, and Olivia took advantage of her open mouth to slip her tongue inside. Alex pressed her body forward, her breasts pressing against Olivia's. A spike of arousal shot through Olivia's body as the fleshy mounds pressed against her own. She moved her hands to grip Alex's ass, pressing the woman's centre hard into her lap. She responded by grinding her hips down, causing Olivia's head to spin.

"Oh my God."

Alex gasped at the interruption, ripping away from Olivia's lips and looking over at a horrified Lisa.

"Lisa?" Hannah followed, confused as to why she looked so upset. When she stumbled upon the two women panting on the couch, Val sitting in Cam's lap, she realised what had shocked her friend.

"I'm sorry," the blonde started. "We didn't-"

"No, it's okay. Um, I forgot I have to go home now," Lisa started, racing back to the kitchen and grabbing her things. "I'm sorry, Han. I just… I have to go. There's this thing…I just have to go."

She bolted from the house. Hannah stood transfixed, staring at the front door. Alex slipped from her lap as Olivia got up and made her way to the teen, who now looked completely dejected.

"Hannah. I'm sorry. That wasn't supposed to happen."

The girl shook her head.

"No, it's okay. I just… I guess that tells me everything I need to know, right? She freaked when she saw you guys."

"I don't think you should just to conclusions. Go talk to her."

"I don't know if I can," the girl responded. "Did you just see that? She totally freaked."

"Yes, I did, but I think you should try to talk to her. Come on, if you hurry, you can catch her. Leave your things here. You can come back for them." When she saw that Hannah was debating, she added an enthusiastic "go", which prompted the teenager to move to the door.

"Okay. I'll be back."

"Yes, yes. Go!"

When Hannah left, Olivia turned back to Alex, who had shifted to curl into the couch.

"I feel guilty. I think we frightened that poor girl."

"She'll be okay," Olivia said calmly, making her way back to the couch. She sat next to Alex and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, drawing her in close. She kissed her temple softly. "I can't say I regret it though, because I really don't."

Alex smiled and burrowed into Olivia's side.

"I feel guilty, but I don't regret it either," she admitted, looking up at the brunette. "I just hope we didn't mess things up for them. I wouldn't want to ruin Hannah's friendship with Lisa."

"We didn't. If Lisa did get upset because she saw two women kissing, should Hannah really be friends with someone like that, given that she is also a lesbian? No. I think we probably just startled her. How often do you think she sees two women making out like that?"

"I guess you're right."

Olivia smiled triumphantly.

"And don't you forget it!"

Alex rolled her eyes and settled against her bicep, hoping that when Hannah returned, she'd tell them that everything was okay.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I tried to avoid Val/Cam as much as I could (unless it was coming from Hannah's POV, in which case, it had to be Cam/Val). I tried to keep the new names to a minimum, since it'll always be Alex/Olivia in my mind!
> 
> 2) That muffin thing... yeah. True story. And it took me forever to figure out what the hell I was doing wrong. I'm not the best baker. Or cook. I'm a bad femme lol. Thanks for reading!


	28. Chapter 28

It was well past eleven by the time Hannah returned. She quietly made her way in, expecting to find both women out cold on the couch the way she often did when she came in late. However, this time, she found both women awake and staring at her intently. When she grinned at them, they both smiled back.

"So?" the brunette was first to ask. "How did it go?"

"Um, it went well."

"I expect by your grin that it went very well."

"Yeah. It did," she said, plopping down on the love seat next to them. It went phenomenally well.

"Are you going to share with the class?"

Alex sat up when she realised that Hannah's grin was a little too wide for it to have just gone "well".

"No," she said in disbelief. "You didn't."

Hannah grinned wider.

"You did! How did it happen?"

Olivia looked at the blonde next to her, surprised to hear the woman speak with such girlish enthusiasm. She was confused as to what was so exciting.

"How did what happen?"

"She told Lisa. Now stop talking. I want to hear the story."

Hannah, who had not stopped smiling since she walked in, leaned forward and nodded when the brunette asked if it was true.

"I did even better than that actually. I kissed her."

"You didn't! Okay, start talking," Alex said, joining her on the loveseat. "Ignore that one over there until you've finished. I want to hear what happened."

"Hey!" Olivia protested.

"Okay," Hannah started, ignoring the woman. "Well, I chased her like you said to. She was nearly at her place by the time I got to her. I started yelling at her to stop riding because I needed to talk to her. She wouldn't though and she didn't stop until she got to her place. There wasn't really anything I could do so I followed her into the house and I started telling her to talk to me, but she wouldn't. She told me she needed me to go, but she was upset and she was crying. I couldn't leave. Thank God her parents weren't home, so we were able to talk freely and I told her I wasn't leaving until she told me what had her so upset. I thought it was because she had seen you two, so I said that I was sorry she was upset by it but that I had told her you guys were together so she should expect that you would be affectionate with one another. Then I said that you were my friends and if she was that bothered by it, then I wasn't sure I could be friends with her anymore."

Alex reached out and touched Hannah's knee when the girl said the last part, squeezing it gently.

"That was a very sweet thing to say, Hannah, but you didn't have to. I wouldn't want you to lose such a good friend because of us."

"It wouldn't have been because of you. It would have been because of her. And how could I be friends with someone who had a problem with something like that, when it's such a huge part of who I am? I couldn't."

Alex nodded in understanding.

"So what did she respond when you said that?"

Hannah grinned.

"She told me that she wasn't upset by you two, so I asked her what had her so upset. Then her eyes started watering and she had tears down her cheeks and she told me that for such an incredibly smart person, I could be really fucking stupid. So, of course, I was like, what? And she said she was upset because she felt like it was being thrown in her face, but she said it angrily. And I was so confused so I asked her what was being thrown in her face and then she said, 'What I want with you but can never have!' and I kind of just stood there, because I was pretty sure I knew what she was saying, but I wanted to make absolutely sure, so I asked her what she wanted and she shouted 'You!' and then I pretty much just gawked for a second before I immediately made my way over to her and kissed her. Hard."

By the time the teen had finished talking, all three were grinning widely.

"So, I guess she's into you," Olivia stated.

Hannah laughed loudly and nodded.

"Yeah, I guess she is. I can't believe it. I feel like I'm dreaming. I kept asking her if she was sure. She said she's very sure."

"What happened after you kissed her?"

"She got angry and pushed me back. She thought I was messing with her when I said I returned her feelings and wanted her as well. It took a second for her to understand that I wasn't lying, and when it finally sunk in, she just threw her arms around me and hugged me. Then she cried a lot more." Hannah turned to Olivia and shook her head, "women," she said with a playful huff. "Then we lay down on her bed and just cuddled and talked until her parents came home. That's why I'm so late, sorry. We didn't do anything. We really did just cuddle."

"You're not in trouble," Olivia responded. "Although next time, you should really send us a text message. We had been waiting to hear from you."

"Sorry," she answered guiltily. "Normally I would have, but I was just so distracted with her."

Alex nodded.

"We understand. I'm very, very excited for you."

"I am too. I don't know how I'll concentrate for exams," she said, biting back a yawn.

"I don't think you need to concern yourself with that at this hour. You should get to bed. We'll worry about that in the morning."

"Okay. I'll just go put away my things."

"Don't worry about it," Alex said, reaching out to stop her going into the kitchen. "I picked them up earlier. Everything is in your backpack."

Hannah paused and smiled warmly at her.

"Thank you. You know, I really appreciate everything you guys do for me. You feel like home."

Alex got up and wrapped her arms around the teen, pulling her into a tight embrace.

"You're always welcome here, Hannah. You're a good kid and we love having you here. You will always be welcome in our home, okay?"

The young girl nodded and whispered a thank you. After she was safely upstairs in her room, Alex made her way over to the detective and sat down.

"What a night!"

Olivia chuckled.

"Yeah, it was. I'm glad it worked out for them. You're really great with her, you know."

"Thanks."

"You're going to be a wonderful mother one day," she said softly, lacing their fingers together. "I think about it sometimes…You, me…a few kids. We'd be good together."

"I think you're the only person from my past who would agree with that."

"I'm the only person from your past who knows you. Who _truly_ knows you. If they did, they'd agree too. You're wonderful."

Alex, unused to hearing such flattering things said about her with such conviction, had no idea how to respond. Olivia understood her silence and simply kissed the top of her head.

"Why don't we go to bed as well? It's getting late."

"I don't want to let you go."

"I'll be here tomorrow," the brunette said, getting up and holding out her hand. When Alex grabbed it, she helped the woman up and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. The blonde shivered, still unused to the physical affection. However, she was not complaining in the least. She loved it.

"I know…" she trailed off, watching as Olivia turned off the lights and locked the front door. "I just miss you."

Olivia grabbed her hand and pulled her close.

"I'm right here."

"I'm afraid you're going to run away again," she confessed.

Olivia's heart constricted with guilt at the blonde's words. She pulled her close, wrapping her arms around the woman's waist and trapping her in her embrace.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I'm sorry I did that to you and I'm sorry it has made you worried. I just… I was overwhelmed and confused. I was scared, so I ran. I shouldn't have, but I did. It was a cowardly thing to do and I'm so ashamed. It's not something the old me would have done and I can't believe I did it, but I'm here now and I promise, I am _not_ going anywhere. Okay? Never again."

Alex could feel the tears brimming in her eyes as Olivia spoke to her. The woman never broke eye contact and the certainty in her voice never wavered. Alex believed her. She _felt_ her sincerity.

"Do you believe me?"

Alex nodded and wrapped her arms around the brunette's neck. Olivia squeezed her close and kissed her head, causing the blonde to nuzzle her nose in her neck. Olivia smiled when she felt soft lips against her throat. Her heart began to race when a thought popped into her head, her body buzzing with happiness. She debated for half a second before she decided not to overthink it and just say it.

She leaned in close to Alex's ear and pressed her lips against it.

"I love you," she whispered. "I never stopped loving you."

Alex's breath hitched in her throat as she suddenly overcome with emotion. She tried to suppress the sob of happiness that threatened to escape, but it would not be quelled. It came against Olivia's throat, causing the brunette to squeeze her tight. She had waited so long to hear those words. It had been so long since she had heard them.

Alex shifted in Olivia's embrace and kissed her throat.

"I love you too. I love you so much."

Olivia broke into a grin when she uttered those words, pulling back enough to tilt Alex's chin with her finger and press their lips together. Alex moaned into the kiss, pulling her impossibly closer. The brunette pressed her hands into Alex's lower back, slipping them underneath her shirt to stroke against soft skin. The blonde purred against her lips, and when they parted, Olivia slipped her tongue inside. Olivia's tongue met hers immediately, quickly taking control of the kiss. She explored every single inch of her mouth, running her tongue over every surface, mapping it into her brain. She then brought her tongue to stroke against Alex's, loving the way the blonde knees jerked when she did so. She easily supported her soft weight, pressing harder against the woman's tongue until she started to feel light headed.

She reluctantly pulled away and rested against Alex's shoulder, panting heavily. Alex groaned into her neck, shifting until she was standing on her own. She was uncomfortably wet, but that was nothing new. It happened any time the brunette kissed her like that. Hell, it happened even when she didn't. A simple look from the brunette could do that.

"Wow," Alex finally breathed, smiling when Olivia's chuckle reverberated against her body. She closed her eyes as she felt the brunette's lips against her throat.

"Come on," she said lowly. "It's time to sleep."

The next morning, Alex awoke smiling. She couldn't help immediately going over her kiss last night with Olivia, and the conversation afterwards when she had tried to con the woman into spending the night in her bed. The brunette had adamantly refused, stating that she wanted to take things slow between them. Alex had pointed out that _technically_ , they had been waiting years already, but Olivia had responded that she then could wait a little while longer. Alex had feigned a pout in response, earning a playful pinch to her backside. Olivia had chuckled at her yelp, kissed her goodnight, and then made her way to her own room across the hall.

She let out a small laugh, burying her face in the pillow.

"What are you giggling about?"

Alex let out a slight gasp, surprised. She hadn't heard Olivia sneak up. She smiled when she looked over at the brunette standing against her doorframe.

"You, yesterday, pinching my ass."

"Well, you deserved it," she stated, pushing away from the doorframe and walking into the room.

Alex slipped backwards and pulled back the covers, her stomach tightening with excitement when the brunette slid in beside her.

"Hi," Olivia whispered gently, reaching out to stroke her cheek. "You're even more beautiful in the morning."

Even if she had wanted to, Alex could not have fought the grin that quickly spread over her lips.

"You're just as much of a flatterer as I remember."

Olivia leaned forward and hovered above the blonde.

"It's not flattery when it's the truth."

Alex, sensing Olivia's intention, pulled back slightly.

"I haven't brushed my teeth yet…"

"I don't care," she stated, leaning forward and pressing their lips together. Alex never had bad breath in the morning, not like Olivia anyway (which is why she had visited the bathroom before coming to see Alex).

"Well, well, well. It seems _I'm_ the only one capable of controlling her hormones around here," Hannah clucked from the doorway.

Olivia smiled against Alex's lips and turned to face the teen.

"Good morning, Hannah."

"Good morning, Cam. Something wrong with your own bed that you had to sleep in here with Val?" she asked with a hint of humour in her voice.

Olivia chuckled and moved to the side, lying back down on the bed. She snaked one arm around Alex's waist, pulling the woman close.

"For your information, _mother_ , I slept in my own bed. I just came in here to wake up our favourite blonde."

"Mhmm. I'm sure."

"She's telling the truth. I tried to seduce her into my bed last night. It didn't work. She insisted on being a gentleman and sleeping across the hall," Alex said.

"Well done, Cam. As for you, young lady. I am surprised and disappointed. I'm going to have to have a talk with your father about this."

Alex laughed against Olivia's shoulder.

"Now. You two should get up and get dressed. I'm making breakfast. Lisa's going to come over if that's alright with you. She wants to apologise for yesterday. She's really embarrassed."

Olivia smiled warmly at her.

"She's more than welcome to come back, but she doesn't have to apologise. We understand."

"She wants to all the same. She'll be here in about forty minutes."

"Alright."

After the teen disappeared downstairs, Olivia turned to the woman next to her.

"I think I'll get dressed and go help her with breakfast. You're going to shower first?"

Alex nodded.

"Okay," she said, kissing her forehead. "We'll see you downstairs."

Olivia slid out of bed and made her way to her bedroom, changing out of her pyjamas into a pair of jeans and a button-down top. She quickly brushed her hair and smiled as she left the bedroom, hearing the sound of the shower running. _Alex is naked in there_ , she thought, glancing at the door. As much as she would love to see her, to touch her in a way they hadn't yet gotten the chance to, she still wanted to take things slow. Technically, Alex was correct. They _had_ been waiting years, but most of that time had been spent apart. And much of the time they had spent waiting when they were together, they weren't a couple. They were just friends. She didn't want to rush a physical relationship. She still needed a bit more time, and secretly, she was pretty sure Alex did too.

So, she hopped down the steps, making her way to the kitchen where Hannah was in the middle of turning over a pan full of sausages.

"Hey. Smells good in here."

The teenager looked up and grinned.

"Thanks. I have bacon in the oven and I'm just flipping these over before I get started on the French toast."

"Wow. You're going all out."

"Yeah, I hope you don't mind. It's the first breakfast I'll be making her and-"

Olivia waved her hand to cut her off.

"I understand completely, sweetie. It's okay. What can I do?"

"You could start on the French toast? I have the eggs, cinnamon, abd bread over there."

"Sure."

Olivia made her way to the counter and began cracking eggs into a bowl. She looked over at Hannah and asked if she was getting excited.

"I am, but I'm nervous too. Things are going to be different now."

"That doesn't have to be a bad thing."

"I know, but nobody really likes change, do they?"

 _If only you knew_ , Olivia thought.

"You're right. Sometimes change is scary. But, it can also be really exciting."

"Were you scared when your relationship with Val first changed?"

"Yes. And very, very nervous. I didn't want to do anything to screw it up, but I've made a lot of mistakes and she still forgave me. I mean, you saw that doozy I committed, and still she wants me anyway. Not that you'll do the same mind you, but if you do, Lisa will forgive you. Women are very understanding in that sense."

Hannah nodded and watched as the other woman moved to place a piece of egg-coated-bread into the frying pan.

"How is it going between you two anyway?"

Olivia grinned at her.

"Very well."

"You've stopped being a dummy?" Hannah teased.

"Yes," Olivia chuckled. "I have. I was confused. Things changed really quickly for us, with the move and everything, and I made a mistake. Luckily, I have a very forgiving woman."

"No more running?"

"No more running," Olivia confirmed.

"That's good to hear," called out a familiar voice.

Olivia turned to find Alex smiling at her as she entered the kitchen.

"I'm sorry, honey," she said, planting a firm kiss on Alex's lips.

"I forgive you. I understand your motives, even if they were misguided."

Olivia nodded and chose not to add anything else. They had discussed Olivia's motives at length, and Alex had forgiven her for her actions. They were both eager to move on now.

"What time is Lisa due to arrive?"

"Soon. Another five or so minutes."

"Do you want me to take over so you can go do some last minute preparing? Are you ready for her arrival?" Alex asked.

"Would you mind taking over? I'd like to go to the bathroom quickly and then meet her at the door."

"Of course. You look really nice, by the way."

Hannah paused before exiting.

"You think so?" she asked, looking down at her fitted shirt and jeans.

"Yes. You chose well. Navy brings out your eyes."

Hannah grinned widely.

"Lisa says the same thing."

"Well, now you know it's true. Okay, hurry up before she gets here."

Hannah quickly turned and raced out of the room. Alex made her way to the cupboard and grabbed some plates, then turned to set the table.

"What?" she asked when she saw Olivia smiling and shaking her head.

"I remember when I was that nervous about you."

"I was the same way. I overturned my entire closet the night you took me out on our first date. I couldn't decide what to wear."

Olivia tossed in another piece of bread into the frying pan before turning to the blonde.

"You look good in everything. It wouldn't have mattered what you'd have chosen. You always look beautiful."

Alex placed the last fork down on the table and smiled widely at the woman admiring her. She always spoke with such sincerity that it made Alex's entire body flood with warmth.

She made her way over and grasped Olivia's elbow, tugging her down slightly into a kiss. Olivia eagerly complied, placing her free hand on the blonde's hip. They kissed slowly, gingerly, but for Alex, it was perfect. When they finally pulled away, they smiled at each other.

"Are we interrupting?"

Alex suppressed a gasp and turned to Hannah, who was grinning widely at her. Lisa offered her a shy smile and looked away. She was incredibly embarrassed at her actions from yesterday, and she was embarrassed that she interrupted yet again.

"Sorry," Lisa offered. "If we had known…"

"No, no," Alex started, taking a step back. "We were just-"

"Making out in the kitchen," Olivia interrupted. "Come on in, girls. Take a seat. It's nice to see you again, Lisa."

The girl gave a small smile before sitting down.

"It's pretty much all done. Val here was just finishing setting the table and then we were ready."

Hannah got up from her seat and went to the stove.

"Why don't you sit, Val? I can do the rest. Thanks for taking over for me."

"I don't mind."

"Really, I insist. You're always serving me. Let me do it to you for once."

"Okay, thank you."

Olivia and Hannah began piling the food into serving plates and then placed them in the middle of the table. Lisa's eyes widened when she saw the heaping plates of breakfast sausages, bacon, and French toast.

"Wow. It looks amazing," she stated.

"Hannah made most of it," Alex answered. "She's quite the cook."

Hannah smiled warmly at the blonde. She knew what the woman was doing: she was trying to make her look good. The teen definitely appreciated it.

"Looks really good," Lisa said, smiling over at Hannah.

"Thanks," she responded as she sat.

Olivia grabbed the milk and orange juice from the fridge before finally sitting down.

"Don't be shy, ladies. Dig in."

They began piling food in their plates, but Olivia noticed Lisa wasn't eating. She was still slowly cutting her food long after everyone else had begun eating.

"Lisa? Everything okay, honey?" she asked.

The girl took a deep breath before looking up at her.

"I need to say something, but I'm nervous. I feel really guilty," she admitted, glancing away.

Hannah reached over from her seat and grabbed Lisa's hand. She had chosen to sit next to the girl for a reason. She knew this conversation would be hard on her friend.

"It's okay, sweetie. Whatever happened yesterday, it's okay. I'm just sorry we upset you."

"You didn't," she said quickly. "And you shouldn't apologise. You should be able to do what you want in your own home. It just… it was hard because I felt like… It just reminded me of what I wanted with Hannah," she said, sending a shy smile to the girl in question, "and thought I'd never have. And when I saw you guys, I guess it kind of hurt knowing that you two had what I wanted with Hannah. It was a very real reminder. But then, well, we worked it out," she said, unable to fight the smile tugging at her lips. "But I wanted to say sorry, for the way I acted yesterday. For running out like that. I don't want you to think I'll do that every time. I won't. I was just overwhelmed yesterday."

Alex, being the closest to Lisa, reached out and squeezed her hand.

"Thanks for explaining. Everything is okay now. Hannah explained yesterday, but I'm glad you told us for yourself too. You seem like a great girl, and Hannah thinks very highly of you. It would be nice to have you around more often."

The girl nodded and smiled.

"I would like that," she said, pausing for a second before slowly resuming her thought. "Hannah talks about you guys all the time. You seem really down to Earth and… and it would be nice to be able to be ourselves without having to worry about our parents. She says you're both really kind and understanding. And caring. It's not often you find adults who aren't trying to harp all the time, who just let you be yourself."

Olivia smiled over at Hannah.

"You said that?"

The girl blushed.

"Yeah, maybe. You weren't meant to hear it though."

"We try to make this a safe place for her to come," Alex said. "But she by no means gets away with anything here. We still expect homework to be done and for you to do what's expected of you."

Lisa nodded.

"Yes, ma'am. I understand. I didn't mean to say she implied that this was a place to escape responsibilities. Just that it was somewhere where we don't have to pretend to be something we're not."

"Like at home?" Olivia asked gently.

Lisa nodded.

"I could never tell my parents I like girls, that I like Hannah. They'd flip. They like her as my friend; they think she's a good person. But if they found out the truth, I think they would forbid my seeing her."

"Your mom would act similarly?" Olivia asked Hannah.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I don't think she'd like it, but she wouldn't freak like Lisa's parents would. She's an only child and they expect perfection out of her. Obviously, dating a girl does not fit into their perfect image of her. I think my mom would just try to find out what went so wrong in my life that I'm not into guys. Maybe she should start with her dick of a husband," she muttered, then looked up and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry."

"It's okay," Alex said before turning to Lisa. "Hannah knows she's welcome here anytime, but you should know that that invitation is extended to you as well. Cam and I are always around to offer support or a safe place to stay."

"Thank you."

Alex nodded at her before looking back at her empty plate. When had she finished eating?

"So are you ladies going to spend the day studying?" Olivia asked.

They nodded in unison.

"We need to. Exams are only a few days away."

"Are you heading to the library?"

Before she could answer, Hannah's cellphone started ringing.

"I'm sorry. That's my mom's ringtone. I have to answer it," she explained, fishing her phone out of her pocket and quickly answering it. "Hello? Hi. Yes. No, I'm with Lisa. I'm studying today, mom. Exams are coming up. When did I agree to that? Seriously, mom? That was like three weeks ago! I can't. I have to study."

"What's wrong?" Lisa whispered.

Hannah covered the mouthpiece of her phone.

"Apparently I agreed to watch my siblings three weeks ago and am now getting shit for forgetting," she explained, then uncovered the mouthpiece. "No, mom. I'm still here. Exams finish this week. I can't watch them. Can't you guys go next weekend? I won't even complain. Just move it a week. Please? Okay. Yes, I know. Okay. Thank you. Yes, I love you too. Bye."

The girl sighed dramatically.

"I'm on babysitting duty next weekend."

"They're adorable, Han. You should be excited."

"Yeah, yeah," she grumbled. She really did love her siblings and they weren't bad unlike, in her opinion, everyone else's kids, but that still didn't mean she wanted to spend the whole weekend watching them.

"You can bring them here if you like," Alex offered. "Then you can have some help. Cam is great with kids and it'll help break up the day for you guys."

The teen seemed to consider it for a second before nodding.

"If you don't mind, that would actually be really nice."

"We definitely don't mind," Olivia answered, rising and grabbing plates. "I think everyone is done eating?"

She received nothing but nods in response, everyone stating that they were definitely full. The girls helped load the dishwasher while the adults put the food away. Alex wiped down the table and turned to the teens.

"Do you need a ride to the library?"

Hannah looked at Lisa, who shrugged.

"We have our bikes," she explained. "So we can bike there."

"Are you sure? I don't want you two to hurt your backs. I know you have a lot of books," Alex continued.

"We'll be okay. Thanks for breakfast."

"Anytime. I'll walk you guys out."

"Okay," Hannah said, grabbing their bags. She handed Lisa hers before following the other girl outside. "Who's working at the library today by the way?"

"Kelly, our part timer. She's very nice."

"Okay. Alright, I'll text you two later. Behave," she said, a slight sing-song to her tone.

"We'll try. Thanks for coming to breakfast, Lisa."

"Thank you for having me."

"Bye, Val!"

"Bye, girls."

Alex closed the door before turning and making her way back to Olivia, looking forward to a lazy day with her.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're welcome. (You'll see why)

 

Alex's hopes for a lazy day had promptly been crushed when Olivia informed her that she had found them the perfect boat while browsing online ads a few days prior. Olivia had insisted that it met their needs perfectly, so she had driven them to a neighbouring town to pick it up. When they had returned home, Olivia then went online and registered for her boating licence, which had come in the mail four days later. While waiting for her licence, Olivia had gone to the outdoor store and purchased everything they would need for their fishing expedition the following weekend.

Hannah had spent the majority of that same week at the house, studying or getting quizzed by one of the women on the material she had studied. She came home every afternoon to tell them how her exam had gone before then going up to her bedroom to study some more, only coming down for dinner. Her exams had gone very well, and she had even managed to feel fairly confident about her English one.

Hannah went home after her exam on Friday, since her mother and stepfather were leaving early Saturday morning. After she had left, Alex and Olivia had gone to the bakery to get the girl her favourite cake (red velvet) to celebrate the fact that she had completed her school year. The girl was now officially on vacation, and she deserved a cake to celebrate, so they bought her her favourite dessert and decided to give it to her the next day when she came with her siblings.

The following afternoon, Hannah had arrived with her siblings in tow. The children had been shy at first, but as soon as Alex brought out the cake, they both warmed up considerably. Hannah had been incredibly touched by the gesture, not having expected to receive anything to celebrate the end of her 11th year. She had eagerly accepted a huge piece of her favourite treat, regretting her decision later when she was left with a massive stomach ache. Lisa joined them a couple of hours later, and all six piled into the boat for a ride. They decided not to fish since they had the children with them, instead opting to jump out of the boat and into the water for a short swim. On Sunday, they had decided to make cookies and do finger painting outside, resulting in the lawn turning several different shades of brightly coloured paint. It had been worth it though, especially when Olivia had started a paint war against Hannah. The older woman won, of course, but they had both ended up covered head to toe in paint. Lisa then suggested they all take a quick swim in the lake to wash off, but they had ended up staying in the water until after supper.

The women genuinely enjoyed having the teenagers over, but it was a special treat to have the little ones around. Hailey had taken to Olivia, following her around and asking a dozen questions about whatever she happened to be doing at the time. Olivia enjoyed having her around though, her little voice making the brunette smile with amusement. She was a cute kid. Hunter had taken longer to come out of his shell, sticking close to his sister and Lisa. However, by Sunday afternoon, he was happily running into Alex's arms when the blonde offered him some paint in exchange for a kiss.

The following week was much the same: Hannah stopping by with Lisa or her siblings (or both) to spend the evening with the two older women. Alex and Olivia were happy to have the company, even after spending a long day at work. The kids' energy and enthusiasm was contagious, and despite having spent the whole day on her feet, Olivia was more than happy to swing them around outside or chase them down the hall. It was in those moments that Alex would stand back and watch her, her attraction the other woman doubling as she observed the way the children would rush back to her, faces lit with happiness. They loved Olivia, and she was so good with them. Alex often found herself thinking about their own future children as she stood in the kitchen, happily preparing another meal for six people. She wondered how many they would have. If they chose to, she wondered if she would carry all of them or if Olivia would want to have one, or if they would just end up adopting. She didn't care how it happened though. She just wanted children. And the more time she spent watching Olivia with Hannah's siblings, the more she realised she wanted those children with Olivia.

However, they still had one major step to take in their relationship. They still hadn't made love, and Alex was having a more and more difficult time stopping when Olivia pulled away. She suspected that Olivia was stopping them because she wanted to give Alex time and wanted to make sure they weren't moving too quickly. But they had been in the WPP now for four months. Alex was tired of waiting. What was more, she wasn't sure she _could_ wait anymore. She had been waiting for so long already. So when things started to escalate from kissing to touching on a Friday evening, five months to the day since entering the WPP, Alex decided that she would not allow the brunette to pull away anymore.

"Baby, we should slow down," Olivia whispered, kissing the woman beneath her.

Rather than slowing her kisses, Alex responded by pressing the thigh that was between Olivia's legs up and against her centre. The brunette groaned, and Alex moved her hands from her hips down to her ass, guiding her movements against her leg.

"Babe," she said, breathing hard, trying to still Alex's movements. "We have to stop."

"No," Alex responded, moving up to kiss her hard. She swiped her tongue at Olivia's lips before sucking the bottom one in her mouth. "We don't," she added after she pulled her mouth away.

"I don't want to rush you."

"You're not."

"I want you to be sure."

"I am sure. I've been sure for years now. I want this. I want you. I want to make love to you," she accentuated this last sentence by pressing Olivia down harder onto her thigh. "Please don't make me stop."

Olivia closed her eyes, her heart pounding in her chest. She wanted this so badly, but she still hesitated. She did not want Alex to regret anything.

"Are _you_ sure?"

Her eyes immediately opened and found Alex's gaze. She reached down and cupped her cheek, smiling softly at her.

"I've never wanted anything more in my entire life. I just don't want you to regret anything."

"Never. But please, don't make me stop," she begged, gripping Olivia's ass and once again pushing her down against her leg.

"Fuck, babe. I'm not going to last," Olivia panted, bucking against her. She was already so turned on. They had waited so long that as much as she wanted this to last, she knew it wouldn't. At least not the first round.

Alex moved her left hand up to the back of Olivia's neck and pulled her down so that she could whisper in her ear.

"I don't want you to. I want you to come against me, Olivia."

"Fuck," she blurted, bucking hard when Alex said her name. The pang of arousal that her voice caused sent Olivia hurtling towards the edge.

She immediately latched onto Alex's lips, kissing her furiously as the blonde moved her hands up and down her body. She moved her hips harshly, grinding herself down on Alex's leg. She needed to come, she wanted to so badly, but she wasn't sure she could like this.

"Baby, I…" she started, pulling away.

Alex brought her hands forward, palming and squeezing Olivia's breasts.

"What? What do you need?"

"I-" Olivia gasped, closing her eyes as she continued to stroke herself against Alex's thigh. "I need more."

Alex understood and immediately moved her hands down, ripping at her jeans and sliding her right hand inside. Olivia felt herself grow wetter at Alex's frantic movements, the knowledge that she wanted this just as badly turning her on even more.

"Fuck!" she cried out, unable to hold back when she felt Alex's fingers stroke against her.

"Baby, you're so wet for me."

Alex's stomach clenched hard as she got her first feel of Olivia. She moaned as she began stroking through liquid heat, panting hard as Olivia shook above her. The woman was soaked, and Alex could tell she was on the verge of losing it. She pushed gently against her entrance, teasing, before moving her hand back up to swipe at Olivia's clit.

The brunette bit her bottom lip, grinding down against Alex's hand as fingers mercilessly stroked her clit. Her head dropped onto the blonde's shoulder. She was right there. Her stomach pressing hard, her body vibrating. It felt too good. Her jaw dropped and her brow furrowed. She panted heavily as her hips thrust against Alex's, her eyes squeezing shut as she concentrated on the powerful orgasm approaching her. Suddenly, Alex flicked her wrist and Olivia cried out.

"Fuck. Fuck, I'm going to-"

"Come," Alex commanded, incessantly rubbing her clit.

Olivia shouted against her shoulder, her hips bucking wildly. Alex was relentless, stroking her clit through each spasm. She bit her lip as she looked up at Olivia, feeling the bundle of nerves grow harder under her fingers. She shifted her fingers and used the pad of her thumb to stroke up and down against the base of her clit, loving the jerking hips in response.

"Baby, baby if you don't stop, I'm going to- Ah!"

She cried out as fresh waves of pleasure crashed against her. She quickly built to a second release, collapsing on Alex when it finally subsided.

She stayed still for several moments before finally gasping out a "fuck" and groaning as she attempted to move.

"I think you killed me," Olivia murmured.

"I better not have because I'm not done yet."

Olivia's hips gave an involuntary spasm, causing Alex to chuckle.

"I'm glad your body agrees."

"Fuck," Olivia said, pushing herself up until she could look down at Alex.

"You're beautiful," she whispered, kissing her softly on the lips. "I want to touch you."

"Please," Alex nodded in agreement. She was uncomfortably wet and incredibly aroused.

Olivia, her strength now returned at the prospect of getting to see Alex naked, pushed herself from the couch. She pulled Alex up and gripped the woman around the hips, leaning forward and kissing her hard on the lips. She was going to make up for going first.

She backed Alex up until their ankles hit the bottom of the steps. She then pressed her up against the wall, slowly leading them up the staircase as they continued to kiss. Olivia took advantage of their proximity and touched Alex's cheeks, throat, shoulders, arms, waist, hips, thighs… anywhere she could access. Anywhere, that is, but where she would feel any kind of relief. She wanted the blonde aching for her, and she would not stop until the woman pleaded for relief.

They paused at the top of the stairs, Olivia finally breaking away from Alex's lips to kiss her way to her ear.

"Which bedroom?" she husked, sending a shiver down Alex's spine.

"Mine," she answered, swallowing hard. "Yours is messy."

Olivia chuckled before nipping at her shoulder.

"Even now you give me a hard time," she teased.

Alex reached up and buried her fingers in her hair, bringing her head down so that their lips met.

"Old habits…" she mumbled against her lips.

"Mhmm," Olivia hummed, reaching down and grabbing the back of her thighs. When she was sure she had a good grip, she yanked Alex up and into her arms. The blonde yelped, her legs instinctively circling her waist. After she was steady, Alex smiled at her.

"I'm taller than you."

The absolutely pleased tone in Alex's voice caused Olivia to laugh.

"You're adorable," she said, before resuming their kiss.

A wave of pleasure coursed through Alex's body as Olivia tightened her grip against her body and lead them back into her bedroom. Olivia paused at the bed, slowly easing Alex down until she was lying on the bed. Olivia looked down at her, admiring her, until the woman reached out to her. She immediately responded, laying above Alex and resuming their earlier kiss.

She shifted onto her left side after a minute, freeing her right hand to begin a slow exploration of Alex's body. She had explored it dozens of times before, but this time was different. This time, she knew she would get to touch her in ways she had fantasized about for so long. The thought caused her kisses and touches to grow hungrier, more passionate, until Alex was squirming and whimpering beneath her.

She reached down and grabbed Alex's ass, thrusting her leg between her thighs and shifting so that it rubbed against her centre. The blonde gasped and threw her head back, breaking their kiss as her hips responded in earnest.

Olivia moved down to her throat, kissing and nipping the sensitive flesh as her fingers snuck under Alex's top. She grazed her fingers over the woman's skin, stopping when she finally reached the bottom of her bra. She teased her, brushing her fingertips against the underside of Alex's breast.

"Don't tease. I want you," Alex panted, moaning loudly when Olivia slipped her fingers underneath the material and cupped her. She arched her back as talented fingers squeezed and kneaded her nipples, causing bolts of arousal to shoot between her legs.

Olivia licked and sucked her way back up to Alex's mouth, kissing her fiercely on the lips when she reached her destination. Alex squirmed as Olivia kissed her, working her breasts at the same time. The brunette sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, stroking her teeth against it as it slipped from her grasp. Alex was on fire, unable to stop gyrating her hips against the overwhelming arousal building in her body.

Olivia pulled away from the kiss, grabbing at her shirt and pulling it up and over her head. Alex helped her and then removed her own top, followed by her bra. She had planned to resume their kiss, until she noticed Olivia no longer looking at her, but at her chest. She was fixated, her hands stroking down and around before finally coming up over her breasts. Alex gasped when her fingers pinched her sensitive flesh, sending more jolts of pleasure down between her legs.

"You are absolutely breathtaking," she started, stilling her movements in order to focus on the woman beneath her. "You're more beautiful than I ever would have imagined."

Alex, unable to come up with an adequate response, simply stroked Olivia's hips.

"I love you."

"I love you too," Olivia responded, before leaning down and resuming their earlier kiss. She shifted, reaching down to stroke Alex's hip, thigh, and anywhere else that wasn't where she knew she was wanted. When the blonde grunted in disapproval, Olivia smiled against her lips.

"Something wrong, baby?"

"If you know what's good for you, Olivia Benson, you will stop- Oh," she gasped, bucking her hips hard when she felt a palm against her centre.

"Is this what you want?" she asked, nipping at her ear as she began massaging her hand against Alex's sex.

"Fuck. Please," she begged, causing Olivia's stomach to tighten. It was so hot to see her lose it like this.

She moved her hand under Alex's skirt, giving a couple of teasing strokes before slipping inside her underwear. They both groaned when Olivia's fingers made contact, slowly stroking against her.

"You're so wet, baby," Olivia husked, her fingers stroking through abundant moisture.

Alex moaned loudly when she felt Olivia's fingers brush against her clit, her hips bucking hard in response to the woman's touch.

"Fuck, I have to taste you."

Olivia ripped at Alex's skirt and underwear, tossing them carelessly onto the floor before moving between her legs. The blonde immediately parted her knees, eagerly anticipating the feel of Olivia's mouth. As soon as it made contact, Alex threw her head back and cried out, her hips responding instantly.

"Oh God! Fuck!"

She worked her fingers through the brunette's hair, gripping her as Olivia began licking and sucking at her folds. When her lips wrapped around her clit, Alex cried out again, her hips jerking against the touch. Olivia held them down, sucking gently before swirling her tongue around the sensitive bud.

"Liv, I'm going to- I'm gonna-"

Olivia slowed her movements, causing Alex to immediately protest.

"No! Baby, don't stop. Please. I'm so close."

Olivia moved up, silencing Alex with a kiss.

"I want to see you come for me," she finally responded.

She resumed stroking Alex's clit with her fingers, causing the blonde to cry out as she shattered around her fingers. Her hips bucked wildly, but Olivia followed them, refusing to stop until Alex finally reached for her hand. The brunette reluctantly pulled away, laying soft kisses along the blonde's throat as she gave her a second to recover. However, when Alex's breathing started to return to normal, Olivia took that as her cue to initiate the second round.

"Babe?" Alex questioned, as Olivia began kissing and licking her way down her torso. She paused for a second at her breasts, lavishing them both with attention before moving further south.

"I don't know if I can-"

"You can. I got to see you come, now I want to taste you as you do."

With that, Olivia parted Alex's thighs and, without preamble, licked hard against her. Alex cried out again, nearly overwhelmed with the feeling of Olivia's tongue stroking against her overly sensitive bundle of nerves. Her hips jerked as Olivia's lips wrapped around it, gently sucking it into her mouth.

"Fuck, Olivia. Your mouth…"

She gasped when she felt Olivia's fingers stroke at her entrance, gently asking permission.

"Yessss," she hissed, lifting her hips to meet her probing touches.

They both groaned as her fingers made their way into velvety soft heat, Olivia pausing for a second to let Alex adjust, before beginning to slowly thrust inside of her. The blonde felt incredible, better than Olivia could have ever imagined. She was so soft, so tight, and so unbelievably wet.

She eased her fingers in and out of Alex's core, taking her time to simply enjoy the overwhelming sensations she was currently experiencing. She couldn't believe she had managed to hold off touching the blonde for so long. She was in Heaven, consumed by the feel, smell, and sounds that were purely Alex. She did her best to go slowly, to take her time, but the truth was, she badly wanted Alex to come. She wanted to taste her, so she began stroking her fingertips along Alex's front wall, curling them until she hit what she was looking for.

Alex threw her head back and cried out as soon as she felt Olivia's fingertips press against her g-spot, the pressure inside becoming unbearable. The need to come was starting to overwhelm her, and she wasn't sure she could hold off much longer. She did everything she could to fight: biting her lip, gripping the sheets, digging her heels into the mattress, but her hips were in a frenzy and Olivia would not let go of the hold she had on her clit.

"Liv, baby, I can't… I'm gonna…"

Olivia slowed her movements long enough to growl out a "come", before latching her mouth again and doubling her efforts. Alex's back arched against the bed and she screamed, unable to contain herself as her body tensed and shook against Olivia. The brunette refused to let go as Alex's toes curled forward, her feet digging into the mattress as she ground her hips against Olivia's mouth.

Alex felt the stirrings of a second orgasm, her hand flying into Olivia's hair to hold her in place as she begged her not to stop (as if she would have). When the second wave hit, Alex's world shattered. She squeezed her eyes shut, her stomach bearing down hard as white hot pleasure consumed her. Alex's hips moved wildly against Olivia's fingers, the woman working against Alex's sex as she rode out her orgasm.

Finally, Alex could take no more, her body collapsing against the bed. Olivia stilled her fingers, while her mouth sought her reward. She gently cleaned Alex, smiling to herself as she thought about the woman lying there listlessly because of what she had just done to her. She could still hear the sound of her name on Alex's lips, begging her not to stop. It was a sound she would make sure to hear again.

"Baby, come here," Alex said, her voice croaking as she attempted to speak. While she hated to have Olivia slip from inside of her (her fingers felt so good there), she desperately wanted to have her near.

"Okay," she replied gently, slowly removing her fingers. She took a second to clean them off before kissing her way up to Alex's throat, where she gave a gentle bite.

Alex purred, wrapping her arms around Olivia's shoulders. She pulled her down, enjoying the soft weight against her.

"I don't want to crush you."

"You aren't. I like this."

Alex buried her right hand in Olivia's hair, bringing her forward until their lips met. They kissed slowly, reveling in the intimacy of the moment. When Alex finally drew away, she smiled.

"That was…"

"Not too bad?"

Alex laughed, the sound touching a part deep within Olivia. There was something about having this beautiful, strong, independent woman, so exposed before her, laughing. It touched Olivia in a way that she wasn't sure she had been before.

She leaned forward and kissed Alex again, her hand coming up to cup her cheek. She kissed gently, trying to convey everything she was feeling with just the touch of her lips. She wasn't sure she had ever felt this connected to another human being before. She wasn't sure she ever could. She knew in this very moment that this was it. There was never going to be anyone else.

She pulled back and looked into Alex's eyes.

"I love you, Alexandra Cabot. No matter where we are, no matter who we are, no matter how far we are from our friends, as long as you are there, I will be home. You are my one and only. You are my safe place, my constant, and I will never leave you. I will follow you wherever you go. I love you with the deepest, most authentic part of my heart. I love you from within the core of who I am. I am yours, always."

Tears pooled in Alex's eyes as Olivia's words washed over her. As the tears spilled over, she could do nothing but wrap her arms around the brunette, believing for the very first time in her life that someone truly loved her.

* * *

Alex was woken up early the next morning by the feel of soft kisses against her cheeks. She smiled, enjoying the affection and the feel of Olivia's thumb brushing against her hip.

"Good morning, beautiful."

Alex stretched against the body cuddling her, snuggling back into the warmth after she'd woken her muscles.

"Hi, honey," she said groggily. "How did you sleep?"

"Better than I ever thought possible. How are you feeling this morning?"

Alex moved to look into Olivia's eyes, smiling gently.

"I feel like I'm on cloud 9. No regrets?" she asked, stroking Olivia's arm.

The brunette leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

"Only that I was so stupid before," she said softly. "I'm sorry."

Alex shook her head as she shifted and pulled herself up. She slid her leg over Olivia, turning her onto her back, and straddled her hips.

"Don't dwell on that. What matters is that you've learnt that I'm always right and you should just do as I say in the first place."

Olivia chuckled, but her focus was quickly pulled to the perfect pair of breasts before her. She bit her lower lip as her fingers slowly trailed up the blonde's warm torso, gently gliding over her skin. She began circling her breasts with her index finger, loving the way Alex's breathing began to rapidly increase. When she brought the pads of her thumbs to brush over her erect nipples, the blonde's breath hitched in her throat, causing Olivia to grin wildly.

"Mmm. You are enjoying this way too much," Alex scolded, her hips slowly rocking as the pressure against her nipples increased.

Olivia said nothing, instead moving to gently rake her nails down Alex's back, until her hands could firmly grip her ass. She then swiftly sat up, moving her mouth to the firm peaks of Alex's breasts. She laved each one with her tongue before sucking them deep in her mouth. The blonde buried her fingers in Olivia's hair, moaning against the wonderful sensations currently taking place between her legs. Every swipe of Olivia's talented tongue sent a bolt of pleasure right to her core, causing her to pump her hips in an effort to find some kind of relief.

"Baby, please…"

Olivia dragged her tongue and teeth up Alex's chest and neck before joining their lips for a heated kiss. She plunged her tongue into Alex's mouth, reveling in the moans she coaxed from the woman in her arms. She slowly moved her right hand to Alex's heated sex, stroking and massaging the exposed flesh along the way. By the time Olivia's fingers grazed against her slit, Alex was actively rocking against her. She was soaked, aching, and in need of the woman's touch.

"Please."

Olivia nibbled her way to her ear, grazing her teeth against the blonde's sensitive earlobe.

"Imagine how quickly I could have gotten warrants from you if I had used this form of torture."

Before Alex could form a reply, Olivia's fingers made their way through slippery folds, quickly finding the hardened bud they were searching for, and stroking firmly against it.

"Fuck!" Alex cried out, her hips jerking in response to the delicious touch.

Olivia crushed their lips together again, enjoying the way Alex rocked hard against her fingers. She scraped her teeth against Alex's lower lip, causing a whimper of arousal from the other woman. Her fingers swirled against Alex clit before sliding down to her entrance, teasing it gently before coming back and pressing against her aching bud.

"I'm not gonna last," Alex said desperately. "I need to come."

"Not yet."

Alex whimpered again, knowing she would not be able to fight it for long. She cried out in protest when Olivia's fingers slowed down.

"Shh. I just wanna change positions."

Alex was too far gone to understand what was happening, panting heavily as she watched Olivia move to lie on her back against the pillow. The woman then grabbed her hips, jerking Alex forward. The implication suddenly hit Alex like a ton of bricks, and her stomach dropped hard.

"Oh God," she groaned, her voice laced with arousal. She quickly complied, straddling Olivia's mouth and gripping hard against the headboard. When she felt the first delicious swipe of Olivia's tongue, she couldn't supress the loud moan that emanated from deep within her throat. Her hips bucked in response, grinding against the tongue that was slowly dragging over every inch of her. She moved her hips, trying desperately to encourage Olivia to go faster.

"Olivia, please. I can't… you need to go faster."

Olivia responded by gripping Alex's hips, stilling her movements as she slowly and firmly dragged the flat of her tongue over Alex's clit down to her entrance, sliding it inside a few times before inching it back up to her clit again.

Alex's breath caught as Olivia slowly moved her tongue between her legs, forced to endure the stomach-clenching torture. She was desperate, gripping the headboard so firmly that her fingers were nearly completely white. She was teetering on the edge of coming, her orgasm pressing deep behind her clit. She just needed Olivia to-

"Fuck!"

Her hips bucked wildly as her clit was firmly pulled into Olivia's mouth, her lips creating a solid seal against the engorged bud. Alex stomach dropped as Olivia's tongue began lapping harshly against it, her hips now uncontrollable. It took one, two, three strokes before Alex was screaming, her hips grinding madly as stars exploded behind her eyes.

"Ah! FUCK!"

Her head dropped hard onto the back of her hands, her hips moving against the pressure of Olivia's lips on her clit. The brunette held on tight, not releasing her grip even as the touch bordered on almost painful. The pressure caused Alex to start climbing again, releasing a second scream as another orgasm tore through her body.

Olivia finally released her clit and moved from between her legs, getting on her knees and dragging Alex away from the headboard.

"You're not done yet," she growled, the tone sending a fresh wave of arousal through Alex's body.

Olivia yanked her to the edge of the bed, causing Alex's stomach to clench with anticipation. She then dropped to her knees between the woman's legs, pushing them apart before quickly latching back onto her clit.

Alex cried out and wound the fingers of her right hand in Olivia's hair, hanging on for dear life to the sheets with her left. Olivia sucked rhythmically as she slowly ran the fingertips of her right hand up Alex's inner thigh, circling them against the sensitive skin before stopping them at the edge of her parted lips. She felt Alex's hips buck, and she waited for them to come back down before sliding over and against the blonde's drenched sex. She released Alex's clit, dragging her tongue down to her entrance. She slid her tongue inside before moving her thumb up to replace her mouth.

Alex tasted even better at her core, and Olivia hummed her approval. She thrust her tongue inside, curling it as deep as she could, stroking against Alex's swollen walls.

"God, Liv, baby. I'm so close. I'm-"

Alex gasped loudly when she felt Olivia roughly change course, her lips latching back hard onto her clit as her fingers plunged inside, scraping madly against her front wall. She cried out, her orgasm seconds away from consuming her. She dug the heels of her feet into the bottom of the bedframe so that she could better buck against the brunette's lips. She gripped the sheets for all she was worth, curling her toes as she felt her stomach bear down in anticipation for release.

"Please. Please," she begged, her hips rotating harshly against Olivia's touch.

Olivia growled between her legs, jerking roughly inside of her, giving her exactly what she needed. Alex turned, burying her face in the comforter as she screamed. Olivia ripped her orgasm from her, fingers scraping harshly against her g-spot as her tongue relentlessly laved at her clit. Alex's body twisted, writhed, and twitched, her head tossing from side to side as she rode out the powerful waves of her orgasm. She felt like she was flying, falling, and crashing all at the same time.

When the pleasure finally, finally began to subside, she collapsed onto the bed. She was completely spent, and she was grateful that Olivia gently released her clit, seeming to sense that she was far too sensitive for any more stimulation. She moaned, half in pleasure, half in pain, as the brunette slowly began licking at her folds, carefully avoiding her overstimulated bundle of nerves. The fingers inside of her stayed still against her spasming core, the blonde taking comfort in the way they filled her.

Alex whimpered in satisfaction when Olivia finished, sighing contently as she slowly removed her fingers. The brunette crawled above her, laying gentle kissed on her cheeks and throat before finally kissing her lips.

"You are way too good at that," Alex accused, peeking one eye open to look at the smug woman. "I have no energy left."

Olivia's chuckle sent a shiver down Alex's spine.

"I aim to please, ma'am," she said with a mock southern twang.

Alex opened her eyes fully this time, laughing at the brunette's words.

"You're such a weirdo," she said, stretching against her. "God. That was amazing."

Olivia nuzzled her neck and nodded in agreement. She wrapped her arm around Alex's waist, gently guiding her to the other side of the bed where the sheet was clean. She turned them onto their side, spooning Alex from behind. She tucked her arm around the woman's hips, laying a lazy kiss on her shoulder.

"I love you so much," the brunette whispered.

"I love you too," Alex mumbled tiredly. She smiled as Olivia laid one last kiss on her neck, giving into exhaustion and falling back asleep.


	30. Chapter 30

"Well, well, well. I guess we know what you two got up to last night," Hannah said from the doorway.

Olivia groaned in protest at being woken up so early. Alex simply curled into Olivia's neck, giggling against her skin. Eyes still closed, the brunette grabbed the sheet that was currently around Alex's waist and lifted it higher. Thankfully, the blonde was lying across Olivia's abdomen, her back shielding the teenager from seeing anything.

"Go away," Olivia grumbled. "It's too early."

Hannah laughed.

"It's ten. It's not early. Did you two have a late night last night?" she asked, her voice laced with amusement.

Olivia opened one eye to glare at the girl before closing it again. She wrapped her arms firmly around Alex, refusing to answer the question. Alex chuckled at Olivia's actions, turning her head towards the doorway. She slowly opened her eyes and smiled at the girl.

"Is Lisa here?" she asked sleepily.

The teenager nodded.

"She's too embarrassed to say hi. I just wanted to see if you guys were up yet." The girl paused before adding, "Congratulations, by the way."

Alex's cheeks reddened a bit before she gave a small smile.

"Thanks."

"Well, we're going to hang out at the dock. I just wanted to let you know I was here. See you later!"

Hannah reached in and closed the door before heading downstairs.

Olivia groaned again, causing Alex to chuckle against her neck.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Because it's funny when you're cranky."

Olivia huffed and, without a second thought, flipped the blonde on her back. Alex's yelp of surprise quickly faded into a moan of pleasure as the brunette's body slid against her own. She craned her neck when Olivia began kissing her shoulder, letting out a groan of satisfaction as an eager tongue up made its way up the column of her throat. She then felt a warm mouth envelop her earlobe, causing her to gasp and buck her hips.

"I can't believe the things you do to me," Alex panted.

Olivia grinned and slowly scraped her teeth along her earlobe as she let it escape her mouth. She kept her lips close to Alex's ear so that she would feel her breath against her skin when she replied.

"You don't know the half of what I _want_ to do to you."

Alex shivered. She grabbed the back of Olivia's neck, guiding their lips into a bruising kiss. She opened her mouth, pressing her tongue into her mouth as she slid her knee between her thighs. She pressed firmly against her sex, smiling into the kiss when she felt Olivia's hips jerk against her.

"God, Alex," she whispered, pulling her mouth away.

"Mm, no God here. Just me."

Olivia opened her mouth to reply, but her voice was cut short when she felt warm fingertips pinch her nipples. She gasped as hands began palming her breasts, cupping and massaging them. Olivia could feel her clit tighten as Alex tugged and pinched the stiff peaks before once again squeezing her breasts.

She crashed their lips together, her stomach curling in anticipation as Alex's fingers brushed against the side of her ribs, over her belly, before stopping at the top of her sex. She felt fingertips brush against her, teasing, and Olivia grunted in frustration when they refused to touch her more directly.

"Alex," she moaned, dropping her head on the shoulder beneath her.

"What?" the blonde murmured in her ear, sending a shiver down Olivia's spine. She stroked her fingers along the slick, wet lips, still refusing to go inside.

"You know what," Olivia growled, nipping her shoulder.

Suddenly, Alex cupped her sex, causing Olivia to buckle above her. She still wasn't inside, but the pressure was enough to send a bolt of arousal through Olivia's body.

"Oh God!" Olivia cried out, her hips jerking against Alex's hand. This was a test of wills, and Olivia knew she was going to lose. "You don't play fair."

"When have I ever?" she husked, before murmuring, " _Detective_."

"Fuck!" Olivia cried out, a pang of arousal shocking her system as she heard Alex say _that_ word in _that_ voice. That was it. She was done for. She spread her knees further, tilting her hips back as she begged with her body for Alex to touch her. When she felt the blonde's fingers trace along her swollen lips, Olivia cracked. "Alex, please. Touch me."

Alex opened her mouth, running her tongue along Olivia's throat as her fingers pressed into her heated sex. The brunette responded by crying out and bucking against her hand, whimpering as the pad of Alex's thumb swiped against her clit. Alex's stomach clenched when she felt the abundant wetness between Olivia's legs, her fingers easily gliding along her slippery folds.

"You're so soaked, baby," Alex panted in her ear.

Olivia could do nothing but nod in response. Her brain was in a fog, only able to focus on the throbbing ache between her legs that Alex seemed hell bent on exacerbating rather than alleviating. She was stroking her fingers up and down, swirling around her clit, teasing at her entrance, but never touching her in a way that relieved any pressure. Olivia bit her lip, squeezing her eyes shut as she moved against the hand between her legs, but she needed more.

"Please, baby. No more teasing. _Please._ "

Alex placed a gentle kiss to her throat before finally pressing her fingers firmly against her clit. She scissored it between her index and middle fingers, stroking them up and down as Olivia groaned in pleasure. The brunette's body fell further against Alex's until she was flush against the smaller woman. She no longer had the strength to hold herself up. Alex wiggled until Olivia was straddling her thigh comfortably, the woman bent in such a way that she could move her hand against her sex.

Olivia dropped her forehead against Alex's shoulder, her hips bucking hard in response to the firm strokes against her clit.

"Harder. Please."

Alex complied, increasing the pressing between Olivia's legs. The brunette panted against Alex's skin, moaning and writhing against her as her body began to tense. She could feel her orgasm building in the bottom of her stomach, her abdomen muscles clenching as she was brought closer and closer to the edge by incredibly talented fingers.

The blonde moved her index and middle finger further down to Olivia's entrance, her thumb taking their place. Both women moaned when her fingers pressed into Olivia's entrance. She was so unbelievably wet, and Alex felt her sex clench in anticipation of slipping inside. She slowly pressed forward, her mouth opening when she felt the tight walls grip her fingers.

"Fuck, you're so tight, so wet for me. You feel so good."

"Mmm. Don't stop."

"Never," Alex promised, kissing her shoulder as she pressed further inside, her thumb slowly rubbing against her swollen clit.

Olivia's hips stopped moving as Alex's fingers slowly slid inside. Her eyes squeezed shut as she focused on enjoying the way Alex's fingers filled her. _Fuck._ It was so good. She felt so incredibly, deliciously full, and when the blonde's fingers reached the deepest part of her, Olivia whimpered in satisfaction.

Alex gently began sliding her fingers in and out, moving just a couple of centimetres at a time, matching the slow movements of Olivia's hips. When the brunette began to increase her tempo, Alex did the same, sliding out a little further and each time pushing in a little deeper. The climb back to orgasm had Olivia cursing, twisting, bucking, shaking, panting and grunting loudly. Her body was on fire, and the ache between her legs was becoming unbearable. She was going to come, and she was going to come soon.

She pressed harder into Alex's hand, her hips bucking violently against the fingers that were now firmly and roughly penetrating her.

"Fuck. You're so deep. I feel so fucking full."

"You feel incredible, baby."

"I'm going to come soon," she grunted, burying her face in Alex's shoulder.

Alex responded by gripping her hip, holding it in place as she began fucking Olivia with abandon. She used her thigh to push her fingers up further into the brunette's pussy, scraping against her and pressing firmly against her front wall with each of her rough strokes. Her thumb jerked against Olivia's slippery bud, swiping it in circles and grinding the pad of her thumb against it.

Olivia began to shake, her fingers gripping the sheets as she bucked furiously into Alex's hand.

"Oh God! Oh God! Oh fuck!"

She cried out, her toes curling as she was sent hurling over the edge, her body stilling for a second before jerking wildly. Alex kept her grip tight against her hip, keeping it in place as her fingers mercilessly worked her dripping sex, refusing to let her come down. She stroked her clit firmly, her fingers curling deep as she pushed Olivia toward a second orgasm.

"Fuck, Alex. I can't- I don't-"

"You're going to come again for me," she said firmly. "I want to feel you squeeze my fingers."

The words caused Olivia's stomach to squeeze as a fresh wave of arousal crashed against her body. She was quickly sent spiralling over the edge, even harder than before. She dropped forward and screamed into the pillow, her body rocking madly against Alex's hand.

Alex refused to let go, but she did slow her fingers as the brunette's movements began to lessen in urgency. She milked Olivia's orgasm for all it was worth, sliding her thumb against her clit, slowly stroking through the aftershocks. Finally, Olivia couldn't take it anymore and she gripped her wrist, stilling her fingers.

"Fuck. Baby," Olivia panted.

She collapsed against her completely, her body now boneless after such powerful orgasms. Alex was perfectly content to lay there and rub Olivia's lower back, not the least bit uncomfortable despite her arm being pinned between their bodies. She was thoroughly enjoying the way Olivia walls were clenching her fingers. If she had it her way, she'd never leave.

She pressed a soft kiss to Olivia's shoulder, closing her eyes and enjoying the soft weight against her. She listened as the brunette's heartbeat began to decrease, until it finally, slowly returned to a normal. Olivia waited a couple of minutes before sighing contently, shifting to free the arm trapped between their bodies. Alex slowly withdrew her fingers, bringing the digits to her lips and licking them clean.

"Fuck, Alex," Olivia groaned, grabbing her wrist and pinning it to the mattress before capturing her lips in a possessive kiss.

"You are so _fucking_ hot," she panted after she finally pulled away. "God damn. I don't think I'll ever be able to move again."

Alex chuckled, running her hands up and down Olivia's backside. She increased the pressure of her hands until she was firmly massaging up and down the woman's muscles. Olivia moaned in pleasure.

"God, those hands. I used to think your mouth was trouble. It seems your hands are worse."

"I don't know about that," Alex mumbled in her ear. "You haven't gotten the chance to experience my mouth. _Yet_."

Olivia groaned against her throat.

"Okay. We have to get out of this bed or else we're going to end up spending the day in it."

Alex chuckled, stilling her hands at Olivia's ass. She squeezed it firmly before gently rolling the woman onto her back. She then sat up and turned, pausing to look down at Olivia. She raked her eyes up and down her body before meeting her gaze.

"You are so beautiful."

Olivia felt her heart squeeze at the sincerity in Alex's voice.

"I love you," she said in response.

"I love you too," Alex said, leaning forward to kiss her softly on the lips. When she pulled back, she smiled at her. "Okay, come on. Let's shower and make lunch."

"Alright, alright."

Alex got up and headed toward the bathroom. Olivia rolled out of bed, taking three long strides to catch up to Alex and envelop her in a hug from behind. The blonde gasped and giggled loudly, not expecting the embrace. Olivia kissed her throat and guided her to the bathroom, where she kissed her soundly before running their shower.

The women were delayed once again in the shower, because Olivia began teasing Alex, testing the woman's resolve to "not start anything". Eventually, she caved (you can only resist so much when a beautiful woman is pressed up against you describing in great detail how badly she wants to taste you), and they spent an additional twenty minutes getting dirty before finally starting to get clean. When they finally joined the teenagers on the dock, the two girls were grinning at them, completely aware of what had them delayed. Alex had the decency to look embarrassed, but Olivia grinned proudly. She plopped down happily next to Alex, a possessive arm snaking around her waist.

"Hello, ladies."

"Hello," Hannah responded. "I'm glad you guys came up for air long enough to join us."

Olivia laughed, and Alex blushed in response.

"I'm just teasing," Hannah said, noticing her red cheeks. "I'm glad you guys are doing well."

Alex nodded.

"Have you guys eaten?"

"No, but I know you have."

Olivia laughed loudly. She loved the teenager's spunk. Lisa rolled her eyes and shoulder bumped her girlfriend.

"Okay, okay. I'm done, I promise," Hannah said grinning at the other girl. "We have to at least give them a little bit of a hard time."

"I think they've had a hard enough time," Lisa said gently.

Hannah nodded in acknowledgement; it was true. She was glad to see that things were obviously moving in the right direction for them.

"I was thinking of making tacos for lunch if you girls were interested."

Hannah stared at Olivia, a big grin on her face.

"There are so, _so_ many jokes I could make out of that."

"Hannah," Lisa said, exasperated.

"However, since there are ladies present," she continued. "I will not."

"Good choice," Lisa replied. "I would like tacos for lunch."

The girl ignored her girlfriend's snicker, shaking her head.

"Good," Olivia said, nodding. "I was thinking we could eat lunch and then take a boat ride or something. It's beautiful today."

"That's a great idea," Lisa responded. "I love being on the water."

"Perfect. We can eat lunch and then we can get going."

When she got up, Hannah looked over at Alex, locking eyes with her. She wanted to talk to her and hoped her look translated that thought.

"I'll come help you," Lisa offered.

"You two go on. I'm going to sit another minute with Hannah."

"Okay," the brunette replied. "Come on, Lis. Let's get started."

The strawberry blonde smiled at her girlfriend before following Olivia inside. When they were alone, Alex moved closer to Hannah, turning on her side to face the girl.

"Something wrong?" she asked gently.

"No. I'm just wondering how you're doing."

Alex smiled at the girl. She was so damn sweet. She reached out and stroked the teenager's shoulder.

"I'm great, Hannah. I'm very happy."

"Good. No worries? You guys took a pretty big step yesterday."

"We did. And no, no worries."

"It's not the first time you two… is it?" Hannah asked, seeing her small smile.

"It is."

"But you two were involved before…?"

"Yes, but we never made it that far before things got very… complicated. Then we were apart for a while and then we moved here. It just never happened before."

Hannah nodded in understanding. She stayed quiet for a second before grinning at her.

"So?" she asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

Alex laughed.

"It was good, but that's all I'm telling you. You're too young to be hearing the details."

"Please. I'm not that young," she replied. "Or innocent!"

Alex looked at her, tilting her head to meet Hannah's gaze when the girl looked away, blushing.

"Hannah, have you…?"

The girl sighed. She looked down at her feet before answering.

"Once. It was a huge mistake."

Alex reached out and squeezed her shoulder.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

Hannah bit her lip.

"I don't know. This isn't why I stayed back, you know. I didn't want to talk about me," she said with a shy smile.

"I know, but I'd like to talk about you."

When Hannah looked up at her face and was met with a warm smile, she remembered how safe she felt with this woman. She was nothing but loving and supportive, so Hannah finally nodded and opened up.

"It was at the beginning of the school year last year. Things were really bad at home; mom and I were fighting constantly. Tony, her husband, made it pretty clear he didn't want me around. I was in a bad place at home, and I had just met Lisa and I was so confused. I really, really liked her. I had a crush on her," she admitted. "But I was scared. I didn't think she felt the same, you know? She was just a friend. And then I met this guy and we started hanging out. I shouldn't have done it but… I was lonely and he was there, so I did it. I immediately regretted it. I still do. I never should have done it. Especially considering I didn't like him that way, at all. And then I felt horrible. Like I had somehow betrayed Lisa even though we weren't anything at that time."

Alex moved closer when the girl paused, wrapping her arm around her shoulder and pulling her in for a hug.

"I'm okay now. I mean, I don't cry about it or anything, but I really regret it. It wasn't his fault; he didn't do anything to hurt me. I just wish I would have waited, you know? I _should_ have waited for-"

When Hannah stopped herself, Alex pulled back enough to look at the girl.

"You should have waited for…?"

"I should have waited for Lisa," she admitted. "I wish I had waited for her."

Alex nodded, giving the girl a second before asking her next question.

"Have you two…?" she asked gently.

The girl shook her head.

"No. We just started seeing each other," she said, smiling. "It's still way too soon. Plus, Lisa's… well, she hasn't ever slept with anyone. And even though I have, it feels like I'm still, like I don't know what I'm doing. It's still scary and overwhelming. Neither of us are ready for that yet, even though sometimes I want to," she said, grinning mischievously. "But that's when the hormones kick in. I'm not ready and neither is she, so that's not going to happen for a while. Plus, I wanna make her feel safe first, you know?"

Alex looked at Hannah, squeezing her shoulders as affection for the girl bubbled inside of her. She had had such a hard life, and yet she was still such a good person.

"What?" the teenager asked.

"I just- it is incredible to me what an amazing person you are, Hannah. You are such a good person, and you're so smart. You amaze me, you know that? When I spend time with you, when I listen to you talk, I'm just struck with how mature you are. You're such a good kid; I'm so proud of you."

Hannah looked down shyly.

"I mean it, Hannah. You're an amazing girl. Sometimes I just want to squeeze you til your eyes pop out of your head."

The girl laughed and looked back at the blonde.

"I've never had this," she said softly. "Someone to really look up to and who cares about me. Usually the summers suck, because I have nowhere to really go and I kinda just wander around until school starts again. But you guys… you've made it so different for me. I have someone to talk to. I have a place to go now. And you make me feel like you want me here, you know? You don't know what that means to me," she said, clearing her throat as tears welled up in her eyes. "I feel guilty sometimes though, because I feel like I'm intruding."

Alex reached out and grabbed the girl's hand, squeezing it.

"You are n _ever_ intruding. I don't want you to ever feel like you can't come to us or like you are imposing. You aren't. We want you around, Hannah. You're so funny and you have such a big heart; it is easy to love you. You are a part of our life, and we are so happy that we've found you. We miss you when you're not around, you know that? And we worry, a lot, when you don't come over. I feel better when you're here with us, because then I know that you're safe, that you're happy. We both would rather have you here than somewhere else. You've become a part of our little family and we're happy to have you in it, okay? We want you in it."

The girl nodded, sniffing and wiping at the stray tears.

"Come here, sweetheart," Alex said, wrapping her arms around the girl. "I love you, Hannah. I look at you, and I'm so happy to have you in my life. I'm so proud of you. You're like the little sister I always wanted."

Hannah squeezed her arms in response, hugging her closer. It felt so good to be loved, to be wanted. She knew her mom loved her, but she just didn't have time for her. And her stepfather…he didn't want her. He didn't like her. He didn't even have to say it; she could feel it. She never got that feeling here, in their home. They always greeted her with a smile. They celebrated when she got good grades. When she stated that she liked the spare room, they decorated it even more to her liking and had made her a sign that read "Hannah's room". But the thing she liked the most, in a really weird way, was the fact that they would reprimand her when she did something wrong (like the time she missed curfew). They didn't yell at her, but they expressed their disappointment and discussed how her actions were wrong. Those discussions meant so much to Hannah, even though she felt horrible for letting them down, because they meant that the women cared. And Cam had had a conversation with her once, when Hannah had gotten upset with them, and it still stayed with her.

_Hannah was frustrated. She paced the living room, listening to Cam as she spoke. She respected the two women sitting on the couch, but she couldn't understand why they were upset with her. Okay, fine, she probably shouldn't have back talked Mr. Peters the way that she had, but he had embarrassed her in front of the entire class. She couldn't just put up with that, so she had snapped back at her teacher._

" _I don't see why you're taking his side in this! You're supposed to care about me. You're supposed to take my side!"_

_Cam had shaken her head and forced Hannah to sit on the coffee table, facing her._

" _We do care about you, Hannah. We care very much. And we_ _ **are**_ _on your side right by not letting you be disrespectful to your teacher. You are a very intelligent and caring young woman, but you didn't show that today. You have to learn that when you're in the wrong, you must apologise. Yes, Hannah," she said, cutting her off, "you were wrong. You shouldn't have been laughing and talking during class. School is a learning environment. You have free periods to socialise, but in Mr. Peters' class, you are there to learn. He was right to call you out on your actions, and you were wrong to disrespect him the way that you did._

_Even though you don't think I am right now, I am always on your side, Hannah. Right now, I'm on your side by not letting you be a disrespectful person. I'm showing you how you were wrong to be rude to your teacher. You're a great person, but sometimes you can be impulsive and hot-headed. You need to learn from this experience. I know that you're a caring and intelligent young lady, but today you didn't let that side of yourself shine through. You showed Mr. Peters someone that you are not, and you need to apologise to him. Show him the real Hannah, the sweet and caring young girl who makes me smile every day. That's who you really are."_

"Are you okay, honey?"

Hannah nodded, pulling herself from the memory.

"Yes. Thank you, for this talk. I don't know what I would do without you guys."

"We don't know what we would do without you either," she replied, squeezing her shoulder. "Come on, let's go inside and then we can finally take that boat ride."

Hannah nodded, taking the offered hand and getting up.

"Okay," she said, her heart swelling at the knowledge that she finally, _finally_ had people who really cared.


	31. Chapter 31

The summer went by quickly for the women. It flew by in a haze of boat rides, barbecues, campfires, home renovations (Alex finally got her new countertop), and sleepovers. Did it still count as sleepovers if Olivia had all but moved into Alex's room? She had slowly moved her things in though. Or rather, things had just started to accumulate in the room: a few tops ending up in Alex's drawer after laundry each day, books left on the nightstand, a pillow on the bed, her boxers a seemingly permanent fixture on the floor. Eventually, Alex stopped putting Olivia's clothes in the other room and made space in her dresser, moving half of her things to the closet to compensate. She liked opening her sock drawer and seeing the boy shorts tucked in there next to her panties. It felt nice, intimate. Olivia's old room had ultimately become the spare room, seeing as Hannah had permanently claimed the lime green room as her own (and refusing to allow Alex to paint it a different colour).

The teen juggled her time between their home and Lisa's, only returning to her mother's house on the very rarest of occasions. As the weeks of summer progressed, Hannah's nights slowly shifted from primarily being spent at the women's home to Lisa's. They still spent an extraordinary amount of time with the two women, but when Lisa's parents went to camp (which was often), the girls made their way back to the empty house. Her parents had not caught onto their relationship, as they were extremely careful about hiding it from them. They worried about the reaction it would cause, and so the only time they were able to show affection was when the house was empty or when they were with the older women. Luckily, this did not create problems between the two. In fact, it made them more appreciative of the times they did get to show affection. By August, Hannah was spending practically every night at Lisa's. The girls knew that with the new school year approaching, their privacy and days spent together would come to an end, so they were spending every minute they could together. When the school year began, Lisa's parents returned home, so the girls began spending their time with Alex and Olivia once again.

September eventually gave way to October, and with it, the beginning of cooler weather. It was a welcome change for the women. Although they were not going to complain too loudly about the dry heat (versus the stifling humidity of the city), they were still happy when the heat began to pass. When November began, Olivia started to think about Christmas (her favourite holiday) and the fact that this would be the first year she would spend it away from Elliot. Her usual tradition was to work the holiday morning and afternoon, and then she would make her way to his place in the evening for supper. She loved going there and sharing in the children's excitement, sitting with them on the living room floor while they showed her everything Santa had brought them. She would play with them for a while before making her way to the kitchen, where she would help Kathy and Elliot finish preparing their meal. It would be different this year, but she was looking forward to spending the holiday with Alex.

When December finally appeared, Olivia brought it up with the woman in question, asking her if she had any thoughts about how they would spend the holiday. Alex said she had been thinking about it, and that she really didn't care as long as they were together. It had been horribly depressing and lonely when she had spent Christmas as Emily. She had spent the day alone, watching Christmas movies and trying her best not to cry. She knew things would be different this year, and she looked forward to it. They eventually agreed to spend the day together at the house, exchanging gifts, watching movies _together_ and cooking a nice dinner. They had discussed Hannah's plans, but the teenager had simply stated that her mother wanted her home. She had not wanted to discuss it further, so the women did not pry. Alex told her that she was more than welcome to join them if things changed, and the conversation had been dropped.

For the weeks leading up to Christmas, Alex's enthusiasm could not be quelled. She had decorated the house from top to bottom, had done all of her Christmas baking (Olivia found her stash in the freezer, stored in various margarine containers, after the first week), spent an inordinate amount of time shopping both online and in town, and clapped enthusiastically when Olivia finally gave into her begging to put up Christmas lights. Nothing could bring her down or dampen her spirits, not even the day Reg announced that members from the Little Current Newspaper were coming to the library to take pictures of the library and staff for Saturday's Christmas edition. Alex had panicked, definitely, but she remained level headed. When the photographer and his assistant finally arrived and started taking pictures, she made sure to hide in the book stacks, go to the bathroom, duck behind book displays, and (conveniently) leave for her break when the lead photographer had announced he'd be taking a staff photo. Alex grinned proudly at the fact that hadn't been photographed, and when the paper came out that Saturday, she was happy when it was confirmed that she was in none of the pictures.

Before either woman knew it, Christmas Eve was upon them. They were both off for ten days, and their only real plan was to spend time at home, relaxing. That was why, on the 24th of December, the two had done nothing more than lie on the couch and watch movies together. Hannah had joined them in the afternoon (Lisa was on vacation with her parents until the 26th), and Alex had finally pulled out her treats from the freezer. Olivia had rejected the idea of waiting for them to thaw; she dug in as soon as Alex placed the plate on the coffee table. Alex had expected no different though, so she had pulled out a stash a few hours earlier so that Olivia wouldn't chip a tooth biting into frozen desserts. When Olivia raised her eyebrows in surprise as she bit into a peanut butter ball, Alex smiled.

"I knew you wouldn't wait for them to thaw, so I pulled these out this morning. They're soft now."

"But I looked in the freezer like an hour ago. The margarine containers were still in there. I wanted to see if you had taken them out yet."

"But you didn't look inside, did you?" She smirked when Olivia shook her head. "I left those in there so that you wouldn't know I had taken the desserts out. I knew if you found out, you'd start looking and would have eaten them before poor Hannah got any."

The teenager grinned as she bit into a molasses cookie.

"Thank you!"

"You have your own margarine container of desserts sitting for you on the counter. You can bring it home and share, or you can keep them for yourself."

"You're the best!"

"I know," she said cheekily.

They popped in Home Alone, and when the teenager got up to use the bathroom and hour or so later, Alex turned to Olivia.

"Do you think we should give her her gifts tonight?"

She shrugged in response.

"I think we should wait until tomorrow."

"But we might not see her. Her mom wants her at home."

"I have a feeling she's going to need to get away. When was the last time she spent an entire day there? Let's wait and if she needs to get away tomorrow, we can tell her to come here because we have presents."

"That's a good idea. Then she won't feel like she's imposing. You know, if we tell her we're waiting on her to open her gifts that is."

"That's the idea. I'd like to see her tomorrow. She's a part of our little family after all."

Alex nodded in agreement. She didn't say anything further, since Hannah had now returned to the living room.

"My mom told me she wants me home now," she said, annoyed. "She wants the kids to open their stockings before they go to bed."

"Okay, sweetie," Alex said, getting up and joining Hannah at the door. "Babe, will you get Hannah's desserts? They're on the counter."

"Sure."

"And don't you eat any!"

"Damn it!" she whined. "But hers are the best!"

Alex then squeezed Hannah's hand, smiling at her.

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I just don't want to go. It's a sham. They never want me around any other time of the year. Why do they get all emotional and affectionate at Christmas?"

"This holiday can bring that out in people."

"Yeah, well, it's crap. I'd rather be here with you guys. Except, you know," she shrugged.

"What?"

"Well, it's Christmas. You guys have your thing."

"We don't have a thing, honey. We're going to be sitting around watching movies tomorrow. The only thing that would make it perfect is if you were here with us."

"We want you here," Olivia insisted as she returned, having heard the last bit of the conversation. She handed Hannah the container before continuing. "You know you're always welcome at this house. It's as much your home as it is ours. I tell you every time, and I mean it every time."

Hannah smiled gratefully.

"Thanks."

"We mean it. Maybe one day it'll sink into that thick skull of yours. If you need us to come and get you tomorrow, let us know, okay?"

"I will. Merry Christmas, guys."

"Merry Christmas, honey," Alex responded, giving the girl a tight hug and a kiss on the temple. "Have a great night."

Hannah hugged the other woman as well before turning and heading to her mother's vehicle (she had borrowed it for the afternoon). The women waved her off before returning to the couch, resuming their earlier cuddling position.

"Think she'll be okay?" Alex asked.

"She'll be fine, baby. It's one day, and people are much more loving at Christmas time. She'll be okay."

"Do you get more loving at Christmas?" she asked coyly.

"I don't know," Olivia responded, shifting so she was lying above the blonde. "Maybe you should find out," she murmured, bringing her lips down against Alex's.

The blonde moaned against her mouth when their bodies met, Olivia pushing a thigh between Alex's legs. She let it rest there for a minute, working the blonde's mouth with her tongue. She let the heat from her thigh press against Alex's core, and when the woman started rolling her hips, Olivia grinned against her lips.

She kissed and nipped her way to Alex's neck, pressing her thigh more firmly between her legs.

"Mmm, baby."

Alex turned her head to expose her neck, shivering when Olivia licked up the column of her throat and sucked her earlobe in her mouth. She moaned and rolled her hips, arching her back when the brunette slipped her hand under her shirt to massage her left breast.

"Fuck," she blurted, her hips jerking as Olivia tugged at her nipple.

"You feel so good," Olivia growled in her ear. "So responsive. I love the way your body always reacts to my touch."

Alex reached down and grabbed Olivia's ass, grinding her hips down onto the woman's leg. She was getting uncomfortably wet, her belly stirring in arousal. Olivia leaned down and captured her lips in a heated kiss, causing the blonde to moan in her mouth. She moved her hands up Olivia's back, then brought them down her front, over her breasts, before tugging at the bottom of her shirt.

"Take this off," she gasped out before resuming their kiss.

Olivia ripped off the t-shirt, but when she went to remove her muscle shirt, the blonde stopped her.

"No. Keep that on, but take off your bra."

Olivia grinned at her. She knew how Alex felt about her muscle shirts, but this was the first time she requested she remove her bra and keep on the shirt. _In a certain mood, are we?_ She obliged, ripping off her sports bra and tossing it aside.

Alex's breathing increased significantly as she feasted her eyes on the sight before her: Olivia hovering above her, dark nipples straining against the white muscle shirt clinging to her torso. She reached down and ripped open her pants. Olivia took the hint and removed them and when she was left in nothing but her tank top and boy shorts, Alex grabbed her hips and brought her back down, meeting their lips in a demanding kiss. She roamed her hands up and down the woman's back, slipping her thigh between her legs as Olivia had done earlier. She gripped her hips, encouraging the woman to grind against her leg.

Olivia moaned into the kiss, plunging her tongue into Alex's mouth when she parted her lips. She rocked her hips, her mind buzzing as the blonde gripped her hips to guide her movements against her leg. Alex's hands quickly moved up to her breasts, kneading them through her top, before slipping them underneath.

Olivia ripped her mouth away when the blonde began pinching and tugging at her nipples, a loud groan rumbling from her throat.

"You're so fucking hot," Alex panted. "I love your body. You're so sexy."

Olivia gripped the armrest above Alex's head, gasping loudly when the woman reached down and pressed her hand between her legs.

"Fuck!" she blurted, rocking her hips against Alex's hand.

"You're so wet, baby," she moaned, "You feel so good."

Olivia bit her lip, her eyes closing as she concentrated on the wonderful feeling of Alex's hand between her legs. Her stomach dropped as the blonde teased her fingers at her entrance, swirling down and teasing inside before coming back up to stroke her clit. Her hips jerked in response to Alex's touches, the blonde smiling in satisfaction as Olivia screwed her eyes shut and began rocking against her hand.

Alex reached up with her free hand and cupped the back of the brunette's neck, pulling her down for a kiss. Olivia eagerly complied, her stomach flip-flopping when Alex's tongue dove into her mouth. She moaned against her lips as the blonde's talented fingers made their way back down to her entrance, and when her fingers paused, Olivia ripped her mouth away to pant out a "please".

"Please what, baby?"

"Fuck, please. I… I need...I want-"

"Mmm?" Alex smiled, her fingers teasing at penetration. She loved how incoherent Olivia got when she was this far gone. "What do you want?"

"You. I want you," she breathed. "I want you to fuck me."

It was Alex's turn to groan at her words, pulling the brunette back in for a kiss as she plunged her fingers inside. Olivia bucked wildly against her hand, kissing her deeply as she rode against her fingers. Alex felt the woman's muscles contract, and she knew she was close. She pulled her mouth away, bringing her lips to Olivia's ear. She knew how much the brunette liked hearing her voice when they were intimate.

"You're so close, baby. I can feel it."

Olivia gasped, her head dropping against Alex's shoulder. She gripped the edge of the couch tighter, her orgasm now pressing hard in her belly. She was so close. She just needed a little-

"Ah!"

Olivia cried out as Alex suddenly shifted her angle, her fingers sinking deliciously deeper. She bit her bottom lip as her hips gave short, wild thrusts. Alex turned her neck slightly, just enough to whisper directly in Olivia's ear.

"Come for me, Olivia Benson."

The brunette cried out, her body stilling for several seconds before jerking wildly against Alex's now frantic fingers. The blonde met her thrust for thrust, refusing to slow until Olivia finally collapsed against her. She gently withdrew her fingers, happily cleaning them as the brunette lay boneless against her. Olivia peeked one eye open, her stomach clenching at the erotic sight of Alex licking her fingers clean. That woman was going to be the death of her.

Alex smiled smugly to herself. There was nothing quite like reducing the former detective to a pile of mush. She loved the way Olivia reacted to her touch, and she loved the way she responded to hearing Alex say her real name. The only time they ever used their names was when they were intimate, and even then, it was a rare occasion. They had gotten accustomed to referring to one another as "Cam" and "Val" in their day-to-day life, but it had never felt right when they made love.

"You're way too good at that," Olivia complained.

Alex chuckled, rubbing her back.

"And yet you still come back for more."

Olivia placed a finger under Alex's chin and turned her head so that they were looking at each other.

"Always," she said softly.

Alex's stomach fluttered at the tone and implication of her words. She didn't know what to answer, so instead, she leaned in and gave her a soft, gentle kiss. Olivia wrapped her arms around Alex, shifting them so that the woman was on top of her. They kissed slowly for several minutes, until Alex pulled away to rest her head against Olivia's shoulder. She smiled to herself when she felt the brunette reach up and pull down the blanket they kept on the back of the couch, draping it over their bodies.

She snuggled in closer and closed her eyes. Nothing was better than this.

* * *

It was nearly five o'clock the next evening before they heard from Hannah, and they had hoped that meant that the girl was having a good time. Unfortunately, at 4:53 p.m., Olivia received a phone call from a very upset Hannah, who begged her to come and get her.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

As soon as Alex heard the worry in Olivia's voice, she dropped her tea towel and walked over. What she heard over the phone made her heart break.

" _No, I'm not like physically hurt or anything. I thought I could do this, Cam, but I can't. Please. Please come get me. I can't stay here anymore. These people… they don't want me here. I don't belong here. It's all Tony's family and they're just being dicks. Can you please come and get me? Please? I don't want to be here. I want to-"_

Alex bit her bottom lip, her eyes watering when she heard the girl's voice hitch.

" _I want to come home."_

That was enough. Alex ripped the phone from Olivia's hand.

"We're coming to get you."

" _Val? I tried to call you. I'm sorry. I don't want to intrude, but I can't stay here. I know you guys are-"_

"We aren't anything. I'm sorry I didn't answer you. My phone, it's in the living room. I've been baking all day because Cam ate most of the desserts I had already made. I didn't hear it. We were waiting for you, Hannah," she said, following Olivia to the door. "We've been waiting on you, okay? We're coming now. Where are you?"

" _Walking, but I'm getting kinda cold cuz I left without my coat. That's why I called. I'm…I'm cold. And I miss you guys. I thought I could just take a walk to cool down, but then I realised I couldn't go back there. So I just sat. And I couldn't stop thinking about going to your place. So I called you. And then when you didn't pick up, I called Cam."_

Alex began searching the sidewalks as Olivia drove. It didn't take long to find the girl, and when the vehicle stopped, Alex dropped the phone, thrust open the door and jogged to her. She wrapped the girl in a tight hug, pulling her close.

"Jesus, you're freezing!" she exclaimed, her hands immediately rubbing against the teenager's arms.

"Yeah," she chuckled, following her back to the vehicle. "It's cold out here."

Olivia shrugged off her coat, leaning to the backseat to hand it to Hannah. The teenager gratefully took it. She put it on as the blonde closed the doors and shifted in next to her.

"Thanks, Cam. Thanks for coming to get me."

"I'm glad you called," she responded sincerely. "I'm sorry you had such a bad time."

Alex pulled the girl into a side hug.

"Will your mom be upset you left?"

The teenager scoffed.

"Hardly. She'll be glad I'm not there being "moody" as she calls it. It's hard to have a good time when your stepfather is making fun of you to his family and pretends he's _just teasing_ ," she finished.

Alex met Olivia's gaze in the rear view mirror, both women clearly upset at the information. They had discussed countless times how much they despised her stepfather, and both agreed it was even worse that her mother did nothing about it.

"I'm sorry, Hannah," Olivia said from the front. "No one should have said those things to you, least of all someone who is supposed to be a parent."

"He'll never be my parent. Never," she said angrily.

"I know," she soothed.

They pulled into the driveway and made their way into the house, Alex choosing to cuddle on the loveseat with Hannah. She pulled down the blanket from the back of the couch and covered them both.

"Why don't you make us some cocoa while Hannah and I warm up on the couch?"

"Sure."

"Thanks, babe."

When she left, Alex pulled Hannah close.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"They were just being jerks and I don't really wanna think about it. They're assholes. Everybody was laughing and shit. My mom thought I was fine with it. If I'm not laughing, I'm obviously not fine with it. The worst part was-" she cleared her throat, her voice getting softer. "The worst part was when Hailey started in on it. She's just a kid. She didn't know. But it hurt so much when she was teasing me. She thought it was okay. What kind of lesson are you teaching that kid?"

Hannah looked away and angrily swiped at her eyes.

"My mom's never really been good at knowing me. She doesn't really care that much. She lets me do whatever. Tony hates me I guess. But Hailey… Hailey loves me. She follows me around and as annoying as it fucking is that she goes in my room over there and touches my shit, I know it's because she kind of idolises me. Not that I'm so fantastic, but I know she really likes me. She's always wearing my stuff and repeats shit I say. She wants to eat what I'm eating and do what I'm doing. So it fucking hurts. It hurts when he tells her I'm bad, because he's her dad and she believes him. So she sometimes says shit that I know she doesn't understand and I know it's him, not her, but what the fuck?"

Alex bit her tongue hard to keep her emotions in check. She needed to be calm, to be a safe person for Hannah, but it was very, very difficult to keep her opinion to herself.

"Who says that to a little kid?" she continued, inadvertently pulling Alex from her thoughts. "It sucks because I know one day she's going to get brainwashed by him and think I'm this horrible person. She's not gonna think I'm so great anymore and it's not even gonna be her fault."

Alex squeezed the girl tight, and when Hannah tucked into her shoulder and cried, she couldn't help the tears that slid along her cheeks. Her heart broke into a million pieces for the girl, and the worst part was, there was nothing she could do for it. There was nothing she could do to erase her hurt or her pain. There was nothing she could do to prevent what Hannah was describing because she was right. Hailey could very well begin to see her as a bad person if her father kept repeating it to her.

Olivia returned to the living room, stopping at the threshold with three mugs in her hand. She quickly set them down when she saw the state Alex and Hannah were in. She made her way to the loveseat and, after Hannah squeezed over, Olivia slid in beside her.

Alex removed her hand from Hannah's shoulder and reached up, cupping Olivia's cheek. The brunette leaned into the touch, turning to kissing her palm. It ate at her that they were both so upset, and she wished there was something she could do to erase it. She knew that there wasn't though, so instead she reached up and intertwined the fingers of one hand with Alex's, while the other rubbed up and down Hannah's arm.

The teenager was embarrassed. She didn't want to lose it like this, but she couldn't help it. She was hurting. It was supposed to be Christmas day. It was supposed to be a time for family, and yet hers had found nothing better to do than harass her, make fun of her. She had felt so alone at that house, so isolated. And they didn't care. They didn't care about her. So she cried, and then cried again when she remembered the way they laughed at her. And she cried some more when she thought about the terrible things Tony had said to her. She hated him. She hated him so much.

She was hurting, but she was so incredibly, eternally grateful for the women now curled around her like a protective shell. Valerie, who she had now come to regard as a surrogate mother, and Cam, who had, right from the start, been her buddy, her friend. Cam had shown her how to properly patch up a deck, replace a countertop, fix lopsided shelves, install closet doors. She had learnt so much from her and she had been to listen any time she needed to talk. She had a fantastic sense of humour and she was always making her laugh. She teased and joked with her, taking turns to see who could come up with the best insult. And after the older woman had taught her the best way to take down an attacker, they had wrestled to see who could take down whom first. Hannah hadn't yet been able to pin her, but she was getting close.

And then Val. Well, she was what Hannah had needed for so long. She filled an ache, an emptiness in the teen's heart that had been there for so long that Hannah had forgotten what it felt like for that hole to be filled. She gave her love, the kind of love she longed for from her mother. It was unconditional and ever present. Hannah needed her, and Val never denied her. She was kind, patient, loving, sweet. She gave her countless hugs and endless affection. She packed her a lunch for school and got her in trouble for not doing her homework. Cam did the _talks_. Val would just straight up tell her to smarten up (something Hannah found she actually liked). Val showed her how to bake and she fixed her jeans after they tore. She held her when she cried and she never ever made fun of her for being weak. She supported her and encouraged her. She made her feel safe. She made her feel loved. And after she finished crying, she simply held her until Hannah was strong enough to pull away.

"You didn't open your presents," the teen finally whispered, pulling herself from her thoughts and looking at the tree. She felt a little better now that she had been able to let out all the pain she had been feeling.

Alex kissed her forehead, glad to see that Hannah was starting to come around.

"Well, we were missing an important part of the family you know. Had to wait til we were all here. Plus, it's just a little bit too fun watching Cam pace and shake the gifts. I wanted to ride that out as long as I could."

Hannah giggled before wiping her eyes and finally pulling away. She glanced over at the woman in question, who was shaking her head in mock disbelief.

"It's been cruel, Hannah. She won't even hint at what I got. I've had to sit here and wait."

The teenager smiled.

"Do you think we've made her suffer enough?" Alex asked.

"I don't know..." Hannah trailed off.

"Me either."

"Sadists. You're both a couple of sadists," Olivia responded, smiling when they both laughed.

"I guess we _have_ let her suffer. Maybe we should finally give in."

"If you think so," the blonde responded. "Then I suppose she can be Santa. She's put on a few pounds this winter."

"Yeah, well, I'm blaming you. Stop baking delicious treats."

Alex laughed.

"Speaking of which, did you eat, Hannah?"

The girl shook her head.

"I wasn't really hungry. You know, considering…"

"Okay. Are you hungry now? We could eat first before we open gifts. Cam didn't make anything fancy, just a roast in the slow cooker, but if you're hungry, we could eat first."

"Are you two hungry?"

Alex looked over at Olivia. She was getting hungry, especially since that roast had been making the whole house smell delicious for the entire day, but she wouldn't make the poor woman suffer any longer if she wanted to open gifts.

"The roast is pretty much done, but we have enough time to open stockings! We could eat supper and open the big stuff later," Olivia suggested.

"Okay, perfect."

Olivia hopped up and grabbed the three stockings by the stairs. She handed them out, choosing to sit on the floor by the other two rather than back on the love seat.

"You first, Hannah."

The girl smiled, quickly digging in. She grinned and excitedly displayed the contents of her stocking, not caring that the women obviously knew what she had received since they were the ones who bought its contents. She was beyond excited to receive new bracelets (hers were starting to wear), eyeliner, earrings, candy, and an iTunes gift card. She pulled out other random items like a toothbrush, lip gloss, a pair of punk-looking socks, scratch cards, packets of flavoured cocoa and, at the very bottom, a key on a keychain.

She held up the item, frowning.

"What's this?"

"A key for the house. I know you technically don't need it since one of us is pretty much always here, and we don't lock the door half the time, but we wanted you to have it. To know that you're welcome here any time. The key symbolises that," Olivia explained. "You can come any time. Maybe now you'll believe it?"

Hannah bit her lip and threw her arms around the blonde, who was nodding along with what was being said.

"Thank you," she choked out. She quickly got up and wrapped her arms around Cam, who squeezed her tight.

"You're welcome, kiddo."

The girl smiled at the affectionate term, returning to the love seat after the hug.

"So, who's next?"

"Let's let the big baby go next."

"Yay!" Olivia exclaimed, plunging her hand in the stocking. She pulled out a wound up brown fabric belt, with an impressive chrome belt buckle. "Oh, baby. This is nice." She pulled it out and unwound it. "Very nice."

"Told you she'd like it," Hannah smiled.

"Oh, sweet!" Olivia unwrapped a new Zippo lighter, immediately tucking it into her pocket.

"Why did she need that again?" Alex asked, then turned to Olivia. "She insisted you needed it."

"And she was correct. Right on! A new Swiss army knife," she said excitedly, inspecting the tool. She then pulled out a few their generic stocking stuffers (socks, toothbrush, gift cards, candy) before digging to the bottom and pulling out a wrapped box. She unwrapped it, laughing hysterically and holding up the box for Alex to see. "I'm going to go ahead and guess Hannah did this."

"Can't let you get this one pregnant," she said, hooking her thumb in Alex's direction. "It's important to stay safe. No glove, no love, Cam."

"Touché," she responded.

"Okay, open yours now!" Hannah encouraged the woman sitting next to her.

"Alright," Alex quickly agreed. She was excited too. She pulled out the first package, unwrapping it and smiling widely at the make-up. "Sephora! And you even got the right colours!"

"You can thank that one. She recognised the brand."

"I got lucky," Hannah responded. "Lisa wears the same kind, just different colour."

Olivia was not going to tell Alex how much she had worried they had gotten the wrong colour palette. 50$ for eye shadow was ridiculous, and if she had bought the wrong one, she would have been pissed.

"Oh, perfect. I needed a compact for my purse."

"I know," Olivia responded. "I heard you say that a couple of times. I hope you like it."

"I do." And she did. It was silver, sleek, and elegant. "You chose well."

"Thanks."

Alex pulled out a small, square box, unwrapping it slowly.

"This better not be what it looks like," she warned.

"It's not. I promise."

"Good," she responded, gasping when she opened the box. "Pearl earrings." She immediately looked up at Olivia, who smiled shyly at her. "You can't mean…"

Olivia nodded.

"It's what you're thinking."

"Really?" she asked, her eyes filling with tears.

"Really."

The blonde shot up from the couch and launched herself in Olivia's lap, wrapping her arms around her neck and kissing her deeply. Hannah sat quietly on the couch, not really understanding the reaction. Sure, pearl earrings were nice but…

Alex pulled away after several minutes, sporting a smile that could light up even the darkest room. She handed Olivia the box eagerly.

"Put them on me."

Olivia smiled and removed the first earring, gently inserting it in Alex's earlobe. She then repeated the process with the other earring.

"And? How do I look?"

"Beautiful. Elegant."

Alex leaned down and gave her another slow kiss.

"Somebody wanna explain to me what's going on?" the teen asked once their kiss ended. "Are you married now or something?"

Alex giggled before turning.

"Um, no. I… Sorry. My grandfather… he gave my grandmother pearl earrings the first Christmas they were together. He was still courting her, and back then, that was an extravagant gift, not a gift you get a girl you're not married to. It was expensive, and his family gave him a lot of flak for it. He just turned to my grandmother and held her hand, and told her that he was sure that she was the woman for him, that he was going to marry her one day. And he bought her the earrings as a promise that it would happen because he knew he was leaving for the war in Vietnam. She refused to marry him until after the war, and she refused to get engaged, because she wanted him to have a reason to come home. She said he could promise her marriage in another way, so he bought the earrings as a promise. She never took them off, not even after he got back. She wore them every day of her life. And I told… I told Cam that I thought it was so romantic. My father gave my mother pearl earrings before proposing and I had hoped that whoever I married would do the same. You know, to carry on the tradition."

She closed her eyes involuntarily when she felt warm lips press to her neck and two arms tighten around her middle. She sighed into the embrace, leaning back and smiling. This woman, this incredible woman…

Alex had never in her life had anyone make her feel so loved, so cared for, so special, so _heard_ , and she couldn't help the tear that made its way down her cheek. She never thought she would find this. She never thought she would find someone who loved her so much. And to know now that Olivia was giving her these earrings, it meant that she was sure. No more running, no more doubt. Olivia was sure, and that was the best Christmas present she could have ever received.

She sat silently for a minute, until Olivia began rubbing her sides. She opened her eyes, smiling at Hannah.

"No one else ever gave you pearl earrings?"

"No one else knew the story."

"You didn't tell them?"

"No, I didn't. I never met anyone I wanted to marry, not until Cam, so I never bothered to tell anyone. My grandmother told me she knew that my grandfather was it for her, and he said the same about her. They knew instantly. And my mother, their daughter, said that when she met my father, she knew that she would marry him. My parents eventually talked about marriage, but he said he wasn't ready to propose yet. He knew about the story of the earrings, so instead he got her a pair and said that even though he wasn't ready yet, he would be one day. So, to them, they were a promise that he was serious, he just needed time. In my family, pearl earrings have just come to represent a promise that you are the one and one day you'll get married. It's a step before the ring, you know?"

"I messed up and I needed time, but I don't anymore," Olivia started, catching Alex's gaze when she turned in her lap. "I'm sorry I hurt you, but I wanted you to know that I know now. This is it. You are it. You always were, I just needed some time to realise it I guess."

Alex leaned forward and kissed her lips. Hannah smiled from the couch, excited at the new development in their relationship. Things had been going incredibly well ever since Cam had smartened up. There had been no running, no setbacks, no hesitations. They had gotten closer with each passing day, and Hannah was amazed that they hadn't been together for longer than they declared they were. It seemed like they had known each other for years, the way that they just _knew_ each other. They knew each other's likes, dislikes, habits, thoughts… They shared a bond that Hannah hadn't seen in many other couples. It was nice to know that it was progressing forward in such a strong, steady way. Looking at them now, you'd never suspect the struggle they had once faced.

"We should get up and eat now. We still have presents to open," Olivia announced, pulling Hannah from her reverie.

Alex rolled her eyes.

"Always with the gifts. Why do I need children when I have you?"

"Because I need minions."

Hannah laughed, getting up from the couch and following the two women into the kitchen.

Olivia checked on the roast and, satisfied that it was fully cooked, she removed it from the slow cooker. She served everyone's plates as Alex pulled the cheese and pickle tray she had made earlier. Once everything was served, the three women sat and began to eat.

Hannah sat mostly in silence, simply enjoying the other women's presence. It was incredible how different she felt with them, how comfortable and safe this home was compared to the one with her mother. They laughed, but not at her. They listened and genuinely cared about what she had to say. They involved her in their conversations and asked her opinion when there was a debate. She had never felt so loved and included, and there was no replacing that feeling. This was her home, and that was an incredible feeling.

"Hey, kid. You still with us?"

Hannah looked up at Cam and smiled, swallowing her last bite of supper.

"Yeah. Sorry."

"Everything okay?"

She nodded.

"Just thinking I don't wanna be anywhere else but here, especially on a day like today."

Alex got up and wrapped her arms around the girl, pulling her into a tight hug.

"We don't want you anywhere but here either," she said, giving her an affectionate kiss on the cheek. "I'm glad you want to be here."

"She's right, Hannah," Olivia stated, once Alex had pulled away. "We're glad you're here to celebrate Christmas with us. Something was definitely missing today before you came home. Now, everything is perfect."

The girl smiled, a little overwhelmed at how they so easily welcomed and accepted her into their life.

"Thanks," she said, almost shyly.

Alex gave her a final kiss on the temple before grabbing their plates. They quickly cleaned, and when everything was put away, Olivia rubbed her hands together.

"So, presents?"

"Yes, you annoying pest. _Now_ you may open your presents."

"Thanks, mom!" Olivia shouted over her shoulder at Alex, bouncing off into the living room.

Hannah laughed at her childish display, as well as the eye roll it pulled from the other woman.

"Shall we?"

"Definitely," Hannah agreed, leading the way to the living room.

They found the brunette on the floor, present already in her lap. But, to be fair, she had also pulled them each out one and them on the love seat. The women sat at their designated spots on the love seat, gifts on their laps.

"Okay, dig in!" Olivia encouraged, already ripping open her present. "Ohh! Nice!" She held up a silver Figaro chain link necklace.

"Hannah picked that one out," she explained, as Olivia put on the necklace. "It looks great. Very handsome."

"Thanks, Hannah! Okay, open yours now. We both picked it out."

Hannah opened the present, revealing an unmarked, black box. She opened it and raised her eyebrows in delight.

"A watch! It's awesome!" She immediately pulled it out of the case, slipping it on her wrist. "This looks so badass." She was stunned that they were so easily able to pick out something she loved. Usually, she received gifts which were nice, but not very "her". Then again, no one knew her like they did. "Thank you so much!"

"You're welcome," Alex responded.

"Okay, your turn," the teen said excitedly. "I really hope you like it. We debated for a while."

The blonde smiled, a twinge of excitement in her stomach. Olivia always bought great presents, and she was looking forward to opening this one. She quickly unwrapped the soft package, letting out a soft "ohh" when she held up the beautiful, beige button-down coat. She quickly stood, putting it on. It fell just above her knees and fit perfectly.

"This is beautiful."

They continued taking turns opening their gifts, the two older women making sure that Hannah's efforts in choosing the gifts were well pointed out. That is, once she finally stopped saying that she couldn't accept credit since she hadn't paid for them. The girl had agonised in the store when she had gone shopping with each of them, carefully making comparisons before finally making a decision. With the amount of effort she put into it, it more than counted. The fact that she cared and tried so hard meant so much more than if she had contributed financially. Neither woman was interested in the girl's money anyway.

By the time they had finished unwrapping gifts (which had taken a considerable amount of time given that they spent much of their time laughing and talking), each woman had a nice pile next to her. Hannah received more new bracelets than she knew what to do with, hair ties, a skateboard (she had confessed she'd like to learn), three books, some movies, a new pillow for her bedroom, some clothes, a couple of gift cards, and chocolate. She was embarrassed to have received so many gifts, but the women admitted they went "a little overboard" since they'd never had anyone to shop for. By "anyone", they really meant that they'd never had a kid of their own to shop for, but they kept that part to themselves.

Olivia received new undershirts, boy shorts, candy, a basketball net (which would have to wait until the spring to be used since it was entirely too cold at present), a leather jacket (which Olivia pointed out was more of a gift for Alex since Olivia in leather always made her swoon. Alex did not confirm nor deny the statement), a new cordless drill, shoes, and some movies.

Alex, for her part, was more than satisfied with what she received: more make-up in a very nice make-up bag, a dress, the sweater she'd been eyeing, chocolates, a book ("I Work in a Public Library", which she had immediately flipped through and started reading), two lesbian films ( _Imagine Me & You_, a personal favourite, and _If These Walls Could Talk 2_ ), more chocolates, and her favourite gift of all: the matching pearl necklace and bracelet to her earrings.

When they had finished opening their gifts, the women quickly decided to throw on _Imagine Me & You_, since Hannah had stated that she had never seen either movie. Alex pulled out more of her treats, setting them on the coffee table before cuddling up to Hannah on the couch.

"Going to join us?" she asked Olivia.

"Is there room for me?" she joked.

"Of course," Alex replied, cuddling in closer to Hannah's side. There was more than enough room for all of them.

Olivia grabbed the blanket from the love seat and joined the two women on the couch. She draped the blanket over them before dropping down next to Alex, pressing _play_ when everyone was settled.

They watched the movie in relative silence, Olivia's hand eventually finding its way to Alex's hip and periodically squeezing her side. She smiled when Alex ultimately laced their fingers, holding her hand for the remainder of the movie.

When it finished, Olivia stretched and looked at the time. It was getting late, and she was looking forward to just curling up with Alex. She loved Hannah, and she was glad the girl was with them, but she wanted some alone time with her girlfriend now.

"I think it's bedtime."

Alex looked at Hannah.

"Are you ready for bed?"

"I think so. Lisa will be getting in around ten tomorrow morning, so I'd like to head over there and see her."

"Of course. One of us will drive you, no problem."

"Thanks," she said sincerely.

"Well, come on then," Olivia announced. "Time for bed."

The other two got up and made their way upstairs while Olivia put the snacks away and locked up. When she finished, she walked upstairs and stopped at Hannah's room.

"Hey, kiddo. Thanks for coming over today. I'm really glad we got to spend Christmas with you."

The girl nodded, feeling a little shy. It was she who should be doing the thanking. They had saved her Christmas. She had never had such a warm, fun filled Christmas day. Not since before her mom got married anyway.

Olivia sensed the girl's need to talk, so she entered her room and joined her on the bed.

"Hey," she said softly.

Hannah looked up, giving a small smile.

"I just… I should be the one thanking you. _Thank you_. For what you did today. For coming to get me. For making me feel included. Thank you for just always being there for me. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you two."

Olivia reached out and squeezed her knee.

"You're a great kid, Hannah. I mean it when I say that I genuinely like having you around. I want you around. I care about you. We both do, very much. Thank _you_ for being such a positive influence in our life."

She reached out and hugged Hannah, holding her close. She held her until the girl finally pulled away. She gave her an affectionate smile before getting up and making her way to the door.

"Sleep tight, Hannah. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Cam."

Olivia closed the door and walked to bathroom, brushing her teeth before heading for the bedroom. She found Alex already curled up in bed, looking up at her from beneath the blankets.

"There is no other sight I like better than seeing your beautiful face in my bed," Olivia said, closing the door. She walked over to the bed and sat down, kissing her softly on the lips.

"No other sight? Really?"

She heard the tone, so she looked down. Only Alex's head was visible. _Hmm._ She quickly stood and pulled back the blanket. She groaned loudly at the sight that greeted her : Alex in nothing but a white babydoll.

"You like?"

Olivia could say nothing. Her mind was void of anything but the mouth-watering sight before her. She mustered up enough brain cells to nod, but after that action, her mind blanked. She acted purely on instinct, ripping off her top and jeans before crawling into bed. She lay flush against Alex, moaning again at the feel of silk and lace against her skin. She let her hands roam up and down Alex's body, touching and stroking over every inch. Her mouth dropped to the graceful neck just inches before her mouth, sucking and licking at the tender flesh.

"Mmm, baby."

Alex's hips bucked when Olivia's lips latched onto her neck. She tilted her head, shivering when the licks and nips moved up the column of her throat to her ear.

"You look fucking _hot_."

She arched her back and gasped when Olivia's hands found their way to her breasts, pinching her hardened nipples.

" _Baby_ ," she whispered, biting her lip as electric sparks shot down to her core.

Olivia moved to kiss her hard on the lips, plunging her tongue in her mouth. She ran her tongue over every inch she could reach, claiming it as her own. Alex could do nothing but lay back and buck against nothing, her clit on fire at the way Olivia was claiming her body. She needed relief, so she shifted so that one of Olivia's legs fell between her own. She ripped her mouth away and groaned loudly, bucking against the thigh now firmly pressed between her legs.

"Shh."

Alex closed her eyes and bit her lip in an attempt to keep quiet. It wasn't like Hannah would hear anything anyway; the girl fell asleep every night by putting in her ear buds and listening to her music. Regardless, she bit down on her lip to control her volume. Olivia looked down at the incredibly erotic sight beneath her: Alex biting her lip, back arched, grinding against her leg, the bottom of the baby doll pooled at her waist. She eagerly thrust against Alex's heated sex, her stomach dropping at the sounds it evoked.

"God, you are so sexy," she muttered against Alex's ear. She leaned forward and began sucking on her neck, resting the weight of her body onto her left arm so that her right could toy with Alex's breast.

"Fuck!"

Alex reached out and grabbed Olivia's ass, encouraging her to move her hips. She did, earning herself a loud groan from Alex until she covered her lips in a heated kiss.

Alex was actively moving and bucking against Olivia's thigh, each pinch of Olivia's fingers against her nipple causing a jolt of pleasure between her legs. Her lace underwear was soaked, and there was no way she was going to last much longer.

"Please. Please, I can't… I need…"

"What, baby? What do you need?"

"Your fingers. Your mouth. I don't care. More."

Olivia kissed her hard, grinning against her lips. She loved when Alex got incoherent like this. She began laying open mouthed kisses against her cheek, jaw, throat, until she reached her breasts. She slid the material down to expose a hardened nipple, pulling it into her mouth as soon as it was freed.

"Liv, please," she panted, bucking her hips and grunting in frustration at the lack of friction. Olivia had moved her thighs so that she was lying on the bed, removing Alex's only source of relief. "I can't wait anymore. I've been thinking of this all day."

"Have you?"

She nodded eagerly.

"I want you."

The desperation in her voice made Olivia finally relent. She kissed her way down until she was cradled between Alex's thighs, gripping her hips as she firmly dragged her tongue up the length of her. The lace underwear did nothing to stop Alex from feeling the full effect of Olivia's tongue and, not expecting such a firm touch, she could not stop the scream ripped from her throat. She managed to turn her head and muffle most of the sound into the pillow, fisting the material into her mouth. Her hips began thrusting against Olivia's lips and when, just a few seconds later, she felt the other woman pull away, she gripped her shoulder tight.

"Don't you dare stop," she ordered.

Olivia chuckled, her fingertips hooking under Alex's lace panties.

"I wouldn't dream of it, baby. I value my life. But maybe we could remove these?"

Alex grunted in protest but lifted her hips anyway. She wove her fingers in Olivia's hair as soon as the woman was back between her legs, ensuring that she would not leave again. She was not taking any chances.

She gasped when Olivia placed her open palms against her thighs, spreading her wide and taking a deep lick against her dripping sex. Her hips jerked as Olivia swirled her tongue over her clit, pressing it down her length and slipping inside. Alex dug her head into the pillow, arching her back as Olivia's tongue probed between her slick folds. Her orgasm was building deep in her belly, and she knew she wouldn't last long.

"Please…" she begged, but she wasn't sure what she was begging for.

Olivia dragged her tongue away from Alex's core and up to her clit, stroking it firmly. She dragged the fingertips of her right hand between Alex's legs, coating them with wetness before slowly pushing two inside. She stopped at the first knuckle, teasing her gently before pushing in a little more.

"Yessss," she hissed, rocking her hips against Olivia's hand.

Alex panted, wiggled, and bucked as Olivia worked her body. She spread her legs wider as Olivia's fingers slowly filled her, her hips giving slow jerks at the sensation of being so full.

"God, baby. So good. Ugh," Alex grunted, her stomach dropping as Olivia sucked her clit deep into her mouth.

Olivia could feel how close Alex was, so she tugged on her clit with her lips and pulled her fingers nearly out before slowly pushing them back in. She knew how much Alex liked the feeling of being filled, so she repeated the motion until the blonde was frantically bucking against her hand. When Olivia felt Alex's hands move from her hair to the sheets, she knew she was seconds away from orgasm.

"Ah, ah! Fuck! Liv… almost… I'm going to-"

With a final, firm tug to her clit, Alex shattered against her. She curled her fingers forward, tapping them against the full spot on her front wall, pushing against the convulsions of Alex's sex.

Alex saw nothing but stars as white hot pleasure shot through her body. Her toes curled as her hips flew against Olivia's mouth, the woman refusing to ease her ministrations on her now painfully sensitive clit. When she felt Olivia's fingers twist and push in deeper, she cried out, her arousal spiking once again. She gripped the back of Olivia's head with one hand, the other moving to the edge of the mattress and hanging on for dear life as she was brought to the brink for a second time.

When her hips finally dropped to the bed, Alex was spent of all energy. She panted heavily, eyes closed, body limp. Olivia's fingers still filled her, and she loved the feeling of her walls spasming against them. She loved this post orgasmic bliss, when Olivia would lie against her thigh, fingers still buried deep, as they both took a minute to recover.

When the spasms finally eased, Olivia gently withdrew her fingers and kissed her way back up Alex's body, ending with a soft kiss against her lips. Alex finally opened her eyes, gaze locking with the beautiful woman above her.

"Hi," she rasped, voice raw from her earlier vocal responses.

"Hi, baby," Olivia responded, kissing the tip of her nose. "You are so beautiful."

Alex lifted her arms weakly, wrapping them around Olivia's shoulders. She tugged on them, urging her to lay down against her.

"I don't want to crush you."

"You won't. Please. I want to feel you."

Olivia relented, settling into the crook of Alex's neck as she draped her body over the smaller one beneath her.

"You feel so good," Alex whispered in her ear.

"You feel even better."

"Mm-mm," she protested, kissing her collarbone. "I love you."

Olivia pulled back to look into Alex's eyes.

"I love you too, baby."

She leaned forward and shared a deep, open mouthed kiss with Alex. She slowly ran her fingers down her side, stopping at her hip to stroke the sensitive flesh there. She finally pulled away, sharing a deep smile before nuzzling Alex's neck. The blonde giggle in response, Olivia's nose tickling her skin. She then yawned against her shoulder, her body now ready to sleep after such a powerful release.

"You tired?"

"A little, but maybe we can sleep after-"

Alex stopped when Olivia grabbed her wrist, halting the progression of her fingers down Olivia's front.

"I'm okay."

"Aren't you-"

"No. I kinda… took care of that during round two."

Alex raised an eyebrow.

"Did you?"

"Yeah. I couldn't help it," she chuckled. "You were so hot. I had to."

Olivia kissed her slowly before dragging Alex to the other side of the bed and curling her body around her smaller frame. She held her close, circling her waist with one arm.

"Thank you for making this one of the best Christmases I've ever had."

Olivia smiled at the sincerity in Alex's voice. She kissed the back of her head, squeezing her middle affectionately.

"I love you more than you could ever know. I look forward to a lifetime of Christmases with you."

"I love you."

"I love you too, baby."


	32. Chapter 32

 

Christmas vacation flew by entirely too quickly for either woman's liking. Before they knew it, January was upon them and they were both back at work. Not that they disliked their jobs, but it had been nice spending so much time at home together. Hannah had spent a week away at Lisa's house during the break, returning home two days before school started. It had been nice not having to keep things down when they were being intimate, but the two felt better when she returned home. Both Olivia and Alex sighed happily that Sunday night when Hannah returned, glad to have their charge back safely in their home. Things were back to normal once again, and Olivia was pleased that their regular, boring routine was back. That is until she looked at the clock on Wednesday morning and realised that Hannah was yet again running ten minutes behind schedule.

"Hannah! Kid! Let's go! School only started three days ago and you're already going to have a tardy!"

"I have to get going, babe. I'll see you tonight?" Alex interrupted, leaning in for a kiss.

Olivia nodded and kissed her before seeing her out the door. When she heard commotion coming from the staircase, she turned around. Hannah had raced down the steps and then hopped off the last step, facing her with a grin on her face.

"Ready!"

"Yeah, yeah. It's about time," she grumbled, putting the bagel she had made her in her hand and leading her out of the house.

"Thanks!" Hannah said happily, making her way down the front steps and jumping into her car. She smiled widely at the woman beside her as she bit into the bagel. "Mmm. Strawberry cream cheese!"

"I have no idea why you like that, by the way. It's disgusting."

The girl shook her head vehemently.

"I love it. Thanks for buying it."

"It's a good thing I love you because there is no way in hell I'd ever buy that for myself."

Hannah grinned at her, cream cheese teeth and all. Olivia laughed despite herself, shaking her head as she started the vehicle. She took off in the direction of the school, content to drive in silence with Hannah. She had started taking her to school in November, when the weather started getting too chilly (in Alex's opinion) for the girl to ride her bike to school. She didn't mind though. It gave her the chance to spend some one on one time with Hannah, and the teenager would often open up on the way to school. She liked it, and Hannah asked for so little that it was nice to do something for her.

"So, what are you doing with the kids today?" Hannah asked.

"Nothing. I have a workshop all day. It's going to be wonderful."

"On what?"

"On how to better reach the students. I'm all for professional development, but half the staff attended it yesterday and they said it was the worst thing they have ever sat through."

"Why?"

"Because the guy is old and completely out of touch apparently and drones on for hours. Sometimes these workshops are actually really informative, but apparently this one is terrible."

"Ugh, poor you."

"Poor me for sure. Are you doing anything exciting at school today?"

"Seeing Lisa."

"That is exciting, you're right. What about your classes?"

She shrugged.

"Not really. No tests or anything like that. It's just going to be another regular day."

"Alright," Olivia responded. She turned into the school driveway, pulling up to the front door. "Well, have a great day, sweetie. We'll see you tonight, okay?"

Hannah nodded eagerly.

"I'm going to go to Lisa's after school and then I'll come home. Is that okay?"

"Of course. Text us to keep us posted, okay?"

"I will. Have a good day."

"You too, sweetie."

Hannah closed the door and headed up the steps, stopping halfway to turn and wave. The genuine smile on the girl's face melted Olivia's heart, and she couldn't help smiling and waving back (not that she would have). She took off once the girl was safely inside, her spirits greatly lifted.

Despite her mood having been improved significantly by Hannah's enthusiastic smile, Olivia was more than ready to throw in the towel by lunch time. She had never in her life struggled so hard to stay awake. She was incredibly grateful when they decided to break for something to eat, because she wasn't sure she could keep her eyes open for one second longer. She had already decided that if she was going to survive the second half of the day she needed to see Alex, so she immediately made her way to the parking lot and took off for the library. She would only have ten minutes to spend with her girlfriend by the time she arrived, but she would take it. She needed something good after that morning and there was nothing better than Alex.

She stopped in at Alex's new favourite sub before pulling into the library parking lot and parking the car. She got out and felt her stomach flutter with excitement as she approached the front door. This was the first time she visited Alex at work and she was really excited. She knew Alex would love the surprise, and she was looking forward to seeing her beaming smile. She pushed open the door and scanned the library, breaking into a grin when she spotted Alex's dress-clad form tucking a book back onto the shelf. She approached, and when Alex turned and looked at her, her heart skipped a beat.

"Hello, beautiful," she greeted, moving her sunglasses to the top of her head. She leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss.

"Hey, baby," Alex responded happily, a wide grin on her face. "What are you doing here?"

"I brought you lunch," she said, holding up the subs.

"Oh, my favourite!"

"I know."

"Not that I'm not super happy to see you, but really, what are you doing here? I thought you worked today."

"I do, but after that morning, I needed a reminder as to why I shouldn't drive my vehicle off of the nearest cliff. That workshop…" she trailed off, shaking her head.

Alex laughed and took Olivia's free hand, leading the way out the back door. They warned Jodie that they were going to be out back having lunch, and the woman nodded in response.

"That bad, huh?" Alex asked once they were sat at the picnic table.

"Horrible. He's incredibly monotone. I keep zoning out, but I can't help it. He's an awful speaker," she complained, taking a giant bite of her meatball sub. That earned her an eye roll, but she smiled in response. She knew Alex hated when she ate like a man, but she had a schedule to maintain! She didn't have time to eat daintily.

She chewed her bite and watched as Alex carefully opened her sub, holding it between her two hands as she gently took a bite. Olivia swallowed her mouthful before nodding in Alex's direction.

"You eat like such a lady."

"One of us has to," she responded once she had swallowed her food.

Olivia laughed before taking another monstrous bite, grinning widely as the sauce dripped down her chin.

"I cannot take you anywhere."

"Nope!" she exclaimed around her food. She chuckled at her own antics and wiped her chin. She loved teasing Alex. It was fun to see her roll her eyes and tease back, just as she was doing now. The lighthearted exchange was exactly what Olivia had been looking for to make up for such a terrible morning.

She managed to finish her sub in just a few more bites, gathering up their trash and throwing it in the bin nearby. Alex was still working on her sub, but Olivia really needed to get going. She walked back over and sat directly next to Alex, sliding an arm around her waist.

"I'm sorry to eat and run, sweetheart, but I have to go."

Alex wiped her mouth and set her sub down before wrapping her arms around Olivia's neck.

"Thanks for lunch," she murmured against her throat. "This was a really nice surprise."

Olivia squeezed her gently before pulling back and kissing her softly on the lips.

"Thanks for eating with me. I'll see you tonight?"

"Definitely."

She gave her one last kiss, letting it linger before finally breaking away.

"Bye, love."

"See you tonight."

Olivia slid her sunglasses down and nodded.

"You definitely will, sweet cheeks."

She wiggled her eyebrows at Alex, grinning at the laughter she received in response. She then turned and made her way back to the car, climbing in and heading back to the youth facility.

It was nearly six by the time Olivia showed up at the house. She was beyond irritated at the fact that they had prolonged the workshop an extra forty minutes because the presenter's slideshow had malfunctioned when they regrouped after lunch. It wasn't her fault the man's fucking program stopped working. They should have ended it for the day then! But, no. Instead, he spent a good twenty minutes fiddling with it while the staff waited. Thankfully, Olivia had sat next to Tim, a man she got along well with, and they spent the time chatting. He then finally got the slides up and running, but he had kept everyone the extra time so as not to have to skip anything.

Olivia grumpily kicked off her shoes, but then paused when she lifted her head. Was that steak? She took a deep smell and instantly grinned. It was! She quickly made her way to the kitchen, where she found Alex dumping mixed greens onto two steaks filled plates.

"Oh, baby. You don't even know how much I love you right now."

Alex glanced up and smiled at her. She finished pouring the vegetables onto their plates and put the bowl in the sink. She then turned and walked over to the woman, kissing her soundly on the lips.

"I figured you'd like a nice supper after the day you had."

"You don't even know," she sighed, snuggling into her neck and kissing her throat.

"Did it get better?" Alex asked sympathetically, wrapping her arms around her waist.

"Worse," she mumbled. "They made us stay an extra forty minutes because the stupid presenter is stupid."

Alex laughed. She reached up and buried the fingers of her right hand in Olivia's hair, scratching her nails against her scalp. She smiled when Olivia purred against her.

"So good," she moaned.

She held her for another few minutes, massaging her scalp and enjoying the intimacy of holding Olivia so closely.

"I love you."

"I love you too, baby. Do you think you want to eat now?"

Olivia nodded eagerly against her before pulling away.

"It smells amazing."

"I hope it tastes just as good. Sit. I'll bring the plates over."

"Okay," Olivia responded, moving to the table and sitting down. She thanked Alex when she brought over their plates, resting her left hand on the woman's thigh when she joined her at the table. "This was very nice. Thank you."

"Well, thank you for the nice surprise today," she said, cutting up her steak. "It was great to see you so unexpectedly."

"I wish I worked closer. We could have lunch together more often."

Alex smiled at her.

"It would be nice, but this gives us the chance to miss each other."

"That's true," she responded, squeezing her thigh. "I do miss you when I'm at work."

"I miss you too," she admitted. "But I like it in a way. I get excited when I see you after work because I missed you all day."

Olivia grinned at her, turning to her plate and finally trying a bite. She groaned in satisfaction. Her meatball sub from lunch was long gone and Alex had cooked the steak to perfection.

"This is amazing."

"Good. I'm glad it turned out."

"More than turned out," she responded, taking another bite. They continued to eat, and when the meal was over, Olivia cleared their dishes. Alex leaned against the counter and chatted with her as she cleaned, and when she finished, Olivia took her hand and led her out of the kitchen. She stopped in the middle of the living room, pulling out her phone from her pocket and swiping at the screen.

"What are you doing?"

Olivia didn't respond, instead continuing to play on her phone until music began softly pouring from it. She turned up the volume and set the phone down on top of the tv. She turned to Alex, smiling, and held out her hand.

"Dance with me," she requested.

Alex beamed and nodded. Olivia reached out and grabbed Alex's hand and slid her left arm around her waist, pulling her flush against her front. Alex rested her wrist on her shoulder, turning her hand so she could lose her fingers in Olivia's hair. She bit her lip as Olivia began swaying, a flood of warmth filling her as their eyes met. The love so obviously reflected in Olivia's eyes caused her heart to skip a beat. And then Olivia smiled at her, and her insides melted.

"You are so beautiful," she whispered.

Alex moved to wrap both of her arms around Olivia neck, pulling her close and kissing her deeply. _God, this woman_. She opened her mouth without hesitation when Olivia requested entry, moaning against her lips when their tongues met. She shivered when she felt blunt nails against her lower back, her nipples hardening in response. She pressed their hips together, tilting her head and stroking Olivia's tongue more firmly. Her stomach tightened in arousal, and Alex more than welcomed the sensation. Maybe, if she played her cards right, this dance would move upstairs soon.

The door suddenly burst open, crushing all of Alex's hopes. A wide eyed Hannah stopped dead in her tracks, horrified at having intruded on the women. Alex jumped in surprise and pulled away, panting heavily as she faced the girl.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I'll go-"

"No, Hannah. Wait," Alex said, holding out her hand, her heart racing in her chest. "It's okay. We were just… dancing."

Hannah smiled, embarrassed.

"It looked a bit like more than that. I don't want to interrupt. I'm sorry."

Olivia, slightly disappointed, shook her head.

"It's okay, sweetie. You didn't interrupt anything." _Not yet anyways_.

"I'm sorry. I can go back to Lisa's."

"No. Come on in and close the door. It's freezing."

"Okay," she said sheepishly. She felt horrible for interrupting what was clearly an intimate moment. "I'll go upstairs or I can stay down here if you guys want to-"

"Han, it's okay. Really. We were just dancing and then we were going to watch a movie," Alex lied. Olivia did not contradict her. "Come on. Take a seat on the couch. Did you eat?"

"Yes," she said, dropping her things and moving to the couch. "Are you sure? I really can go."

"No, sweetie," Olivia said, sighing internally. It was a hopeless cause now, and there was no need to make Hannah feel any worse than she already did. "She's right. We were just going to watch a movie. We just got a little distracted, that's all."

Hannah suspected they were going to do a little more than that, but she didn't argue further. If they didn't want to take her up on the offer to have some privacy, she wouldn't force them to. The truth was, she had gone to Lisa's because she figured they might want some alone time. Clearly next time she would need to stay longer.

"What movie?" she asked, changing the subject.

"I don't know. We hadn't decided. What one would you like to watch?"

Hannah shrugged.

"I really don't mind which one we watch. I guess we could watch that other movie you got. _If These Walls Could Speak_ or something? Did you watch it?"

" _If These Walls Could Talk_ , the second one," Alex corrected. "And no, we didn't. I'm up for that one. You?" She asked Olivia, who nodded. "Okay."

She set up the DVD before turning off all the lights and joining Olivia on the couch. She snuggled into her side, smiling widely when she felt her strong arm wrap tight against her waist. She always felt so safe in Olivia's arms.

"You always smell so good," Olivia whispered in her ear.

Alex looked up and smiled, reaching up and placing her index finger under Olivia's chin. She guided her lips down until they met her own, kissing her softly. When Olivia pulled away, she smiled again.

"I'm glad you think so."

Olivia nodded and kissed her temple before turning to the screen, her arm still wrapped securely around her middle.

The women didn't get another private moment until the following Friday, much to Olivia's dismay. So, when Hannah announced that she was spending the weekend at Lisa's, Olivia had eagerly offered to drive her right after school. Hannah had immediately accepted, much to Olivia's delight. After dropping her off, Olivia returned home, a grin plastered on her face. She closed the door and found Alex on the couch where she had left her. She kicked off her shoes and strutted over, laying flush against the smaller woman. She kept herself up on her elbows, holding most of her weight off of Alex and kissed her once before pulling away.

"We have the house to ourselves."

"So it seems," Alex confirmed, kissing her again. "What do you suggest we do?"

Olivia wiggled her eyebrows.

"Would you mind if we didn't tonight? I'm exhausted. We got a huge shipment of new books today and I spent the entire day hauling them out of boxes."

Olivia tried not to let the disappointment show on her face, but Alex saw it anyway.

"I'm sorry, baby. I promise I really do want to, I'm just way too tired tonight. Let me rest and I'll make it up to you tomorrow."

"Is that a promise?"

"Could be a threat, you never know."

Olivia laughed and kissed her cheek.

"Okay, sweetheart. I'm all for snuggling and watching a movie with you."

"Thank you."

Olivia leaned down and placed a soft kiss on the tip of her nose. "Let's watch _The Wedding Singer_. I know you love that one."

Alex nodded in response.

"Okay," she agreed, watching Olivia as she got up and put the DVD in the player. She then grabbed the remote and made her way back, wedging herself between Alex and the back of the couch. Alex wiggled back until she was pressed tightly against Olivia's front, sighing contently when a strong arm wrapped tightly around her middle.

"I love Hannah," Olivia started, "but sometimes it's nice when she's not here. I get you all to myself."

"You better enjoy it while you can," she responded. "Once I'm carrying your child, there won't be any more alone time."

Olivia grinned widely and snuggled into her neck.

"You're going to carry my child?"

Alex smiled softly and nodded.

"I'd like to. I always pictured it," she admitted shyly. "You know, carrying a baby that is yours. I want to carry your child, if you'd like that too."

Olivia pulled her even closer, tightening her hold and kissing the back of her neck.

"You don't know how much I want that. But… you don't want one that's biologically yours?" she asked.

"No. I mean, I don't feel the need to have that, no. If, for some reason, I couldn't carry yours, then we could use my eggs. But honestly, I'd rather have your child. The thought of bringing into this world a baby who has your dark hair and eyes, your beautiful skin... It's a bit of a fantasy of mine," she confessed, turning onto her back and looking up at Olivia. "A little you running around, knowing I created this beautiful person who is part you. How amazing would that be to know that a part of you is growing inside of me?"

Olivia had no words. She simply looked down at Alex, stroking her cheek, her adoration clearly visible on her face. They had briefly talked about kids and they both agreed that they wanted them, but she had no idea Alex wanted to carry their child, _her_ child. She herself had no desire to get pregnant, but the idea of Alex _wanting_ to carry her child… it made her heart swell, and she fell just a little more in love with the beautiful woman beneath her.

"What?" Alex asked, smiling.

"You are perfect," she whispered, leaning forward to kiss her softly on the lips. She cupped Alex's cheek as they kissed, holding her gently. "I love you, and I want nothing more than to have you carry my baby. There's no one else in the world I want to be the mother of my children. No one."

Alex smiled widely and kissed her again, burying her fingers in her hair. They kissed slowly, fully, until Olivia finally pulled away.

"I'm not feeling this movie. Do you want to go upstairs and cuddle instead?"

"Definitely."

Olivia got up and held out her hand, helping Alex up from the couch. She turned off the tv, locked the door, and followed Alex up the stairs and into their bedroom. When they entered, they both began removing their clothes before sliding naked into bed. Olivia curled up behind Alex, who wiggled back until they were molded perfectly around one another.

"I love feeling your boobs pressed into my back."

Olivia laughed and wiggled her torso, causing Alex to laugh as well. She reached down and laced their fingers together, sighing contently.

"I love this. I love how simple things are here."

"You don't miss home?" Olivia asked.

"Of course I do. I miss my job, my apartment, my friends. Hell, I even miss the guys. But I like it here too. I like the life we're building together. If I have to be away from there, well… here isn't so bad."

Olivia smiled and kissed the back of her head.

"I like it here too. I just wish we had friends here."

"Maybe we should try having a get together. I get along really well with Jodie from work. Maybe you could invite a few people from your job too and we could host a dinner or something. What do you think?"

"That might be nice. I mean, I've talked to some of the guys about getting a beer after work one of these days. Maybe I'll just extend the invitation to dinner at our place instead."

"That sounds nice," Alex said, trying to stifle a yawn. "We can discuss details later."

"Tired, babe?"

"I wasn't this tired before but now that were laying here, I kind of am. You always lull me to sleep when you hold me."

"I'm sorry I'm so boring."

Alex snorted.

"No," she protested. "It's because you're safe and warm, that's why I get so sleepy. It just helps that you're boring too."

Olivia chuckled and hugged her tight.

"Alright, love. Get some sleep. I'll keep you safe so you can rest easy."

"Promise?" she asked, yawning again.

"Always."

"Okay. Night, baby."

"Goodnight, love."

Little did either woman know, Olivia would make good on that promise less than six hours later when, in the dead of the night, she jerked awake with the feeling that something was incredibly wrong. She knew better than to ignore the feeling, so she immediately began blinking rapidly, trying to force the sleepiness from her eyes. They darted around the room as she tried to work through the haze of confusion currently surrounding her. Why was her stomach in knots?

 _Something's wrong_.

Her heart was racing for a reason she couldn't quite figure out. She had no idea what was going on. She immediately reached for Alex, who she discovered was still fast asleep in her arms. Her heart rate calmed a little when she realised her girlfriend was safe. She then listened for Hannah, until she remembered that the girl was spending the weekend at Lisa's. Her girls were okay, so what was it then? Years of work with the NYPD had honed her senses and she knew that a gut feeling this strong was not something to be ignored, so she slipped from the bed and made her way to the window. She looked outside and saw nothing but the lake. Her heart picked up again, racing faster than before. She knew she needed to figure out the problem soon because she was wasting precious time.

She ran to Hannah's room and her heart slammed into her chest when she looked outside and saw an unfamiliar car parked in the driveway. She had no idea whose it was. Alarm bells immediately began screaming loudly in her head, warning her that they were in serious danger. Her heart was roaring in her ears as she was quickly launched into a state of panic. _Alex! Alex!_ She spun on her heels and bolted back to the bedroom. The sound of the doorknob rattling downstairs stopped her dead in her tracks, but she recovered quickly and darted once again for the bedroom.

 _Alex. Alex_. _They want Alex. Get to Alex. Get to Alex!_

Olivia threw herself into the bedroom, crashing onto the bed and frantically shaking Alex awake. The blonde jerked up, immediately sensing Olivia's panic.

"Alex, Alex. Someone's here."

She gripped the her hand and ripped her out of bed, dragging her to her old bedroom across the hall.

"Who's here? Liv? What's going on? Who's here?"

Olivia yanked open the drawer of her nightstand, immediately grabbing the gun inside. She snatched her phone as well, shoving it in Alex's hand before racing to the window. She didn't have time to answer. She needed to get Alex out of here.

"You are going to get on the roof and you are going to lay flat against it. Lay still and do not draw attention to yourself. You are not going to move until I come and get you," she instructed, jerking the window open. She then turned to her. "Do you hear me?"

Alex had never seen the woman look so frantic. She looked as terrified as Alex felt. She opened her mouth to argue, to protest leaving Olivia alone, to letting her risk her life, but when Olivia pleaded with her again, the desperation in her voice almost palpable, she finally relented. She nodded instead, tears springing to her eyes as she gripped Olivia's shoulders in fear.

"Please, please don't leave me. Please be careful."

Olivia's attention was torn away by the sound of the front door.

"I love you, Alexandra Cabot."

Olivia pressed her lips to Alex's before pushing her out the window.

"Dial Agent Thomas and hang up right away," she whispered, quickly closing the window and moving out of the bedroom. She turned off the light and tiptoed up the hallway, hearing footsteps coming up the stairs. She didn't have a plan other than to shoot. She had no idea how many there were, but she had only seen one vehicle, so there couldn't be more than three or four of them. Maybe five. _How had they found them?_

When she heard the step creak, she held her breath. That meant they were halfway up. _Now or never, Olivia._

"Freeze!" she yelled, but immediately leapt back when they began firing. They raced up the steps so she peeked over, firing a shot into the guy on the left's leg and another into the one on the right's shoulder. She quickly ducked back, but when she heard them continue up the steps, she had no choice.

She moved back to the top of the steps, crouching low, and began firing. They responded in turn, firing as they climbed. She would _not_ allow them to cross the threshold to the top floor. She would never allow them to reach Alex.

Olivia managed to hit them both again, the fourth bullet taking out the guy on the left and sending him plummeting back down the staircase. He landed with a sickening thud.

The one on the right came at her, charging her as he discarded his empty gun. Olivia used the butt of her gun to crack him over the skull, but he barely noticed. He slammed her to the ground instead, using his weight to try and pin her. She moved to the right as his fist slammed forward, missing her by an inch. She reached up, digging her fingers into his injured shoulder.

He cried out, jerking away. She used the momentary distraction to her advantage, flipping him over onto his back and punching him square in the face. He slumped back, but she reached for her gun and struck him once, twice in the head, hard enough that she knew he would be unconscious for some time. She debated shooting him, holding her gun to his head, but ultimately chose not to. He might provide them with vital information later.

She raced to the bedroom, gun in hand, and refilled the magazine. She then made her way down the hall, checking to make sure the man was still unconscious. He was out cold, so she carefully made her way to the stairs. The second man lay lifeless at the bottom of the steps. The amount of blood pooled around him clearly indicated he was dead.

Olivia jogged down the steps and checked for a pulse just in case. When she found none, she climbed over him and did a sweep of the first floor, checking behind every door and in every closet before deciding it was clear. She was about to turn and do a sweep of the deck when she heard firing coming from outside.

Olivia had never moved so quickly in her life. She practically flew outside, gun drawn as she raced toward the sound of the gun fire. _Alex. Alex. Oh, God, Alex._

Olivia started firing the minute she saw him. The gunfire then immediately turned on her. She ducked, but didn't stop firing. He went down, but she kept her gun drawn until she was standing above him. She kicked his side, and he barely budged. She squatted down, checking for a pulse. Nothing _._

She looked around, keeping low. She couldn't hear anything, but she wasn't about to take any chances. She slowly made her way around the perimeter of the house before finally inching her way to the car. She kept low to the ground, and when she finally got to the door, she ripped it open and got ready to fire.

It was empty.

She breathed a sigh of relief and turned to the house. The air was eerily silent.

_Alex._

She got up and raced back to the house. She threw the door open and took the stairs two at a time. When she got to the landing, she saw the other man still passed out on the floor. She bolted into the bedroom, running to the window and yanking it open.

Alex let out a gasp and sobbed loudly when she realised it was Olivia. She threw herself at the woman, crying against her when the brunette dragged her back inside. She was shivering from the cold, but she was so relieved to see Olivia alive. There had been so much gunfire.

"Come on, Alex. We have to get out of here. Stand up."

The blonde nodded. She stood on shaky legs, immediately lacing their fingers together when Olivia grabbed her hand.

"Follow me and don't stop."

"Okay," she responded, her voice quivering.

She swallowed hard when she saw the man lying on the floor, but she did not stop following Olivia as the woman led her down the steps, over a second body, and out the door. She followed her to the car and hid her fear when she heard a car in the distance. Olivia, however, did not.

"Get in," Olivia commanded, her voice filled with urgency. "Get in!"

Alex scrambled in as Olivia ran to the driver's side, wrenching the door open and jumping inside. She jerked the glove compartment open, grabbed the key, jammed it into the ignition, put it in drive, and then slammed her foot on the gas. She tore up the driveway, yelling at Alex to get down when they neared the vehicle racing up the road.

Olivia sped up, cursing loudly when she heard the other car come to a screeching halt, rip around, and come tearing back up behind them. Alex jumped when she heard the phone ring. She completely forgot she had it in her pocket.

She pulled it out and answered it, pulling it away from her ear as she heard Agent Thomas yelling into the phone.

" _Are you okay? Pull over! I have agents in the blue Sedan behind you!"_

Olivia, overhearing the message, slammed on the brakes and pulled over. The car screeched to a stop beside them. Olivia jumped out of driver's side and went to Alex, helping her out and meeting the Agents as they got out of the vehicle. As soon as she saw the redheaded man on the left, she pointed a finger at him.

"You!" Olivia exclaimed. "I know you! You live right by the convenience store. How many times have I seen you outside, fixing your beat up old Chevy? You're an Agent? Where the hell were you?!"

He urgently ushered them into the vehicle, not taking the time to respond. He then climbed into the front seat, signalling the driver to take off. As soon as the vehicle was in motion, he turned towards them.

"I'm Agent Ruddy, this is Agent Amendola," he said, pointing to the driver. "We've been in town while you settled in, keeping an eye out. We've been monitoring this town and the ones surrounding it due to the threat perceived against you. We saw nothing out of the ordinary until tonight, when we heard that there had been an exchange of gunfire at your residence. I'm sorry we did not make it sooner. Are you alright?"

The women nodded.

"Yeah, we're fine. What happened? How did they find us?"

Agent Ruddy shook his head.

"I have no idea how they found you, but I assure you, we are already looking into it. We are starting an investigation as we speak. I was on the phone the entire way here, and once we get to the safe house, I will be continuing my inquiry. We are going to get to the bottom of this. It may have to do with what is going on in New York."

"What's going on in New York?"

"Things are a mess right now. They found Velez. Or a man who they are quite positive is him. Was him. He's dead. Have you been informed?"

"No, what-"

"It hasn't hit the major papers yet. We just got news a few hours ago. There's been a major shakedown, but we'll get to that. I mentioned it because it _may_ be related. I need you to tell me what happened tonight."

"I don't know exactly. They found us. I have no idea how," Olivia looked over at Alex, grabbing the woman's hand when she saw her worried expression. "We were sleeping. I woke up and I just had this feeling. I knew something was wrong. I got out of bed and looked out the window and saw a car I didn't recognise. That's when I knew something was wrong, so I got Alex to my room and made her hide on the roof once I retrieved my weapon. There was a shoot-out in the staircase. I killed one and the other one rushed me. We struggled but I managed to subdue him. Then I did a sweep of the house and as I was finishing, I heard gunfire outside."

"One of the men was circling the house and I stayed as still as I could," Alex interrupted, "but he spotted me. He only fired a couple of shots before Olivia came tearing out of the house and shot at him."

Olivia squeezed her hand.

"He's dead too," she explained, turning to Agent Ruddy.

"I'm glad you're both safe, but how did this happen? Have either of you confided in anyone? Made contact with someone back home?"

The women shook their heads, insisting they did not do anything to compromise their safety.

"We _will_ get to the bottom of this," he promised. "Things in New York are chaotic right now. Velez had been underground for months; no one knew where he was. He surfaced a few days ago and we received word several hours ago that he was killed. It hasn't been officially confirmed, but unofficially-"

A cellphone ringing interrupting any further conversation.

"Excuse me," he said, turning and answering the phone.

Olivia took the opportunity to turn towards Alex. She sucked in a deep breath, pain suddenly shooting through her right side as she did so _._

"Are you okay?" Alex asked, her eyebrows frowning in concern.

"Yes," Olivia chuckled. "I was just going to ask you that. How are you doing?" she asked, brushing a lock of loose hair behind Alex's ear.

"I'm scared," she admitted. "How did they find us?"

"I don't know, baby," Olivia whispered, kissing her temple. "But I promise you that nothing will happen to you."

Alex smiled faintly.

"You saved me tonight. Thank you for being so brave."

"You're the only thing in my life that matters, Alex. I will always keep you safe."

Alex snuggled into Olivia's side, but when her arm circled her waist, Olivia twitched in pain.

"Olivia?" she asked, pulling away in concern. "What…"

She pulled her hand away, her stomach dropping as she noticed the discolouration of the woman's shirt.

"Olivia!" she cried out, her voice filled with panic.

"It's nothing, babe," she said gently, pushing Alex's hand away. She was having none of it, however, and she reached out to lift Olivia's shirt. Alex gasped loudly, attracting the attention of Agent Ruddy. The man turned around, looking at her bleeding side.

"Olivia! You didn't tell me! Why didn't you say anything?" she pulled at her knees, forcing her sideways. Olivia gritted her teeth so as not to cry out. Her side was very sore.

"I honestly didn't notice until we got into the car. It's a flesh wound, Alex. It must have just grazed me."

When Alex continued to fret, she dropped her shirt and cupped the woman's cheek. She met her gaze, her heart breaking at the sheer fear on her face.

"I'm okay, honey. I promise. I just need to clean it. It's no worse than a simple cut, okay?"

Alex looked up at her, eyes filled with tears. She shook her head. It wasn't okay. Why hadn't Olivia said anything?

"Oh, honey," Olivia murmured, pulling her into her arms. Alex wrapped her arms around her neck, biting hard on her bottom lip.

"It's okay now," she soothed. "Everything's okay."

"You're bleeding. You were shot!"

"I wasn't shot, Alex. I promise. The bullet grazed my side. It really is just a scratch. I wouldn't lie to you, not about something like this."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to worry you. I was going to show you at the safe house where you could see in better light that it really is nothing, okay?"

Alex paused and searched her eyes.

"Okay," she said finally, letting out a shaky breath.

She shifted, turning to face the front, but she stayed tucked in Olivia's side. They sat quietly for a while, digesting the events of the evening. Olivia was hurt, but if she said she was going to be okay, then Alex knew she would be. But she was worried, scared, and part of her wasn't surprised that they had found her. That's what scared her the most. She knew they would eventually, but she didn't think they would so soon. They hadn't even been in the WPP for a year. How could they have found her so soon?

"How much longer until we get there?" Olivia asked, cutting into Alex's thoughts. They had been driving for at least thirty minutes now.

"Not much," the driver answered. "Within the next fifteen minutes."

Olivia stroked the blonde's side, placing a gentle kiss on her temple.

"How are you holding up?"

"I'm okay," she whispered. "I just don't understand how they found us. We've been so careful."

"I know. I don't like it."

Olivia didn't say anything out loud, and she hated to think it, but she wondered if it could have been someone on the inside. Neither woman had had any contact with anyone from New York, neither one had opened up to anyone else about their true identities, they barely spent any time online and when they did, it was to research the town or nearby restaurants. Neither one had posted anything about themselves online, so how else could they have been found? Had someone in their town recognised them? Did Velez have people in Little Current?

_Oh, God. What if it_ _**was** _ _someone on the inside?_

Olivia shook her head. No. It couldn't be that; they were all federal agents. They were there to protect them. It would do no good to start accusing them.

Olivia sighed softly, wrapping her arm tighter around Alex waist. She was here, safe, and that's all that mattered. They would figure out the rest in time.

They arrived at a small, grey house some twenty minutes later. They followed the Agents inside, Olivia holding tight to Alex's hand. They stopped at the kitchen, but before the men could begin speaking with them, Alex held up her hand.

"She is injured and before we get into this mess, I'm going to tend to her wounds. Where is the safety kit?"

"Upstairs in the bathroom," one of the men answered.

She nodded her thanks and led the way to upstairs, Olivia following quietly. When they found the bathroom, Alex entered first and closed the door behind Olivia.

"Sit down on the toilet and take off your shirt. I want to see how bad it is."

Olivia had half a mind to make a joke, but she decided against it. This really wasn't the time, so she simply removed her top without arguing. She looked down and gave a quick visual inspection. It didn't look bad, a few inches long and half an inch wide. It barely needed to be tended to, but Olivia had a feeling Alex needed this, so she sat back quietly as the woman washed her hands, got a damp cloth, and began cleaning her wound.

She sucked in a breath of air and bit her lip as Alex dabbed a peroxide soaked cotton swab against her side. She then applied some antibacterial ointment and placed a small piece of gauze overtop, taping it in place. When she finished, she sat back on her heels and looked up at Olivia.

"Thank you."

"I'm the one who should be thanking _you_ , Olivia. You protected me. You _saved_ me. You're incredible. I'm just sorry you were hurt in the process."

Olivia pulled Alex up and into her lap. She cradled the woman close, kissing her temple as she held her.

"I will always protect you, Alex. Always. You never need to thank me for that."

A knock at the door interrupted them.

"Yes?"

"Can I open the door?"

Alex got up and opened it for Agent Amendola.

"Yes?"

"I think you two need to come downstairs," he said in a tone that indicated there would be no arguing. He then turned and left.

Olivia, who had already slipped on her shirt, took Alex's hand and lead the way downstairs. When they arrived in the kitchen, Agent Ruddy immediately looked at Alex.

"Are you aware of the fact that the Little Current library has a website?"

"Yes, and I've visited it. There's not much on it besides the hours and location. From what I understand, it's not that popular. People prefer to call us or speak to us in person if they're looking for information."

He continued on as though Alex had not said anything at all.

"Are you aware of the fact that they publish newspaper articles about the goings-on in the library as well?"

"I don't understand what this has to do with anything, Agent," Olivia interjected. But Alex's heart was racing. _Oh God. It couldn't be._

He grabbed the laptop sitting on the edge of the table.

"I just received a phone call a few minutes ago telling me to visit the webpage."

Olivia's eyes widened. She immediately reached out and grabbed Alex's hand, looking over as the woman brought a shaking hand to her mouth. There was a picture of Alex and Jodie, both standing by a bookshelf, right in the middle of the newspaper article. Alex took a step forward, her eyes filling with tears as she scanned the webpage. It was the same article that had been published in the newspaper, with the same group photo from the paper (the one Alex had managed to avoid), but in this article, they had added an extra photo of Alex and Jodie. Beneath the photo she saw her the name _Valerie Porter,_ along with her occupation at the library.

"We think _this_ is how he found you."

Alex couldn't breathe. Tears fell as she looked, horrified, to Olivia. She had been so careful. But she had been so careful! It was her fault that they had been found. It was her fault that Olivia had been shot. Olivia had nearly been killed…

"We told you-"

"Not now!" Olivia growled at him menacingly. She tightened her hold on Alex's hand when she tried to pull it away. She led the woman upstairs and into one of the bedrooms, closing the door behind them. She had intended to lead Alex to the bed but when she let out a sob powerful enough to cause her to double over, Olivia changed plans. She pulled Alex into her arms, sliding down the door until she was sitting on the floor, Alex cradled in her lap.

"Shh, baby. It's okay. This isn't your fault. Whatever you're thinking, stop. It's not your fault."

Alex shook her head and wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck, sobbing into her shoulder. It really wasn't okay. It really, really wasn't. She had fucked up. She had nearly gotten them killed. How could she be so stupid?

"I'm so sorry, Liv," she whispered, her voice cracking.

"This is _not_ your fault, Alex. Don't you dare try and blame yourself for this."

Alex hiccoughed, shaking her head in anger.

"I tried so fucking hard to be careful. I should have come home as soon as I realised what was going on. I can't believe I didn't. How could I have been so stupid?"

"Hey. You were not stupid. I would have done the same as you, babe. I would have stayed out of sight, just as you did, until they left because it would have been suspicious to just leave for no reason. You did the right thing, love. Unfortunately, they snapped a picture without your knowing. You can't help that."

The truth was, Olivia would not have done the same thing in Alex's shoes. She should have left when she realised what was going on, but there was no sense in dwelling on that. It was in the past, and they were alive. That's all that mattered. She was not going to make Alex feel any worse than she already did by telling her that she should have played it safe and gone home.

"I should have left."

"No, baby," Olivia said, kissing her temple. "Don't beat yourself up over this. You did nothing wrong."

"They came after us, Olivia! They threatened us. They shot you-"

Her voice broke and a fresh wave of tears fell. She could have lost Olivia. She could have cost Olivia her life and it would have been her fault. Alex bit back the sob at the back of her throat, digging her nails into her palm in order to stave it off.

"Sweetheart, that wasn't your fault, okay? None of this is your fault. If you had done this on purpose, then yes. _Then_ it would be your fault. But you didn't, okay? So stop blaming yourself. It's a shitty thing that happened, but this wasn't your doing."

Olivia held her tight as she continued.

"You are not to blame for this, so please stop saying it is your fault. It's not. Okay? It's not going to do us any good to start blaming ourselves for what we did or didn't do. We need to focus on getting out of here. It happened, it's done, and it's nobody's fault. Now, let's focus on how to fix this okay?"

Alex stayed quiet. She closed her eyes and listened to the sound of Olivia's heartbeat. It calmed her enough to finally nod.

"Okay," she said weakly.

"Good."

Olivia made no move to get up, wanting only to sit with Alex and forget about what was happening downstairs. She had to admit, she was worried, scared and confused about what this all meant. They had been found, but if Velez really was dead, did that mean they could go home? He was the main threat, the man calling all the shots. The man who shot Alex, Liam Connors, was in prison and Zapata was dead too. That left Velez and his people, but if Velez was gone, did that mean the threat was over, or that it would lead to a new blood war to figure out who would take his place? Would they still be interested in hurting Alex?

"We should go back downstairs," Alex said softly.

Olivia kissed her temple, sighing.

"I don't want to."

"Me either," she said. "Think we can hide here forever?"

Olivia nodded against her head.

"Yes, please."

"What are we going to do about Hannah? She can't go near that house," she said, a hint of panic in her voice.

"Don't worry about Hannah. They aren't going to let anyone near that house, let alone a teenage girl."

"I want to talk to her. She must have heard about what happened. She'll be beside herself with worry."

"What about your phone?"

"Agent Ruddy took it. I'm pretty sure he destroyed it."

"Okay. That's okay. Let's go talk to the Agents."

She helped Alex up off her lap before getting up. She linked their fingers and they made their way downstairs, joining the men at the kitchen table.

"Everything okay?"

The women nodded as they sat.

"We need to contact one of our friends though. It's important."

"I'm afraid that's not possible at the moment."

"But she'll be looking for us," Alex interjected. "She's been living with us. She's become like our family. She needs to know we're okay. And she needs to stay away from that house."

"She a young, teenage girl?"

"Yes," Alex answered urgently. "Is she okay? Has she been hurt?"

"No, but she's just been by the house. One of our men had to escort her home."

Alex turned to Olivia, a helpless look on her face.

"Hannah…"

Olivia, seeing Alex's distress, turned back to the Agents.

"Look. Can you at least get a message to her? Can you at least tell her we're okay and to stay away from the house? She needs to know we're okay, and she needs to know that we want her to stay away from the house."

He didn't respond.

"Do you want our cooperation or not?" Alex asked angrily. "We're not asking you to bring us to her or to confess the whole story. Just tell her we're okay. Her friends are missing and she has no idea what's going on. The least we can do is tell her we're alive."

"Fine," he relented.

"Thank you."

"Did they definitively identify the body? Is it Velez?" Olivia interjected.

"We haven't heard back, but we've gotten word that many of his associates are fleeing the country. The apartment block we were surveilling, the one Velez's people were using, has apparently been abandoned. There's been no activity in that neighbourhood for the last 48 hours."

"All this because he died?" Alex asked, shocked.

"Things were falling apart even before his death. There was a lot of heat from the DEA and it was creating a lot of problems for Velez. The DEA was picking his people up left, right, and centre. Some stayed loyal, but most turned and started making deals when they realised things were going south for him. He started getting nervous, reckless. Hits were being put out so people were coming to us with information in exchange for protection. They were getting close, so he started tying loose ends. He's had more people killed in the last three months than in the last two years combined. It's been a mess for the last few months. Nobody's been sleeping. All we've been doing is working at taking him down. We've been trying to get to him before he fled the country, but I guess someone else got to him first."

"Why didn't we hear about any of this?"

"It's been in the papers. Have you been reading them?"

Olivia and Alex exchanged glances. They really hadn't been lately.

"How long are we expected to stay here?" Olivia asked, changing the subject.

He shrugged.

"Until we decide what to do."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, either you're going to be moved and given new identities or…"

"Or?"

"We keep you somewhere temporarily, until things settle in New York. If Velez really is dead, then maybe, _maybe_ it would be possible for you to go home."

Alex's eyebrows shot up. She looked at Olivia, hopeful. She could go home?

"It is still too early to tell, and you may very well be sent somewhere else. Don't get your hopes up until we know more. But, it could be a possibility."

"But we could. I could. I might go home," Alex said, almost in awe.

"We'll see, baby."

"How long until we know?" Alex asked, turning to the Agent.

"It's hard to say. For now, we wait. Why don't you two get some sleep while we wait to hear what our next move will be?"

Olivia looked at Alex, who shrugged.

"Do you have toothbrushes here?" Alex asked.

"No. Give us a list of things you'll need to survive here for one week, and we'll go pick up the supplies."

"We're going to be here an entire week?"

"It's possible."

Alex sighed and turned to Olivia.

"Okay. Let's go upstairs."

Olivia followed her up, closing the door to the room Alex chose and then crawling into bed with her. She spooned her from behind, tucking her body in close and wrapping an arm around her waist.

"What are we gonna do, Liv? We can't just leave Hannah. If we go back to New York, at least we can talk to her. Maybe she can visit. But if they place us again…"

Alex swallowed the lump in her throat and wiped the tears the fell. Her heart broke at the thought of never seeing Hannah again. That girl needed them. They couldn't abandon her.

"Don't think about that. There's nothing we can do right now and we don't know how it's going to turn out. If they place us again, we'll demand that we get to talk to Hannah. At least then she will get some answers, and maybe we can even work something else out. If we go back to New York-" _we're taking her with us._ "We'll talk to her often."

She cuddled her face into the back of Alex's head and buried her nose in her hair, close enough to talk in her ear.

"Don't worry, okay baby?" she said gently. "We will figure it out. We always figure it out."

Alex took solace in Olivia's embrace and comforting words. She sounded so sure, and Alex latched onto that confidence, that certainty in her voice.

"Okay. I wish we could talk to her tonight though. She must be worried sick."

"She probably is worried, but they'll tell her we're okay. And when word gets around that it was three men who were shot, she'll know for sure we're okay."

"Well, _I_ wasn't hurt. You, on the other hand…"

"I'm fine. ''Tis but a scratch'," she quoted.

"You were shot," Alex responded, unimpressed.

"'It's just a flesh wound'," Olivia quoted again.

Alex gave a small smile despite herself and turned in over.

"You and your love of quoting tv and movies…"

" _Monty Python_ is a classic. It should be quoted at every opportunity."

"Really now?" Alex asked, leaning in and kissing her gently.

"Really," Olivia declared, ignoring the pain in her side as she rolled Alex onto her back. She smiled down at her before pressing their lips together once again.

Alex reached up and buried her fingers in Olivia's hair, lightly scratching at her scalp and smiling when she felt her shiver. She opened her mouth willingly when Olivia moved to deepen the kiss and hummed contently when their tongues met. The kiss was slow, unhurried. It was meant to reassure, to soothe, and to reconnect. Alex adored when Olivia showed this kind of affection. It made her feel incredibly love, as well as safe.

"I love you," Olivia whispered after she pulled away.

"I love you too."

She moved back to her side, pulling Alex close and spooning her once again.

"I don't know how I survived in life without you," Alex finally confessed. "I can't do this without you, not now that I know what it's like to have you here with me. I have never been so lonely and depressed as I was when I lived my life as Emily. Not even when I was at my lowest point in New York, just before you became my friend. I was low then, but nothing compared to when I had to be Emily. Just knowing what I had…what I had lost and might never get again…" she trailed off.

"You'll never have to wonder about that again, Alex. I'm so sorry you were so miserable. I'm sorry that you were hurting and that you were all alone. I'm sorry I wasn't there to hold you and keep you safe. I'm sorry that when you finally got me back, I hurt you when I stupidly let my fears get the best of me. I hurt you and I'm so ashamed that I did. But I want you to know that I never stopped loving you in any of those moments. I am always trying to keep you safe, and even though I messed up badly in some of those instances," she felt a wave of guilt flood her when she thought about how Alex had gotten shot in her presence, when she should have been protecting her. She would _never_ allow that to happen again. "I will always do everything in my power to keep you from harm. You never have to worry about being alone again because I'm not going anywhere unless it's with you."

"Thank you," she whispered, unable to say anything more because of the lump in her throat.

Olivia noticed and squeezed her tight in response.

"I love you, baby."

"I love you too."

"Get some rest now, okay? Tomorrow is another day."

Alex nodded and moved her hand, intertwining their fingers.

"Goodnight, Olivia."

"Goodnight, Alexandra Cabot."


	33. Chapter 33

 

Five days later, Alex was getting increasingly impatient. They were still at the safe house, they still hadn't been allowed to speak to Hannah, and they were being told that they still needed to wait. She wasn't sure how much more waiting she could do. The only thing they knew so far was that the man Olivia had subdued upstairs had slipped into a coma and subsequently died. Alex knew that she needed to be patient, but it was getting difficult to be understanding when her future was in limbo. She wanted to go back to New York, and she just wanted to know if it would happen.

"Baby, you're gonna wear a hole in the floor if you keep pacing like that."

Alex paused and looked over at Olivia, who was watching her from her perch on the couch.

"I just can't handle much more of this. I need to know if I'm going home or if we're going to be thrust to another corner of the United States. If I'm not going home, I just want to be told so I can know. I hate this waiting and not knowing."

She sighed and dropped onto the couch next to Olivia, who wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. She kissed her temple and nodded in understanding.

"I know it's hard, baby. It's hard for me too. But we have to wait until they get more information. These things take time."

"But how long is it going to take? Our life is hanging in the balance and I hate it."

"I know. I do too."

"We can't even go outside. We're stuck in this damn house and there's nothing to do."

Olivia sat quietly for a second. She then got up and began moving furniture, creating a nice open area in the middle of the room. She couldn't give Alex any answers right now, but she could at least keep her distracted.

"Get up," she requested.

"What?"

"Get up. I'm going to teach you something."

Alex got up and walked over to her.

"What are you going to teach me, detective?"

Olivia smirked.

"Nothing like that. I'm going to show you something I should have shown you a long time ago. You're bored and now's a good a time as any. You're going to learn to defend yourself."

"Self defense? I've already had training."

"Perfect. Let's see what you remember."

Olivia took a step towards her and raised her hands. Alex took a step back, raising her right arm to block Olivia's hands.

"I'm not going to hurt you," she soothed, seeing the nervous look on Alex's face.

"Yeah, but you're much better at this than I am."

"Which is exactly why I'm going to show you what I know. The person who attacks you is not going to go easy on you because he or she knows you're not as quick as they are."

"I can still defend myself," she protested.

"Then do it."

"Fine," she responded, accepting the challenge. Alex reached back and threw her hair into a tight bun.

"Just for the record, your attacker isn't going to give you the time to put your hair up."

"Then that bastard will feel my wrath if he rips out any of my hair."

Olivia chuckled and moved forward.

"Okay. I'm going to pretend to choke you, and you're going to show me how you'd get out of this kind of hold."

She placed her hands around the base of Alex's throat, firmly enough to have a nice grip but not tight enough to actually hurt her or cause discomfort.

"Walk me through what you'd do."

"Okay. Well, first, I'll ball my fists like this and bring them above his forearms so that I can strike down as hard as I can and then maybe he'll let go or loosen his grip a bit. Then I'll knee him in the crotch and run."

"And if striking at his arms doesn't work? He's still got you around the neck."

"Then I'll hit him in the face and neck, his throat too."

"Why?" she asked, adjusting her hold so that her hands gripped a little tighter.

"Cuz it's annoying and he's likely to leave me alone if I bug him enough," Alex said sarcastically.

Olivia gave her a look.

"Because they're sensitive parts of the body," she sighed. "The eyes, throat, toes, stomach, and groin are what you wanna go for."

"Exactly."

Olivia shifted her hold, cupping Alex's throat. She advanced, kissing her softly. When she pulled back, she grinned at Alex.

"Your attacker just kissed you."

"Well if my attacker is this good looking, I might just let it happen."

Olivia chuckled and moved back to position, this time taking Alex's hands and placing them at her throat instead.

"Let's pretend you're attacking me. You'd lose in a second, by the way-"

"I would not!"

"You definitely would. So, you've come at me at my throat. Another very good response to have, if striking his arms doesn't work, is to reach out and poke him repeatedly in the eyes like this," she said, poking next to Alex's eyes. "His immediate response will be to grab at his eyes. Now, while he's blinded, is your chance to turn and run. He won't see where you're going. Also, if you are wearing heels, that's the perfect thing to use to stomp on his foot. That hurts like a mother, and if you use all your weight and force, you could do some serious damage. He can't control every part of your body at once, so if he's got your arms, use your legs. If he's got you around the waist, then you have both your hands and legs at your disposal to attack him.

Now, when you're aiming at his neck, do you know where you're trying to hit?"

"His throat."

"Yeah, but where?"

Alex hesitated, so Olivia reached up and grabbed her hands. She let the left one drop and held the right. She opened it, palm flat, and ran it along the side of her throat, along her carotid artery.

"Here. You want to strike here as hard as you can because this can literally bring a man down to his knees. Or here," she indicated the front of her throat. "Aim for his Adam's apple."

Alex smiled at her.

"What?"

"I don't know. It's just… I like that you know these things," she smiled, leaning forward and kissing Olivia. She pulled back and met her gaze. "It's sexy."

Olivia gave a soft laugh and kissed her cheek.

"Hopefully you'll never need to use any of this because I'll be there to beat the shit out of any sorry s.o.b. who tries to touch you."

Alex, momentarily distracted from her self-defence lesson, wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck and pulled her into a tight hug. She knew that Olivia would stop anyone who tried to hurt her because she had. However, she felt terrible because it came at a cost. When they had gotten word that the third man had died, Olivia had nodded and walked away. Alex had given her some space, and when she had finally joined her upstairs and talked, Olivia admitted that she felt incredibly guilty. She said she wished hadn't have had to take any of their lives and she felt terrible that she had just killed three men. She explained that didn't exactly regret doing so, because it had meant keeping Alex safe, but it was never easy to take someone's life.

Olivia had struggled for the days following the attack. Alex tried to listen to her, to be supportive, but the truth was that she didn't know what to say. She didn't truly know how to comfort her because she had never been in Olivia's position. She had been incredibly grateful to Agent Amendola, who had spent the evening speaking with Olivia three days after they'd gotten news that the third attacker had died. She didn't know what he had said, but Olivia had returned to Alex with a weight lifted off her shoulders.

"Hey," Olivia whispered, pulling Alex from her thoughts. "Where did you go?"

"Nowhere," she responded, snuggling into her neck. "Just enjoying your hug."

Olivia held her closer, and Alex took a second to gather her thoughts.

"Thank you, Olivia, for everything you're doing for me. I know you've been forced to do things you don't want to do. I know you had to do things to protect me that make you feel terrible and leave you with these awful feelings of guilt. I know you've been having nightmares," she admitted, and when Olivia began to protest she silenced her by continuing, "I know you have, Liv. I'm right there in bed with you. I know you've had to do all these things to keep me alive, and I'm sorry that you've been left with this burden. I know it isn't easy, baby, and I'm sorry. But I want you to know that I do see you and you're not alone. And I want you to know how incredibly grateful I am that you do everything in your power to keep me safe. I feel so incredibly safe with you."

Olivia rubbed her back in response, digesting what Alex had just said. She thought she'd been doing such a good job of hiding her struggle, of hiding how difficult these last few days had been for her. She was doing better, but the guilt of killing three men was hard to fight off. She didn't want Alex to know how hard it was for her because she didn't want her to feel guilty or to feel that she was in any way to blame.

"I'm glad you feel safe, because that's my goal in all of this. I never want to do what I did again, but I would if I had to if it meant keeping you safe. I just need time to process everything and then I'll be okay."

Alex nodded. "Thank you," she repeated.

Olivia held her close until Alex finally pulled away. She could see the heaviness in Olivia's eyes, the haunted look in them. She wanted to take it all away, remove it completely, but she knew she couldn't. The only thing she could do right now was try to be supportive. She had done that, and she thought maybe the next thing she could do would be distract her, so she did. She asked Olivia to show her what to do if someone came after her from behind, knowing that she would love the opportunity to teach Alex something else. The mood lightened significantly as they practised, and they spent the rest of the evening pretending to attack and defend themselves against an attacker.

They were informed early the next morning that they would be leaving, much to Alex's displeasure. She did not want to go any further from Hannah, still hoping that she would soon get to see the girl. That hope was torn to shreds when she was informed that they were being temporarily moved to a home in Arkansas.

"Arkansas! Are you kidding me?!" Alex immediately protested.

"We can't keep you here forever. Your choice is either to go to Arkansas temporarily while we continue to wait on the situation in New York or we reassign you new identities and you restart somewhere else. It is your choice."

"Like hell it's my choice," she spat, turning on her heels and heading upstairs.

"Alex," Olivia called out. When she didn't turn around, Olivia followed her upstairs. "Babe, we have to."

"I know we have to! We never have a choice but to do what they say. I'm sick of this, Olivia. I haven't been in control of my own fucking life for three God damn years! I want to go _home_. I don't want to keep doing this. What if they decide we can't go home? What if we have to restart all over again in a new town, with new jobs, new identities? I can't do this again. I'm tired of this," she began to lose steam, her voice suddenly filled with sadness. "What if we never see Hannah again?"

Alex dropped onto the bed and let the tears fall. She was overwhelmed, tired, scared. She hated this. She hated not being in control. She hated feeling so damn helpless.

Olivia walked over and sat next to her on the bed, wrapping her arms around Alex.

"I know it seems scary and overwhelming. We're in a really shitty place right now because we don't know what's happening and we have no control over what is going on. But what we do have is hope. There is still hope that we'll be able to go home, baby. And if we do, that means we go home as Alex and as Olivia. That means we don't have to lie anymore and we can contact Hannah. We need to cooperate right now in order to make that happen, okay? So let's go to Arkansas and focus on getting home."

Alex looked up at Olivia, unshed tears in her eyes.

"Why do you always have to be the voice of reason?"

Olivia chuckled and kissed her temple.

"Because I'm always right. Remember all those fights we had back in New York? I won them all for a reason."

"You did not!" Alex scoffed, smiling as she sniffled. She wiped her eyes and leaned her head on Olivia's shoulder.

"I did," she insisted, kissing the top of her head. "And I look forward to sparring with you again when we're back in New York."

Alex quietly played with Olivia's fingers for a few minutes before looking up at her.

"You know we won't be able to work together when we get back there."

"I know," she said with a sigh.

"I'll still go back to Liz, but I'll have to work with another division."

"I could look into-"

"No. They need you in SVU, Liv. It was never a question of who would be transferring. It was always going to be me. Besides, I'll get sick of you if I have to see you at work and at home so it's a good thing I'll be somewhere else."

Olivia wrapped her arms around Alex and pushed her back onto the bed, covering her body with her own.

"You could never get sick of me!" she said, peppering her face and neck with kisses. "You love me way too much."

Alex giggled and tried to push her off.

"Let me go!" she said, laughing.

"No. Not until you admit I'm right."

She continued kissing her cheeks, her neck, tickling her side for good measure.

"You're coercing your witness!"

"Spousal privilege," Olivia rebuked.

Alex stopped her giggling and smiled up at Olivia.

"You have to marry me before you get to claim spousal privileges."

Olivia leaned forward and kissed her softly on the lips. When she pulled away, she cupped Alex's cheek.

"Then marry me," she whispered.

Alex's smile faded and she searched Olivia's eyes.

"What?"

"Marry me," she repeated. "I love you, Alex. No matter where we are, no matter who we are, no matter what happens, I love you. You are my constant, my one reason for living. I cannot live my life without you. I don't want to. You are my best friend, my girlfriend, my supporter, my lover, my reason for being. You make my life so much better simply because you are in it. I love who I am when I'm with you; I never want to be without you because you make me so incredibly happy.

There is no future without you, Alex. I want you by my side for the rest of my life. I want to wake up next to you every morning and fall asleep with you every night. I don't care where I am as long as you are there with me. You're my favourite person; you are my everything. You are my best friend, and now I am asking you to be my wife."

She held Alex's gaze for a long second before repeating her question.

"Will you marry me?"

Alex, who had been biting her lip as the tears fell, could no longer hold it in. She burst into tears and pulled Olivia into a hug, crying happily into her shoulder. She had never been told anything so completely beautiful in her entire life. She was overwhelmed, and so unbelievably happy.

"I've been thinking about this for a long time," Olivia confessed in her ear, her voice thick with emotion. "I want to marry you."

Alex could not respond; the ball of emotion in her throat was too big. Instead, she leaned back and met Olivia's lips, kissing her deeply. She held the back of her neck, keeping her in place as she kissed Olivia with everything she had, everything she felt. By the time they pulled apart, Olivia was breathless. She simply stared down at Alex, dazed. She wore a smile on her lips and leaned down to kiss her way to her ear.

"You still haven't given me an answer. I'm getting kinda nervous here."

A bubble of laughter burst from Alex's chest, and she immediately began chanting "yes, yes, yes" as she kissed the woman above her.

A wave of euphoria swallowed Olivia and she laughed, leaning down to kiss her fiancée.

The drive to Arkansas was bittersweet for Alex. She was overwhelmed with happiness, but she was also consumed with sadness because they were leaving a life that she had grown accustomed to, that she had liked. She would no longer be Valerie Porter, and she found that that greatly saddened her. Only now did she realise how happy she had been as Valerie the librarian, living with her girlfriend and the teenager they had "adopted". Her uncertain future worried her, but the warm, comforting fingers laced with her own reminded her that no matter where she ended up, she'd be safe.

The following days at the new house were not much better than the ones at the safe house. Alex felt like she was riding an emotional roller coaster. One minute, she was happily laughing with Olivia, making love and enjoying the uninterrupted time they got to spend together as fiancées. Then the next, she remembered the fact that they were in a new town, futures uncertain, and unsure if they would ever be able to contact the young girl they had left behind or return to their home in New York City. She tried to focus on the positive, but with each passing day, even Olivia started to have a difficult time keeping her spirits up.

Things were immeasurably worse for Hannah, who had absolutely no idea what was going on. In a little town like Burgus, news travels like wildfire and it didn't take long for Hannah to find out that something had gone terribly wrong at Cam and Val's. She had hopped on her bike as soon as she had found out and had ridden as fast as she could to their home. When she arrived, she couldn't even get close to the house. There had been a perimeter set up and uniformed men prevented her from getting close. She had been frantic, overwhelmed with fear at the possibility that they had been hurt. She had heard that people had gotten shot and there were rumours that they had been killed as well, but there were no further details yet. She was desperate, and it had taken two police officers to escort her back to her mother's home. She had screamed and cried, and she didn't care that she had made a huge scene. She only calmed down when they broke down and told her that the victims were male. As she reflected later, she figured the only reason they had even told her that much was because she had been so belligerent.

She was able to keep hope for a few days, incessantly checking her phone and calling Val and Cam's in the hopes that she would be able to reach them. She knew that they would contact her when they could, but why was it taking so long? Rumours began to spread in the town, vile gossip regarding the two lesbians who lived in old Mrs Flannigan's house, but Hannah refused to pay them any attention. She glared when people looked at her. They knew she had spent nearly every waking moment with them, so when rumours started about the women being involved in illegal activity, they suspected Hannah's involvement as well. Hannah didn't care. _Let them talk_. The only thing she cared about was hearing from the women.

But they didn't call. They didn't text. They didn't send a message. Days went by and Hannah heard nothing.

Then a week.

Two.

Nothing. Soon the story began to quiet down, and Hannah had been given no real answers. The men had never been identified, Val's and Cam's whereabouts were a mystery, and Hannah had been specifically forbidden from approaching the house. She had no idea what had happened, only that men had been shot in the house and that Val and Cam were gone. Why weren't they contacting her? Were they okay? Were they even still alive?

When her mother brought up the rumours, Hannah lost it and began screaming at her. She let out all of the fear she had been feeling and channeled it out in rage, resulting in the biggest fight she had ever had with her mother. It ended with Hannah locking herself in her room, the explosion of emotions finally triggering the meltdown she had been actively trying to avoid.

Hannah cried.

She cried and cried until she had no more tears, until her eyes were so sore that she could barely open them. She felt abandoned, angry, sad, worried, alone, helpless, confused, and a myriad of other emotions. She stayed locked in her room for an entire week, refusing to speak to anyone. Eventually, she was forced to pull herself from her breakdown and go back to school, where she finally saw Lisa for the first time in three weeks. She was behind in all of her classes, had missed countless assignments, but what was worse, she had pretty much ruined things with her girlfriend. She had lost it on the girl some weeks ago because she had been so distraught, and as understanding as Lisa was, there was only so much she could take.

When she heard Hannah was back at school, Lisa had been poised to confront her, to yell at her and let out everything she had felt these last few weeks. However, that had gone out the window when she had finally seen her girlfriend (if that's what they still were?). Hannah was gaunt, eyes sunken in, a shadow of her former self. To be frank, she looked like shit. It was evident now exactly what she had been going through these last few weeks and Lisa felt guilty for being so upset with her. She approached Hannah carefully, and when Hannah gave her a soft smile, she threw caution to the wind and leapt into her arms.

"I'm sorry," Hannah instantly chanted over and over again, but Lisa had already forgiven her. She knew what Val and Cam had meant to her, and when they sat after school that day and talked about everything Hannah had been going through, the strawberry blonde's heart lurched. Hannah had apologised over and over for being so selfish, for not being able to see past her own anguish, but Lisa told her she understood. And she did. She apologised for not being more understanding, but Hannah had shaken her head. She hadn't allowed Lisa to be supportive. She had needed the space. After their talk, both girls felt immeasurably better, about their relationship anyway.

The weeks continued with still no word. Hannah was slowly losing hope. She tried not to, but with every day that passed without any news from either woman, she couldn't help but fear she would never hear from them ever again. Hannah was at an all-time low when one fateful Saturday afternoon, just over six weeks after Cam and Val's disappearance, her cellphone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hannah?"

The teenager immediately stood up, eyes wide. She'd recognise that voice anywhere.

"Val?!"

"It's me, sweetheart. Hi. God, I've missed your voice."

Hannah heard her crying on the other end, and she could not stop her own tears.

"Val! Where are you? Are you okay? God. What happened? Is Cam with you?"

"Yeah, sweetie. She's with me."

There was rustling on the other end and another very familiar voice came on the line.

"Hey, kid. How you holding up?"

"Cam, God. What happened? Where are you?"

"We have a lot to explain, Hannah. We need to talk."

"When? Can I come over? Where are you?"

"What are you doing for spring break?"

Hannah shook her head. She hadn't even thought about spring break.

"I don't know. What does that have to do with anything? I want to see you guys."

"We want to see you too. That's why I'm hoping, if you don't have plans, you could come here for spring break. We want you to come to New York. We have a lot of explaining to do and we'd like to do it in person. Unfortunately, we can't get away so we need you to come here."

"Here? Here as in New York here? You're in New York? Why are you in New York?"

There was a pause on the other end.

"That's what we need to talk about. We live in New York, sweetheart. It's where we're from. We've come back home."

"Home?" she asked, frowning. "It was your home before Maine?"

"No. We never lived in Maine. Listen, Hannah. There's a lot to talk about. We have a lot of explaining to do."

There was a long pause. The rumours Hannah had heard…

"Who are you?" she finally asked.

There was a soft sigh on the other line.

"My name is Olivia Benson, and I'm a detective with the Special Victims Unit of the NYPD. Or I was, until I was place in the Witness Protection Program with my girlfriend, Alexandra Cabot."

Hannah sat down. Her head was spinning.

"I know this is a lot to swallow, Hannah. This is why we want you to come here."

"I don't even…" She shook her head, trying to focus. Her brain was spinning with confusion.

"I know, sweetie. I know it's confusing, but we can explain better in person."

"How will I get there?" she finally asked.

"We're going to buy your ticket. We'll pay for a taxi for you to get to the airport and we'll pick you up once you arrive here."

Hannah was reeling. She couldn't believe what was going on.

"Listen, Hannah. I know this is a lot and I'm sure your brain is being overwhelmed with information, so I'm going to let you go now-"

"No! Please, don't hang up. You're right, it is a lot of information but I've been waiting so long to hear from you guys. Don't go just yet."

The phone rustled as it was passed to another person.

"Hi, honey."

Hannah's brow furrowed as her eyes filled with tears. Val's voice reminded her of how comforting she had been, and she had been so scared these last few weeks, and she was now being thrown all of this confusing information. She just wanted things to go back to how they were. She wanted them back here, where they could comfort and support her like they used to.

"I know this is overwhelming, sweetheart. It's probably a bit scary too, isn't it?"

Hannah nodded against the phone, but when she realised she couldn't be seen, she let out a shaky "yes".

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that this is so confusing and overwhelming. I'm so sorry you've been alone these last few weeks. We wanted to call you. God, we wanted to call you so badly, but we couldn't. We weren't allowed to talk to anyone. This is the first real chance we've gotten to contact you. I'm sorry it wasn't sooner. Have you been okay?"

"It's been a rough few weeks, but I'm okay."

"I promise things will make sense soon, honey. I know you were just told some crazy stuff, but I want you to know that it's going to be okay. This doesn't change anything, okay? I'm still the person you knew. I just have a different name."

"Alexandra?"

"Yeah, sweetie," her voice cracked at the sound of Hannah pronouncing her real name. "My name is Alexandra."

"Alex."

"Yes."

Hannah was suddenly hit with a bolt of clarity.

"Alex. That's why she'd call you that sometimes."

"What?"

"When you guys thought I couldn't hear you. In your room and stuff. The first time I heard "Al" I thought I had heard wrong and that she'd said Val. But then I heard it again and one time I heard "Alex". She was calling you by your other name."

Hannah paused and then gave a small laugh.

"To be honest, I thought it was some kind of role playing you guys were doing."

Hannah heard a heavy laugh on the other end of the line, and her lips curled into a smile. She blushed, grateful that no one could see it.

"No. We weren't supposed to, but… you miss hearing your name, so we used our real names on rare occasions. I didn't know you heard us."

"I barely did." Pause. "So, it's true then? What she said?"

"Yeah, sweetheart. It's true. My name isn't Valerie Porter and I'm not from Maine. My name is Alex, Alexandra Cabot, and I'm from New York City."

Hannah took deep breaths, trying to digest the information.

"It was all a lie."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm sorry, but how we felt about you, that was not a lie, okay? We had no choice. We had to lie about who we were and where we were from, but we never lied about how much we cared about you, okay? Do you hear me?"

Hannah nodded, forgetting again that they couldn't see her.

"I've missed you, Hannah. We've missed you terribly."

"You don't know how much I've missed you guys."

"How's it been at home? Are you okay?"

"I'm okay. I've basically been in my room since you guys left. Well, there or with Lisa, now that things are okay between us again."

"Things weren't okay with you? What happened?"

"I kind of had a meltdown when you guys disappeared and I was really shitty to her."

"Oh, Hannah…"

"It's okay now. We talked. She forgave me because she's an amazing person."

"I can't imagine how hard of a time you had, honey. I'm glad she forgave you."

"Me too."

"Are you okay now?"

"Yeah. A little confused I guess. But I'm glad you're okay. And I'll get to see you guys soon?"

"Yes, sweetheart. You will. You'll come here for spring break in just a few weeks, okay? In the meantime, Google my name, Alexandra Cabot, and the city of New York. It'll answer a lot of your questions and you have my number now, so I can answer some questions too, but I'd really like to save the discussion for when you arrive. Okay?"

"Okay," Hannah said, still feeling uncertain.

"It'll be okay, sweetie. I promise."

"Okay. Thanks," she said, then paused. "Val? Um, Alex?"

"Yeah, sweetie?"

"I'm glad you're okay. I've really missed you."

"I've missed you more than you know, Hannah. Take care and we'll talk soon."

"You too," she responded, still holding the phone to her ear long after the line went dead.


	34. Chapter 34

 

After their conversation, Hannah had needed a minute to recover. Val's name was Alex? Cam was actually called Olivia? Cam was a cop? Holy shit. Cam was a cop! _That is so cool_. Hannah had then pulled out her laptop and started doing research, her hand coming up over her mouth as she read about the ADA who had been shot, killed, returned from the dead, and then disappeared once again. It was like reading a movie script. She was horrified that Val- Alex- had gone through all of that. She couldn't believe that she had had no idea. She never would have guessed that these two women had lived such a horrible event.

The more Hannah read, the more things started making sense. The pieces started to fall into place. No wonder Alex (it felt weird to think of her as "Alex") had said their relationship was complicated. _No shit_. It was incredibly complicated. Some questions were answered as she read on but even more were created. Hannah had tried texting the women to talk about it, and they had answered a few questions ( _No, we didn't lie about how we met. No, we didn't lie about loving each other, or you for that matter. Yes, Alex has always been a fantastic baker but a horrible cook. Yes, she really was shot.)_ , but they insisted they wanted to talk about the rest in person. Hannah reluctantly agreed and opted to focus on the positive: the women were alive and she would see them soon.

The five weeks leading up to her visit had dragged by but, as Hannah stood waiting for her luggage by the conveyor belt at JFK airport, it had been worth it to be here now, just moments away from seeing them. She watched as suitcase after suitcase rolled by, tapping her foot impatiently until she finally spotted her navy blue one. She took a step forward and eagerly awaited as it approached. When it was within reaching distance, she ripped it off the conveyor belt (it was packed to the seams) and dropping it to the floor. She pulled up the handle, shouldered her school bag, and headed for the exit. Her stomach fluttered with excitement as she nodded towards the guard. Just a few more seconds. When the doors swooshed open, she took a deep breath and walked out, her eyes immediately scanning the crowd. Dozens of unfamiliar faces were standing before her. She paused for a second, but as people began moving around her, she realised she couldn't just stand there. She began blindly walking forward, until she heard her name shouted from the right. She turned and saw a familiar blonde waving at her, approaching her at a near jog. Hannah beamed and immediately hurried in her direction, dropping her bags and throwing her arms around her neck as she was close enough.

"God, Hannah. I have missed you so, so much."

Alex tried to fight the tears, but she lost pathetically. They streamed down her face as she held Hannah close, kissing her temple and repeating over and over how much she missed her.

"I missed you too, Alex."

Alex smiled widely.

"I like hearing you say my name."

"I've been practising."

Alex chuckled and finally pulled away, just enough to get a good look at Hannah's face.

"You've lost weight," she said with concern.

"I put some of it back on. I'm working on it."

"Am I gonna get the chance to get a hug too or…"

Hannah looked over at the other woman, grinning. She pulled away from Alex and threw her arms around Olivia.

"Hi, Olivia."

"Hi, Hannah."

She pulled away and looked up at the older woman.

"So you're a cop."

"Detective, technically."

"Explains why you were so informative when I researching getting into law enforcement."

Olivia grinned.

"Yeah, well… I tried to act casual, but I love my job and I was excited that you were looking to pursue the same path."

Hannah nodded.

"Yeah, I get it."

"So, how about we get out of here?" Alex stated. "Are you hungry? We could grab lunch. We haven't eaten yet."

Hannah nodded in agreement as Olivia reached down and grabbed her things.

"I can get that."

"Too late. Come on, kid. Let's get out of here."

Alex piled into the backseat with Hannah, resting a hand on the girl's knee as Olivia took off. She smiled when she felt the girl shift closer and rest her head rest against her shoulder.

"How's school been?"

Hannah shrugged against her.

"It's okay. They're really pressuring us to start applying for college, but I don't know where I wanna go now. It was okay to stay in Wyoming when you guys were around, but I don't think I can stay there anymore. Not to make you feel guilty, it's just… I can't live with my mom anymore. I'm counting down the days til the start of college, but I have to figure out where I'm going to go first."

"Do you have any ideas?"

Alex looked up and shared a knowing look with Olivia, who simply smiled at her in the rear-view mirror.

"I have been kind of putting it off. Lisa's found a few nice schools out of state and has shown me their pamphlets. Honestly, I've been too busy thinking about you guys."

"I'm glad you haven't forgotten about us, but your future is important, Hannah. Why don't we discuss that later on tonight, okay? We'll look at some schools you can apply to together."

"Okay."

Pause.

"So how have you two been settling in?"

Olivia chuckled.

"It's been a challenge."

"She means it's been a fucking nightmare," Alex stated.

"Alex has been having some trouble being patient."

"Who? Her?" Hannah said with mock surprise.

"Shut up, the both of you."

The two women laughed.

"I'm just teasing. Why do you have to be patient?" Hannah asked.

"It's just taking more time than I'd like for me to get my job back. I've been gone for years, so…"

Hannah nodded in understanding.

"I'm sorry it's taking so long. What have you been doing in the meantime? Have you found an apartment?"

"Yes. We got my old one back. I'm so incredibly happy. My mother held onto it, along with most of my things, in the hopes that I'd come home one day." Alex didn't bother getting into the bigger details of her mother keeping the apartment the first year after her "death" because she couldn't bear to let go of it, then refusing to let go of it when she realised Alex was still alive. Her mother held onto it in the hopes that she would one day return, and when she had, her mother had more than willingly given it back to her.

"Wow." Hannah said "So… you guys are still together?"

"Yes. About that…"

"What?"

Alex bit her lip and placed her left hand over her right, which was still resting on Hannah's knee.

"No! You're kidding!" she squealed, holding up Alex's hand. "Congratulations! When did this happen? You're not married yet, are you?"

"No, not yet. We wouldn't have gotten married without you."

"When did she propose?"

"After we left Burgus. It was unexpected, I think."

Olivia nodded.

"I knew I was going to do it; I just didn't know when. Then we were at the safe house and there was a million things going on, but it just seemed… I don't know. It's weird but it seemed like the time to do it. Like we both needed something to ground us and remind us that even though everything around us was confusing and overwhelming, we were still "us" at the end of it. We still had each other and no matter what, we were going to be together. I wanted to make it a solid commitment, so I proposed."

"It was beautiful. She made me cry."

Hannah smiled and squeezed her hand.

"Good job, Olivia."

The woman nodded at her.

"So, have you set a date?"

"God no. We're still trying to get our life settled here first. At least the apartment is done. That was really easy to set up. Liv got her job back, but we've been waiting on paperwork to make it official so that she can get back to active duty. It looks like she'll be back within the next week or so. We're still waiting for me. No word on when that will happen. So, I've just been getting in touch with old friends, visiting family, getting ready for your visit. It's been nice to see everyone."

"How is it? Seeing everyone and being back after so long?"

Alex gave a small smile.

"Bittersweet. It's been so nice seeing everyone and their support has really helped, but it's hard to come back and see how everything has changed, how different the city is. My favourite coffee shop closed, and I have different neighbours. The streets around my neighbourhood look different and everyone has aged, moved. That's hard to adjust to. But the city still smells and is overcrowded, my friends are still unbelievably supportive, so it's nice to see that some things have stayed the same."

"Are you happy to be back?"

"You have no idea how incredibly happy I am to be here. Things are different, but this is still very much my home."

Hannah smiled at her.

"So, where are we going for lunch?" Olivia asked from the front.

"Why don't we bring her to Alberto's? It's not far from home. Do you feel like having Italian?"

"Sure. I'm always down for good pasta."

"It's delicious."

Olivia made her way there and led them inside. They chose a booth near the back, placing their orders once the waiter returned with their drinks.

"How are things back in Burgus?"

"They're pretty much the same. Your house is up for sale. By the way, what did they do with all your stuff? I tried to get it, but they wouldn't let me anywhere near the house."

"Good. You shouldn't have gone anywhere near there. And most of it was tossed. We kept a few things, but we didn't want the majority of it. Did you get your clothes back?"

"Yeah. Some guy in a suit came by one morning with a box of my clothes and the stuff I had in my room at your place. He didn't bring like the linen or anything, but he did give me some of the stuff that technically belongs to you, like the lamp you guys gave me."

"Good. That stuff is yours. We asked that they empty your room and bring you your things. We didn't care about our stuff, but we knew you cared about yours."

"Thanks. I was sorta wondering if I was ever gonna get my things back, even though I guess that's kind of selfish. Thanks for having them bring them to me."

"It's not selfish. And you're welcome."

A comfortable silence enveloped them, until Hannah spoke again.

"It must be really nice getting to eat at your old favourite restaurants again."

"Oh God, yes. I don't think a day has gone by that we haven't eaten out. We've been hitting up all of our old favourites."

The waiter arrived with their meals a few minutes later, and the women eagerly dug in.

"So," Alex started, after eating a few bites of her cheese tortellini, "how are things between you and Lisa?"

Hannah paused, twirling the spaghetti onto her fork.

"They're fine, but…"

"But?"

"I get the feeling that things are changing in our relationship."

"Changing how?"

"We're not really headed down the same path. She wants to go to medical school, which means she'll be studying for a really long time. I want to get into the Academy, which means I'll be done years before her. I figure she'll have at least eight more years of schooling left once I'm finished, and then who knows? Maybe she'll want to do a specialisation, which means even more schooling. She wants to stick around Burgus, but I wanna get the hell out of that place. We've been talking, and even though we haven't said it, it's pretty clear that our futures aren't really lining up. I don't really want to stick around, even though I do love her, because I can't stay at that house for another year. She wants to live with her parents to save money, and they're so damn proud she wants to go to medical school that they're all about it. I don't know. I love her, I do, but… I think we're both pretty much aware of the fact that our relationship is not going to last."

Alex gave a sad smile and rubbed her back.

"I'm sorry to hear that, sweetheart."

"I am too, but it's for the best. We're too young to sacrifice what we want. And who knows? Maybe I'll change my mind and after I graduate, I'll go back. I don't know how I'll feel in the future."

Alex reached for her hand and squeezed it.

"You are such a mature young lady, Hannah. I am so proud of you."

She blushed and smiled.

"Thanks."

They continued light conversation until they were finished eating. They then had their meals put into takeaway containers before getting back into the vehicle and driving home.

"Wow," Hannah said, looking up at the impressive building before her. "This is really nice."

"Thanks. We'll show you around tomorrow. Today, I think I just want to stay in and catch up."

"Me too," Hannah agreed.

She followed them up to their apartment, letting out a whistle when she saw the place. It was huge. She knew apartments in New York were expensive, so for the women to be able to afford such a nice place was a surprise to Hannah. She didn't know they had money.

"This is Alex's old place. I lived in a tiny, one bedroom apartment and she lived here. Talk about feeling inadequate!"

"Your apartment was really nice, Liv. And I told you, I would be just as happy living there too."

"Oh, hell no. There is no way we were going to give this up to move into that dump."

Hannah laughed and joined the women in the living room, glancing at the kitchen as she walked by.

"We'll give you a tour after. Did you want anything to drink?" Olivia asked.

"No, I'm still good from lunch."

"Okay."

She sat next to Alex on the couch, while Olivia chose to sit on the chair facing them.

"I can't believe this. And here I thought you were just a normal, lesbian couple living in my boring, little town. Who would have thought?"

Alex smiled at her.

"We're pretty normal."

"Working high profile murders and faking your own death, being placed into the Witness Protection Program, testifying before judges and stuff… I don't think that's very normal. That's… it's what I watch on tv."

"Does that freak you out?"

"No," she said, then paused. "Okay, a little. It's kind of intimidating. I liked it when you guys were a boring librarian and youth worker. I feel like… you guys are on a different level," she admitted. "I'm from Burgus, population 300 with the ducks in Minnow Bay. You guys are from New York. I'm a boring kid who has never been on a plane until today, never seen a real gun, never seen a real court house except when I was riding by on my bike. I go to school, and I hang out in my room by myself. I'm wondering what the hell I'm doing here with you guys."

Alex reached out and grabbed her hand.

"Hey. We aren't our jobs, you know. Or this city. We are still a boring, lesbian couple who binge watches tv programs and eats pizza in their underwear. We go to work like regular people and we come home and spend time together. We go out with our friends, sure, but we don't party and live a glamourous movie star life. The couple you saw back home is the same couple sitting here before you. We just happen to have different names and slightly different jobs."

"Slightly?"

Alex laughed.

"Okay, vastly different jobs, but we're still the same people, and we still care about you very much. That hasn't changed."

"It hasn't, Hannah." Olivia insisted. "We've missed you, a lot. Alex has been especially annoying now that you're not around. I've missed having you here to distract her and to joke around with me. You like a lot of the same things we both like and you're a lot of fun to be around. You're not all that different than we are."

Hannah smiled, nodding as she looked at the floor.

"If you say so."

"I do. And Alex will not be prosecuting high profile murders or getting herself shot again, will she?" Olivia asked sternly.

Alex rolled her eyes.

"So, it is true," Hannah confirmed. "I read it. I read the articles. It just seemed so…"

"Overwhelming? Scary?"

Hannah nodded again.

"I couldn't believe you went through something like that."

"It was hard. I was scared for a very long time. And trust me, I will not be putting myself in that type of position ever again. I was young and ambitious, blinded by my own ambition. I wouldn't listen to anyone, including Olivia, when they told me to take a step back. I was arrogant, and it cost me dearly. I nearly got myself killed. I won't be doing that ever again. She wouldn't let me, anyway."

"You're damn right I wouldn't."

Hannah chuckled. She paused before asking her next question.

"So, you guys met at work, but not at a newspaper facility?"

"Yeah. We met when Alex joined the SVU, the Special Victims Unit, as our prosecutor. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I had to have her. It took a lot of work, but eventually she realised I wasn't going to leave her alone."

"She became like a bad rash. Couldn't get rid of her."

"Not for lack of trying," Olivia noted.

"Oh, I definitely tried."

"I know. And look at that, now you're wearing my ring. As soon as you sign those papers, baby, that's it. Life sentence."

"Maybe I should rethink my options."

"Nope, too late. You're wearing the ring."

Alex laughed and shook her head, nudging Olivia's side with her shoulder.

"So… this is it for you guys?" Hannah asked after a few minutes. "You're gonna stay here now? For good?"

"Yeah, honey," Olivia answered. "I'm afraid we aren't going back. We belong in New York. This is our home."

Hannah nodded, looking down to hide her sadness. Alex noticed anyway, so she reached out and pulled her into a hug.

"Listen, we might be living in New York now, but we're still around to talk to you, just like before."

"Yeah, but it's really different now. I can't just come by when my mom and Tony are being assholes."

A pang of guilt hit both women in the chest. Olivia got up from her chair and joined the two on the couch, sitting on the other side of Hannah.

"You're right, you can't just take your bike and come here, but you are still welcome at any time. Whenever you have a vacation, or even this summer… you can stay with us."

"Too bad I can't afford rent in New York. I'd just move here and go to the academy out here. You went to school here, didn't you?"

"I did. You'd probably end up at the same one I went to."

"That would be really cool," she said longingly. She really wished she could stay here with them, but she knew there was no way she could afford to.

"There's something we wanted to talk to you about, Hannah," Alex interrupted.

"What?"

"I wanna show you something."

Alex led Hannah out of the living room and down the hall, Olivia following closely behind. Alex stopped before one of the closed doors, turning to face Hannah.

"There's no pressure. We don't expect anything and we will support you no matter what you decide. But Olivia and I… we've missed you. And we wanted you to know that you will always have a home with us, regardless of where you are."

Alex reached behind her back and opened the door. Hannah gasped and stepped forward, her hand flying to her mouth as tears sprang to her eyes. It felt like she was walking into the past, into the room she had had at their home in Burgus.

The walls were green. And her furniture! It was the same furniture she'd had when she lived with them, and it was placed exactly as she had it. They even brought the bedding they had bought for her back in Burgus. The room was a bit smaller, more rectangular, but it looked nearly identical. The only things that were missing were the items that had been returned to her a few weeks ago.

"We tried really hard to match the same paint that you loved so much, but this was as close as we could get."

Hannah, suddenly pulled from her momentary shock, turned and flung herself into Alex's arms, dissolving into tears. She was quickly enveloped in her embrace, Olivia taking a step forward to lay a hand on her shoulder as well.

"You can go anywhere you want, and we will support you. We'll take time off and move you anywhere you want to go. We'll find you a place and make sure you're okay. But, we just wanted you to know that if you wanted to, you could also stay here. If the Academy here in New York is something you're open to, then we would really like it if you stayed here with us while you went to school."

"Think about it, okay sweetheart?" Alex added.

"I have," she choked out. "I have thought about it so much. I really wanted to come here."

Hannah pulled back and looked at them.

"When you guys left, I couldn't… it felt like a death. I finally had people who loved me, who cared about me. I missed you guys so, so much. I… I fantasized a lot, you know, about finding you and moving back in and…being a family again. Then when I found out you were in New York City, I fantasized about coming here," she admitted, a blush painting her cheeks. "I just imagined being here, being with you guys again. It was comforting. But then I couldn't… I looked into the cost of tuition and rent. I realised there was no way I could afford to stay here, and I just... I haven't been looking into any schools because honestly? The one here was the only one I wanted to attend. It's a really nice school, and I figured it was the one you went to and I wanna go to it. Because you went there, and I kinda idolize you, Olivia." She said, embarrassed. "I never told you that, but I do. I look up to you, a lot. Alex was the mother I always wanted, but you, you taught me so much. You've become a role model for me. I always wanted to be a cop, and when I found out you were one too, it just solidified the decision for me. I want to be one too. But then, how could I afford it? I couldn't. But I had all these stupid imaginary thoughts about how I'd go to school here and live with you guys again, like I did back home. I missed you guys. You were the parents I never had."

Alex pulled her back into a hug, tears now streaming down her own cheeks. Olivia rubbed her shoulder, slightly taken aback by Hannah's confession. She had no idea. The girl was so attached to Alex and she knew that Hannah liked her as well, but she always thought the teenager saw her as just a "buddy." It was immensely humbling knowing the girl looked up to her the way she did.

"You will always be our family, sweetheart," Alex stated. "Always, no matter where you are. But of course we want you to stay here! It was really hard to tell you that you could go anywhere, because the truth is, we don't want you to go anywhere else. We both want you here."

"I want to be here too."

"That's a huge relief, because I kind of got you something," Olivia said with a smile, hoping to cut the heaviness of the situation.

Hannah sniffed and pulled away, wiping at her eyes. She turned to see Olivia approach her with a gift bag in hand.

"She kind of got ahead of herself a little," Alex said.

"I still woulda made you wear it."

Hannah reached into the bag and pulled out a sweatshirt. She held it up and bit her bottom lip. _New York City Police Academy_. And underneath: _New York's Finest._ Tears once again fell from her eyes, and she threw herself into Olivia's arms.

"Thank you. Thank you, thank you."

"You'll be one of ours soon, kid. I'm looking forward to helping you train."

Hannah nodded eagerly before pulling away. She held up the sweater again, unable to tear her eyes away from it.

"I'm going to die young from the stress of having you both working for the NYPD. I hope you know that."

The two women laughed, nodding.

"It's okay," Olivia responded. "Then we'll be able to watch our Simpsons marathon without anyone nagging us."

Hannah smiled at them both, clutching her sweater.

_I'm finally home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it is stated that Alex's mom died while she was in the WPP but that is incredibly sad, so I refused to work that into the story. She is alive and well in this AU.


	35. Epilogue

 

Olivia tugged at her suit jacket for the umpteenth time. Her heart was hammering in her ears, even as she willed herself to relax. She felt a hand come down on her shoulder, and she looked over to see Elliot smiling at her.

"You're okay. Don't be nervous."

She nodded at him, but she couldn't help it. Standing in front of so many people, just _waiting_ , was killing her. She didn't want to wait. The anticipation of seeing Alex was wreaking havoc on her insides. She was dying to see her, to hold her hand, to take this final step with her. In just over an hour, Alex would officially be her wife. They would officially be married. It had been an incredible journey, and she couldn't believe they were finally here. It had seemed like just yesterday they had first started seeing each other, and yet here they were, about to be married. _Time flies_. The starting of music caused Olivia's heart to stop momentarily. Her throat went dry. She looked to the end of the rows of seats to the back of the room, eagerly awaiting Alex's appearance.

A minute went by before she saw Lisa walk in, bouquet of flowers in her hands, slowly making her way up the aisle. They shared a smile, Olivia nodding at her in gratitude. She and Hannah had broken up when Hannah decided to come to New York, but they had remained friends. She had visited the summer before Hannah started at the Academy, and she had eagerly accepted the women's request that she stand in their wedding.

Lisa slowly made her way up the aisle, Olivia feeling her palms get sweaty as she realised Hannah was coming next and then it would be Alex's turn. She hadn't yet gotten to see her future wife in her gown, and while she was incredibly eager, she was also immeasurably nervous. She swallowed hard, willing the knots in her stomach to unravel. _Calm down. You're fine._

Lisa moved to the bride's side of the alter, and once she was standing in her designated spot, Hannah appeared. Olivia's heart flooded with warmth when she saw the beautiful young woman begin her walk up the aisle. Every time Olivia saw her, she was filled with love and pride. She was the daughter they had always wanted, and they happily adopted Hannah as their surrogate child. Hannah had even taken to calling them "mom". It had started out as a joke, as a teasing comment said every once in a while, and the women hadn't discouraged it. The truth was, they loved it. So when Hannah started calling them mom and mama (Hannah dubbing Olivia mama), the women eagerly took to it and responded with gusto to the new names. Eventually it stuck, and Hannah only called them by their first names on the rarest of occasions. Hannah still had the occasional contact with her mother, but really, she had more or less cut herself off from that family. She had accepted that her mother could never be what she needed, but she wasn't upset about it anymore. Olivia and Alex more than satisfied her needs, and she was more than happy living with them.

Olivia fought the tears as Hannah approached the alter, giving her a loving smile as she stood next to Lisa. She was so damned proud of her girl. When Hannah had graduated high school, the teenager had immediately packed her things and moved to New York. She had gotten herself a part time job, and when she started at the Academy, both she and Alex had been there to see her on her very first day. That had seemed like just yesterday. She was set to graduate next month, and the women could not be any prouder. She was turning into a remarkable young woman.

Olivia's stomach dropped as the music changed and people began standing up. She took a deep breath, her heart pounding loudly in her chest. She was so incredibly nervous. She wiped her sweaty palms on her thighs, tugging yet again at her jacket. _This is it_. Beads of sweat formed on her forehead, and she discreetly wiped them away. She willed herself not to throw up, her stomach clenching with anxiety. She stared at the back of the aisle, waiting.

Waiting.

And then she saw her.

Perfect, beautiful, all white gown and hair pinned back. Their eyes met across the room and Olivia let out the breath she was holding, ignoring her clenching stomach. Their gaze never broke, but the closer Alex got, the cloudier Olivia's vision became. Her eyes swam with tears as she watched her beautiful bride slowly approach, a hand lightly resting on her stomach. The slight swell wasn't quite noticeable yet, but the matching grins they had been sporting for the last few weeks were evidence enough of what was to come. They hadn't told anyone yet (except Hannah of course), choosing instead to enjoy it in secret for a little while longer. When they had told Hannah, she had squealed loudly and immediately enveloped Alex in a hug. Every time Olivia thought of that moment, a smile tugged at her lips.

" _That's so exciting, mom! Congratulations!" she exclaimed. She then suddenly pulling out of the hug, pulling back far enough to look at Alex. "I get to be godmother, right? I mean, I totally called it. Dibs!"_

_Olivia laughed, shaking her head._

" _You can't call godmother."_

" _I just did. Besides, you don't get to say anything. You didn't even wait until the honeymoon to knock her up! You did it right away!"_

_Olivia bit her lip and grinned._

" _No, but seriously," Hannah continued. "I'm godmother, right?"_

_Alex chuckled and nodded._

" _Yes, you're godmother."_

" _Yes!" she exclaimed, pumping her fist. "Score!"_

They had had several conversations since then about the pregnancy, especially when they realised Hannah started seemed less and less enthusiastic about it. In fact, as the days went by, she started to almost seem sad about it. The women had gone about gently prodding her, trying to find out what was wrong. Hannah had eventually finally confessed that she was excited for them, but she was worried that they would become consumed by the baby. The light bulb had immediately turned on for Alex, who understood that Hannah was worried she would once again be forgotten. It was then that she had pulled her in her arms and held her close. Hannah was an adult now, but there were times that that lonely, neglected little girl showed herself. Alex had addressed the issue head on, as she always did.

" _Honey, I know you're feeling worried. I understand. It's okay."_

" _I feel stupid. I'm an adult. I shouldn't feel this way. Of course you guys want to have your own kids," Hannah said. She knew that they were trying. They had warned her. And she was happy, really she was. They would make great parents. She had been excited, but now… now that it was becoming a reality, she felt sad. Scared. Worried. She had liked having them in her life, and they probably wouldn't have much time now with their own child to care for. That child would take priority, just like her siblings had with her mother. She told herself it was how it should be anyway._

" _Hey. Nothing you feel is ever stupid, okay?" Alex had said, pulling the girl to face her. "I want you to know that just because I'm having a baby, that doesn't mean that all of a sudden I have forgotten about you. You were here first, and you are so incredibly important to me, to us. We love you very much, Hannah. I wish I could have been there when you were a little girl, but I feel so very privileged that you are in our life now. I am so proud of you, and I love you so very much. There is no way that this child will ever take your place in my heart, do you hear me? I may not have carried you, but I have held you, I have cared for you, and I have loved you. There is a very, very special spot in my heart just for you and there is no one who can take that place. No one, okay?"_

Things had drastically improved after that talk, and Hannah had been nothing but excited about the baby. She had even offered to share her room once he or she arrived, but the women assured her that that was not necessary (especially given that they had decided to convert the spare room into a nursery).

The sight of Alex standing directly before her pulled Olivia from her thoughts. She took another deep breath. She knew without a doubt that she wanted to marry Alex, but she still couldn't help feeling nervous. She held out a trembling hand, and Alex grasped it firmly in her own.

"Are you okay, baby?" she asked with concern.

Olivia looked deep in her eyes. She saw nothing but love and support shining through them. _This is your lover, your best friend, and the mother of your child. This is_ _ **Alex**_ _,_ she reminded herself. Suddenly, she didn't know what she was nervous about. Alex was her rock, her safe place, her _home_. There was no one else on Earth safer than the woman standing before her.

Olivia then grinned and nodded confidently, her stomach settling for the first time that day.

"I am now."

 

 _-Fin_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 13 months of writing ends with this chapter. I really hope you have enjoyed the story and thank you so so much to those of you who have taken the time to read and show your love. Your support has meant the world to me. I hope this chapter (as well as the story) leaves you all feeling happy and satisfied :)


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